Love From V & A

V to me: Why you never cut hair on your toes?

A to me: Do you know why I like you so much? Your body is in a perfect shape- not too fat or too skinny. Your clothes smell like (V interjects: sunflowers?) Argentina. You are very pretty (V says: beautiful) and you have a wedding ring with papi and you have dark skin. That is why I love you.

Last November Lines

V crying: She hit me!
Me to A: Did you hit him?
A, realizing she couldn't lie: I'm dead.

After A slapped M I scolded her. A: I didn't slap her. This (bitch slapping herself) is a slap.
Me: Why did you do that?
A: You are lucky I didn't demonstrate on your face.

?: I am compatible with all the elements.

A on her ceramics craze: I want our house to have a lot of stuff made with art.


V: When I am older, I do not want money. So I am giving it all away.

V to J: Your face is a foul.

V on the new "president": He got less points but he won.
A: Life is life.

A: Another name for Harry Clinton is Seck-ah-tery Clinton.

V: I hope Trump makes nice rules.

M when I asked her if  F was sleeping in the car: He is awake now.
A: He was probably faking it.

V: Me and (baby) F are going to be scientists!

V while I rinsed him- Are you mad?
Me- No, I am tired and I think you can wash yourself.
V- Is it hard work? Being a mom?
Me- Sometimes. It's great work.
V- It's perfect... our family.

M- Melania just looks like a piece of surgical plastic.

A's holiday list (this kid be weird) narrated to me

striped shirt and striped boots
penguin stuffie
arrow
emojis
me- what?
emoji balls
bubble gum machine
three toy clouds
one toy sun
one toy bucket
one toy flower
one piece of candy
cream for your face

Comic Relief

V's French teacher laughed as she told me he told her I was born outside of Paris. When I asked him about it, he said: I told her that when I was a baby.
Me: You said that to her today.
V: Some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth is fiction.

M looking at a gift F got me: Is that gold?
J: We're not rich!

V: Scientists never say no.

V: Can we move to the Hampas when Trump is president? I hear that is nice.
Me: Bahamas?


J: Can I bring a dog to the gym with me to go on the treadmill?

When I told M to sleep "estiradita" on her birthday so she could grow: Wait, does that work?

Kindergarten wrote a letter to Trump with their wishes.
A: Be nice to Harry Clinton and give her a job.
V: Be nice to nature and be a good man.

A: Can F be mine when I am older?
Me: He will be a big kid too.
A: Oh.

V looking at toys in a store window: Can Santa hear us?
Me: No.
V: Okay, mamá can I have.....?

V looking at A's compressed writing: She smothered all her sight words.

J: If you don't feel any love will you die?

V: You can get lost if you zigzag around the world.

Tonight

V: A said I am the worst brother she ever had.
Me: Not true.
V: And I am your only brother.
A: Actually, I have three.
V: Not of this kind, we are twins. So if I am the worst brother you are the worst sister.

A through tears and melodrama: We are not taking a bath together. I cannot handle him and he cannot handle me.

V: Maybe Trump will give a nice speech. Give him a chance mamá.

Talking about getting gifts ready for M's birthday, V: Mamá, I need a lot of diamonds in a box.

Some Levity- HELP US

A: I hate this family!
V: You cannot get a new family so I wouldn't say that.
A: Who knows!

V: Do you know that Trump won and he's going to be president until I am 10?

V to L: Did you vote?
L: No.
V: Wait, did you vote for Trump?
L: No,
V: Did (her husband) vote? Did (her daughter)?
L: No.
V: That is against the law.

Last night, my personal pollster (V) erroneously told me: Harry Clinton has like 150,000 votes and Trump has 10.  (maybe he meant in NYC?)

More

V to me: I can read your mind. You love me super much.

While we were discussing man-made versus nature, V: Bras are woman-made.

V: Jesus is deaf right?
F: Who said that?
V:J!

V; I just wish I was an angel.
F: Why?
V: They don;t do much and they have bows and arrows.

V to F: When you are a grandpa, I will still recognize you, because you will still be bald.

A: Are radios still alive? Do they still exist?

V: A for president! (she has a t-shirt that says that:)

Me: That's a yarmulke. A kippa.
V: Keep what?


As we dragged ourselves with bags to the car, me: I should have brought the drycleaning!
V: You brought enough okay?

V to J: Your brain is made of pesto.
J to V: No, your brain is made of pesto.
V: I don't think so, we are not twins.

Me to A: Why are you screaming?
A: That's what my body does.

J on a mother who gave her 12-year-old a phone and an ipad and her 5-year-old a kindle and an ipad: She's so nice!
M: Or maybe she just wants them to shut up!

Political Commentary Continues

V: Poop is never going to win.
Me: Who?
V: That's Trump's real name!

A: Just so you know he walked into a girl's dressing room.

A: Harry is blue and Trump is red.

V: I would love to never leave you.