F, The Sassy Student

L to F: Soy viejita, a veces se me olvidan las cosas.

F: Does your brain need a cane?

F to L: Can you not say that my break is 5 minutes? I always have 5-minute breaks.

L: ¿Cúantos minutos quieres? (Yes, she speaks only Spanish to him and he responds in English)

F: At least 7.

F on finances

Me to (big) F:  Our credit card is out of control, we spent X dollars on it. We need to slow down!

F: no, keep going, you are going to get rich soon!

F this week

 F- What does "EIWGH" spell?

Me- I try to pronounce it.

F- Do you know what that means? It's dumb dumb in French!

F- When you are old, it is easy to crack yourself!

F explaining a scene to me:

They were holding the donkey hostage. They were so mean. They tried to impale the donkey. When they mess with that donkey, they mess with me!  (no idea what he was talking about but it sounds intense)

Thankful

 This year we each wrote what we were thankful for about each other on a piece of paper. Each family member got a piece of paper with 6 notes on it from the rest of the family.

What V wrote about A made me cry: She is the fun and joy of my life!

F on the toilet this am..

 Do I have another interview?

F had a zoom interview and assessment this week (totally normal for a 4 year old?!?). He was asked numbers, letters, shapes, and to talk about things that interested him. On the subject of bears of shared that he had seen one. The interviewer asked "Where can you see a bear?" F told her a long story about the time our family saw a grizzly bear while we were hiking and how we sprayed it with bear spray. He then added for good measure, that he has also seen a polar bear. 

interviewer- How did you see a polar bear?

F- When I went to the north pole.

interviewer- with you whole family?

F- No, just me and my dad.

interviewer- when was that?

F- 25 years ago!

F Learning

 F made this hand gesture to show me how close he is to knowing everything!

He is worried about all of the math he does not know "I don't even know 90 +44"

F on today's election

 I will just drive there and beat up Donald Trump!

F's Scientific Insights

 Do you know where pee comes from? Your brain!

What do germs look like? Do they have horns?

When I got in the car and it was stinky: Did you fart?

F: Yes.

Me: That is powerful.

F: I am powerful so that is how I make my farts. Weak people make them weak. Lazy people make lazy farts.

This AM

 J to F- I wish I were small like you.

F- No, you don't. It is horrible being short. I cannot even reach things up high that people hide, Trust me, you do not want to be short!

F- I would not go to the action figure bin. They all fart in there, it smells horrible!

 F was showing A a toy he wants for Xmas from an old book. A said: That toy doesn't exist anymore, you cannot get it.

F: Yes I can. I already ordered it from Santa.

Discussing last night's sleeping arrangments...

F to J: I slept alone because he (V) betrayed me!

Why didn't you sleep w A?

I have. In my life, I have slept with her but last night V betrayed me!

Trump is alive?

 F, watching the news, perplexed: Trump is alive? Really? This whole time I thought he was dead.

F today

 F, showing me a pose: It is not that impressive.

Wearing a mask is disgusting because you have to smell your own breath!

When I was in your belly I could hear Obama being president.

When I was a baby, there was a thornbush, and I didn't have my bday yet. Papi told me not to touch it, and I did and I got a thorn stuck in my hand. Along came a hornet and took it out with its stinger.

F Playing with Action Figures

 He is being brainwashed! L, do not look, this part is inappropriate for you!

All I want is a ZOOM

 F just said.

First day of online school for his four siblings. Lots of feelings.

All I want is no more fucking zoom.

I had 9 hours of class yesterday, 6 on zoom. During the 45th interruption, I began discussing piano practice versus going for a run with M. A few minutes in I heard my ethics professor say "Violeta, I think your mic is on." Mortifying.

The whole day is getting kids on zoom, snacks, food, garbage, try to read for class. Exercise? Try to talk to F, plan. Assignments due. Mine. Theirs. Paperwork for clinical. Freaking out about if I have corona. Fielding emails from elderly family members who think I am a doctor.

Breathe. We have food. And a house. And internet. This sucks but we are fortunate.

I am a nurse. Finally. I cannot believe it. I want to cry. For good and bad reasons.

Back to the grind!!

In his sleep..

 All of my kids speak and yell in their sleep. Last night F came to my bed and would NOT stop talking.

Among his comments:

I want cheese!

Down, T, down!

Farts do not kill you, they just smell.

No way Buddy

 F to T (dog) as he played with a sword that all the boys fight over: You are not going to break that on my watch. Oh no, buddy.

J to F: I am ruthless!

F to J: Yes, you are useless!

This Am

 V on M watering someone's plants: That sounds like a waste of money and time, and we don't have much of either.

A when I told her she would be continuing Russian math: Why don't you just stab me while you are at it?

 J on the dog: He does not listen to me like he listens to papi.

M: Maybe he would if you wore pants!

F on Mortality

I do not want to grow up because I do not want to die.

F on T (dog)

to F (father): Where did you get the dog shampoo? He smells like heaven!

to T (dog): What kind of puppy do you want to be? A chewer?

to F about T: He is such a cute dog. He's adorable!

F the Cynic

F on A's table manners: Where did you learn to eat? In a garbage can? In a truck?

F on V's table manners: Where did you learn to eat? On a farm?

Me: When you go back to school after coronavirus you can tell your friends you have a dog.
F: After coronavirus, the dog will be dead!

Olfactory Observation (OO)

F to me: We have to get some perfume in this room because it does smell like butt crack.

F F F F F

Me: You ate sardines?
F: Yes! It is fish. Do you like fish? It is the best kind of chicken,

F: Can you clean up this ant?
Me: Oh, it is in pieces.
F: Not pieces, I popped his eyeballs out so he could not see what I was doing to him.

F: Is Costco Chinese?
Me: No, it's American.
F: I am not American, I am Asian.
Me: You are?
F: We are all Asian in this family.

In HIs Dreams

All of my kids speak A LOT both while awake and asleep. I just heard F say:
No! If you do I will kick you in the teeth and then you will have no more teeth!

what.a.thug.

This week

F asked me how long I would be away at hospice and I said 12 hours. He asked how long he went to preschool and I told him he did about seven hours. He said: I have done a twelver!

F when he saw my belly: Mamá, your belly is the biggest. Everyone will look at it and ask "Did she swallow a rock?"

F when he got up: Fun starts with philosophy! (the letter F he means)

Some Llines

F- Can I have some seltzer (he's addicted)? I feel like my brain is toasting.

V to F (sr): Do you want to be reincarnated as a bear?

F on his action figures: They just woke up but they are not in the mood to save the day. They are not available so they went back to bed.

Me to F: You are my favorite 4-year-old in the world.
F: Do you mean the planet?
Me: What is this planet called?
F: South America!

L-E-G

F- Can I have some L-E-G?
Me- What't that?
F (annoyed)- What do you mean? Gum!

F came to me and (using my own technique) said: Choose mamá. Give me gum or TV
I replied that he should ask nicely and not be so bossy so he tried again: Please choose, gum or tv.
Me: Gum
F: Ok, gum now, and then TV.

It reminded me of "but first, a little mongo."

Can't Remember If I posted this...

F on V's flatulence in the car: I am not fine with these farts!

More F musings

I want L to come back. And I want my birthday present from her. This is not how it works for birthdays.

As he gave me a rock: Mamá, keep this. It will give you medical strength and medical power!

My birthday was amazing. It actually was. I got everything I wanted.

F and Da Words

F- I would be good at that, I want a violin so I can play "Old McDonald"
F Sr- Are you going to play the piano too?
F-Um, I don't have a tie.

F and flowery language:
I certainly woke J up!
Papi, you smell good. What shampoo did you put on you?
Papi says we can go outside because it is a wonderful day!
That is absolutely mine.
There is no need.
This animal is not stable because the frenchman ???

Am Fights!

F to M: I am going to destroy your phone while you sleep

Da Boyz

F on his bath- Doesn't it smell lovely?

V on F acting crazy on his bday- I think he has a birthday fever.

F on V touching his toys: He ruined my Paw Patrol paradise!

F upon opening a gift: What in the heaven is this?

V when I asked him why he cried when he got his ear pierced if it didn't hurt: It was emotional pain.

FFFFFFFF

F to V: What does that even mean, you rascal!

F looking at his steak, unwilling to eat it: But somebody killed this animal!

F fighting with A: I have already been a baby! I am going to be older than you. After all the letters, I will be 100!

F to me: Can you please text Buster (dog) and tell him to come?
Me: Dogs don't text.
F: (tía) C can read it to him. Tell them to come. Coronavirus is not that bad, they won't die.

F (unknowingly) calls Nacho Libre: Macho Horrible.

F's Rant to A

You finished the waffles? That is not how it goes in this family. You CANNOT finish all of the waffles. This is my house. You cannot finish all the waffles in somebody else's house. You are not the boss of my house! This is my house and I share it with you.

After screaming variations of this for a full two minutes, F started to cry. Corona quarantine got a brother down.

F the Wise

Me to J: What is wrong?
F: He is sad, he wants to be free again.

Birthday Cake Wish

F on his upcoming bday cake:
For my toppings, I want butter and cream cheese and dulce de leche and peanut butter, frosting, and whipped cream and Nutella. For the fruit toppings, I want strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries if you can get them.

Almost 4 year old Depression Sets in

F this am: Am I going to school today?
Me: No.
F: But is it a school day?
Me: Yes. But there is no school.
F: What even IS corona virus?

later..
F: J, get out of my room, I am not in the mood!
(J does)
F slams door.

This isolation thing is rough, even if you are only barely 4. 

F on NYC

So, NYC is the like the house of corona virus?

Yes F, it sadly is. It breaks my heart to see two of my favorite places on earth, Italy and NYC on their knees with people dying. When will it be over? How will we recover and what will that look like? I am sad and frustrated to be sitting on my ever-expanding ass in Newton, MA unable to be a nurse or an anything that can help during this crisis. FUCK YOU corona virus.

The Sass

Me- Get dressed, I know you can do it. You do it alone in school.
F: Do I look like I am in school? In school, I have that power, not in school, I do not have that power.

Deep Thoughts by (mini) F

Quiz with F:
Me: Who is older, me or papi?
F: You are 60, he is 100.
Me: Who is taller?
F: You are the same
Me: Who is wiser, me or papi?
F: L!

F to V: You know what is so sad? When I be a grown up I won't be able to sleep with you because I am going to be having grown up time with mami and papi.

F and A

F refers to his siblings as "the kids" or "the siblings"- I love it!

A explained diabetes to me the other day. Wtf? She said there were two kinds, type I, you are born with and type II you got from eating badly. Then she told me it affects your pancreas, where insulin is made.- Maybe I should have her study for me and tutor me?

Some Lines for Your Corona Entertainment

F to L: Look at your hands, you are not viejita. You are almost viejita.

V to F: Does it hurt to go bald?

Me to M: Go outside to get some air.
M to Me: It is gross outside.
V to M: You are gross inside.

F to L: If you die, can I have your I-pad? And the password too?

Amazing!

We are all stuck. Most of us are much more fortunate than the rest of the world. I am not sure how to manage the non-stop flurry of raids on the kitchen and the whack a mole action with technology. Exhausting. In my efforts to get them to be quiet (I still have a full workload from BC) and productive (since there is no end in sight and their brains may melt), I hid a school issued laptop in the oven. Why the oven you might ask. I do not use it much and F had already warned me that he had two bowls in there with bread rising in them. He warned me to remember they were in there. It seemed like a two for one. Cut to many hours later when I preheated the oven. 400 degrees Fahrenheit to heat up fish sticks and broccoli. Did I ever remember what was in there? Well, when the oven beeped alerting me to the desired temperature, I opened it to put dinner in. That is when I realized that I am not as smart as I thought. I baked that puppy to a crisp. All in all, it did not explode so I am grateful for that. The computer actually turns on, but F says we cannot use it because its integrity has been compromised. He did make a video of him turning it on post bake and tweeted it to Lenovo- the company liked it. I guess I did some free research for them? Now we know that it withstands high temperatures and that you should never ever hide something in the oven.

When i.t seems like it could be the worst weekend ever..

But then it somehow all works out. Sure you get a bunch of f()&()*&g annoying pieces of news via email and others ignore your important emails about topics as disparate as failing math, having to move and other small details but.. despite a bitch ass long week with no school (kids) and so much school (me) and no partner (in Mexico) you make it through thanks to L, the rock in the family. Steadfast and efficient, calm and kind, she took the kids to playdates, skating, Wegman's.. kept them fed, pianoed and alive. Now it's Saturday and L is gone and you have an exam at 8am on Mon and another one one Wed. Two care plans have been cranked out bt Thurs and Fri to focus on said exams. You contemplate driving to CT to a squash tournament to hang with tío G and get some "free" childcare. But it's too much driving and I do not have $180 to blow on a hotel. After all of this though.... it all comes together. You get 6.5 hours of studying done (yes I time everything) and the kids behave. You take them to the library, the YMCA (quizlet on treadmill helps get in the study time), Trader Joe's and after they eat lunch and do their piano you take them to ice cream, the park, and then your friend takes them to dinner and you sigh. Sometimes it all works out. I am 1 hour in to today's studying and hoping for the stars to align today as well because exam I is imminent and I have not looked at a word for exam II. F and M get back tonight from Mexico. Tomorrow will start w 8 am exam (another 4:45 wake up) and end at 11pm at the hospital. I would sleep in but I have to cram for Wed exam. I would sleep in the next day but I have to be at the hospital at 6:15am. After 2:30pm Thursday, I take a deep deep breath. Sunday we leave for PR and I consider sleeping, not eating shit (nursing school does wonders to my aging, fattening body) and enjoying my partner while taking a break from my kids. Life is good.

F Oh F

Can I skip bath?
Me- No. You are going to smell.
It's okay, I won't smell myself!

Why do you always work?

I love cheese because I am made of cheese

F talking to me about a girl I tried to reason with who is in his class: You are older than her, ignore her. 

Some F-isms

Esterday= yesterday

Green Planter= Green Lantern

Are we regular people? Can we turn into astronauts? Can we dress up as astronauts?

V, when I asked him to explain what "christeous" (Christian) was since he insisted on wearing a chain with a cross: You believe in Jesus, you go to church, you celebrate Hannukah.

F to abuelo in the bath: The H is for hot and the C is for cold and the 2 is for warm
Abuelo: Where is the 2?
F: It is imaginary.

That's the politely way!

F just told me "May I please have an ice cream?" is the politely way to ask.

V told M to bring her teacher an apple to suck up to him. F said: Bring a potato!

Where to Begin?

My (one and only) fan has been asking me to post. Not sure what to write about. So much has happened. I discovered that no matter where I live, I will always be crazy busy and overextended. I guess being anal and having five kids doesn´t change -- even when you move to MA. So I will never be a fan of this state, but it does have some redeeming features, mostly my wonderful friends/neighbors (two, and they are married) and the library- best place ever. BC has been a whirlwind- amazingly ludicrous volumes of work and a pace that required me to rise and shine at 4:45 am most days to stay abreast of the action. I am happy to report that I ended the semester well and I have about one week left before I reenter the world of nursing. Day one is my first clinical day in my maternity clinical. This semester is women´s health and pediatrics followed by psychiatry. It will be another crazy semester that ends in May but is quickly followed by two summer sessions sprinkled with the NCLEX licensing exam in between. Hard to believe I will be an RN (assuming I do not break BCś perfect pass rate) before the summer ends- sort of terrifying. Enough about BC.
The five maniacs are all well and sassy. I cannot imagine if any of these kids listened to anything that I said- they are indefatigable. I should have given them all relentless as their middle names. M has joined a running group, J is in the snowboarding club, A is starting an art class, A and V are starting track tomorrow, and F loves school!
Hard to have a complete thought around here- more later. Maybe?
Happy 2020!