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J:  I just want a good family.
Me: That is nice.
J: I like you two but I do not like the way you act.

V in his pjs that say "Santa's helper": Can I be Santa's helper for real?

V to A playing in a box: You drive and I will sit in the mommy seat.
Me: What?
V: I mean the passenger seat. (boom!)

V after I gave him a bagel I had said was special: This is not a seriously magical bagel. You said special!