A & V

V walking to school today- What's going to top Cuba?
Me- Huh?
V- What's our next vacation? China?

V struggling with his uniform- I can't fix these g-d damn socks! (maybe he will get kicked out of first grade??)

V when a homeless man I offered an extra ice cream to declined- Mamá. he probably wants healthy food.

A near the library- I can smell the books from here!

V on learning to tie his laces- When we started practicing it was day and now it is night!

FIRSTS

Well, as I sit here thinking of all of the work I should be doing (who knew community college would kick my butt so solidly??) I realized the firsts that are upon us. Tomorrow morning, my dynamic duo, who really still seem little to me, will be beginning first grades. Since it is convocation we will be in full formal garb (blazer, tie, shiny shoes... the whole nine yards). We have a 5th grader and for the first time, a 7th grader. WTF? Wasn't she just 6 or something? A couple of days ago mini F, aka fatty bombatty walked from the subway home. Just like that. He didn't stop much, he didn't want to hold my hand, he was just a little walking person. Last Friday he spent his first afternoon at BT after taking his first nap there. Tomorrow will be my first day of school. Even though it is my 19th!! year I still worry about first impressions with those third graders, all those parents, all that crap in my classroom shoved in a drawer. Anyway, I am digressing. Hoping for a swift return to normalcy for the Miami crew- they have quite a challenge ahead. Missing E who just left and A who did the same damn thing not too long ago. F is back from his Russian wedding extravaganza tomorrow. Yay! Off to take notes for Anatomy & Physiology. Over and out!

MoJo AleVit Lines

A- I think he (mini F) killed me with his cuteness.

V on A stealing his coins- She took my life savings!

M on baby F watching J and V wrestle from his high chair- Dinner and  a show!

V? F would be cuter if his cheeks were fatter.

V trying to juggle- I am trying to juNgle!

V on his camouflage print spinner-  I love camel!

M speaking about if her parents got separated- You would have no luck finding a boyfriend with five kids mamá, sorry.

A on the solar eclipse- This is not even fun. We are just staring at the sky!

Me to V- Can you take a break from misbehaving?
V- I'll take a break from listening to you.

J in Cuba- I am glad to not be under the power of Trump.

V at the airport- We are the only crazy family.

J to the dog handler at JFK sniffing our bags- Is it for drugs?

J on F in a picture as a teenager- Papi was really awesome when he was younger.He looked magnificent. He had a whole six pack and I could see it because he didn't have a lot of hair there.

V looking at his armpits- I already grew one pit hair!

V on theft- Do scaNders beep when you steal something?

V- When I am a teenager and I get to college, the first thing I am going to do is buy a pepsi.

A, referring to an iron- The thing that makes clothes flat. That abuela S has.

F the Gabber- 16 months

Words F says in no particular order- !! denotes his emphasis when he says them :)

Eh-lee (Ellie- the gecko)
No!! (many variations and intonation with and without whine and/or sass)
mamá
papá
Mo-ah (Mora)
Ah-Yee (Alelí- likes to use it for all items he finds that are hers)
book
apple (apple sauce)
mana (manzana)
nana (banana)
uva
tete (leche)
pete (chupete)
p-ta (pelota)
ball
uh-oh (I just threw something)
wow
pato (zapato)
agua
pasta!!
ma-más
alo-hello
buh-bye- bye bye
Elmo!!
abeh (abre-used exclusively when knocking)
tah-tah (ya está)
tank yoo- Thank you
go!
pan
okay

V in August

V on Pedialyte- I only don't like the flavor. It would be delicious without the flavor.

V on his stomach- It's tryin' to kill me you know?

V- I'm not comfortable being yelled at every single time.

V- Who's the best of the worst behaved?

V- Did papi agree in making kids?

V on the baby call to baby F- Fai la nana ahora ahora.

F in July

So our little Buddha is now 15 months old and he is as delicious as ever. He now calls his two sisters by name (Ah-leee and Moh-ah) and yells mamá at me, his father, and anyone else whose attention he wants.

F is as fat as can be despite his almost 100% walking. Only when he was deliriously tired at camp in VT last week did he crawl a bit as he stumbled all over the lawn.

F is picky about his fruit and will not eat any mushy fruit, melon, or nectarines. Strawberries are his obsession.

He squeals with delight when he sees V, playing like a maniac with him at all times.

When he is feeling annoyed or smothered he will let you know with his voice and his teeth if necessary:)

It is hard to believe that he is so big. Nursing stopped about a month ago and in two months he will start BT. Trying hard to savor this last big baby while we can.

July A & V

Me- ¡A comer!
V- You made me get out of focus.

Me- Excuse me.
A- Don't worry. My bed is full of farts!



In the car listening to the radio...
V- I don't like this song. Singer is saying random words to make a good rhythm.

V- Adele says nice things in her songs.

A- Can you think of any reason why I can't be a pop star?
V- I want to be Hamilton.
Me- That is not a singer. Just a famous musical about a politician.
V- Can I be a singer when I am 18? No, a drummer.
A- Maybe we can be in the same band?

V on mini F- He is disintegrating my face! He is going to eliminate it.

V- I think if you have a baby when you are 50 you go unconscious.

A to me- When I came to see you in the hospital, you smelled different.

Random Lines

J- Are you marking my gender?
A- Do you have a bah-gye-nah?

V- You are not mature.

V to F- Mamá made me, you did not even do anything

?- We have too much people in this family

F!!

In an effort not completely forget all that our baby F does and is at this amazing age of 14 months... here are some of his tricks and skills..

Climbs up the stairs in a flash and has begun reversing the movement to go down. (very scary)

Points to things he wants and lets you know it (example- brought his father a video of Horton Hears a Who and made his elephant face/sound and pointed to the tv)

Shakes his head no on a diagonal grinning when you offer him something he does not want.

Points to the door if you ask him where someone is that is not there.

Says (I think) "look at that" and "abre" (as he pounds on door) and "vamos" when he sees his stroller.

Rubs his belly and points to kitchen when he wants food (ie always).

Bites and twists and pinches you as he squeals with glee when he is either exhausted or in a funny mood.

Smells flowers and pretends to eat food in picture books.

Asks for help to do somersaults on the bed.

Puts his head on your face for love.

A n V

A announced when she arrived to camp- I moved into my sister's room. It's a one person room!

V- We digested crabs in science today.

V singing Amazing Grace- ... that saved a wrench like me

V- Wait, you have to pay for St H?

V looking at map on phone- Is the red dot our destiny?

A- I am the right child, you are the wrong one.

? - My feet smell like cookies.

June Jest

A to M: Who are you going to marry?
M: I don't know. I hope I don;t know him yet.
V: You need to make love.
M: No, you don't. Love just happens.

V to me while reading a book: Are you going to science school?
Me: Yes.
V: Is it fun?
Me: No.
V, still behind his book: Are you learning?
Me: Yes.
V: Good.

V's latest joke: There is a megalodon and a whale shark. The whale shark asks "aren't you extinct?". The megalodon replies "Did you just say I stink?"

Leftover Lines

F angry at all kids in the car- Do you understand English?
V- We understand Chinese too!

V at Cuba exhibit- It's like Miami but wrecked. Was there a war there?

V when he left while I was reading: Pause.
Upon his return: Play.

V to J: Your attitude smells bad.

A alone in the car with me: Am I the best daughter in the car? Wait you are also a daughter.

M on the music concert: Don't come. Chorus isn't great and brass band sounds like farts.

M- I know papi is dangerous after hours.

He Walks!

I have been hearing in passing from L and others that F can walk and was a bit confused as to how I had never witnessed this. This morning, I saw it! He took 3-4 steps towards me a few times. As soon as you make a big deal or he notices that he is walking... he stops.. stis and nonchalantly continues his military crawling. It is very weird/funny. He is still crawling 95% of the time but becoming vertical is definitely around the corner. He has a nasty case of pink eye and a bad cold all of a sudden. If something challenging didn't happen every two seconds it wouldn't be my life. Never a dull moment. Ever.

Half Normal Half Scrambled

That is how V described his poop to me yesterday. I think it is a good metaphor for all that is going on right now. We have been battling a violent stomach bug (clean up in aisle 4!) with the girls/woman and baby coming out on top (ie  F, V and J were melting in cha cha cha). After some missed work/school I hope we are back on track. This past weekend was literally full of shit. Not only diarrhea in toilets and all over L's house (that was a very bad decision on my part to let V go for a sleepover), but a bird shat on my arm (gross) and I burned my finger in the most disgusting way possible (this picture does not do the blister justice). All this coupled with a ticket for losing a license plate (doh!) and the start of my first class in almost two !! decades... makes for an interesting week. Last night was an intro. Let's see what tonight's 2.75 lecture brings!!.

A & V on F

V- He is going to have cute kids!

A- He looks so soft and cute when he is tired.

Inventive Spelling by V

May Musings

A- We should get a cleaner for F's poops.

A, describing her imaginary game- a store then a classroom then- It's an adoptage pre-k. They say sleep here and yeah.

V- We are learning about the human body in science. We get to use potty words. Do you know that pee comes out of your anus?

When I tried to explain some of the pros and cons of communism versus capitalism I said: In Cuba, everyone knows how to read. V: Wait, Cuban babies can read?
Me: No, not babies.
V: You said everyone!

J looking at an ad in the subway- What are tampoons?

A when I asked her if she put GUM on the piano- I pacifically told M not to tell you about that.

J when I scolded them about something- When you choose to have five kids, that's how it goes!

V at bedtime to me- I love you more than anything rises.
Me- Rises?
V- More than the moon rises.

A on overpriced flowers on Mother's Day-- I know they they charge so much for the flowers, so they can buy stuff for their moms.

V- Do you know we are apes?

A wearing a brain cap she made in science- We all look Jewish!

Stray Lines

V- A, you are not a well-behaved kid but you are very curious and smart.

Me- What did the doctor say?
V- That I had crepes.
Me- Crepes?
V- Crebs, Crabs.
Me- Cramps??

V- Flab is kind of good. When a bee stings you it does not go through all of your layers.

V- Cats  have no purpose in nature. Bees do not sting me because I do not disturve nature.

V- Why don't people help UNICEF? They are still poor-ly

1 Añito

So you turned one more than a week ago. Too late for happy birthday but not too late to tell you that you have literally brought nothing but joy and smiles into all of our lives. You make everyone you meet happy with your fat cheeks and bald head. Your favorite hobbies include standing on the windowsill to spot people coming over and then banging on the window, climbing up the stairs (yikes!) and eating. We asked several family members to write you a letter for on this occasion to be read by you at 18 years old. I think/hope this will be a valuable gift to you in the future and that we are around to enjoy it. Fefe campeón, we truly adore you. XO your tribe

Here It Is

F- You are a very good artist.
V- I am not even famous. I am not even meant to draw.

M talking about her science fair project- He ( a random father) said it was radical and righteous. I guess he doesn't know words from this century.

V- I'd be perfectly behaved every day if I were a lonely child.

V, when we saw his friend's babysitter with another kid- Is she trying new things?

A on tía A- What is her job?
Me- She works for the DA.
A- What's that?
Me- Lawyers for the government.
A- Wait, what? I thought she made movies! What's so cool about being a lawyer?
Me- Ask her.
A- What's the government?

after a lot more back and forth about what is what A concluded: If I were a lawyer I would send all of the people who annoyed me to China.

V- Police earn guns when the chief trusts them right?

V on the rain- It may be yucky for you but technically it is good for nature and everything. Rain revacuates from the ground.

V on my parents- I think they broke up because abuelo R wanted to go to Miami.

V- People don't treat NYC well.

V, when we saw a painted and decorated car with objects glued to it- That person was curious. That car is art!

V on A and baby F- I tell her to leave him alone but then I can't help smothering him.

V when he discovered that he and J want to both be firefighters- I'm not working with you. Not a close chance!

V- Your great great great grandma is mother earth!

Me to V- It's the truth Ruth!
V to me- You are making a lie Ruth!

A when I told her my grandmother died- No she didn't. (I then repeated myself and so did she).

V when I told her (through a burst of tears)- Are her red blood cells not working anymore?...
I only met her twice!....Does she still love you?


V on another happier occastion to me: Your hands look like E.T.'s