Twin Anxiety

I do not know why I thought it would be a good idea to watch some birth videos (vaginal twin) online yesterday. Bad idea. None of them looked anything like what I remember labor to be like. The worst part was watching a C- section, which I do not think I had ever seen before. The slicing of the belly, like a huge piece of meat, through the skin, fat layers, and muscle was disgusting. Not just gross, but I know about surgery and recovery and I would be SCREWED if I had to recover from surgery on top of caring for newborn twins alone all day. How the hell would I nurse them? You can study the pictures above and tell me if you think any of them look realistic to carry out with no assistance. What if my nose itches? I also just read that the only way to stay sane and to sleep and to teach twins to sleep is to WAKE ONE UP!!! in the middle of the night if the other one wakes up. If you have ever been sleep deprived, nursed during the night, you can imagine how counterintuitive this tidbit of twin wisdom is. Double the torture to keep them on schedule? I get the rationale but I will cringe when I do this. My final anxiety provoking thought yesterday was "What if F and I die (in the rare instance that we go somewhere alone)?" We never made a will (tsk tsk bad parents I know) because we could not agree with guardians for MoJo. It seemed hard to find the right person/family that would want two extra kids and that we would want to raise them. Four? Who can do four? Who knows four? Four are the matriarchs three are the matriarchs, two are the tablets of the commandments.. Okay I digress. Anyway, sorry this is not such a peppy post (see A? Not so positive all of the time!) but I do have some legitimate concerns no?