F loves to tell me how fat and squishy I am. I try not to take it personally. Ha! Today as I got dressed he told me how big my belly I was and I asked him if he knew why. I reminded him that he used to be in there.
F- How did you put me in?
Me- With papi.
F- Did he dig a hole?
Me- No.
F- What did he use? A battery? Tools?
Me- Love.
No further questions thankfully.
Friday, August 2, 2019
Sunday, July 28, 2019
F the Potty Mouth Hooligan
F- Where are my fucking pants?
Me- What?
F- Where are my fucking pants?
Me- No se dice eso. Where did you learn that?
F- From my school.
Me- You don't go to school.
F- It's my own school.
F- That was a horrible beast!
Me- What?
F- I burped!
Me- What?
F- Where are my fucking pants?
Me- No se dice eso. Where did you learn that?
F- From my school.
Me- You don't go to school.
F- It's my own school.
F- That was a horrible beast!
Me- What?
F- I burped!
Wednesday, July 24, 2019
Musings
V- Kids always want to grow up but adults do not want to grow old.
A to F: You have a double chin
F: I really have two. One and two.
J- A boomerang is a frisbee with no friends.
V on A and camp- In the beginning, you were as shy as a rock.
F to V: You smell so bad, brush your teeth!
V- Would you like to be quiet or have me throw up all over you in parts you did not even know you had?
F: Wait a minute, I have an idea. When I am a dad and you are a grandma you can sit in the passenger seat.
Thursday, July 18, 2019
July Lines
A- Let's pretend we are criminal masterminds and we just came back from the bank heist!
V- Mamá, what were your glory days?
Me to F: Sí mi capitán.
F: I am not a captain. I do not have a boat.
V- Is there a job with just reading and eating and drawing
V- Mamá, what were your glory days?
Me to F: Sí mi capitán.
F: I am not a captain. I do not have a boat.
V- Is there a job with just reading and eating and drawing
I think the job for me is comedian, but I want to be a scientist.
F- I love this day. It's a little portar bien and a little portar mal.
V- You are not old, you are wonderful.
F- And squishy.
F- Can I say little suckers?
Me- No.
F- Is it a bad word? Can I say big suckers?
Me- No.
F- But I love it, I say it all the time.
F- I don't want a shirt so I can look at my muscles!
F- I don't want a shirt so I can look at my muscles!
Tuesday, July 9, 2019
some lines...
F, on subway- It smells so bad! Maybe a pig pooped here?
F, when I asked him why he did not take an action figure of his uncle's from his abuela's house: I did not take the toy because tío (D) will be back when he is little and will want it.
V at the beach- So far, I'm not having fun.
? to F- Can you share your pasta with J (cousin)?
F- He can have zucchini.
V on a parental decision- The words have been spoken!.
Sunday, June 16, 2019
V & F
F- I have something sad. If someone has no dad and no mom.
V- Unlock the door!
F- Okay, Jeezus.
V- You do not lock the door.
F- Yes, I do, I am pooping.
V- Will I grow over the summer?
Me- Yes.
V- Will my hair grow?
M- What hair?
V- On my body.
M- You will not go through puberty this summer.
V- Oh.
F after he smelled a fart- It is like V's mouth in the morning. Smells like garbage.
V- Unlock the door!
F- Okay, Jeezus.
V- You do not lock the door.
F- Yes, I do, I am pooping.
V- Will I grow over the summer?
Me- Yes.
V- Will my hair grow?
M- What hair?
V- On my body.
M- You will not go through puberty this summer.
V- Oh.
F after he smelled a fart- It is like V's mouth in the morning. Smells like garbage.
Wednesday, June 12, 2019
This week's lines...
Me- Are you two best friends?
V to F- I now announce you two best friends. You may kiss your best friend.
On our way to Russian Math, V- (tía) A helped me with my homework so if it's wrong, it's her fault.
A- It's not going to be wrong because she is a genius.
V- Oh yeah, she goes to Harvard.
A- Duh!
Me to F- ¿Te gusta Ben?
F- I love A the best!
V, after putting on "Old Town Road"- This gives me math energy!
V to F- I now announce you two best friends. You may kiss your best friend.
On our way to Russian Math, V- (tía) A helped me with my homework so if it's wrong, it's her fault.
A- It's not going to be wrong because she is a genius.
V- Oh yeah, she goes to Harvard.
A- Duh!
Me to F- ¿Te gusta Ben?
F- I love A the best!
V, after putting on "Old Town Road"- This gives me math energy!
Tuesday, June 4, 2019
Oh F
F- Can you dip cheese in pesto?
F to his friend when he wanted to drive at the zoo- That's ok. You can drive. I will be the mom.
F, tired on the hill to our house- Now I am out of batteries.
F on a bee- It's really not awesome.
F to me- Why is your belly so fat?
F after I explained to him where I and F were from- What is my flag?
Me- Estados Unidos. United States.
F- No! New York!
F- Let's see if they have cheesy ice cream!
F to his friend when he wanted to drive at the zoo- That's ok. You can drive. I will be the mom.
F, tired on the hill to our house- Now I am out of batteries.
F on a bee- It's really not awesome.
F to me- Why is your belly so fat?
F after I explained to him where I and F were from- What is my flag?
Me- Estados Unidos. United States.
F- No! New York!
F- Let's see if they have cheesy ice cream!
Saturday, June 1, 2019
These Kids
A- If there is a speed limit in biking, I definitely just broke the law!
V when I asked him about not sleeping with F (they spoon every night)- I have to get used to sleeping alone for when I go to college.
F when I asked him the same question twice- Stop asking or you are going to lose your job!
V when I asked him about not sleeping with F (they spoon every night)- I have to get used to sleeping alone for when I go to college.
F when I asked him the same question twice- Stop asking or you are going to lose your job!
Wednesday, May 22, 2019
Tuesday, May 21, 2019
F the Misogynist Hooligan
F-Can we go home?
Me- We are home.
F-No, I mean New York.
When F got out of the car, F- Why are you going to drive?
Me- Because I am the only adult here.
F-Moms don't drive.
Me- Yes they do. I drive you everywhere.
F-You are a silly woman.
When he went to drink water that had been in the car since yesterday, Me-That is hot. Do not drink it.
F- It is not hot, you crazy woman.
Me- We are home.
F-No, I mean New York.
When F got out of the car, F- Why are you going to drive?
Me- Because I am the only adult here.
F-Moms don't drive.
Me- Yes they do. I drive you everywhere.
F-You are a silly woman.
When he went to drink water that had been in the car since yesterday, Me-That is hot. Do not drink it.
F- It is not hot, you crazy woman.
Saturday, May 11, 2019
Hooligan #5
Me celebrating no pee in the pull up: No hay pis!
F: There's a little bit of fartss!
F as he tripped: Aw, shit!
Me: ¿Qué dijiste?
F: I said "shate."
F: Why you always call papi puchie and he call you tesoro?
F: There's a little bit of fartss!
F as he tripped: Aw, shit!
Me: ¿Qué dijiste?
F: I said "shate."
F: Why you always call papi puchie and he call you tesoro?
Thursday, May 2, 2019
End of an Era
F to me: If you give me tv, I will give you a lollipop. If you don't, you don't get one.
F also told me he was my boss today. Ha!
This crib, that I did not even buy, sitting on the sidewalk in Newton, made me oh so sad. This little man is 3 years old now. He clearly does not need this crib. We all agree. It was a great one our neighbors lent us. Then they opted to not have any more kids so we brought it with us to MA. It is a classic drop-down side one, ie illegal to gift, sell, or donate- hence its sad demise on the sidewalk. My factory is officially closed. While we knew this before, this confirms it. I could not possibly have another child for many reasons, but if I were a little younger, richer, and had a nursing degree... I would. Once a looney, always a looney.
F also told me he was my boss today. Ha!
This crib, that I did not even buy, sitting on the sidewalk in Newton, made me oh so sad. This little man is 3 years old now. He clearly does not need this crib. We all agree. It was a great one our neighbors lent us. Then they opted to not have any more kids so we brought it with us to MA. It is a classic drop-down side one, ie illegal to gift, sell, or donate- hence its sad demise on the sidewalk. My factory is officially closed. While we knew this before, this confirms it. I could not possibly have another child for many reasons, but if I were a little younger, richer, and had a nursing degree... I would. Once a looney, always a looney.
Monday, April 29, 2019
Fuuuuuuck New England Weather
After many months of over 1K (you read correctly- we could have fed dozens of children in the developing world instead of half-assedly heating our home) heating bills, I pulled the plug. It is April. We can be chilly if need be- it is Spring for goodness sake. Well, not only has it been chilly and raining a lot (some teasing warm days sprinkled in) but I may have to eat my words. It is currently 55 degrees in this house (38 outside). Heeeelllp!
Wednesday, April 24, 2019
This week
V on his piano teacher: He is overrated.
F after pooping: Holy smokes! That was gross.
F to me: Look at that leaf stuck to my (car) window.
Me: That's funny.
F: It's not funny. It's not even cute.
F at 8:40am this morning as we pulled up to the gym: I want to go home and eat tortellini and get in bed.
F before his first swim class (in a year!) this week: I am going to fall into the pool and get lost.
F to me: I like my new house!
Me: Oh good. (please not that it has been almost 10 months since we moved here, ie a third of his life).
F: After this house, I am going to go back to my NY house.
F after pooping: Holy smokes! That was gross.
F to me: Look at that leaf stuck to my (car) window.
Me: That's funny.
F: It's not funny. It's not even cute.
F at 8:40am this morning as we pulled up to the gym: I want to go home and eat tortellini and get in bed.
F before his first swim class (in a year!) this week: I am going to fall into the pool and get lost.
F to me: I like my new house!
Me: Oh good. (please not that it has been almost 10 months since we moved here, ie a third of his life).
F: After this house, I am going to go back to my NY house.
Monday, April 1, 2019
Today
V- Do dentists go to the dentist?
Me- Yes.
V-Then that dentist has to go to a dentist. What if they run out of dentists.
V- Are pull ups a higher level of diapers?
V looking at brownie stuffed pretzels- They really get creative with making stuff you want to eat.
Me- Yes.
V-Then that dentist has to go to a dentist. What if they run out of dentists.
V- Are pull ups a higher level of diapers?
V looking at brownie stuffed pretzels- They really get creative with making stuff you want to eat.
Sunday, March 31, 2019
Yesterday..
V to me as I got ready to go out for dinner- You look beautiful, as usual.
F to me at the table after I scolded A for taking too much food- What does it mean to "eat with your eyes"?
F to me at the table after I scolded A for taking too much food- What does it mean to "eat with your eyes"?
Thursday, March 28, 2019
Final March Lines
A, after walking in on her abuelo in the shower- I just saw abuelo R naked- now I have to kill myself!
F , when he heard his siblings' Zumba class dancing to a song from the movie Sing: That's not their song! They are going to finish it.
F when he woke up in the middle of the night and could not find my hand (he sleeps with V but on the inside side of the bed)- I am here. Do you see my eyeballs mamá?
V to M: Open your mouth. Your canines are perfect!
V when I asked him if he lied about bathing (tub was dry): Yes. I am sorry. It is a habit I am growing.
V when I asked him what he was doing in J's room: Tittying up!
Me: Tidying?
V: Cleaning up. (not sure where tits come in or where he gets his vowels)
A, when the pediatrician asked her what she was sure she would not be as an adult: A mathematician or a pianist.
F , when he heard his siblings' Zumba class dancing to a song from the movie Sing: That's not their song! They are going to finish it.
F when he woke up in the middle of the night and could not find my hand (he sleeps with V but on the inside side of the bed)- I am here. Do you see my eyeballs mamá?
V to M: Open your mouth. Your canines are perfect!
V when I asked him if he lied about bathing (tub was dry): Yes. I am sorry. It is a habit I am growing.
V when I asked him what he was doing in J's room: Tittying up!
Me: Tidying?
V: Cleaning up. (not sure where tits come in or where he gets his vowels)
A, when the pediatrician asked her what she was sure she would not be as an adult: A mathematician or a pianist.
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
F in March
Out of the blue- Mamá, why you always say puta madre? (I do not)
While shopping at CVS- Ooh la la, look at this (anything) so bootiful.
When I said he could watch TV- Can you put something happy for me?
Me- What?
F- something that will make me happy.
While shopping at CVS- Ooh la la, look at this (anything) so bootiful.
When I said he could watch TV- Can you put something happy for me?
Me- What?
F- something that will make me happy.
Friday, February 22, 2019
Miami Musings
J to F- You punk!
F- I am not a pumpkin!
V- Do you buy a book about being a parent or do you just have a kid and figure it out.
V getting out of the car at abuelo R's office- He is CEO of like the biggest company in Miami!
F- I am not a pumpkin!
V- Do you buy a book about being a parent or do you just have a kid and figure it out.
V getting out of the car at abuelo R's office- He is CEO of like the biggest company in Miami!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)