Random Lines

J- Are you marking my gender?
A- Do you have a bah-gye-nah?

V- You are not mature.

V to F- Mamá made me, you did not even do anything

?- We have too much people in this family

F!!

In an effort not completely forget all that our baby F does and is at this amazing age of 14 months... here are some of his tricks and skills..

Climbs up the stairs in a flash and has begun reversing the movement to go down. (very scary)

Points to things he wants and lets you know it (example- brought his father a video of Horton Hears a Who and made his elephant face/sound and pointed to the tv)

Shakes his head no on a diagonal grinning when you offer him something he does not want.

Points to the door if you ask him where someone is that is not there.

Says (I think) "look at that" and "abre" (as he pounds on door) and "vamos" when he sees his stroller.

Rubs his belly and points to kitchen when he wants food (ie always).

Bites and twists and pinches you as he squeals with glee when he is either exhausted or in a funny mood.

Smells flowers and pretends to eat food in picture books.

Asks for help to do somersaults on the bed.

Puts his head on your face for love.

A n V

A announced when she arrived to camp- I moved into my sister's room. It's a one person room!

V- We digested crabs in science today.

V singing Amazing Grace- ... that saved a wrench like me

V- Wait, you have to pay for St H?

V looking at map on phone- Is the red dot our destiny?

A- I am the right child, you are the wrong one.

? - My feet smell like cookies.

June Jest

A to M: Who are you going to marry?
M: I don't know. I hope I don;t know him yet.
V: You need to make love.
M: No, you don't. Love just happens.

V to me while reading a book: Are you going to science school?
Me: Yes.
V: Is it fun?
Me: No.
V, still behind his book: Are you learning?
Me: Yes.
V: Good.

V's latest joke: There is a megalodon and a whale shark. The whale shark asks "aren't you extinct?". The megalodon replies "Did you just say I stink?"

Leftover Lines

F angry at all kids in the car- Do you understand English?
V- We understand Chinese too!

V at Cuba exhibit- It's like Miami but wrecked. Was there a war there?

V when he left while I was reading: Pause.
Upon his return: Play.

V to J: Your attitude smells bad.

A alone in the car with me: Am I the best daughter in the car? Wait you are also a daughter.

M on the music concert: Don't come. Chorus isn't great and brass band sounds like farts.

M- I know papi is dangerous after hours.

He Walks!

I have been hearing in passing from L and others that F can walk and was a bit confused as to how I had never witnessed this. This morning, I saw it! He took 3-4 steps towards me a few times. As soon as you make a big deal or he notices that he is walking... he stops.. stis and nonchalantly continues his military crawling. It is very weird/funny. He is still crawling 95% of the time but becoming vertical is definitely around the corner. He has a nasty case of pink eye and a bad cold all of a sudden. If something challenging didn't happen every two seconds it wouldn't be my life. Never a dull moment. Ever.

Half Normal Half Scrambled

That is how V described his poop to me yesterday. I think it is a good metaphor for all that is going on right now. We have been battling a violent stomach bug (clean up in aisle 4!) with the girls/woman and baby coming out on top (ie  F, V and J were melting in cha cha cha). After some missed work/school I hope we are back on track. This past weekend was literally full of shit. Not only diarrhea in toilets and all over L's house (that was a very bad decision on my part to let V go for a sleepover), but a bird shat on my arm (gross) and I burned my finger in the most disgusting way possible (this picture does not do the blister justice). All this coupled with a ticket for losing a license plate (doh!) and the start of my first class in almost two !! decades... makes for an interesting week. Last night was an intro. Let's see what tonight's 2.75 lecture brings!!.

A & V on F

V- He is going to have cute kids!

A- He looks so soft and cute when he is tired.

Inventive Spelling by V

May Musings

A- We should get a cleaner for F's poops.

A, describing her imaginary game- a store then a classroom then- It's an adoptage pre-k. They say sleep here and yeah.

V- We are learning about the human body in science. We get to use potty words. Do you know that pee comes out of your anus?

When I tried to explain some of the pros and cons of communism versus capitalism I said: In Cuba, everyone knows how to read. V: Wait, Cuban babies can read?
Me: No, not babies.
V: You said everyone!

J looking at an ad in the subway- What are tampoons?

A when I asked her if she put GUM on the piano- I pacifically told M not to tell you about that.

J when I scolded them about something- When you choose to have five kids, that's how it goes!

V at bedtime to me- I love you more than anything rises.
Me- Rises?
V- More than the moon rises.

A on overpriced flowers on Mother's Day-- I know they they charge so much for the flowers, so they can buy stuff for their moms.

V- Do you know we are apes?

A wearing a brain cap she made in science- We all look Jewish!

Stray Lines

V- A, you are not a well-behaved kid but you are very curious and smart.

Me- What did the doctor say?
V- That I had crepes.
Me- Crepes?
V- Crebs, Crabs.
Me- Cramps??

V- Flab is kind of good. When a bee stings you it does not go through all of your layers.

V- Cats  have no purpose in nature. Bees do not sting me because I do not disturve nature.

V- Why don't people help UNICEF? They are still poor-ly

1 Añito

So you turned one more than a week ago. Too late for happy birthday but not too late to tell you that you have literally brought nothing but joy and smiles into all of our lives. You make everyone you meet happy with your fat cheeks and bald head. Your favorite hobbies include standing on the windowsill to spot people coming over and then banging on the window, climbing up the stairs (yikes!) and eating. We asked several family members to write you a letter for on this occasion to be read by you at 18 years old. I think/hope this will be a valuable gift to you in the future and that we are around to enjoy it. Fefe campeón, we truly adore you. XO your tribe

Here It Is

F- You are a very good artist.
V- I am not even famous. I am not even meant to draw.

M talking about her science fair project- He ( a random father) said it was radical and righteous. I guess he doesn't know words from this century.

V- I'd be perfectly behaved every day if I were a lonely child.

V, when we saw his friend's babysitter with another kid- Is she trying new things?

A on tía A- What is her job?
Me- She works for the DA.
A- What's that?
Me- Lawyers for the government.
A- Wait, what? I thought she made movies! What's so cool about being a lawyer?
Me- Ask her.
A- What's the government?

after a lot more back and forth about what is what A concluded: If I were a lawyer I would send all of the people who annoyed me to China.

V- Police earn guns when the chief trusts them right?

V on the rain- It may be yucky for you but technically it is good for nature and everything. Rain revacuates from the ground.

V on my parents- I think they broke up because abuelo R wanted to go to Miami.

V- People don't treat NYC well.

V, when we saw a painted and decorated car with objects glued to it- That person was curious. That car is art!

V on A and baby F- I tell her to leave him alone but then I can't help smothering him.

V when he discovered that he and J want to both be firefighters- I'm not working with you. Not a close chance!

V- Your great great great grandma is mother earth!

Me to V- It's the truth Ruth!
V to me- You are making a lie Ruth!

A when I told her my grandmother died- No she didn't. (I then repeated myself and so did she).

V when I told her (through a burst of tears)- Are her red blood cells not working anymore?...
I only met her twice!....Does she still love you?


V on another happier occastion to me: Your hands look like E.T.'s

Adiós Abuela

gracias por todo lo que hiciste cuando era chica y lamento no haberte estado más cerca de grande. te quiero mucho y espero que estés en paz. XOXOXO tu primer nieta

V Tonight

V- When you are in jail, the police give you a piece of chalk to write the tally marks right?

V- People think it's the penis, but it's not. It's your balls that hurt when you get kicked.        

V- When you are drunk, how do you leave drunk?
Me- You mean how do you get out of y our house?
V- No, how do you stop being drunk?

To My Last Baby F

My dear fat baby. You are almost one. We all love you so much that we are bursting with smush for you and cannot imagine our lives before you. I am sorry that I have done close to nothing to document this first year of your life. You are a happy baby; you smile at almost everyone. You are abandoning your fast military drag crawl for more traditional crawling. You do not seem to be close to walking though you can stand and balance for a few seconds. You eat anything and everything like there is no tomorrow. You sleep well all night, every night though your napping schedule is non-existent. You love your siblings but are also learning to defend yourself:) One of your favorite non-eating activities is standing on the windowsill looking out onto the street searching for family members who may be arriving. To be continued...

Lupi-ease

Talking about V, M said: He is the nicest but he is a snitch (true- quite the tattle tale).
A- Snitches are bitches. (Not sure if she was rhyming or if she is a thug)


A, as I kissed her goodnight:  I love you and I will never forget you.

A during practice: I hate this song and I hate piano. Oh, they match, I hate both of them.

Torino-ease

V- What kind of cheese is that?
Me- Feta
V- Like fefe's girlfriend? A girl fefe?

V- Is there such thing as a seven pack?

Me- Tomorrow it is going to rain a lot.
A- April showers bring May flowers.
V- Yeah, the gremlins came over on the Mayflower.
Me- Gremlins?
V- For the first Thanksgiving.
Me- Pilgrims!

V- First person to live was g-d but he died. Well it was a woman but we do not know her real name so we call her g-d.

V- Do robbers bite you?
Me- No. Why?
V- Well, abominables eat you.
Me- Snowmen?
V- The people who like to eat people, they come out of the ocean.

V- What kind of cake is F going to have for his birthday? It should be classic.

V looking at graffiti on train- It is a gangster sign.

V to A after biting her: You can't feel love you just know it.

A- I think I am the only person in this family who doesn't smile correctly.

recap:
gremlin= pilgrim        abominable=cannibal    g-d= woman

MIAMI

V-There are restaurants in Miami?

V- Are there even doctors in Miami?

V on the dog- It is way past her bedtime.

J- I want to be dark tan so I can be hotter.

A- Miami is sweating.

M at the airport- If one of our seats is next to a stranger can I sit there?

 J- I feel bad for (baby F), he's not going to have our memories.

V on baby F- He has bladed teeth.

? to me- Have you ever been famous?

V- Families never end.
Me- Well, they could. How could a family end?
V- G-d?

Oldies I think I forgot to post...

A to little M: We are never going to end, M.

V: Do boys have bigger butt holes than girls?

J: I don't get parental controls. What is on the internet that is inappropriate?

A- Do you think I could be a princess? I think there is something wrong with my face. People giggle when they look at my face.