F today

 F, showing me a pose: It is not that impressive.

Wearing a mask is disgusting because you have to smell your own breath!

When I was in your belly I could hear Obama being president.

When I was a baby, there was a thornbush, and I didn't have my bday yet. Papi told me not to touch it, and I did and I got a thorn stuck in my hand. Along came a hornet and took it out with its stinger.

F Playing with Action Figures

 He is being brainwashed! L, do not look, this part is inappropriate for you!

All I want is a ZOOM

 F just said.

First day of online school for his four siblings. Lots of feelings.

All I want is no more fucking zoom.

I had 9 hours of class yesterday, 6 on zoom. During the 45th interruption, I began discussing piano practice versus going for a run with M. A few minutes in I heard my ethics professor say "Violeta, I think your mic is on." Mortifying.

The whole day is getting kids on zoom, snacks, food, garbage, try to read for class. Exercise? Try to talk to F, plan. Assignments due. Mine. Theirs. Paperwork for clinical. Freaking out about if I have corona. Fielding emails from elderly family members who think I am a doctor.

Breathe. We have food. And a house. And internet. This sucks but we are fortunate.

I am a nurse. Finally. I cannot believe it. I want to cry. For good and bad reasons.

Back to the grind!!

In his sleep..

 All of my kids speak and yell in their sleep. Last night F came to my bed and would NOT stop talking.

Among his comments:

I want cheese!

Down, T, down!

Farts do not kill you, they just smell.

No way Buddy

 F to T (dog) as he played with a sword that all the boys fight over: You are not going to break that on my watch. Oh no, buddy.

J to F: I am ruthless!

F to J: Yes, you are useless!

This Am

 V on M watering someone's plants: That sounds like a waste of money and time, and we don't have much of either.

A when I told her she would be continuing Russian math: Why don't you just stab me while you are at it?

 J on the dog: He does not listen to me like he listens to papi.

M: Maybe he would if you wore pants!

F on Mortality

I do not want to grow up because I do not want to die.

F on T (dog)

to F (father): Where did you get the dog shampoo? He smells like heaven!

to T (dog): What kind of puppy do you want to be? A chewer?

to F about T: He is such a cute dog. He's adorable!

F the Cynic

F on A's table manners: Where did you learn to eat? In a garbage can? In a truck?

F on V's table manners: Where did you learn to eat? On a farm?

Me: When you go back to school after coronavirus you can tell your friends you have a dog.
F: After coronavirus, the dog will be dead!

Olfactory Observation (OO)

F to me: We have to get some perfume in this room because it does smell like butt crack.

F F F F F

Me: You ate sardines?
F: Yes! It is fish. Do you like fish? It is the best kind of chicken,

F: Can you clean up this ant?
Me: Oh, it is in pieces.
F: Not pieces, I popped his eyeballs out so he could not see what I was doing to him.

F: Is Costco Chinese?
Me: No, it's American.
F: I am not American, I am Asian.
Me: You are?
F: We are all Asian in this family.

In HIs Dreams

All of my kids speak A LOT both while awake and asleep. I just heard F say:
No! If you do I will kick you in the teeth and then you will have no more teeth!

what.a.thug.

This week

F asked me how long I would be away at hospice and I said 12 hours. He asked how long he went to preschool and I told him he did about seven hours. He said: I have done a twelver!

F when he saw my belly: Mamá, your belly is the biggest. Everyone will look at it and ask "Did she swallow a rock?"

F when he got up: Fun starts with philosophy! (the letter F he means)

Some Llines

F- Can I have some seltzer (he's addicted)? I feel like my brain is toasting.

V to F (sr): Do you want to be reincarnated as a bear?

F on his action figures: They just woke up but they are not in the mood to save the day. They are not available so they went back to bed.

Me to F: You are my favorite 4-year-old in the world.
F: Do you mean the planet?
Me: What is this planet called?
F: South America!

L-E-G

F- Can I have some L-E-G?
Me- What't that?
F (annoyed)- What do you mean? Gum!

F came to me and (using my own technique) said: Choose mamá. Give me gum or TV
I replied that he should ask nicely and not be so bossy so he tried again: Please choose, gum or tv.
Me: Gum
F: Ok, gum now, and then TV.

It reminded me of "but first, a little mongo."

Can't Remember If I posted this...

F on V's flatulence in the car: I am not fine with these farts!

More F musings

I want L to come back. And I want my birthday present from her. This is not how it works for birthdays.

As he gave me a rock: Mamá, keep this. It will give you medical strength and medical power!

My birthday was amazing. It actually was. I got everything I wanted.

F and Da Words

F- I would be good at that, I want a violin so I can play "Old McDonald"
F Sr- Are you going to play the piano too?
F-Um, I don't have a tie.

F and flowery language:
I certainly woke J up!
Papi, you smell good. What shampoo did you put on you?
Papi says we can go outside because it is a wonderful day!
That is absolutely mine.
There is no need.
This animal is not stable because the frenchman ???

Am Fights!

F to M: I am going to destroy your phone while you sleep