New Ones

J to M: Have you ever tried to impress a boy? Like do cool things? I do it all the time.


M to J: You only like spinach because of Popeye.
J: Of course, Popeye introduced me to spinach.

J: Policemen should have swords. Also cars should be electric. People should walk more. If you are in the desert and see a llama or a tiger you need to be strong and fast.

V as we left abuela's house: I just love it here!
V on the subway: I love New York!
V looking at grandpa's ugly toes: What did grandma do to you?

J: I want to be a policeman to help the country.
Me: I would rather you do something more peaceful.
J: Like yoga?
M: Like a librarian?
J: I  want to be an overachiever. Do you think I can have like three jobs and be like a policeman during the morning and a scientist in the afternoons and a musician on the weekends?
M: I think my starter job is going to be a babysitter.

M: Can you not let the babies go to my room? I have not taken precautions.

Sleep is F&*^#^%#(d!

We threw away our chupetes yesterday and all hell has broken loose. It took forever to go to sleep last night and I just quit trying to make them nap after an hour of BULLSHIT. They were falling asleep on our way home and do anything but stay in their beds, even as I sit and guard them. There is singing, playing, jumping, laughing, turning on lights... it is truly a miracle that more people do not beat their children. It is enough to drive a saint to drink and I am far from a saint. So they will be grumpy this afternoon and tired tonight and I have thrown away 3 hours of my life accomplishing nothing in just the past day. I actually could not care less if they are tired tonight as I will not be putting them to sleep. Oh what a joy. I wonder what life would be like if I had a single kid who respected me.
PS L put them to bed in 5 minutes- the cherry on the cake!

Aaaaaand We're Back!

Vacation time has come to an official close with the return to NYC. Road trip to NC via DC and Philly, topped with Sesame Place was a hit. Despite no washer and the shaggiest and nastiest rug ever we had a blast. Beach was beautiful, dunes were cool, pool was nearby (and I drove the kids there myself!). Highlights included fishing for J, mini golf, watching both midgets cry at an amusement park (they had to stop the rides), snuggling with baby M, and spending time with C& E. The volume of crap to deal with (mail, laundry, unpacking, appointments) is overwhelming but I am trying to get ahead before school starts up again. Here are some lines from the last few days:

V: Mamá, you say puta male?

J: Who decides if you get buried or burned?
Me: You do.
J: So John Lemmon did not have a chance to decide.

V likes to call people: Pee in the butt (he means pain).

We recently discovered that he is a parrot and that he has a flawless memory. He started chanting in the car: I hate piano! I want to skip piano (perfect imitation of J)

M: Do you think I will be a great driver like papi or an average one like you, no offense?

Me to V: Do not worry.
V: I have to worry. I already worried.

J as we left before dawn: Is this the speck of dawn?

V to me: I give you a timeout.
Me: You cannot. I am older than you.
V: I am older.

M after crying because C had left: I just want  you to know I love you as much as I love C.
V: Oh, thanks, I feel better.
M: I just have a special connection with her.

Recently

 V to E: Do not knock down my castle or I am going to say I hate you, be quiet and shut up.

Me to J: Are you dressed to go fishing and making your own breakfast?
J: Yes, like a man should.

V to me on the beach: I am going to get you a new dress, yours is all sandy. I have a wallet and a metrocard.

A to me: Do you like gum and candy and presents?
Me: I like presents.
A: Then poop mama. You have to poop.

A with my coffee mug in her hand: You may not drink my coffee.

J: Do you think I am skinny enough to fit through the bars of jail?
Me: Your head would get stuck.
J: I will use a hurdle( girdle) to shrink it.

Just Now

V: What are you doing?
Me: pipi
V: I am not going to say yay!
Me: Ok.
V: Okay, a little yay:)

Summer!

is coming to a close. Miami was fabulous- our hosts were gracious and patient and generous as always. Tomorrow morning we are off for a mega road trip to NC via DC. Twodlers have been up to their antics destroying homes and (sort of) potty training (more on that another time). When grandpa came over to day bye tonight, he said to duo "Here's trouble one and trouble two" to which A responded, "You are trouble three!" When V ran like a maniac down the street (and almost into it) I sprinted to him and asked "what do you think you are doing?" to which he replied: "I am superman!" I look forward to these days out of town and to the beach with C & E and baby M!

Twodler Update

V: Are you happy?
Me: Yes, are you?
V: No, because my daddy hit me in a time out.
Me: Papi no te pega (he does not hit you).
V: Yeah, I am funny. My other daddy hit me.
Me: Oh, I am sorry.
V: That's okay.

Me to MoJo: If you two stop fighting I will give you a prize.
J: Like what? Gum? Maybe a toy? A book?
Me: Maybe a cash prize.
J: A baby brother?

A to me: Is your gum spicy (what I tell her when she asks for some)? You can spit it in my hand and I will eat it.

A after she peed in her underpants for the second time today: Don't worry mamá- it's an accident.

J said he wanted to stay with L and the babies (old habit- hard to abandon the moniker). V inquired: Can I see L's babies?
_______

The diaperless movement is having some ups and downs. We are doing better than in Miami but still not so hot. I want to avoid diapers and not use them as a fall back but I do not want a shitty car or a lake in every corner of the house. Ugh.

Yesterday the duo went to BT for the first time in weeks to participate in the cubby ceremony. This small ritual is very special and consists of a child walking his/her cubby over to the next room. Last year A marched her cubby over to the toddler room and kept calling V, who had no interest, over to the room. Yesterday was the exact opposite- V ran across BT (bigger trip) and flung his cubby into the Big Kid Room (BKR). Midway across the "bridge" to the BKR, A threw her cubby down and started screaming and melting down. I had to pick her and her cubby up. When I asked her about it later, she said "I do not need it." I asked her if she was sad or scared to leave the toddler room she confirmed. Little A- not so big after all.

Minis

A (as she takes off her underpants): I am maked. Take off your pants and get maked (to J).

V: Can I have a medialuna?
Me: You just had a churro.
V: Okay, can I have a medialuna first?

V (holding an invisible phone): Wait a second mama. I am on the phone.

Playground pronounced by twodlers: A: prayground, V: payground

V: Where is your culito papi?
A: He is sitting on it.

Happy Birthday C!!

Your first bday as a mamma. Happy month to baby M. Cannot wait to see you both.
XOXOXO

Lines

A to me: Are you a grown up?

V: I pooped in my pants like a lady (upon checking his underwear he had skid makes- more lady like than a turd?)

V to me (thank you MoJo): You are stupid and you are not funny.

J to me: You are not nice. You only got me two toys here. You treat me like a piece of dirt.

M on her "boyfriend": We like each other but you know, more than regular like. (G-d help me)

A to me: Are those petetas (her version of tetas) for (baby) M and (tia) C?

M: Are you going to have another baby?
Me: I do not think so.
M: Why not?
Me: It is a lot of work.
M: WHat do you mean? You just haev to do the thing, be pregnant and have the baby.
Me: Well, there is breastfeeding,
M: You are an expert at that, not like C.