M on Packing

I told both kids (who behaved HORRIBLY today) to pack their toys/books for Mystic. We are off tomorrow am. Before going to bed M inquired in a worried fashion, "Wait, did you pack clothes for me because I only packed books and toys?"

M on Communication

Maybe I should get a phone in my room so I can call people whenever I want.

In An Hour or So

F is back. Day from hello. J has an ear infection. Waited forever at the dr. Why can't the pharmacy give you the damn antibiotics right away? Lots of crying and very little sleeping so far from bebés. Need to pack. Need to finish the damn catalog. AAHHHH

M's Comments

I feel like I turned 20 yesterday.
Why?
I just feel so old.
____
When I am a teenager can I teenage speak?
___
(about a book she had not read in a while) I took my mind right off it. I have to finish it by April 5. I better hurry.

Today Was

the day that I realized that I can do it on my own (with help). Of course this is due in part to the "light at the end of the tunnel" as F will be back in 40 hours. Morning yoga was welcome after a tumultuous am with J. He really misses his father and is behaving like shit. Only two other mothers showed up to yoga and my babies were quite calm and even hung out awake so that I did some yoga. MoJo spent am with a sitter at the museum and lunch and J continued to act up with her. M commented on (S, the sitter): First I thought I liked her but then I realized that she is bossy like you so I do not like her. Too many bosses. When I told her that she was an adult and had to listen to her M said: Only you and papi can be bossy to me. Oh well. The afternoon was full of tv and music and for bed/bath time we had J's favorite BT teacher come over to help. Now they are all 4 down (not sure how last babies will last). I could and should work on the perennial catalog but I will not. I will bravely attempt bedtime at 10:41 and hope that AleVit agrees that it is time to sleeeep.

J's Lingo

Today he asked his baby brother, once he set up a "tent" of pillows : you cuntable?  I guess i will leave you alone because you are cuntable.
He asked me to play "strong rock" and we rocked out a LOT (amazing how many lyrics are in his little head)
He also commented as we watched rock videos: I do not want a beard or smushtash.
Not in his lingo but on his agenda today was inserting a minuscule action figure sword into A's mouth as she slept&#%@$!

M's Bedtime Performance

Can you see my pimples?  She asks. She has a few red marks on her face so I say "Oh, it is a rash not pimples."
Silly me. She is holding a towel over her torso and she is asking me about her nipples. I say no and she proceeds to do a crazy dance.
She explains.. I am practicing a dance.  This makes people dying to have a sleepover with me; they are pleading to have a play date or a sleepover with me. People like Caroline are a non-exclusive.
What?
It means that you are almost in the club but you are not getting the thing in the club yet.

Aids Walk New York Time!

As I train for walking #$@&^% the NYC marathon in just over 200 days.. I thought I would throw in the Aids Walk, which I have done almost religiously since the 8th grade. Click here to sponsor me. I set a modest goal of $1,000 because the real whammy will be when I start fundraising this summer for Team For Kids. You really should. Do it now. If you want to join me for the walk that would be great too. But an easier way to help and to feel good is to sponsor me AHORA- do not delay. Danke, Spasiva, arigato..

The Rhythm, The Flow, The Je Ne Sais Qua

All of the above was missing yesterday where every moment seemed like an emergency. Today babies napped abundantly, children behaved, time went by fast. Aaahh. I wonder if the day sleeping will bite me in the ass tonight. I do not think so as usually when my kids sleep a lot, the more they sleep. Could be a growth spurt. M is out getting her hair cut with her tía S. Babies are downstairs with P, the trusty babysitter. J is in the tub. Had a long phone meeting about the auction, feel better about that. Would like to be done with the catalog by Friday. My only negative thought is.. why is it that EVERY time I leave a baby with anyone there is wasted milk (melted bag, wrong top, defrosted too much). It makes me CRAZY! I HATE PUMPING in case you did not know. But I have to let it go. Baby steps of accepting that I am a maniac and everything cannot be done precisely as I want always. Anyway, off to EAT something else even though I inhaled a croissant (good pm snack). The pounds keep slowly melting. I am going to be shocked when I can no longer eat this way...

J's Insights

When I told him that Z loved babysitting him...
Because we are good behaviors.

When M threw a tantrum and a phone at me...
I am not saying she is just cuckoo. She is also rude too.

Shower Genius

F always says that whoever invented the shower (and the mattress) is a genius and I never really thought much of it until just now. Hottest best shower in recent history for me. I may not look great today, but I now feel much better. Was trying to be super productive and pump post shower but the jig is up. A is crying. The circus continues.

Sunday Sunday

Today was loooong. A real taste of what being a single mother of four would entail. We had a morning visit from abuela and an evening one from grandpa. In the pm I went out with the bebés to pound the pavement for auction donations. Even with the aforementioned "breaks" from me alone with four, it was long. Babies did not shut their eyes for more than two minutes until 1pm. Lots of juggling of eating, diapers, soothing. I am nervous that I am not treating my back well. I do not have time to go to the gym and I do not motivate to do exercises on my own. I will get on that. Calling for a PT appt tomorrow. I should consider washing my hair before it falls out as well. I hope J is all better tomorrow and that some of the over half a dozen establishments I visited or revisited today donate something, anything, tomorrow. I need to wrap up the catalog so I can work on the bid sheets and other details. I cannot wait for the weekend when we go to Mystic. A well deserved break that will be. Off to (maybe) shower and to (hopefully) film blog before hitting la camita. Oh, that is if A decides to fall asleep before my left foot (that I am rocking her with) falls off. Bonne nuit. 88 hours to go yo yo.

100 Hours To Go...

J still sick but no fever. Netflix streaming AND regular TV do not work. Neither twin will nap. Too cold for J to go out. Things could be better but they could be worse too.

J Today..

A sick boy cannot have a rock band (aw).
He said I love you at bedtime and I said: I love you more, to which he responded "I love you China."
When I asked him if he felt better he said " I am half normal and half sick."
I hope he is all well tomorrow so he can go out for some fun!

F's Latest Creation

F whipped this pear perfection up as a parting gift before leaving for Italia. Too bad most of it will end up on my derriere. F is offering a scrumptious donation to the auction- he will come to your house and make fresh pasta and one of his fruit tarts right before your eyes. Let the bidding begin!

Currently...

M is reading book 3 of the Judy Moody series to a captivated V in his rocking chair. He really is listening. I am ashamed to say that M has read more books this month (big print but novels all the same!) than I have in the last year. A is asleep in the sling (if she is not in the stroller on the streets with the wind in her hair she has to be on me to sleep) and poor J is sick as a dog asleep in his bed. He has a fever, diarrhea, a bad cough and cold. M left him the following note next to him for when he wakes up:
Page 1: cold (check mark with sad face)
            fever (same)
Page 2: Diarrhea cha cha cha. When you are sliding into first and you feel something burst. Diarrhea cha            cha cha.
Page 3: I am sorry you are sick. Feel better. Love, M
F is leaving for the airport in under 2 hours. Hmmm. I think we have a situation.

Heads

We Epsteins, at least my father and I, are known for our "important" sized heads. Recently we noticed that V takes after me and A has a modest sized (aka normal) head. M told me she can tell my sister and I apart in the dark from the size of our heads. J looked and C and I and concluded the same thing: You two look the same but my mother has a fat head. I like how M put it best: We do not have big heads, papi just has a small one. She also recently commented that she wished she had one more eye, one more arm, and one more leg "you get more stuff done." My sentiments exactly.

10!

Went to bed at 11pm. First monkey up at 6:05am !!!!!! second at 6:35am!!!!!! Both ate in 12 minutes and then back to sleep (I think the speed of the meal was directly related to the fire hydrant nature of the milk dispensing system- lots of flow from built up pressure!)Will probably not happen again but I can dream no? I am off to do my weekly walk in the park and to prepare myself psychologically for what lies ahead. F is leaving at 3 today until 3pm on Thurs. 24 hours times 5 days equals 120 hours. Almost like James Franco stuck on that mountain, but with food, water, and cuter kids.

Some Days..

This is my theme today. Hard to be productive when twins tag team for crying and sleeping to make sure there are nevermore than 90 seconds of peace. Unless of course you are trapped under two sleeping babies, one in a sling and the other on your breast. Then there is peace but no mobility so still tricky to fold laundry, pump milk for your evening outing or to work on the catalog. I am currently pumping, a favorite pass time while I blog, as T takes care of 3 out 4 monkeys downstairs. Thank you T & M for your brave endeavor this evening, which will either propel you towards or away from parenthood! Off to enjoy my second and last film at New Directors New Films. Hey, two films with 4 kids is not that bad. A dopo!

Milk Production Stats

I was doing the math and I realized... if each baby drinks an average of 20 oz per day (they do) and they have been alive for 44 days (they have). I have produced approximately 1,760 ounces of milk (also known as 52 liters or 110 lbs). It is no wonder that I am hungry as a horse and always attached to a baby. Will I be able to keep up? They keep increasing their appetite but I am lazy to pump at night now so.. I may fall behind. Especially with the stockpiling. Which I should be doing obsessively for when I go back to work. They will reach their peek milk consumption at about 4 months before they can start food. I am less than half way there. AAAHHHHH.

M's Poetry

Written this am on the way to camp..

The Monster (with an illustration of one)
I was in the dark then a monster!!!

_______
 The Bird (with an illustration)


A wing
for a
bird for you
for mama
for us
for me
for a bug
for dirt
for air

9.5

If there were judges for sleeping, that is what AleVit would have earned last night for their sleep performance. They slept like babies until 3:23 am (how kind!), drank a quick meal and put themselves back into a deep slumber. Seriously, I put them both back in the crib awake and they were able to soothe themselves back into dream land. I am hoping for another all star performance tonight. Buona notte!

J This AM

As I nursed..
What flavor are your tetas?
When I told him he was going to fall..
I will not,  I am an expert.
When I told him I accidentally call V by his name...
When he is big like me we can change his name to mine.
Then..
Why are my toys always not alive?
As I pumped...
Your tetas are smushed. Does it hurt your tetas? What about when the babies bite you? (they do not have teeth) When they squeeze?

Today

was a good day to have an unlimited metro card. I took the kids to spring vacation camp (love it!) including M's friend. Came home, tried to work on the auction. Went to my sister's house to let the inspector in. came home. Tried to work on the auction. Went to go pick up the 3 kids I took to camp. Fed and bathed my kids. Went to a late session of PT. I love going there; it makes me work and focus on correct movement. Each time I went out today I got soaked and had to change into dry socks and pants. Gotta love that late March snow.

This Evening's Comments

M when I told her she needed help:
I cannot spend my whole life not knowing how to comb my own hair
J on his way up the stairs:
Can you come when you are done milking the baby?
M when I came down in the middle of J getting scolded by his grandmother:
We have a situation here.

Happy 6 Weeks!

Time flies when you are caring for two newborns, two kids, trying to plan an auction, a summer camp, teach a Friday class, do laundry etc.

Some Comments/Thoughts

J to M: Do not blend in with the mean girls, blend in nice.
J on M: She does not listen because she wants to listen to herself.
M: Life is not fun and my friends are not great.
____

Today was yoga take 3 and it was a hit! They were both awake for most of it and did some fussing and feeding but also hung out and let me do some yoga. I got a little pleasure each time another baby cried since all you could hear last time was mine crying. It was nice to be out today since it was not raining or snowing or damn freezing like yesterday and like tomorrow and the next day. WTF? It is supposed to be spring and it kicked off yesterday with SNOW! Last night I added to my list of sleep no no's with a new transgression. In addition to A on her belly all night, I fell asleep with V nursing (F is in Canada) and I had no idea that he was even in the bed until I awoke in the middle of the night.  I was unsure of how much he had eaten and imagined him growing exponentially like those little sponges that grow 200 times their size - all because I fell asleep at the (nursing) wheel. Well, he is still a normal size.The only place he wanted to sleep was on me, and that is what we did since the night before they were both up incessantly leading yours truly and F into desperation mode. I figure a night of breaking all of the rules is well deserved after a non sleep one.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I went to see Dr. C today all ready to never see her again. Post-partum visit, almost 6 weeks to the day and sayonara baby! Well, she seemed really happy to see me. And she asked lots of questions. And I thought about how I am not going to have any more babies and she is my last witness of my pregnancy and laboring pizzazz. And in my own mind, I was unable to break up with her. She most likely does not give a shit about me, but we did share something special. And she will not forget me. Nor I she.

J on V

He is like me, but still a baby.
Where is pinky? (He is singing to him now)

Sunday Kid Filled Sunday...

Today was a fun and child saturated day. We started off at the Museum of Natural History with our 4 kids, a friend with her two kids and another couple with their two... We proceeded to capitalize on the "kids eat free" policy at Brother Jimmy's where I tried not to laugh when I inquire if they had room for 5 adults, 5 kids and two strollers (one being my double monstrosity). Everyone behaved pretty well and from there we all went to the playground. Post park we split up with friends and hit abuela's house for some yummy snacks. Long, full, fun day. Btw, do not try to wipe J's face with a wet wipe because he will tell you "they are for your culo, not your face."

Little Gestures

A's first real smile.
V's first real smile.
Their first conversations" - cooing and chirping.
J caressing V's face while the latter eats.
V massaging my back while he eats.
M asking to say good night to J on the phone while on her sleepover.
J telling me he misses his bff 20 times.
V punching A to get her away while he eats (not nice but a funny gesture).

Not Much

To report. Not inspired. Went for a nice 5 mile walk (complete with coffee and croissant pit stop) with my mother. Playground with F and 4 kids. Too much tv. Too much pizza. Tired. More inspiration soon I hope.  Both kids had great times on their sleepovers and want repeats. J misses his bff "a lot a lot a lot."A domani.

How Many Kids Is Too Many?

Today I was ambitious. I packed up AleVit and walked over to school (beautiful hot day). I tried to keep the babies away from the 1000 children who wanted to see them and touch them. I gathered the big children while I let some adults hold the little ones. I was less than thrilled that their teachers chose to send home every damn thing in their cubbies (yes, we will still need their sneakers at school in two weeks!). So I  had the stroller real real full of clothes and art and snacks and diapers. We walked down 15 blocks to BT all the while AleVit screamed at the top of their lungs. I was so thirsty and hungry that I was getting faint so I walked into Silver Moon and spent a small fortune on Chai and a croissant. But the chai was hot because in my mind I had said iced. And the croissant was not what I wanted. I could not have a hot drink in 70 degree weather and I could not put it in the cup holder on the stroller because it kept spilling all over (how the hell does that much liquid get out of that tiny hole?). I was pissed but the cheapness in me would not let me throw it out. M suggested that I give it to a homeless person but I told her even a he/she would not want my overpriced boiling drink (why the hell didn't I just get a glass of ice?). Back to the kid story, if you are still here since I am being kind of like my sister and meandering...when I got to BT I realized that my plan to work on art projects there, to bring the babies down (there is no damn ramp!) was crazy so I asked a teacher to come outside and watch/witness crying while I went in to get J's best friend. Damn are they cute together! People stared as I steered my four kids plus one (with both babies screaming) to the Dino park. 5 kids may have been ambitious. All three big ones wanted help to climb the dinos, babies cried while I fed one at a time (tandem public feeding is even too much for the UWS), J told me he had to pee and M was obsessed with snacks. When I told J I could walk with him to the fence while he peed he told me that was "inappropriate" (we did it anyway). By the time my friend arrived with her daughter (M's sleepover date) I was about ready to go home. That did not happen because we had to wait for F, on his way with his friend M from out of town.. you get the picture, lots of people and comings and goings. We hung out for an hour on a corner while F spoke on the phone (fun fun) and then all squshed into the car (never big enough) with 5000 bags. J's M replaced my daughter M, plus F's friend M, it was a full house. Ok, that is all I can write now. You get the picture.

All Through The Night..

Click here for a beautiful notion. Okay, so she is not a great singer but a favorite from my youth. I would say that given the 6-7 hour stretch that AleVit slept with a 4:45am wake up time, they accomplished as close to possible as the title to Cyndi's song. No 8 step program last night or the one before. No pumping or bottles. Half asleep 30 minutes of teta (one or two at a time) and then back to the belly for more zzzz's. On the developmental front, we have V who flipped over (put him on belly, went to pee and he was on his back!) and two babies who smile. Here they go growing up!

1 Month Check Up

Well, AleVit is really 5 weeks and 2 days but today is when we went for this doctor's visit. It was a gorgeous day, so we walked and I peeled layers off until I was in a sleeveless shirt. A is now 8 lbs even (she gained 1 lb 1 oz) and V is a whopping 9 lbs 3 oz (up 1 lb 7 oz). My pediatrician has 5 month old twins of her own so it is nice to chat with her. She told me I was her "hero" for solely breastfeeding these babies and for being able to to tandem (not the bike, think two babies attached simultaneously). At this moment in my life that is one of the best compliments I can receive- that I am an efficient feeding machine. It helps ease the occasional monotony of it and the feeling that my babies look at me and see a huge breast with milk or a milkshake (like in cartoons when an animal is shown as a dish as imagined by the hungry person). I may spend most of my time feeding babies, but at least I am doing well with it. Feeding them out of the womb is definitely more time and calorie consuming that in utero. Off to sleep!

Sleep Sleep Sleep

This is the key. If you only teach your baby one thing, teach him/her to sleep. I think we may have it down finally. The verdict is, AleVit likes sleeping on their stomachs. Another big no no according to the Pediatricians of the USA but they can shove their studies up their.. because I do not think a lot of them had twins they tried to get to sleep in 5! (two Rock 'n Sleepers, two car seats and one crib) spots with limited success. The whole campaign "face up to wake up" can kiss my ass as well. Another example of injecting the fear factor into parenting, babies, and anywhere else possible. I am proud to say that they seem to go for most of the night (one wake up each), sleeping side by side, face down, in their crib. At least their is a raison d'etre for that monstrosity in my room. The two portable chairs/cribs/contraptions (aka Rock 'n Sleepers) that I bought out of guilt/desperation when they were car seating it up.. will no most likely collect dust. Or be our portable chairs when we travel. The baby business is kind of the like the funeral one. They get you to spend money out of guilt, the desire to be the best, do the best. This of course coupled with the fact that when you are sleep deprived it is like being parched in the desert, you will pay anything (I have offered babies money in the middle of the night) for the luxury of some shut eye. I am so spoiled that I struggle with even a bit of imperfections with the sleep routine. I like them to sleep when I want for as long as possible. I am sorry to have spent $100 on two of the above contraptions, but I am a sucker. At least I am a well rested one now. Thank you for sleeping AleVit.

Multiplication

The last time he (F's friend) I was a baby and now that he sees all of us-- we multiplied!

Dinner Charm

J to M When I am a grown up I am going to throw a tomato in your face.
M to J Oh yeah, I am going to put poop in your mouth.

lovely.

Perspective

I am sure everyone is as saddened and saturated as I am by the news from Japan. The images are hard to shake and the stoic expression on the Japanese faces is mind boggling. It sure makes me want to shut the fuck up and not complain about anything. There is really nothing to complain about if you are in good health with a roof over your head. Everything else we have, I have, is just gravy, the cherry on top. So, as I proceed with my blog, rife with complaints at times, know that I do not really mean it and I am truly grateful for everything and everyone. AleVit slept soooo well last night (not always the case that a sleepless day equals a good night) and I am first and foremost grateful for that. One of F's best friends, who I spent countless hours with, years, even, came for dinner last night. He had not been in NY since we got married and I had not seen him since I took M to Milan at 3 months of age. Friends and memories and nice things to appreciate as well. I took A to Street Squash for a while in the sling yesterday (facing in and smothered so she got no germs) to have her sleep and to give me a mental break. Tutoring Juwon, having access to a kid from "another America" as they say, I am grateful for this too. I just went to PT and have nothing to report (always nice). I have a crap load of work to do for the auction, for July camp.. just got a teaching job for June.. very grateful. Money is important too when you have so many expenses. So that is it for now folks, I am boring. And I am going to try to nap since AleVit is doing that too today.

Yoga? Not Today!

Remember when I wrote that AleVit was angelic and that I got to the whole yoga class last week? Well, imagine the opposite of that. Today I paid to ruin the class for a whole bunch of mothers, all of whom were surely glad to not be me. A cried and screamed non-stop regardless of what I did. Then she fell asleep. 30 seconds later V was stirring. As soon as I put her down he began his alarm sounds and when I put her down she continued hers. As I changed his diaper, he decided it would be fun to pee all over her (pjs and face!) and himself so that soon both babies were crying like.. cry babies (J calls them this). So, I did about 1 minute of yoga and spent the rest of the day trying to soothe them. Belly aches? I think. Who knows. Lots of crying and restlessness and hardly any sleep. Let's hope that does not carry over into the night!

Today's Evening Comments II

When I went downstairs I learned that J had been telling his grandmother to "leave." I said, that is rude, would you like someone to say it to you? He said yes. So I told him to "leave." His answer. "But then I will get lost."
-----
M was telling me that a (not very friendly) girl in her class is her new best friend. I said "not if you are going to be mean to your brother when you are with her" (we have a track record of this). M's response, "I do not know what to do because everyone I want to be friends with is mean (kind of true) so I just have to be mean." Oy vey, mean girls in Kindergarten!
____
M told me that to choose a best friend you need to do the following: Choose someone who does not lie, is pretty or handsome, nice and who you like. They need to do the truthery test. When I asked her why she needed a best friend since I thought she had one already, she told me that was her "temporary one."
__

M told me she was bored on the bus so I told her to think about being nice to her brother (a challenge lately). She wrote: I will be nice to J...if he is nice to me final. love, M. Stipulations, always.
__
When discussing why her friend's parents are separated, M said "Maybe they did it to not have fights or maybe they were bored of each other."

Dashing Divas

How do you feel about a birthday party for six year olds where they get mani/pedis?
Why don't they have one for boys at a shooting range? M will be disappointed but I am not promoting or endorsing that crap. Sorry Caroline. We have to decline your invitation. Your parents are lame. Was there no other activity available in NYC? I guess I will be the bad guy/tight ass mother this time.

A's Scent II

After bathing her I told M to smell her-
It does not matter. Your scent is your scent, it does not change.
I insist she smell her hair.
To appease me- Yeah, she smells good.

I Could Eat a Horse

Click here to set the tone. I cannot begin to tell you how hungry I get and how much I can eat. Much more than when I was pregnant. This keeping two people alive with your body even when they are not in your body must consume a lot of calories. I have hunger attacks where I inhale a small mountain of food. Then I say "crap, that was gross." But then every few days, I get on the scale and I continue to shed baby pounds. So I guess there is an upside for a food lover like me in being enslaved into milk servitude. I can eat! Amazing how many things this family uses my body for. I wish we could use F's body to grow and sustain some children! Now I just need to figure out where to put all of my lovely extra BLACK skin. And oh, where is my belly button?

Twin Awkwardness

There is something about twins that attracts people. I always thought they were kind of strange and hoped to not have identical ones (amen!). When I am out with our train contraption long ass stroller, everyone stares, as if every fifth family did not have twins in this city anyway! Part of the allure is most likely their mini size, another part could be the other two kids hanging off the stroller at times. I noticed that Asian women are particularly taken (they will saddle up to the stroller when I am stopped and stare for an inordinate amount of time). I noticed that I have not seen many Asian twins. Maybe that is it? Men, who usually do not give a crap about babies, ask me questions. The comments, however, much like when I was pregnant, are my favorite part. People are just awkward and feel compelled to say something, but it is usually so dumb. A dad at the park came up to me yesterday "twins huh?" (not sure if I should answer this one). When I confirmed he asked, "Do you feel better now?" I was not sure what he was referring to. When I saw a colleague of my mother's at a café he inquired "Oh, you are walking?" I did not know if he meant because I would be too tired to walk or too broken from labor? Neither made sense. My neighbor makes the same comment every time I see her "Are they always sleeping? It looks so easy." I always say, "yes, they sleep a lot in the car seats" (which is where they always are if they are out of the house, ie in the stroller). Maybe I am just inpatient or too sarcastic, but I am thoroughly amused by people's need to chit chat. When a person with kids asks "twins?", my new standard answer is "it could happen to you." It really could. If you are lucky.

8 Step Program

When I hear a baby, in the middle of the night, I like to break it down into 8 steps. I need to feed, burp, and change each one (6 ticks total), go to the bathroom, and pump (my least favorite) so as to b ready for the next feeding and to not explode. During the day I nurse as much as possible as it is more pleasant than bottles. I am pretty good at double nursing now but not great. At night, it is bottles all the way. In theory so others could help, but in reality so I can go faster because I have not noticed anyone but me feeding them in the middle of the night. A just did a 5 hour stretch, I wrote everything above in the time it took me to pump two bottles and type with one hand, and now I am feeding V with one and typing with the other. One more hand would be nifty. The other day I was nursing one baby and trying to put M's hair up in a bun, e definite two hand job. I tried to make M use her free hands to help but it was not working, so I had her hold the baby attached to me as he (or she?) nursed, while I quickly put her hair up. We both noted that if she dropped the baby it would have been really bad, so I do not think we will try that trick again.  My 8 step program, when all goes smoothly by the way, can be executed in 50-60 minutes. Not bad. Especially if you get to sleep 5 hours in an uninterrupted fashion right before, like I just did. If the time were not changing, I could probably sleep another 3-4 hours. But I woke up at 3:21 on my watch, and the computer tells me that is it 4:55am, so I see that I lost an hour, but also, that I am getting faster, because  i am at step 7with V, so if he goes back to burp and then sleep in .5 ounces, I am all set in record time!

M on Scents

I like V's scent more than A's.
Ok. He took a bath today and she did not.
I know but he is always better scented. I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You didn't.
I mean, I know you made her so you could think I think you smell bad because she does.

M The Caregiver

Yesterday she changed each baby's soiled diaper while watching tv (very ambitious!). This included snapping and unsnapping many layers that even some adults have struggled with in this household. I then caught her trying to tape the pacifier (aka 'pete', short for 'chupete') to V's mouth, in an effort, I imagine to not have to keep adjusting it! She might be on to something...

Babies Babies Everywhere!

I realized today that when I walk down the street with all four children, people look at me funnily and wonder if I am a sitter with style, a Jew with no wig? Who the hell has so many children in Manhattan? As I passed the twin stroller off to A today (thank you for your help!) to go teach my community service class at school, I heard a Planned Parenthood person approach her. Too late I thought. Just kidding. Except for the twin part, F and I have planned to the day, every child we have. As I spoke to a woman on the phone today about a potential summer job (maybe a phone interview when I was home alone with four monkeys was not wise) she asked in a rude-ish voice "How many babies are there?" (they were both crying). I told her "just two" and then she asked me if they were mine and told me she had a baby too (who cares? I thought) and that the newborn crying was so hard to listen to. I told her that when it is numbers 3 and 4 you hardly hear it. I am not sure that made me more likable to her. I am also not sure I need another summer job, as I am already running camp at my school in July. But the pay is good and it is nice to engage the mind. It would be an immersion language program for middle schoolers. Off to have dinner. Let the weekend begin!

F is Back!

Woo hoo! That was a long week, and I missed him mucho. I hardly slept last night since I waited for him and then was not in synch with the twins sleep. I was so tired that I passed out for 2 hours (!) right after everyone left this am (twins collaborated with a co-nap in the crib). Today was a good day. I went to pick up MoJo with snacks aplenty. Soon after a sitter came over and I left the children and the mother in law to go to Street Squash and to the gym. How nice to see those kids again. 7th grade homework was a nice change of pace. I hope to stick with these kids 5 more years so that I can have seen them through 6-12th grade. I would be so happy to do that. I got the following bill (humorous) today:

2/8/2011 ante, post & vaginal delivery $11,000 (bargain!)
3/4/2011 credit insurance adjustment -$4,000
3/4/2011 credit insurance payment -$6,990
patient balance copay $10

I guess I can pay $10 for two babies. But should my insurance really pay $11,000 for my 30 minute performance on a slab in the OR? What thieves!

These Kids...

-Today M told me I was "double cheap."
-She also told me she wanted to confirm her sleepover with Z because A is "a forgetter person."
-M is convinced that you are in heaven before you are born (sigh) and told me it was weird that she did not see Julio there before she was born.
M- How many schools do you need to go to to become an astronaut? I am afraid I will die before I have enough time to do it.
M: Her grocery list:
Beans, chekcen, jam, cheese, orenge, peanut butter, toys, butter, eggs, grape, candy, cokkies, carots, apples, brocoli, ice cream, ice cream sandwich, ice pops
____
-J emphatically says "No way Ho-Zay" to my every request.
-J- You have to cut my foot nails, they are way too much long.
-J- When I am a grown up I am going to wipe my kids's butts (an obsession as you can see)
A few minutes after scolding him and a few seconds after asking for a besitio..
J- You want a kiss for getting me in trouble?

J's (scary) breakdown of the life cycle: You are a baby and then you are a kid and a teenager and a grown up and then they shoot you and you die and it starts all over again.

J's Deep Thoughts II

He nonchalantly handed me a bottle top and said "for your teta."
He looked at A with a serious look and said "You are going to be big like me."
I said "yes, it is true.:
J- "Yeah but she cannot hear me."

Milk Expression Soundtrack

This is a good tune to pump to. Hands down my favorite song from ages 13 to 15. This toy is definitely my least favorite gadget ages 29-present. Is its spiffy name supposed to make me feel better? Make no mistake about who belongs to whom!

HAPPY 1 Month AleVit!

Wow! We celebrated with a yoga class. They slept the whole time (ie I was the only mother who did the whole class while others relaxed with their babies, soothed them, nursed them.. I was working my butt off). I walked there and back (20 min each way), had a lovely lunch with M and her baby (also at the class) and then I brought the bebés home and walked another 20 minutes to pick up the older monkeys. A great full day with walking and yoga and babies. So happy you have been here for a month. You are such nice babies:)

Today...

While choosing what to stream on "Neckflix"
J- Hannah Montana is my favorite
Me- No it is not. You just want M to watch it.
J-When I am a grown up I am going to have a daughter and name her M and let her watch Hannah Montana
___
According to J I spray "nasonuts" in his nose every night.
____
J screaming for me wipe him from his bathroom upstairs.
I tell him, as I always do now "do it yourself you are 4."
After yelling like a madman he says "my legs are getting tired. come-wipe-me -NOW!"
I try not to laugh.
When he realizes I am not coming he changes target and asks "no nee" (nonna mariní) to do it.
I ask him what he does in school and he tells me "the toilet is my size there."
___

M was trying desperately to arrange a dinner date or a sleepover date or anything with her friend Z today. Z was not amused by the fact that I did not let her hold a baby or come over for dinner. M insisted on calling her friend as soon as we got home ( I explained that she needed to allow time for Z to get home too). As she tried to negotiate a plan with her while consulting with me, all with the phone in her hand.. she decided to talk to someone in charge and asked Z to put her mother on the phone. In 3 minutes she had secured a dinner date with a sleepover afterwards and she looked so satisfied it was funny. After hanging up she did a victory (think "Walk like an Egyptian") dance. Then she thought she should call back to get J invited too. I said no but she called anyway (only after asking "is it popular or annoying to call back to double check about the play date). This girl sure knows what she wants and how to get it!

___

After J woke up A by banging into her chair with another one M commented "That sure was disturbing that he waked her up."

More Recent Comments

M- I remember the first time I saw the twins in real life. I wondered how my mom made two things in one beautiful body (there was more but I could not write it down in time).
--
Me- come put on your cream
M- It is like so ridiculous that we have to put on cream every night (is it?)
___
Me to J - Yes sir.
J- I am not a sir. I am a man.
___
M- Everyone is born naked because you have no clothes and no way to exit to get clothes when you are in your mother's belly. So you have to be born naked. But it would be nice to be born with clothes.
J- Yeah, but you cannot talk or walk.
M- Right, so you cannot go buy clothes.

M on Money & Advertising

We have recently been trying to explain brands and ads to M to make her think about what she really wants and what she thinks she wants because her friends have it etc. On our way to a party she commented, "The stuff you really want is expensive so you fall for it. You fall for it and they trick you and take your money. The problem is sometimes I want the expensive stuff too and I do not want to fall for it." M should lecture adults on this subject. She could start in our house with her trendy father:)

AleVit 1: AAP 0

The American Academy of Pediatricians, as well as their mothers, can go fly a kite! (Please not my G versus R language, a product of my beauty sleep). From when I last wrote both babies slept like angels, like they had not done since.. the last time they slept in their car seats! Not a peep from either one for over 6 hours. I just fed V to make sure he eats (napped for 6 hours yesterday as well) enough. Sue me, scold me, hate me,  but do not take away my seats, we are hooked! 

Post Partum Etiquette

For those of you who were wondering how to offend a post partum lady like myself, here are some tips you may find useful..

1. Inquiries such as "When are you due?" a month post the birth date- not so friendly.
2. Pointing, touching or staring at the pouch belly left over from delivery- quite obvious.
3. Saying "you look great" while you do number 2 with a look of disdain- insincere.
4. Saying "you look great" and then qualifying it with "it has only been x weeks" with a look on your face that says the opposite- not productive
5. Suggesting a tummy tuck repeatedly to your daughter in law when she is clearly a) offended, b) not interested in surgery, c) too poor for one anyway - not so classy

If you would like to offend or piss off an already sensitive and hormonally charged person like myself- I highly recommend trying any of the 5 faux pas above.

Not So Fast...

hissed an unpleasant voice... the kids in room 207 were the worst behaved... today let's just be terrible. Sound familiar? Yes, I am quoting Miss Nelson Is Missing because it seems to encapsulate the last 24-36 hours. Did I say that AleVit were angels who slept? I lied. I was wrong. They hardly slept a wink all day yesterday and then opted to party all night long as well. Counterintuitive I know, but that is what they did. Today they napped some but we are at the beginning of a power struggle smack down for the evening. Do not ask if they have gas, wonder if they are hungry or wet, it is truly irritating to hear all of your theories and explanations. Sometimes, babies just want to be held, want to have the power to decide when to sleep, and want to cry. Sometimes they just cry, and no, her bottom isn't red... stop with the musings. Ah, I knew it was too quiet (the calm lasted as long as the paragraph). A is back at yelling. No reason. They are both, contrary to all rules and regulations, in their car seats (at least I put those in the crib to make it less un-kosher). A is screaming like there is no tomorrow. Yes, she has eaten. And she is changed. My mother in law just ran up here a few minutes ago (five seconds after I said DO NOT go) and turned all of the lights on and picked them up and changed them and made sure that everything was in ship shape and that they were wide awake and got the clear message- you cry= I come running. So, just to make sure that you know (for those of you who think I am cold hearted), that all of the bases have been covered. A is quiet again, much shorter crying. No intervention from me. The pete is a real bitch sometimes. Pop it in and it is sure to pop out, another legitimate reason to cry.. so I will let it be. Oh, the sighs, A is recovering and quiet. There is hope. I am off to stretch. My back is sore from the 457 times I got up last night (did I mention that MoJo was also in my bed so that I had to climb over little bodies to get to mini bodies and find small gaps in the bed for the rare stretches that I got to sleep?) Could tonight be worse than last? Maybe. But I am hoping for better.

The Good, The Sad, & The Ugly

I am truly a milk machine. I may have been a wet nurse in another life. I got briefly distracted while pumping today and found myself in a milk emergency with milk all over my jeans. Which brings me to the next good, which is that I decided to open my bed (a bitch but always a delight to see all the clothes I forgot about in there) and take out non-maternity pants.. and they fit. If I did not have a dark black pouch where my belly used to be, I would say that I am in pretty good shape considering my circumference 24 days ago. I have about 9 more lbs and A LOT of skin to lose. That was the ugly by the way. The sad is that F is away in Chicago and will not be back for a week. AleVit slept nada today, which was weird, and I hope they do not opt to party all night long. 4 kids is a lot when they all need you at the same time, which happened repeatedly today. I miss F!

You Know You Are Crazy When..

You decide that you are going to give up on so much pumping and bottle feeding and try to retrain AleVit to do mostly teta. Encouraged by the pediatrician (herself the mother of 5 month old twins) and the desire to not be hooked to a machine and so distanced from the intimacy of breast feeding, I am going to take on this challenge. March 17 they are due back for a weight check and 1 month check up and they will be able to assess if they get enough food from the source. Another sign of insanity is signing up for the ING NYC marathon 8 months and 3 days away. Forget the 26.2 miles that I need to cover somehow (in addition to dragging my mother the distance), I also need to raise $2,620 or cough it up myself. Well, what can I say? I find it hard to not have goals, challenges, to keep busy. I am limited in that way. So, let the madness begin/continue!

4 Year Check Up

Brace yourself for this one. J got 4! shots and he was in agony. When the Dr. asked me how how he was with shots I said "great" as he has never made a peep. J cried and screamed and tried to escape after the first two. He was so so sad and offended after the shots that I did not know what to do. He refused any treat or prize offered by the nurse and just looked at me like I was a traitor. J has consistently complained about the pain and held his arms in a weird way since then, so I think they really hurt. Poor guy. He weighs   41 lbs and is in good shape other than the shot recovery.

Pm Comments

M- Balloons pop in the sun.
Me- I don't think that will happen indoors.
M- Didn't you learn anything in law school? Balloons will pop near the light.

J- Do you know how they make icies? They smush the strawberries and put it in the freezer to make it ice. then they put in on a stick and add plastic to it and tape and give it to shrek direck and then they bring it to us and we put it in the freezer and eat it.

J (before his shots) - Today was a hard day. I am not so lucky. I get hurt. People make fun of me. (Aw)

M & Money

M was very excited to get $2 for her last tooth. She has been yearning to go to the dollar section at Target to spend her mula. Last night she got to go as a special treat right after dinner. She came back with just a super hero cup for her brother because she decided there was nothing she loved there. She was also very disappointed to discover tax. Those extra 9 cents were a surprise. I found it so mature and sweet that she did not get anything for herself. Now she wants to go to a dollar store to explore!

3 weeks 1 day

Alevit (or Vitale as my father prefers) is doing well! They go to the doctor for their one month check up soon. They already look much bigger. If you have not met them yet and want to see real new borns, hurry up! V has some trouble settling down at night sometimes. Last night was one of those nights and I am sorry to say that I broke all of the American Pediatric recommendations and let him sleep first on his stomach (I fell asleep patting his back- oops) and then at 4:30, after 45 minute of fussing (our threshold is low for that now that we are spoiled), we put the car seat on our bed (not sure why F did that since J was also already on the bed so it was crowded) and within a millisecond he was out. And he slept like a baby...

Haiti Total $

M's money collection for Haiti is officially over. We set February as her fundraising month and it is now March 1. I am happy to report that she collected $60.55 and we will be sending a check to MADRE, a charity I organize many drives for, tomorrow. It just so happens that I am currently collecting clothes and shoes for children in Haiti at school, so M's check will be part of that drive. Good job!

Too Good To Be True?

Alevit are so good it is boring. They only cry when hungry or wet. They sleep 4-6 hours at a time at night, 7 if I put one in a car seat (which I did do the other day because I could not wait out the fussing). MoJo is good. I mean they are delinquent smart asses but they are well behaved overall. Love their twins. Hmm. This must be the calm before the storm. MoJo has two new traditions. "Flashlight time" which is now an intro to the "challenge" (toy they take to bed). Reading in the dark in bed is cool. They also had a dance party, in their undershirts, today,  for a long time. At one point in the dark with the flashlights on  to make it look "real" as M said. They sure like their new mix (thanks E.) and they like "rock." J especially will not dance if it is not deemed real rock to him.  Off to feed!