Sample Schedule

Boring for most of you I am sure, but a pseudo justification for my lack of creativity/prolificacy...
Mon: school, pick MoJo and J's friend up take bus to bday party on 63 St. Drop boys off. Walk with M to PT, do it while M does homework, walk back to party, pick up boys, cab to Lenox. Hand friend over to mother, up for showers, dinner, baby love. Get changed. Go to 36 St 10th Ave for work event for F. 9pm. Cab home.

Tues: school, meeting with headmistress, subway/walk to 67 & Fifth to tutor, back to school, pick up MoJo, bus home, dinner/showers, baby love, stove broken so order Indian. Eat it and regret it. Finish Tree of Life. Shoot me. Off to bed.

Wed (tomorrow): BT for art projects with kids for auction, school, tutor on 79 St. , tutor Street Squash, back to school to get MoJo, home for shower/dinner, baby love. Tutor 88 St & Park 7:30pm. Come home, no stove. No ideas. Watch Moneyball?
You get the picture. Lots of back and forth. Gotta love that unlimited.

J's Recent Comments

J to a classmate as some gas was being discussed: Girls do not make stinky farts like that. There is only one person here who could have made a fart that stinky and it was you!
(I wonder how he knows so much about flatulence...)

J this am as he drank chocolate milk: My guess is that this milk is like hot chocolate but cold.
Me: Yes.
J: I knew it. They are like uncles or aunts or something.
(Sometimes I think he is a genius and sometimes, well..)

Lunch Date

Today I had a lovely midday meal with my two sons and baby A. It was mostly about J and I, alone (conversation-wise) at a place that he chose, chatting over a burger (him) and a fish sandwich (me). He told me it was rude when I said he could wipe his nose on the already wet napkin and also told me that I could not  leave the empty baby food containers on the table. What a midget. M was at her bff's house. When J complained that he wanted his own play date with said friend, M went cuckoo and said "under no consequences will you ever have a play date with her without me. I can include you in one of mine but you will not exclude me." This kind of reminded me of my little sister as a child complaining "but she's my best friend too. What about my feelings" when I tried to kick her out of the loft I was having a sleepover in.

Sprouts From Brussels?

Do you love them? Do they give you gas? Have you ever had 22 bags of them delivered to your home on a Saturday night? The combination fat fingers and IPad screen led me to write 22 instead of 2 in the slot designated for quantity. When I realized my error (no wonder my grocery bill was so big.. I had $52 worth of Brussel sprouts) I immediately called Fresh Direct and admitted my stupidity and begged for them to not bring me or charge me for an elephant portion of sprouts. Well, they just delivered them. Like Lucy in her freezer episode, I had to ask the delivery man to take it back. Thankfully he did. I tried hard not to laugh so that he would not think I was mocking him while he checked with his supervisor, "uh, this woman is trying to give me back a lot of brussel sprouts."

J Today

-Do you know who is a pain in the tukchus? Grandpa (where did he hear yiddish- see here for a list of common English words that are actually Yiddish ones)

-When I said I had forgotten to go to the bank and needed to pay L- You can have my money from my piggy bank. It is a lot. You can have it.

-Why do men have mimples on top of mountains? (nipples)

HELL(p)!

Raced to Rector St to close on the refinancing of the mortgage. Signed/initialed no fewer than 100 documents without reading a single one. Raced back up to school and arrived a few minutes late to Math Night, where I ran a Bingo table (en español) for an hour. Fought for cab with F and MoJo. Rain. Lots of people. Lots of buses but not a single M4. Got home. Babies asleep. MoJo behaves great. Order food. All kids in bed. Put laundry in. During spin the machine shook inordinately hard and long. Stopped the cycle and took out clothes extra wet. While I was up I hear F scream from downstairs. The stove was ticking so he turned the power off. When he went to adjust the burner knob, there was a little explosion. But wait, it gets better. The dryer does not work anymore all of a sudden. Yes, we have 1000 lbs of wet clothes. What is a baker without an oven and a laundress without a dryer? Seriously though, wtf?

Recent Comments

M while discussing what to wear for tomorrow, a dress down day: I will ask my friends for advice.

M when she saw Tía T post engagement: Happy anniversary!

J: Why is my head not shaped like normal people? It looks like an egg, not a circle

J when I told him to not speak that way or he would get in trouble at school: What do you think I am? A do do? I do not speak this way in school.

Bionic Babies

These babies DO NOT nap. They were just fine with a single 25 minute nap yesterday. A took one nap in the am at BT today and then fell asleep on the way home. V looked equally EXHAUSTED at the dinner chair. L bathed them as usual and stayed until they were asleep. I do not know how to nicely say that I think it best for them to go to sleep on their own (like on the weekends). Needless to say, she likes to stay until they are "asleep." The best part is that they are tricksters. They pretend to go to sleep or take power naps or something. She left at 7:20pm and told me that A had just fallen asleep and that V had done so 10 minutes before that. It is 7:50pm and the babies are laughing and jumping in their crib, I actually think that they are bothering J. A was slapping her hand against the wall and laughing hysterically to the thumping sound. I am not going to fight them as I am outnumbered but what the duck? When do these babies sleep?
PS In the am (sometimes at 4am!!) when I take a bottle to V he slides it across the crib slats a la prison protest and screams in glee when he is done drinking. Since my goal with the crack ass early bottle is for the milk to have a soporific effect I guess I can stop getting up early since it has the  Red Bull effect on him.

Interesting Comment in the Cafeteria

I know why you have that (I knew he meant my nose ring- shocking to many of these kids)
Why?
Because a police man catched you.
What?
My mom told me that.
That people with nose rings have been to jail?
Yeah.

Recent Lines

J in the tub: I do not think M care about my privates. She kicked me there one time and she kicked me there another time.

J as he had a melt down: You paid money for these! (points to his new footed pjs and takes them off). Standing naked in the living room: I am going to throw these pjs in the garbage so I am throwing your money away!

M as she ate her chocolate: Go diva?

We were working on collages and M cut out some breasts and J took them and pasted them onto his, but backwards, onto a face. Me: Why did you do that? J: So he can look at the tetas.

Recent Comments...

J as we got in a cab after school: What time is it in Fire island now? Morning?

M on a second grader: She knows me more than I know her.

J: When I am a grown up I am going to have a club underground.

J to M: Is it okay to lie to a robber?

M after striking up a friendship with a kid in her class: Can we go to the Bahamas with him for winter break? He has a house there and he says there is a fancy hotel on the other side of the island.

Tonight's Lines

M- I searched up this person (points to her used book where someone has written her name in pristine script )- they are dead.
Me- How did you do that?
M- On the internet, I just wrote her name in that line and it gave me the information.
--
M at the dinner table- It is not a good idea to have meat and milk at the same meal. Too much cow. They are going to become extinct.
--
J in bed:- Can you write a note to the tooth fairy and ask her to pull my tooth out during the night?
__

M when I found lots of books in her bed: I am not into the hoarding anymore. Once you stop you do not go back. To hoarding in the same place I mean.
___

Me to M- I really like how you have been behaving. You turned it around.
M- It is a lot of work. It is hard to keep up.

Weekend Updates

There is nothing like a 3 day weekend with time for chores, fun, family, and friends to regroup. Nursing has come to a screeching halt. I have not pumped in a day or two and it looks like I will be wiping that machine down and passing it along. I will NEVER miss that machine as the closer I got to the end of using it, the more it hurt to use it. I have nursed symbolically for the past few mornings but a warm bottle of cow's milk seems to be more efficient. So, ladies and gentleman, it looks like after almost 3 entire (not consecutive) years of nursing and 27 months (again in three installments) of pregnancy, well, after 63 months, it might be time to make my body just for me. And, what a body it is! I mean that both sincerely and sarcastically. It has been very useful so far but man, does it look beat up. Surgeries, stretch marks, and weight gain/loss have definitely taken their toll. Seems like babies are asleep, this might be too good to be true as I am alone (MoJo at movies with G and F). Yesterday they shattered their 30 min nap at home limit with a ... 1 hour 40 min nap (the Ms) and 2 hours and 50 min (the Mr). I had to go in to make sure they were alive. Could I be about to get a real certified 100% child free moment? We shall soon see...

Congratulations!

Tía T is going to the chapel and she's gonna get married.
Good job M, you got a good one.
T joins two other BIG (in importance, not sure of size) weddings in 2012.
To the brides and grooms!
XOXO

Today's Lines

M as she looked disappointedly at her drawings: The people look like monkeys and their hands look like bushes.
___
J as he set the table with F next to her: I am putting him next to me because he is nicer and I like him more.
Me: Thanks.
J: I'll say you're nice when you are nice.
___
J as he tried to rearrange the chairs to give me the broken, backless one: Papá likes to relax. This is your seat, you don't like to relax.

Today's Lines

M as she read a cooking book: Assorted whores
Me- Hors d'oeuvres!
__
I reviewed our new and improved list of "daily goals" (ie rules)- I put the last one as "have fun" for some levity and J said: I only have fun with bad behavior.

Buona Notte

Looong day. F is San Fran. Nice evening at home with friends (no games). Thank you tía D for the MoJo pick up! Looking forward to the 3 day weekend. MoJo still on a roll with good behavior- the chart, the system etc seem to be working. Notte.

Post Pregnancy Etiquette

Do NOT ask women who recently had babies if they are expecting unless they look 12 months pregnant. In the last 24 hours..
1. A second grader asked me if I was pregnant.
2. J asked me why my belly was so big.
3. I watched a video of me dancing in VT where I look 6 months along.
4. I was talking about a pregnant colleague with another colleague when a third turned to me and said "Oh, I did not know. Congratulations."

Give me strength and/or spanx and some appetite control.

The BIrds & The Bees According to J:

When you get married the boy uses his thingy (indicates appropriate body part) and he has the stuff to make the baby go in.
Me-Who told you that?
J- My brain.
M- What is he talking about? That is disgusting.
Me- Speechless

J's Assessment of MoJo Behavior

She (M) is just really used to bad behaving and she cannot do good behaving- just like me.

Morning Banter

J as he dressed: Next time it snows I want to ski. Can you buy me some skis?
---
J at breakfast: V has some bad manners already. I see him playing with his food.
M: Yeah, I saw A put her foot on the table once too.

Feliz Cumple M!

que los cumplas muy feliz. Me acuerdo cuando te conocí y tenías 19 y me parecías vieja. Ja ja. Espero que nos veamos pronto amiga!

Comments

M on why her doll house people cannot go in the bath: The paint gets skipped off.

J in the tub: Did M and I used to be twins when we were babies?

J before bed: You have to fix my teeth. Get those braces for me.

Happy B-Day D!

23. Whoa!
Hope you had a great day.
xoxo

Happy 11!

Holy smokes! We are steps away from a year. How did this happen? I think A will walk very soon and both babies will be chugging cow's milk before they turn one. MOOO. This of course means that I need to get off my butt and make a commitment to eating (less) and exercising (more) as my hormones re-align themselves and my body no longer will need calories for milk production nor will it go back to any semblance of the original (not so hot) body that I began with. Okay, way too much on me for a post to celebrate 11 months. V continues to be a bit of a cry baby, clingier and more easily upset than his athletic independent other half. A likes to get down and flex her knees and/or abs as soon as she hears a remote beat or melody. I love you babies. STOP growing.

Some Comments

J on a little bro of a friend of his: He is like an animal
M: Yeah, he is wild. But he was born that way.
___
J: What is worse to be a weirdo or a brat?
__
J to me: When you get a job..
Me: I have a job.
J- No, I mean like a real job.
__
When I said something was crap because it was full of corn syrup
M: Everything good has corn syrup. I mean does it have less than a gallon of it?
__
As I tried to have him get who is related to whom
Me- Who is zia G's (F's sister) dad?
J: Julio?
__
M to me: You are not as nice as my friends' mothers!
__
As we left the house for the first time with J's skateboard
Me: Are you excited to practice?
J: I am not going to practice, I am going to show it!
__
When I asked J to take his friend's plate to the sink:
I am not her butler.
__
J: There was a famous player called "Bock."

Exhaustion

I am eating too much, sleeping too little, blogging too little and my foot is better but I cannot walk normally. This weekend has been draining family-wise and it is only half way done. I hope to have time to do some thoughtful posts soon. Until then, buona domenica. PS MoJo is behaving much better- this was a rough week!

J The Observant Passenger

Once in Miami, a few minutes into our drive from the airport in MIA towards abuelo's house, as he drove us, like always, J inquired: Who is that guy driving?
Recently in VT, we made a very long stop at a UPS store with many members of the family held hostage in the van while F and I did an errand. After about forty minutes J yelled "Papi, can we hear rock music?"
Tía C- Your father is not in the car.
J- Who is driving then?

Confirmation

Toe broken. Time and money well spent at the doctor since he told me what I already knew with the added knowledge that it will take 6-8 weeks to heal. What a lovely way to possibly fuck up my back some more. Fun. Fun. Off to celebrate my good friend's engagement. Limping in the icy weather. Woo hoo!

On A Roll

I did not take babies to BT because I can hardly walk. I gave F a lunch bag with not enough milk for the day, including the last bag of frozen milk on earth- my milk that is. At 8:40 am I learned that one of the bottles spilled. Talk about crying over spilt milk- whoever coined that adage was surely referring to her own. The good news is that this incident catapulted me to acting on the plan I have been devising to use the babies (one as the control and the other as the test baby) as proponents of you do not have to be 12 months to drink cow's milk. I am starting that movement. A is the candidate and she will be drinking 3-4 oz of organic cow milk mixed with NYC water this afternoon. I will give it 24 hours and if she does not react we will proceed. V will be next of course if all goes well. I am beyond excited to retire this machine along with its soundtrack. As a footnote (ha ha), I called over ten doctors and they can either see me in a few weeks (useful) or out of network ($200-$400). Since we are talking about a toe and not a lung, I think I will ride this painful bs out. I hate doctors, insurance, and all that jazz.

Queen Klutz

I am almost certain that I broke my baby toe on the coffee table this evening. The pain was so intense that I saw stars. J grabbed the intercom and said "call 191!" When I said "Call 1 800 Your Mother is a Moron", he grabbed the phone and asked me which 8 was. All amusing comments aside, I cannot begin how I am going to function tomorrow. Off to bed. Help!

What Is Better Than 4 Kids in a Room?

5:)
J's bff is sleeping head to toe with him
So cute.
M felt excluded but handled it.
She tried to get into the shower with them but J protested "It is a private shower, get out!"
Poor M. She later wooed them with her Easy Bake treats.
More tomorrow.
Babies off to BT and F and I are off with MoJo, hope to get to the movies (yes, Hugo father and to do errands.
In unpacking I got inspired and we have a dozen bags of items to donate.
We are still smothered in objects!