Oh F!

F going into his room: I smell Ipad!

F on his friend: He called me a crybaby. So I grabbed his shirt (gestures grabbing it under the neck) and I asked him "Who's a cry baby now?"

F arguing with V about who had to go to school first: My school is more important, I have important activities!

Why are we here?

that is what F just asked me. He is almost exactly 3.5 years old, which means he has lived here for a third of his life (and I doubt he remembers the first year of his life...).
I thought he might be talking about NY but I waited and he elaborated...
Why can't we go back to NY? I don't want to live here. I want to go back to my old house. I like that kitchen.

I mostly agree with him (though not the kitchen part).

Some memories hold on. You can take the kid out of NY but...

End of September Chatter

V- There is a lot more kind people in NYC than in this community.

F- I don't want to be six.
V- You are going to be four first.
F- I don't want to grow up and I don't want you to get viejita.

L to F- Hay que hacer silencio.
F- I don't know how to do that.

F to L- Can you move your house closer to mine? Can you ask (your husband) to move it to Boston?

F- Mamá, I like you a lot.

F- By the way, I am a little guy.

F to A- Answer me A, I know you talk a lot.

Me- Te lavas los dientes en la escuela?
F- I told you four times, only on Sundays.

F when he saw me in scrubs at 6am- Where are you going?
Me- Hospital.
F- Are you going to lay down there?

Formaggio!

Can you put this (cracker) on cheese?

Can I have some cheese for dessert?
No.
Not a daddy cheese, like a baby piece.

Don't talk to me, I'm in a bad mood.

The Butter Mystery

F sat perplexed about why he couldn't see the butter on his toast.
I tried to explain melting to him.
F- How could the butter disappear if it doesn't even have legs?

Some Lines

?? Did we move here for papi's job for more money or for efficiency?

F- I love you the best in all the single world in the deal.

F- I made an Africa for the Africa animal.

F- V and I are boys. Sometimes we behave and sometimes we don't. That's they way it is

F- You are awesome and cute.

Me- Most people don't say I'm cute.

F- They say you are dumb.

A looking at a picture of her father: That what he looked like with hair? 

Me- Yes, I think he looks better bald.

A- Not really. If he wanted to could he make it grow back?

V when I told her my classmate was coming over with her baby- Is the baby in her stomach or in a stroller?

F to ?: Hurry up lady!

F when I told him we were going to preschool: Again? I already did that.

The third time we went- Again? Back and forth. Back and forth to preschool.

It's the Night Before...

many new beginnings.
M is off to high school! She is excited and ready.
J is a 7th grader, less enthusiasm, but also ready.
A and V begin third grade tomorrow! I remember when M went into third grade I thought she was so old.
F is home with his beloved L tomorrow and will take kids to their first day of school.
I will sadly miss their first day as I have my first day out in the world in scrubs. Yikes! This week and next, I will be working at a nursing home in the dementia unit. I am super excited and also petrified. Not sure I have any skills to share, but I do like the elderly.
This week will be more like a regular week (though week 3 the hospital rotation begins and it is 6:45-3pm) and I hope to be able to get into the swing of these classes and clinicals while managing the five monkeys!

F on My Belly

F loves to tell me how fat and squishy I am. I try not to take it personally. Ha! Today as I got dressed he told me how big my belly I was and I asked him if he knew why. I reminded him that he used to be in there.

F- How did you put me in?
Me- With papi.
F- Did he dig a hole?
Me- No.
F- What did he use? A battery? Tools?
Me- Love.

No further questions thankfully.

F the Potty Mouth Hooligan

F- Where are my fucking pants?
Me- What?
F- Where are my fucking pants?
Me- No se dice eso. Where did you learn that?
F- From my school.
Me- You don't go to school.
F- It's my own school.

F- That was a horrible beast!
Me- What?
F- I burped!

Musings

V- Kids always want to grow up but adults do not want to grow old.

A to F: You have a double chin
F: I really have two. One and two.

J- A boomerang is a frisbee with no friends.

V on A and camp- In the beginning, you were as shy as a rock.

F to V: You smell so bad, brush your teeth!

V- Would you like to be quiet or have me throw up all over you in parts you did not even know you had?

F: Wait a minute, I have an idea. When I am a dad and you are a grandma you can sit in the passenger seat.

July Lines

A- Let's pretend we are criminal masterminds and we just came back from the bank heist!

V- Mamá, what were your glory days?

Me to F: Sí mi capitán.
F: I am not a captain. I do not have a boat.

V- Is there a job with just reading and eating and drawing

I think the job for me is comedian, but I want to be a scientist.

F- I love this day. It's a little portar bien and a little portar mal.

V- You are not old, you are wonderful.

F- And squishy.

F- Can I say little suckers? 

Me- No.

F- Is it a bad word? Can I say big suckers? 

Me- No.

F- But I love it, I say it all the time.

F- I don't want a shirt so I can look at my muscles!

some lines...

F, on subway- It smells so bad! Maybe a pig pooped here?

F, when I asked him why he did not take an action figure of his uncle's from his abuela's house: I did not take the toy because tío (D) will be back when he is little and will want it.

V at the beach- So far,  I'm not having fun.

? to F- Can you share your pasta with J (cousin)?

F- He can have zucchini.

 V on a parental decision- The words have been spoken!. 

V & F

F- I have something sad. If someone has no dad and no mom.

V- Unlock the door!
F- Okay, Jeezus.
V- You do not lock the door.
F- Yes, I do, I am pooping.

V- Will I grow over the summer?
Me- Yes.
V- Will my hair grow?
M- What hair?
V- On my body.
M- You will not go through puberty this summer.
V- Oh.

F after he smelled a fart- It is like V's mouth in the morning. Smells like garbage.

This week's lines...

Me- Are you two best friends?
V to F- I now announce you two best friends. You may kiss your best friend.

On our way to Russian Math, V- (tía) A helped me with my homework so if it's wrong, it's her fault.
A- It's not going to be wrong because she is a genius.
V- Oh yeah, she goes to Harvard.
A- Duh!

Me to F- ¿Te gusta Ben?
F- I love A the best!

V, after putting on "Old Town Road"- This gives me math energy!

Oh F

F- Can you dip cheese in pesto?

F to his friend when he wanted to drive at the zoo- That's ok. You can drive. I will be the mom.

F, tired on the hill to our house- Now I am out of batteries.

F on a bee- It's really not awesome.

F to me- Why is your belly so fat?

F after I explained to him where I and F were from- What is my flag?
Me- Estados Unidos. United States.
F- No! New York!

F- Let's see if they have cheesy ice cream!

These Kids

A- If there is a speed limit in biking, I definitely just broke the law!

V when I asked him about not sleeping with F (they spoon every night)- I have to get used to sleeping alone for when I go to college.


F when I asked him the same question twice- Stop asking or you are going to lose your job!

Morning Truth

V- If you think about it, F gets 75% of the attention in this family.

F the Misogynist Hooligan

F-Can we go home?
Me- We are home.
F-No, I mean New York.

When F got out of the car, F- Why are you going to drive?
Me- Because I am the only adult here.
F-Moms don't drive.
Me- Yes they do. I drive you everywhere.
F-You are a silly woman.

When he went to drink water that had been in the car since yesterday, Me-That is hot. Do not drink it.
F- It is not hot, you crazy woman.

Hooligan #5

Me celebrating no pee in the pull up: No hay pis!
F: There's a little bit of fartss!

F as he tripped: Aw, shit!
Me: ¿Qué dijiste?
F: I said "shate."

F: Why you always call papi puchie and he call you tesoro?

End of an Era

F to me: If you give me tv, I will give you a lollipop. If you don't, you don't get one.


F also told me he was my boss today. Ha!

This crib, that I did not even buy, sitting on the sidewalk in Newton, made me oh so sad. This little man is 3 years old now. He clearly does not need this crib. We all agree. It was a great one our neighbors lent us. Then they opted to not have any more kids so we brought it with us to MA. It is a classic drop-down side one, ie illegal to gift, sell, or donate- hence its sad demise on the sidewalk. My factory is officially closed. While we knew this before, this confirms it. I could not possibly have another child for many reasons, but if I were a little younger, richer, and had a nursing degree... I would. Once a looney, always a looney.

Fuuuuuuck New England Weather

After many months of over 1K (you read correctly- we could have fed dozens of children in the developing world instead of half-assedly heating our home) heating bills, I pulled the plug. It is April. We can be chilly if need be- it is Spring for goodness sake. Well, not only has it been chilly and raining a lot (some teasing warm days sprinkled in) but I may have to eat my words. It is currently 55 degrees in this house (38 outside). Heeeelllp!

This week

V on his piano teacher: He is overrated.

F after pooping: Holy smokes! That was gross.

F to me: Look at that leaf stuck to my (car) window.
Me: That's funny.
F: It's not funny. It's not even cute.

F at 8:40am this morning as we pulled up to the gym: I want to go home and eat tortellini and get in bed.

F before his first swim class (in a year!) this week: I am going to fall into the pool and get lost.

F to me: I like my new house!
Me: Oh good. (please not that it has been almost 10 months since we moved here, ie a third of his life).
F: After this house, I am going to go back to my NY house.

Today

V- Do dentists go to the dentist?
Me- Yes.
V-Then that dentist has to go to a dentist. What if they run out of dentists.

V- Are pull ups a higher level of diapers?

V looking at brownie stuffed pretzels- They really get creative with making stuff you want to eat.

Yesterday..

V to me as I got ready to go out for dinner- You look beautiful, as usual.

F to me at the table after I scolded A for taking too much food- What does it mean to "eat with your eyes"?

Final March Lines

A,  after walking in on her abuelo in the shower- I just saw abuelo R naked- now I have to kill myself!

F , when he heard his siblings'  Zumba class dancing to a song from the movie Sing: That's not their song! They are going to finish it.

F when he woke up in the middle of the night and could not find my hand (he sleeps with V but on the inside side of the bed)- I am here. Do you see my eyeballs mamá?

V to M: Open your mouth. Your canines are perfect!

V when I asked him if he lied about bathing (tub was dry): Yes. I am sorry. It is a habit I am growing.

V when I asked him what he was doing in J's room: Tittying up!
Me: Tidying?
V: Cleaning up. (not sure where tits come in or where he gets his vowels)

A, when the pediatrician asked her what she was sure she would not be as an adult: A mathematician or a pianist.

F in March

Out of the blue- Mamá, why you always say puta madre? (I do not)

While shopping at CVS- Ooh la la, look at this (anything) so bootiful.

When I said he could watch TV- Can you put something happy for me?
Me- What?
F- something that will make me happy.

Miami Musings

J to F- You punk!
F- I am not a pumpkin!

V- Do you buy a book about being a parent or do you just have a kid and figure it out.

V getting out of the car at abuelo R's office- He is CEO of like the biggest company in Miami!

Latest

A to V: Do not steal my fame tomorrow at my party.

F to my friend M who was watching him: Hold my hand down the stairs. I'm big and fat and I might not make it.

F when I told him to pee in his diaper on road trip: Mi pañal no es un toilet!

February Folly

F- M said I can't tell you so I had an oreo.

A- I have never been to a funeral but I have the perfect dress!

V: Will you be mad if I am a rapper who curses like Eminem when I grow up?

Me: No, but I think you are going to be a scientist.

V: I can be both.

F as a man spoke to me at the JCC: I hate these people!

A: Now that I think of it, Newton is very peaceful.

F to his friend: I know these are all your toys but you have to share with me. What can I do? I don't have any my toys here. I don't have anything!

(after he wouldn;t)

F: Mamá, let's get out of here they are not sharing!

(little) F to F: Hurry up!

(Big) F: Why?

(little) F:  So Christmas can come!

A when I asked if I could see a letter a boy sent her: I like to keep my personal life personal!

F the Jokester?

F to me: I don't want to take a bath.

Me: Hablame en español por favor.

F: I-ah don't-ah want-ah bath-a!

What Do You Want to BE When you Grow Up?

F: Tiger. Farmer

A: Youtuber or artist

V: Scientist.

J: Snake breeder

M: Crime lawyer

Más

F to me: Eat this gummy bear. It is good. I promise.

F to me: Can I have pineapple?
Me: ¿Dónde hay pineapple?
F: En tu culito.

V: If I do not have a girlfriend by the end of college I will be gay.

V: I suck at sportsmanship and at sports. I am a sore winner and a sore loser.

? You could hire a babysitter. I can't believe you have not done that yet.

F: Terminé. Hallelujah!

? :I suggest that if your last name is Lee you name your child Bracka.

F: I farted. Is that so funny?
Me: No. Its rude.
F: Es un poquito funny.

A: Russian math is improving on my mind.

Something

V to F: You are a bad boy.
F: So I am a bad boy? What are you going to do?

F: ¿Dónde está papi?
Me: En el trabajo.
F: ¿Qué es el trabajo?
Me: Donde papi va y ayuda a la gente y la dan plata y él la usa para comprar comida y otras cosas.
F: Oh! Me gusta la comida.

V to A: If you get Snapchat when you are older you will waste 29% of your life on it.

In the car listening to music:

F to A: Oh yeah, work it out.
F to me: Get your power on mamá.

Me: Vamos Fede.
F: Estoy mirando la nena. Es muy linda.

F flirting with a different girl 5.5 year old at the library: My muscles are coming out.

V to me: Do you believe in physics?

F lingo:

Neckliss (Netlfix)

McKantiles (Magnatiles)