Last Lines of 2013

J: Can you adopt a wife?

V: The ocean is finished!

V: I like to touch my penis.
Me: Why?
V: I want to touch all of it.

A to J: Don't say midget to me, I say midget to you!

M to F: You are not the boss, you are not Mr. Moleskine

A has been trying to use her new doll's chupete. I explained to her that it is not a real one and that she is too big: Well, my baby does not need it. She is not crying.

V as I put a dress on A: Can I have a dress?
Me: Boys do not usually wear dresses.
V: Can I have a blue dress?

M: I am going to read while I walk. I can do it. I have the genes.

J was dying to go to the bathroom at the MOMA today. We walked through a shit bubble (honestly who farts like that in a crowded Magritte exhibit?) as we exited and J assured us: I am holding mine.

When V looked like was pooping in the car, I asked him if he had (hiciste caca?). V said: I am making farts.

M to me: I spoke to papi and he said this was okay but I wanted to check with you.
Me: Okay.
M: When I am 18, can I have an 11:30pm bedtime?
Me: Sure.
M, elated: Will it be gradual or will I like wake up when I am 18 and have a bedtime that went from 8 to 11:30pm.
Me: Gradual. Honestly when you are 18, I will not be able to tell you what time to go to bed. I will have bigger fish to fry.
M: Like if I can go to a movie with my boyfriend?

M to F: Your ipod is totally ignorant.

Vermont Lines

V has recently decided to make a Santa voice and to tell people what they are getting. In his thick voice, he tells A: You want a princess? Behave! After interrogating him further this is what he/Santa is bringing different people: Baby M: a sculpture, E: an octopus, abuela S: medicina, abuela I: medicina, Me and tía C: a necklace... to be continued.

When I asked V if the monster (his meltdown) had left: Yes, someone was not listening to me.

V when M said: None of your business to him: I am learning about it.

In car, V to A: Are you happy?
A: No.
V: Why?
A: Because I am mad.
V: Oh.
A: I said, I am very mad!

J trying to spend abuelo R's money at the bookstore: What the hell is tax?

A: Why isn't (baby) M talking to me?

Me to J: You can skip shower
V to me: I am going to skip bedtime. And I am going to skip piano.

J (and others) still refer to the midgets as "the babies." A inquired: What babies?

A, as she resisted me putting her to bed: I am going to sneak downstairs and surprise papi!

J as we left for Vermont: Is this summer vacation?

J: Is being a parent hard?
M: What do you think?
J: No, all you do is drink coca cola.

Recently....

V on the toilet: My poop is very crumbly and A's is a very good brown.

J to his home-schooled friend: You should go to my school. Do you know where I got my muscles? (pause) My school. Do you know where I got smart? (pause) My school!

M told me that V said "fuck." When I asked him what he said: I said M is a bad girl. My dad (who I was on the phone with said), pointed out:  He is naughty, not stupid, he is not going to repeat it.

J: I just cracked my wiener.
Me: I do not think you can crack that.
J: Well then, I got a cramp.

M on our project playground across the street: MLK playground? The name does not fit; there are always people cursing in there.

After I tried to explain what a saint is, J: So abuelo R can be a saint?

V: A(friend from school) has two houses.
A: Me too, I have one in Miami.
V: Me too, I have one in Philadelphia.

J to a subway poetry slam artist: You are cool!

Lines....

V under the covers: V is gone. You are missing one kid.

V after I had said "tu tía de Italia está acá": I want to see tu tía

J when I thanked J for not tattling on M: I was protecting her with the power of trust.

Me: ¿Quién es mi amor?
V: Thank you.

M: Well then Santa stinks!

V, all the time: I am a woman!

M to J: I will be waiting for you in my grave.
J: Heaven?
M: No, that does not exist.

M to J: By the time you get everything on your (gift) list you will be 90.
J: No, I will be dead.
M: Exactly.

A, randomly: Shhh. Santa is coming.

Me: I look nothing like (baby) M. People might think I am her sitter.
J: You are too old to be a babysitter.
Me: I am not older than L (she is 53).
J: Yes you are!

¡Feliz Cumple!

Happy happy 18! Please vote and don't smoke. Te quiero mucho mucho. Hard to believe you will be in college soon. xoxo