V V V

V called me an idiot (he is doing a spectacular job of copying MoJo's sweetest terms) and I demanded an apology. V: I was talking to the wall. I do not have to say sorry to the wall.

Tío G came over for 2 minutes to leave camping gear and I left with him to throw away the garbage. When I came back up, V: Where is G? The basement? Me: Yes. I left him there. V: That is not nice, he will not come back to visit if you do that.


V, when I told him to eat the crudité while I served dinner: This is not food, this is tomatoes! I need pasta on my plate to eat!

V to F: I have never been to Kindergarten school.
F: I know, because you are too little.
V: Fine, then I will not go to cooking school either
F: Why?
V: Because it is too far away!


At 3:45 am in the tent camping: How many more days until Halloween?
Then at 4am: Mamá, you are the best!

Today's Comments

J asked a boy in the park for his phone number today and waited anxiously to call him. This is some of what I overheard (so cute!): Can I call you in the morning? So I should call you when I am done brushing my teeth and getting dressed?

Then: I can't meet you at the park tomorrow. I am going to the Statue of Liberty. Maybe you can come with me?

After V pooped in his pants in his wet bathing suit at the park (wtf?) he announced that he had to do it again. This of course, after we left the bathroom and 1000 wipes later: This is my last emergency.

J to a group of black kids in the park he was playing basketball with: This, is how you dunk!

V to me on our way back to the park: Why I don't have a cooking class mamá?

Recent Lines...

V said sucker today and I told him that was not a nice word. In typical V fashion, he tried to backpedal and said: I did not say 'sucker'- I said 'fucker.' I told him that was not nice either and succeeded to do so with a straight face. This only got him more heated: FUCK HER I said. FUCK HER. NOT SUCKER. FUCKER! By then, I was cracking up and this only made him louder and more agitated.

M and J are into saying "epic" for anything remotely cool (or not). A has adapted this term, except that she says "effic." Lots of effic things going on.

When A wanted a third dessert I said, you ate enough. You do not want to do this (I puffed my cheeks). V added: Fat. Fat and boring.

J: I would die for any kid younger than me. I mean I have had more life than them.

A trying to convince M to let her sleep on her bed: Are you a cool girl M?
M: Yeah
A: Well cool girls sleep with little girls right? I am coming to your bed.

Boy Banter

J: When I grow up I am going to have a job but on the weekends I am just going to help people who do not have a house or food.

V: Can we buy a different house? This one has no backyard for me to get out (V was obsessed with "backyard" of NC)

Babababanter

V as a woman exited the bathroom at Bettolona, where we had been waiting a few minutes: Did she poop? (Whiff)

V as he accused me of getting soap in his eyes: When papi comes home I am going to tell him to kill you.
Me: What? Do you know what that means?
V: Something bad.

Me to V as he sat by the edge of the pool: What are you doing?
V: There is a little fart waiting at the bottom to come out.

A, to a 12 year old or so boy at the pool: Do you want to be my friend?
Boy: What? Where is your friend?
A, insistent:No, do you want to be my friend?
Boy: Little kids are funny.

V in the car out of the blue: Now I know how to ice skate, I learned at BT.

V after 9 hours in the car heading to the Outerbanks: There is no North Carolina here.

Washington DC a la V: Washington To (2?) See
Washington Dc a la A: Washington See

J: V has man poops.

V: I follow constructions (instructions).

A: Zip it, lock it, put in your pocket.

A: Can we watch Neckfliss in this cab?

J: I love you so much, I would sacrifice myself for you.

V after 11.5 hours in the car as we crossed the bridge to Manhattan: I can't be here, I have to be in New York.

A: Are you seriously?

After I imitated his argumentative "well": I say "well", you do not say "well" mamá.

V to me (for no real reason): You cannot handle the truth!
Me: What? What truth?
V: I know the truth and you cannot know it.

V to F: I want you to break the window (of the car) so mamá can fly outside.

V: I do not know how to help people who are lost.

More Comments

M: Why don't we live in Miami? It is such a great destination!

M to J when he doubted that a girl liked him: If you were not my brother and you were my age, I would have a crush on you.

M: Life is overrated!

M about beating the crap out of J in the car: We were not hitting each other, it was aggressive play.

A as we listened to classical music on the radio: Is that J playing the piano?

M, when I told her my 6 month vegan phase was over: So, did you like get in shape?
Me: No.
M: So being a vegan was just having your mouth water and diarrhea?

J's friend to me: Is it true J is allergic to homework?

V to the ocean: Slow down water, I know you are excited.

V to me: I am totally starving. Trust me.

V: My belly says (makes squeaky voice): No more dinner, dessert please.