Overheard last night....

M to J: Are you excited or not or in the middle about being a grown up?
J: Kind of both.
M: Me too. I am excited to have my own apartment and be a vegan but  I don't want to live without so many people or pay taxes.
J: Yeah, I want my own apartment but I don't want to walk alone at night on the street.

J: Milk reminds me of heaven.

These Kids...

J to F as we walked up Lenox Ave; Let's have some me and you time when we get home and play with my action figures okay?

J when I told M that she looked like a young lady, gesturing breasts: This process already started.

J when he saw two dead bees: Please can I have them? I have been alive for six years and I have never seen a dead bee!

V to himself in the car: Don't throw up!

Me to M re Harry Styles (her celebrity crush) and Taylor Swift: You are more interesting than Taylor Swift but you are a little young for Harry Styles.
J: And he would not like you because you do not have boobs or hair on your butt or your conchita

Midget Talks

V: I threw my babero. Mamá's gonna scream. Are you watching "Good Luck Charlie"? I am.
(he narrates his every thought like this very often)

J to me: Your hair is dull.
Me: Boring or not shiny?
J: It is not fresh.

A, every time I drink coffee: Mamá, mamá, I try jew coffee? A sip?

A & V every time we leave without the stroller: I run ahead?

J: I am going to be a robber when I grow up.
Me: What?
J: If I cannot get a job.

V: L se porta mal. She jump on my bed. She was bleebing (yes with a b). She write on the wall with a lápiz. She throw food.

Más

V to A as he pushed his stroller: Excuse me dalring!

M to V showing him pictures of One Direction: Who do you like the best?
V: I like the Beatles!

V to anyone who will listen: My little doggy is going to bite you!

V to A: Is your oatmeal hot?
A: No.
V: Is it bueno?
A: Yeah
V: Oh, ok (I love hearing their random conversations)

A this am: Mama, mama, mama (the more excited we are the more we stutter), do you want to play a game?

V, who clearly has the memory of an elephant like his sister M: I want to go to Miami.
Me: Qué hay en Miami?
V: I wanna see the flowers in the pool.
Me: Qué más?
V: Churros!
Me: Qué más?
V: Some buckets.

V: I am going to make the music (bangs) and you can dance A!
A: No!
V: Dance! When I stop the music you stop. I need a guitar.

I wish there were a baby memory competition. V would kick baby butt. He could also make us rich as a voiceover actor for cartoons, if he would just learn his lines.

Recently

Me: Why do you have a lunch box?
J: I put my little stuffed animals there for a time out, or to carry them.

J: When they invented the word "computer", did it take like 100 years for computers to then be invented?

V running to tío D with a stethoscope: I am a doctah foh youuuuu Daybihd!

M: Jackson is on the $20 bill.
J: Michael Jackson or Jackson Pollock?

J: Can we get puppets like in What About Bob? to talk to each other?

J: I do not want to change presidents. I do not want a world without Arock Obama.

Lines

V-I want pasta. More pasta.
F- There is no more pasta.
V- I want potatoes. Two big potatoes.
F- We do not have any.
V- I want pretzels. Big pretzels

J to F- There is a line in your armpit. Probably a mimp (convinced this is the word for pimple) or something. Why did you get a permanent tattoo? Why does it hurt?

J to F- You cannot sword fight like that with a bald head. You need a hoodie or a hat. You cannot be cool with a bald head.

J- I want my birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. There are games and there is Chuck and you get a crown. What would you want more?

J to me- They are playing with an ear cleaner again (tampon)!

J at hip hop show- I am going to dye my skin brown.

V at 9:30pm at night after having taken dramamine- I like the car!

J- The importantest things in the world are trees and money. Trees give you oxygen and money gets you food and toys.

M, about to cry in the bathroom right after our return from PA- I miss (tía) C. Why does she have to live in stupid Philadelphia? (I second that emotion/question)

Excerpts from M's Sentence Notebook (Sentences with Spelling Words)

Being strong is something excellent.
I like writing but, it's not my favorite.
Four is more than 1 (Duh).
Golden is my second least favorite color.
I can be unkind when I am mad.
My baby brother smashed our radio to pieces.
I always like to finish an argument.
My dad has a hairy chest.
I have never seen anything hatch.
I drink all drinkable liquids.
I'm not the only kid in my family, there are others.
I am very bad at digging.
My parents say my body is perfect, not fat, not skinny.
My aunt S' dog is fuzzy.
I am not that lazy.
I can be very silly or very mature.
My brother is SO good at waking me up.

Some Lines

J: If you do not let me quit swimming I am going to get adopted.

V to A as they fought about whose motorbike a motorbike on the street was: That my motorbike. A, relax. I get you a motorbike purple.

J: I want to make a law that dogs wear a leash on their belly so it does not hurt their neck.

J: Can I one day have drum lessons with Ringo?

J's Arguments for Getting a Pet Turtle

1. I want something to love me besides my family
2. I want to see turtle poop.
3. I want to see what they can survive and can't.
4. I want to have something to teach.
5. I want something to shop for.
6. I want something that I can love.
7. I want something to show off.
8. I want to teach him how to be a ninja turtle.
9. I want to teach him how to skateboard.
10. I want him to be a test turtle. If I want to know if the zucchini is good I will make him try it.
11

. I am going to feel happy when I set him free.

Más Chatter

Kindergarten boy while making a self portrait: Girls have longer eyelashes because they are more sensitive-y

J to V: You are really busting my nerds.

M on a large piece of rolled up paper: From Anonymous to A.F. (8th grade boy): I LOVE YOU.

J, disgusted at the littering on the street: When I grow up  I am not going to be a scientist, I am going to be a garbage man!

J: I have a feeling that at some point in my life I will go to jail.

M to me: Why are you so interested in us behaving well?

J massaging a chicken at the supermarket: Can I admire him since he was killed for us to eat?

J when I beat him in a race in which I was pushing a stroller: You won because you have six legs and four are wheels.

J: Can I officially grow up to have no job?

J: Can we get a pet?
Me: No.
J: A pet bee?

J: Can you get me sparkling white pants and a shirt? Shiny.

V when I bumped into him by BT: Mamá, go cook!

A, thrashing outside our neighbor's home (they were out): Mom! Mom! I want to see mom! (Not me)

More Backlog of Lines

J to F: You guys love me less because I am different than you.
F: Why?
J: Because I believe in G-d and you do not. I am Jewish and you are not.
____
J: Do not tell people the funny things I say. I want it to be personal.
___
J: Can we move to Singapore? I am sick of all of the gum on the sidewalk. It is disgusitng.
___
M: Would you have married papi if he looked like how he does now?
__
J: Can you make me spinach and carrots and milk every day so I can have strong bones and eyes?
__
J: Girls have three privates and boys have two. Actually girls have four, six if you count the niblets.
___
Me: We are going to ask the restaurant for a gift certificate for the auction.
J: They will give it you if they think you are pretty.
__
J: Were you born in the 1880's?
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M to J : You should put less pressure on mamá and appreciate her more. Lots of kids do not even get to leave the country like we do.
__
J: I would kill myself to save you.
__
J: Can you punish me so I cannot watch tv? While M watches tv, I want to learn to read. So please punish me so I can learn to read.

Backlog of Lines...

J: For Halloween, can we dress up at Family Times?

J: Tomorrow night I am going to escape

J, during an episode of Family Times where the mother is in labor: Why don't they show her pa-china?

J: So many things happen in life.

J, rubbing my back: Wax on, wax off.

J: When I am a grown up I am going to be like MLK and defend animals.

V, as I stood on the window sill yelling at M for breaking the blinds: Do you need help?

V, looking down at his worn down "new" hand me down boots: My shoes are cool. My shoes are dirty.

V & A every 15 minutes, toddler 1: I don't like it!
toddler 2 (they alternate roles) : I don't like it either!
Note that is A is saying this overused line, she pauses in between each word, jutting her chin out for emphasis.

M: Are you the tooth fairy and Santa and all of those characters? Do not tell me because I do not want you to spoil it for me but please tell me when I am older.

J: I am too busy. I do not want to go swimming any more. I need the whole weekend to relax.

J: This family is having a real rough time today.

Me to J: You cannot say "fucking asshole to your sister."
J: I did not. My action figure called another action figure "fuck ass"
( I feel better now).

Lines

As J spoke disparagingly of an old babysitter I asked what was wrong with her: She had tone. She only babysat us for money.
__
A and V whenever they see our neighbor (her son is their friend): Mom! Mom! Look mom! (no matter how many times I tell them her name they insist).
__
A to V this am: V, are you crazy? (this sentence was uttered at least 6 times by my mother yesterday when we went over to her house for the first time since V's new turbo mode)

Long Time No Post

Miami is now a distant memory, even if a fun one. Family was fab, food delicious, park and beach great, and everyone was very patient with the hurricane that our presence is in anyone's home.

Here are some recent lines:

J on his snails to abuelo: Take care of them. They are part of our family now.

J to me as I woke him up very early to leave for the airport: I love you mamá. Sorry I said those mean things (referring to an incident the day before- too sweet).

V: I want to go home! I need to go home. (was not sure what he meant when we are in Miami and I am even less sure now that we are home).

J at the airpot: I take back everything mean I said. This is the best family!

J in the car: I get it now. Abuelo R is your father and Abuela S is your mother. Grandpa and VH are your stepparents (hallelujah!)

Me to J: Abuelo R did not make me a sandwich, I am jealous.
J: That is because he is an old man now, he takes care of us.

J looking at the American flag in Miami: Why do they have our flag here? This is not America.

Me taking to tía C: I do not care.
V, chiming in: I do not care either!

J to M: Is Billy Joel still married to the lady from the (Uptown Girl) video?
M: No, they are divorced.
J: It is a shame, she was a sexy lady.

J to tía E:You know what's not normal? We are in the same family and we never see you guys naked. Me: J. she is a girl and you are a boy, so that is pretty normal that you do not see her naked. Do you want to see abuelo naked?
J: No thank you. He is rusty and hairy. Disgusting. Revolting.
Me: You will be hairy and rusty too one day.
J: No. Yuck!

Más Miami

J- When I am a teenager I am moving to Miami.

Me to A: si no te calmas te voy a tirar por la ventana (if you do not calm down I am Ingrid to throw you out the window).
A: la ventana se rompe.

J to abuelo: When I die do you think I will go to heaven and meet G-d or just lay there like the (imitates a roach in its back)?

M to me: Good news, I lost a pound in the last hour!

J Lines

J, to nobody in particular in the tub with V: Don't mess with my brother or you are messing with the big guy!

Me; Who are you talking to ?

J : practicing for when he gets bullied

By the way, the plant is not stable. If it tips over, the roots can get uncomfortable.

Look at my belly. I am not going to grow up to be a strong man. I am going to grow up to be a fat man.

Mamá- trust us, we are your kids.

Back From The Dead

This has been quite a week. J began to get droopy and lethargic on Saturday. Without going on and on, I can tell you that the last five days were crazy. Each day he seemed weaker and would just sit or lay down everywhere. He spent most of Tuesday at the nurse. When he was awake he was catatonic-like most of the time. I took him to the doctor on Tues. Doctors, it turns out, do not have many answers. He did not have strep, he was not anemic. Instant depression? A rare disease? The weirdest part was no other symptom. No pain, no fever, no cold, no diarrhea, no nada. Yesterday he stayed home and slept almost entire day. Napped from 8-11am from 2-5 pm and was in bed at 6:45pm. At 3:30 am he came to my bed full of energy to say "I have two pillows, do you want to sleep in my bed?" To make him be quiet, I went to his bed. He continued: "Do you think Papi is lonely now?" Me: I don't know. You can go back to my bed, I am staying here in yours. J: "I know. I was just thinking." Thankfully he went back to sleep and when he awoke at 7am, he was back to his usual whistling, karate chopping self. It was very strange and sudden. A virus? A growth spurt? Sudden and acute depression? All I know, is that I am happy he is back. V is now high on the radar, the worst behaved two year old I ever had. More on that later. Never. A. Dull. Moment. NADM!

New Ones

J watching F write the check for $100 for the BS fine; $100 for vacation? Are you serious? He should be fired!
____
J; Can you do that? A big favor for your son. Ice cold water. A little deal. Would you do that for your greatest son? Yeah! yeah!
____
Me to V: Mi gordito
V: Mi panza.
Me: Dónde está la panza?V: Se fue.
_____
V to A, crib side is finally dead and she now sleeps in it with no side: A-lita, sale cama! (she did a few times but for the most part basks in the beauty of her big girl bed)
____
J: What does the sign say? No What?
Me: No smoking. You need to smoke outside.
Once outside, J: I am smoking a party (pretending to smoke).
Me: What?
J: Papi told me. Smokin' a party. It is fun!

Recent Lines

M: Were you born in 1987?

Me: No.

M: 1997?

_____

On J's four leaf clover that featured 4 things he is lucky to have: Shoes, our president, my family, my house.

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V, holding a stethoscope, to M when she hurt her foot: Do you need a doctor?
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Me to A: Quién es mi princesa?
A: V!
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J: Why is it weird if I want to be friends with him (the drunkard who sells crap on the sidewalk)? I am weird
Me: How?
J: I twizzle my hair.

Recent Lines

M: These icies are so good. Can you consider buying them again? They are so realistic. Coconut tastes exactly like coconut, pineapple exactly like pineapple.

J: Every time I sneeze I fart.

J in the storm today: Nature is all water and spirit.

J: I do not want if I want to be in art or science when I grow up. My other thing I want to be is an overachiever.

M: I got a new plan today. When I retire from being a pediatrician I am going to be a dancer.

J about his birthday cake: I want it to have a picture of me on it.

J: You know who abuelo R is so generous but he is junky? Do you think he would buy me a grand piano?
Me: Junky?
J: Yeah, he lets me eat junk.

J: What would you do if I littered?