Lines

As J spoke disparagingly of an old babysitter I asked what was wrong with her: She had tone. She only babysat us for money.
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A and V whenever they see our neighbor (her son is their friend): Mom! Mom! Look mom! (no matter how many times I tell them her name they insist).
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A to V this am: V, are you crazy? (this sentence was uttered at least 6 times by my mother yesterday when we went over to her house for the first time since V's new turbo mode)

Long Time No Post

Miami is now a distant memory, even if a fun one. Family was fab, food delicious, park and beach great, and everyone was very patient with the hurricane that our presence is in anyone's home.

Here are some recent lines:

J on his snails to abuelo: Take care of them. They are part of our family now.

J to me as I woke him up very early to leave for the airport: I love you mamá. Sorry I said those mean things (referring to an incident the day before- too sweet).

V: I want to go home! I need to go home. (was not sure what he meant when we are in Miami and I am even less sure now that we are home).

J at the airpot: I take back everything mean I said. This is the best family!

J in the car: I get it now. Abuelo R is your father and Abuela S is your mother. Grandpa and VH are your stepparents (hallelujah!)

Me to J: Abuelo R did not make me a sandwich, I am jealous.
J: That is because he is an old man now, he takes care of us.

J looking at the American flag in Miami: Why do they have our flag here? This is not America.

Me taking to tía C: I do not care.
V, chiming in: I do not care either!

J to M: Is Billy Joel still married to the lady from the (Uptown Girl) video?
M: No, they are divorced.
J: It is a shame, she was a sexy lady.

J to tía E:You know what's not normal? We are in the same family and we never see you guys naked. Me: J. she is a girl and you are a boy, so that is pretty normal that you do not see her naked. Do you want to see abuelo naked?
J: No thank you. He is rusty and hairy. Disgusting. Revolting.
Me: You will be hairy and rusty too one day.
J: No. Yuck!

Mini Banter

V: I salgo cama. Awesome.

V, as he shoved pasta into his mouth with his fist: A, use your fork!

A now loves grabbing coins from a big vat my father has. She rubs her fingers together on both hands  and says: mama, my money. Mucho money. This evening she showed me a window sill where she was collecting pennies. She proudly counted them for me and also showed me the cat food she was eating.

Getting Into The Groove

Yesterday was a good day. We beached it up in the morning and spent the afternoon in a playground with a friend with kids. Oh yes, on the way to the playground the car started making weird noises until it began to smell and smoke and come to a full and complete stop. On the side of the road. With the heat. And the four kids. Another reason I could never be a driver. Luckily for us, our friends were near by and came to pick me and the four kids up. Just like with the lock, F was out of commission as he waited for AAA to come tow the truck. After the triumvirate of vomit, lock and car, I am hoping for a respite. Why oh why didn't I borrow some high chairs? Some little prison like system for these two tornadoes. Today's highlights include A and V opening neighbor's door only to be met by their dogs. V also emptied a bottle of Alleve, sprayed bug spray onto a toothbrush, spilled a wheel barrow's worth of water onto the floor... You get the idea. We are one third of the way through the day. I hope a nap and some fun in the sun awaits today.

Más Miami

J- When I am a teenager I am moving to Miami.

Me to A: si no te calmas te voy a tirar por la ventana (if you do not calm down I am Ingrid to throw you out the window).
A: la ventana se rompe.

J to abuelo: When I die do you think I will go to heaven and meet G-d or just lay there like the (imitates a roach in its back)?

M to me: Good news, I lost a pound in the last hour!

Vacation From My Vacation

I forgot that being n vacation actually involves double the work, but in an unfamiliar environment. These kids are in rare form. They did not nap and they are currently getting out of their pack and plays over and over again cracking themselves up. The last time I left the room I opened the door to find V in the suitcase and A running amok. V just threw his pacifier and lovvie at me and is dismantling the crappy pack and play. Did I mention that it is bright as day in the room they are in? Bedtime is going to be a daily issue. F  Has been working on a lock problem or my father, who is at work, for the past 2.5 hours. Ad he is not done. He just told me that he is going to a hardware store. Okay, I convinced him to go later. I am exhausted and we have been here less than a day. The plane ride was pretty rough as A never stayed still, she was on me of course, and constantly tried to put boogers on me, take my shirt off, head butt me, twist my neck skin into my chain. You get the idea, sheer relaxation. The only cool thing I did was get both kids on the plane without paying for their tickets. If we manage to do it again, we will have saved $900. We could of course, get caught not he way back. Other highlights of the day include V moaning  the whole way on the cab, only to have  A, what tricksters, vomit her brains out a few feet, literally, from the airport. I am off to do some major vomit laundry. May the little ones go to sleep at some point soon. The weather is nice...

J Lines

J, to nobody in particular in the tub with V: Don't mess with my brother or you are messing with the big guy!

Me; Who are you talking to ?

J : practicing for when he gets bullied

By the way, the plant is not stable. If it tips over, the roots can get uncomfortable.

Look at my belly. I am not going to grow up to be a strong man. I am going to grow up to be a fat man.

Mamá- trust us, we are your kids.

Back From The Dead

This has been quite a week. J began to get droopy and lethargic on Saturday. Without going on and on, I can tell you that the last five days were crazy. Each day he seemed weaker and would just sit or lay down everywhere. He spent most of Tuesday at the nurse. When he was awake he was catatonic-like most of the time. I took him to the doctor on Tues. Doctors, it turns out, do not have many answers. He did not have strep, he was not anemic. Instant depression? A rare disease? The weirdest part was no other symptom. No pain, no fever, no cold, no diarrhea, no nada. Yesterday he stayed home and slept almost entire day. Napped from 8-11am from 2-5 pm and was in bed at 6:45pm. At 3:30 am he came to my bed full of energy to say "I have two pillows, do you want to sleep in my bed?" To make him be quiet, I went to his bed. He continued: "Do you think Papi is lonely now?" Me: I don't know. You can go back to my bed, I am staying here in yours. J: "I know. I was just thinking." Thankfully he went back to sleep and when he awoke at 7am, he was back to his usual whistling, karate chopping self. It was very strange and sudden. A virus? A growth spurt? Sudden and acute depression? All I know, is that I am happy he is back. V is now high on the radar, the worst behaved two year old I ever had. More on that later. Never. A. Dull. Moment. NADM!

New Ones

J watching F write the check for $100 for the BS fine; $100 for vacation? Are you serious? He should be fired!
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J; Can you do that? A big favor for your son. Ice cold water. A little deal. Would you do that for your greatest son? Yeah! yeah!
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Me to V: Mi gordito
V: Mi panza.
Me: Dónde está la panza?V: Se fue.
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V to A, crib side is finally dead and she now sleeps in it with no side: A-lita, sale cama! (she did a few times but for the most part basks in the beauty of her big girl bed)
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J: What does the sign say? No What?
Me: No smoking. You need to smoke outside.
Once outside, J: I am smoking a party (pretending to smoke).
Me: What?
J: Papi told me. Smokin' a party. It is fun!

Recent Lines

M: Were you born in 1987?

Me: No.

M: 1997?

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On J's four leaf clover that featured 4 things he is lucky to have: Shoes, our president, my family, my house.

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V, holding a stethoscope, to M when she hurt her foot: Do you need a doctor?
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Me to A: Quién es mi princesa?
A: V!
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J: Why is it weird if I want to be friends with him (the drunkard who sells crap on the sidewalk)? I am weird
Me: How?
J: I twizzle my hair.

Whoo EEEh

I have had many a busy day in my life,  but today may take the cake. While the day was crazy and isn't yet over, it was a totally satisfying day. The only sad part is that I will not be home in time to see the midgets. I am currently at City College doing a make up swim class with MoJo. The day began with a ridiculous walk to BT. Nothing like pushing that mother load of a stroller in the middle of a snow storm. The plastic would not stay on, my hands we frozen... Well we made it and I even walked all the way to damn school because there were no buses available. I did not teach my first period class because most of the kids were in the gym watching the gym show. So I canceled class and went to see M rock it at her gym show ( think push ups as well as a dance to Gengham Style).  I spent the rest of the morning working on curriculum and packing hundreds of books for a book drive that ended today. After teaching I had my first class with the fourth grade for our community service trimester. I love this group! They are so little and it is their first foray into service.  I took them to the nursing home to do nail care. Yup, 9 and 10 year olds giving old women manicures. My favorite lady was there and she was in rare form, kissing all of the kids and being a ham. The kids were great and sweet and did not make any faces as a strange and confused woman continued to kiss and hug them. I was then called into a meeting with my headmistress where she proposed a super exciting and new task for me to develop with another colleague.  I am flattered. I cabbed it home to drop off and pick up crap and ran to Street Squash. After an hour of college prep I walked (again no bus) with a big bag of swimming gear to school. Got MoJo. They whined the whole way about having to swim at night. That brings us to now. How lucky am I to be able to squeeze so many gratifying activities
into one day? I cannot wait to order some Asian food and watch some flick with F tonight. Life is good. Stay tuned for my new 30 day challenge, I realized as I struggled with the stroller this am that I am COMPLETELY out of shape and may want to consider adding some minimal exercise into my life! Happy weekend!

Recent Lines

M: These icies are so good. Can you consider buying them again? They are so realistic. Coconut tastes exactly like coconut, pineapple exactly like pineapple.

J: Every time I sneeze I fart.

J in the storm today: Nature is all water and spirit.

J: I do not want if I want to be in art or science when I grow up. My other thing I want to be is an overachiever.

M: I got a new plan today. When I retire from being a pediatrician I am going to be a dancer.

J about his birthday cake: I want it to have a picture of me on it.

J: You know who abuelo R is so generous but he is junky? Do you think he would buy me a grand piano?
Me: Junky?
J: Yeah, he lets me eat junk.

J: What would you do if I littered?

Two Too To?

To drip snot to death or not to? All of a sudden I have one of those deadly colds that challenges your ability to function. My nose drips, I sneeze, my head hurts. A 3.5 hour meeting to kick off our day of professional development in lieu of school, is just what I did not need. It was hard for me to be productive after this insanely long meeting but I did try. Did I mention that I went through two entire boxes of tissues today? I feel bad for them trees. After M's piano class we schlepped home (always attractive to have a box of tissues, as well as a mountain of discarded ones flowing out of your bag) and I did the usual dinner and bath routine. I then left L with the 4 monkeys to go do a double header of tutoring (why? why? because when I agreed to this cockamamie plan I was not sick and thought I would capitalize on F's absence and L's presence). I could not even deal with lacing up my converse and left with my slippers on, a water bottle full of Emergen-C flavored water (note to self, this overdose of vitamin C is most likely not retroactive), a box of tissues and some Selby (essentially diaper cream) for my raw nose. I am now back. I misplaced an envelope today with M's piano lesson fee. I fear that I either shredded it or recycled it in two piles of papers that I unloaded today. I hope to find the money in my recycling bin and to avoid taping together shredded money. This is what happens when you move too fast and are distracted. Two classes down (yay, no tutoring tomorrow!) and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Recent Lines...

M- Duh! Everyone knows Italians are the masters at making pasta.

A to V: Scemotto (dummy loosely in Italian)
V to A: Scemotta tu!

J's Deep Thought

Not to be rude, but I do not think the person who invented toilets had such a good idea. I do not like butts touching butts. When guests come to our house, then I have to use the toilet and I do not like their butts touching mine.