Violence Anyone?

I know kids have played with guns for ages, that violence is pasty of being a little boy, but what the fuck? My son is into action figures and recently got a Captain America with lots of weapons that speaks (gotta love toys that make fucking noise). I says all sorts of annoying patriotic and threatening things,that along with its huge weapons, make for one fucked up toy. What the he'll kind of message is this supposed to convey to a kid? Dd Marvel make it or the US Defense Dept? A few days ago we saw a gun filled with candy in the supermarket here in Sicily. J begged me to get it and I told him, for the 10000 time, that I would never buy him a gun (thank abuela for the Captain Asshole and his weapons). "please? I will not shoot anyone, I will just shoot the candy int my mouth." What a lovely idea. Wo is the asshole that invented this toy? Do they make plastic penises that shoot candy too? What is wrong with people? What is wrong with parents who buy this crap? I cannot imagine the meeting at which one of these dumb ass (and very successful, so what the fuck do I know?) ideas were pitched. "yeah, so it will be a salon, full of make up and toxic fumes, and we will market it to four to yen year olds for their birthday parties." I am in!

Firsts!!

This vacation has been a collection of firsts for the babies. They had their first real sea immersion today. C and I stripped them down and lathed them up with sunscreen and into the Mediterranean sea they went. V loved and it and A was more apprehensive, grabbing onto C's neck every time she lowered her in. Even without teeth the babies have had their first bread and first cookies and brioches, both seem quite capable of sucking the essence out of a carbohydrate. Being on the beach, not even on the beach, in a town near a beach, is a lot more work than it sounds like. Aren't I a brat? I do not mean to be a spoiled brat, but the loading and unloading of babies into car-seats, the napping and eating is quite labor intensive. Impossible without C's help. Thank goodness for her presence. AleVit will never remember this trip, but they will haves pictures and MoJo to verify, that they did indeed vacation in Sicilia as al oats six month olds, and that their mother was indeed one crazy mammma.

Buona Domenica

Is what italians say to each other all day once a week. Italians know how to take a day off. When I lived in Milano many moons ago F and I would spend half of the day in bed and the other sleeping. Domenica is a day for church, soccer, family, relaxation. August is the equivalent in months. Cities across Italy are emptied as all Italians flock to the beach or the mountains because it is a month to relax, nobody works (well obviously those in the tourist industry do). while it is almost unbearable for an anxious city gal like me, there is something to be said for a whole day or even month in which you are not expected to do much. Everyone is in bed or sleeping, I tried but I had to wrestle babies. Nw that they are both down, I lost my urge to nap. Oh well, buona domenica.

Giu

When j yells at pinto, Nona Ni's dog, it sounds like he is anti-Semite, it is quite funny. I really loathe having dogs barking at me and licking me. We had dinner al fresco last night and the first half was torture thanks to the canine crew that everyone but your truly loves.I just read Tina Fey's last book and her part about animals cracked me up. I could really identify. She writes that shenhas no interest whatsoever in animals and tries to react normally when shown pictures of pets- like an autistic must be taught to react to certain human actions even though they have no feelings about it. I guess I am a bit less sweet. I hate dogs. Nice day at the beach. Lots of food. Off to eat with the Jewish dogs.

The Science of Sleep

Is something I clearly know very little about. For two nights now, the babies have slept. We are sort of on half jet lag. I have been going to bed midnightish (my regular 9ish bedtime) and waking up nineish (6amish). The first night A cried a maniac and F and I disagreed on how to proceed. After lots of crying that broke my heart, she slept all night. V woke up once first night and I brought him onto the bed to feed. I fell asleep and he slept nicely all night with us. Last night was similar, except that nobody went down crying and I know that I did not pick V up but he was in my bed in the am and I felt him doing self service during the night. Skillful midget could almost feed himself. I am thinking that he may have even gotten out of the pack and play alone. So, all is well in Italia sleep wise. M and J are fighting like maniacs. I am eating like one. J's other eye is pink. My hair is horrible now that I can see just how short and frizzy it is. On the up side, the length makes my face look older and fatter so at least I have that. Off to prepare for the beach.

We Made It

Not surer how but weare here. Plane seats are ma for skinny people with no kids and although the babies we're stellar. Not a peep! Mojo slept pretty well. Grown ups hardly. The plus hour drive post flight was th icing on the cake. My neck may nevr be the same again. Did I mention that we figured out that there was or had been a rodent on our carry on? Weird as shit I know, but no other explanation for the bite marks all over my petit beurre cookies the nice detail wS that I had all of the children's sleeping tools (locked, stiffs, blankets etc) in there so I had tools with which to sooth them since I did not not want to let them snuggle and suck where rodent had tread. It was fun dismantling the bag in JFK waiting for the furry guy to jump out. He did not, which mens he is partying with hi cousins a Lenox ave. Cool. Off to sleep even though I am not sure how that will work. Annk goodness for C and her infinite patience. A domain.

Ready Set Go!

Tickets, money, passport (that is what ab fab says). In our case I guess "kids, babies, milk, and ZEN" are what we need. Just had a moronic conversation with Super Shuttle. We booked a private entire blue van but Ms operator warned me "the drive will not wait." I am not sure what that means since we paid $125 already. Empty threat? Off to wrangle children. M has been ready to go with her backpack on for a long time now. She does not accept that it will be about 22 hours before we get where she wants to be. Wish we could be teletransported!

Packing Packing Packing

It is all in two small (roll on) suitcases and one medium one. Plus one canvas for the plane and my pump bag. I may as well be moving houses with all of the crap that 6 people need for two weeks. Mamma mia! Not exactly looking forward to tomorrow, the odyssey to the airport, the 9 hour flight followed by the 3 hour drive...but we will have tía C and hopefully the monsters will collaborate!

Triple Haircut

Took J this am to the barber in the hood. She buzzed it like I asked, but made that line thing across his forehead that hispanic and black boys seem to sport, He hates it and told me that I put a rectangle on his head. So, I will take him back and I hope they can fix it (like everything else, it was not done right the first time- he does look funny).
Step 2 I went to Extreme" to get my and M's hair cut. Hers looks cute, mine not so much. The woman talked me to death about coloring it and layering it and did not mind that I told her that I was not getting anything that required maintenance. This is one of the reasons (besides the fact that I am busy and cheap) that I avoid beauty sessions- I do not want to chat, ie be tortured by the hairdresser. She told me "do not let yourself go, just because you have kids" (she was dressed like an Albanian hooker, so she should know) and when she finished chopping off a foot (literally) added "it is your fault that it does not look better because you would not let me give you layers." I am happy I spent my hard earned money there to be put down by a hairdresser with tons of unsolicited advice.

Incompetence Ineptitude Incomplete Idiocy

My day was comprised of going round in circles sort of but not really accomplishing anything. Got the drops from CVS but they did not use my insurance so I need to go back to get the fortune credited. Spent a year t At& T after wasting time at Metro PCS but I did not conclude my phone bullshit. Lost my water bottle. Did not pack. Or finish most of what I set out to do. Hope today is more productive and has less eye gunk!

Pink Eye!

Never a dull moment here! I could not open J's eye this am, for his eyelashes were so tightly intertwined with GUNK. Vigamoxx, do your wonders please! Other children- do not get pink eye. Happy to add going to CVS (to get non-expired drops) to my list of things to do (sample- get new cell phone, pack, buy sun hats, pay bills, call to fight hospital bills, order car, do laundry etc etc).

Muggy as Molasses

The weather has been UNBEARABLE. The heat and humidity are killer. We opted out of Sesame Place because I thought the babies might melt. We had a nice picnic instead with NJ friends and we will go watch soccer at Tiemann later. So much to do in the next 72 hours!!

J The Jokester Strikes Again..

In the middle of lunch with my mother and stepfather, J put his hand on grandpa's arm and asked "Do you want to buy our car?" My mother said "Grandpa is cheap, he would never buy your car.: J- Okay, then do you want to buy it?
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During lunch he was trying to take a picture with my phone and asked, "Where is the cheese?" (the button)
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After lunch on the sidewalk he looked at them and asked, "Do you guys wear diapers?"

Why I Teach...

I had a couple of former students working at July Camp. I wrote to one of their mother's to tell her what a great job her daughter did. This is an excerpt from her answer:

I am very proud of her. Thank you for everything that you have done for her over the years...you have helped her understand the importance of community service and hard work. 


If I teach some kids about cs, or hard work- I am a happy camper!

Chapter II Done!

July Camp is done. Never ceases to amaze me how little some people want to work. Tant pis! It is hotter than hell. I think V is teething. A has abs of steel. She does serious crunches to sit up and I learned that she can flip back to belly now. Off to do more baths. F is back. Woo hoo! Two summer jobs down, one to go.

4 Little Monkeys

Sleeping on the bed. Okay, two are in the crib. F is in San Fran, it is hotter than hell in NYC and I thought it only humane to let MoJo sleep with air. Poor M was leaning on the crib (on wheels) as she slept and as I chatted with Ms T, we heard a thump. My largest monkey fell and could not get up from between the bed and crib. I tried to do damage control in the dark. Every time I asked her if she was okay, J would answer. I do not see any bumps, so I guess she is okay. How the hell will I sleep with so many children and visiting babies? We shall see. Tomorrow is the last day of camp, so anything is possible!

Recent Comments

J to his walking partner: If you squeeze my hand again, you will not be in my rock band.

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J to me this am: When I have kids, I am not going to do anything to them. I will let them do what they want. 

M's response: Oh yeah? Then your kids will be fat and brats.

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When J said you could not wait to be a grown up I told it him it would be really fast/soon. J: One. There. That was fast, I am not a grown up.

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M to F who was frustrated with babies: You should never threaten a baby.

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J on moving houses: When you move, you need to use your muscles at one point. It is not like a trip. You need to pack all of your stuff.

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M melting down because J always finds coins on the sidewalk: Now I am just a girl who does not have any money. If you check my piggy bank, you will see that I have two pennies.

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Later that am, still in her tragic Woody Allen mode, she was complaining non-stop about having to walk, how unfair that she could not go in a stroller. I told her that she could look forward to being old in a wheelchair with diapers. M: Yeah, but then I'll just die when I can enjoy that.

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Dinner With JKT

Blast from the past. Dinner with my old friends and colleagues. We are all different now but still the same. Sometimes seeing old friends, even if they would not necessarily be your friends were you to meet them today, is really special and unique.

On My Feeding Sheet

M wrote under A's name... is pretty. Under V's...is awesome.

Yup

Bedtime was a dream and nighttime a nightmare. Each baby woke up 17 times. F came home at 9:20pm (I am loving this new job!) and is off to San Fran in the am through Fri pm. 3.5 more days of camp. More later.

Wish I Could

Write more, but I do not have my notes on me and I am too tired/lazy to go get them. Best bedtime ever. Boom boom boom boom (that is the sound of non-resistance and immediate sleep times four). Not a peep from AleVit. Scared for what lies ahead. That was too easy. On a funnier note, as I changed the Cubs (younger group) for the sprinklers, some camper called out to me "J's mom" (even though I taught this child and he knows my name). I said "I am not anybody's mom" and J laughed pointing to my belly "Oh. yeah? Then why do you have that fat belly from all of the babies you had?" What a (delinquent) lad.

Poop Expert

V has been trying to push it out all day. The color of his face and the screech as I placed him in the bath tub let me know that it was coming. Flipped the top of the garbage off and sat him on the side of it. 4 hefty turds (poor guy, soft poop was so much easier) came out. Victory. Flipped them into the toilet. Tummy un-blocked, poop disaster deflected. More later.

SUPER SUNDAY

Got up early and walked/jogged two 5 mile loops. F made bread from scratch. Picnicked with tía D and my two bros and the bambini. In the pm MoJo went to the pool with F. Tired. Nice, full day. Long week lies ahead. Notte.

Hippo Park

Went there today. Missed the good old days. But also noticed that 99% of the park was religious. Weird. MoJo played in the water. AleVit had their first swing rides. A keeps a finger in her mouth that makes her look like the bad guy in Austin Powers. Ate too much Indian. Might puke. Or just go to bed. Want to get up early to walk.

2/3

done with camp after today. relief. forgot the milk I pumped at school so AleVit will have to drink Corona instead today, it's the only other drink in abundance in the fridge. Refrigerator sounds like it is about to collapse- all I need! GE coming tomorrow to rip us off. F got home at 8:15 last night and was out for a work dinner the night before. Feeling like he will be around even less with his new job, but I hope I am wrong. Off to pump some dregs for bebés.

Comments

M asked me why I was wearing men's shorts (my pjs). I told her they were my grandfather's.
M- So you wear them so you can memorize him?
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M asked me if William and Kate had servants. I said yes.
M- Do they demand them things?
Me- I do not think so, they are polite.
M- But they can demand. Why don't they demand?
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J to his walking partner for the trip to the fire house:
I do not want to hold your hand, I just want to be independent with you.
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M- A long time ago nobody littered. The street was sparkling clean.
J- Yeah, then someone said, "let's litter" and now everybody does.
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J yesterday am- Do me teeth look good? I brushed before I saw you.

Off to a (cool) Bed!

moved the ac up here for the night. hoping we will all sleep better. had two prank calls in the middle of last night to add to the excitement. Camp was beyond hard today with lots of challenges including a camper going to the ER as a result of an injury that happened while I was in a meeting. Ouch. Responsibility is tough. Lovely smooth evening now that I have taken on tío D as my helper for now. He is great with kids and babies and I am lucky to have him. When I apologized to MoJo for losing my shit last night while AleVit went bonkers, J asked "Did you try chupete (I nodded)? Teta (pointing to his nipples)- Again affirmative. What about the dinosaur (their favorite toy). No, I admitted I had not. "Next time try that" he said very matter of factly. Later in the day at camp he said "remember the toy next time." Love that midget!

I CANNOT

unpost what I just posted. F tells me that my brother will get mad, that I am mean. Not sure about the former since he never reads my blog and yes to the latter, but who cares? I can be mean, what's more, I only insult myself in the post and who knows how many of you will read it and perhaps enjoy, my insanity. Maybe nobody will read it, and that is okay too, because I felt great writing it. And I have not felt great since the water in the glass bottle in my fridge exploded leaving shards of ice and glass everywhere, followed by detergent (Dreft no less- costs a fortune) spilling everywhere because there is some microscopic hole in the back, followed by the shitting in the tub when I was done bathing kids, preceded by A vomiting all over the stroller right after eating dinner tonight, which was preceded by AleVit screaming their heads off for about an hour, pre, during and post dinner while MoJo made non-stop demands. Yes, I need to take a chill pill. And get somebody, to help me during the evening. Learned today that F's new job is officially until 6pm, so he will NEVER be home to help me. I feel so much better now. Just to end with some levity, J is obsessed with what is "eagle and an eagle." Can you guess what he means? Here is sentence for context " Is it an eagle to litter?" How cute is his phonetic rendition of the legality of things?

GIVE ME A BREAK

Let me preface this post by telling you, that I am an ASSHOLE. I know this so you do not need to tell me, think it, or comment about it even (although all comments are welcome). I just woke up in the middle of a 30 Rock episode, as I tend to do these days. After having overeaten and not finished an episode I am usually grumpy, haul my ass up to the second floor that feels like an inferno (no ac), make a lames ass attempt to brush my teeth (no flossing sorry) and go to bed. I know regular adults do not go to sleep at 9:40pm, but I cannot get over this hump. It may be the excess sugar and dairy that I consume (think a week's worth per day), the babies that wake me up all night long, the tension of being responsible for 40 plus campers per day, I do not know. But I digress, I woke up in the middle of a 30 Rock episode, enlightened. I had laundry in the washer that had to be transferred to the dryer and I said "fuck that shit, like Twisted Sister, I am not going to take it anymore!" It is not my laundry, it is my brother's laundry. Yes, he is 32, on vacation, not handicap, and I do his laundry. WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with me? What killed me about today's load, is that I already did it, last night. It was a bag of wet, smelly, rotten clothes and despite the soak cycle, the almond soap, the lavender dryer sheets, it still stank post wash. I wrote him an email telling him to come get it because I can hardly move in my apt, there is so much crap... he came. I did not open at first because I was waist high in dinner, bath, bed, V, my 4th bather SHITTING in the bath as he came out (when there is crap in the tub, on the baby and on you, where the fuck do you wash the baby I ask). I incorrectly thought it was F, and thought USE YOUR KEYS. I was wrong, it was my brother, who to be fair was coming to get his crap. But he didn't. Because I, in the midst of solo tending to the demanding quartet, stopped, to REDO his laundry. I deserve a medal. And a monument. More on my horrendous day and adorable kids tomorrow.

No Inspiration

Seems to be going around.
Nice day.
Walk.
Picnic.
No gym:(
Costco.
Target.
Ate too much.
Notte,

Weekend

Nice to have one.
playground and pool.
tomorrow picnic and pool.
trying to dig out of the piles of laundry and objects (many from F's ex office).
Nice dinner at Celeste to celebrate new job.
Off to bed.
Need to walk a lot in the am.
Alone.
Training partner in London.
Notte.

5 MONTHS!

AleVit turns today. F's last day at his job. M said "I hope you go work for FAO Schwartz." When he told her where he was going she said, "that is not even a company." She later told someone her father works for "Mole Hole"- sounds kinky. One week down of camp, two to go. Chugging along. Happy weekend!

Off To Bed!

Hot as Hades in this room. F's penultimate day at his job and he started to fill our living room (help!) with the contents of his office (8 years worth of crap). Long, hard day at camp. Being in charge involves lots of BS, not sure that I am made for that. Nice to have sister on board at camp today. Nice to see both of my brothers today too. Great dinner with great friends. Not enough milk for tomorrow. Damn. Looking forward to that midnight pump. Notte.

Today's Lines

When I kept calling M over to put her shoes on so we could get out the door (first time listening is not her forte), she continued to play with V. She dramatically cried, "You are so stubborn, I was trying to help you and you act like I am scooping poop in your face."
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M to F: Has A made hard poop yet? Once you go to hard poop, can you ever go back to soft?

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As MoJo planned their (non-existent) trip to Disney, with tía C, J asked if he could buy ALL of the toys there. M said it was too much money. J said he would take them anyway. M said that if he stole he would go to prison. J said it was fine because you were not sent to your room or smacked on your culito there.
Hmm.

J's Dessert

Wish you could see him rock out to this!

Sweet & Nutty

is the name of the trail mix I got at Publix, and it is good yo yo! Waited forever for Thai food that never came, they are apparently more patriotic than I am. Had ravioli, not what I wanted. I have ZERO milk for tomorrow in the fridge (okay, one bottle that I just pumped) and I need at least another 3 bottles for tomorrow. I think I am going to fall majorly behind and I hardly have anything frozen, I already had to defrost one for V, who freaked the f out when I tried to nurse him (it's okay for him to wake me in the middle of the night to nurse but he wants a stream, like beer to chug, in the evenings) and the prominent veins that he has on the side of his head looked like they were going to burst. I need to go to bed. Not really tired. Miss Miami. Especially the cats. Just kidding. I really do not like animals. But I do miss my sister and VH and my father. Off to burp peanuts and think about mid-night lactating and pumping. Ugh.

Back In NYC

Starving. Waiting for my Thai food to arrive. Trip back was not as smooth as the trip down. J would not stop laying lethal farts (air is limited on the plane as you know) but refused to poop. He also refused to eat his sandwich, which he made me unwrap 4 times. Sandwiches de miga.. yummy! Thank you father & VH. WTF? We forgot the oreo cheesecake in MIA. I want to cry. How could we? Thank you for the two you made and for all of the help with kiddies Amu. My bug bites itch. Poor A projectile vomited as we landed and soaked herself, me, the seat. and J's arm (he was a brat about it). As we took off I heard M tell J, first there is heaven, then outer space, and then Jesus. Aiuto! I am starving. Tomorrow am is my first day as head of July camp. Hope I am ready and that we have fun!

Food Update

AleVit has been loving the food. We have carrots and sweet potato to add to the list. V Ma bis first turd! You may think that is tmi, but you are reading the blog of a half brain dead mother of four who is half brain dead so if you are not interested in poop, you should not be reading this yo yo. My father is insisting that I tell you all that M is a hall monitor, who told on him when he told J that he would make part of his dinner disappear if he ate some of his ravioli. M went running to tell F and my father was shocked at her tattle tell nature. She told him that she had to. My girl has a real sense of duty. Back to NYC demain.

The End of The Holiday

is around the corner. I have lots of bug bites, not a speck of sun, and some pounds to show for it. All of the children have behaved very well, but there is never a real break. I do not know why I do not know this. Unless I go away and leave them behind, I will not have a break. When I went to Paris and left two behind I did not enjoy the break, but rather missed them and counted the hours until I returned. I guess this is the irony for the next 1000 years until they are all in college. AleVit came out into Miami society yesterday with a 5 hour high tea organized by my father and executed by VH. I have tomorrow to mentally shift gears into camp mode, as I will have my first (short thankfully) day as director of July camp. Here we go some more!

M this Am

Who is the world thought up that our heart, means love?

M to J

You've got it all wrong. You cannot do whatever you want when you are a grown up. If you make bad decisions you are all alone. Like if you eat too much candy and you get fat or your teeth fall out, nobody will help you.

Weather Woes

It is raining on and off all day.
Every day.
But I got to go for another nice am walk with VH.
And we got to the beach this am.
With all the bambini.
AleVit slept while MoJo romped about.
Babies have now had semolina, orange squash and pears.
May the eating continue!