End of July Boy Lines

V upon seeing a big plate of fruit and cookies: Absolutely awesome man!

V to me: Because you are a big one and I am a little one.

V: Am I still growing?
Me: Yes!
V: Why so slowly?

J, getting home: I need to play; I really need to catch up!

J at a toy store: I want to have the kid spirit and I grown up body so I can buy lots of toys when I am an adult.

Me when I complained to V about sharing a bed with him: I am not kicking you; I am hugging you with my feet.

V on the phone with his father in Haiti: Did you have a good trip? Did you bring kids? (while I am not sure what he was talking about I love that he was asking a polite question and had a notion of why his father was away)

Me: Are you digging for gold?
V: No, boogers.

V: If you eat boogers do you get old?

V: You can't see inside my brain!

July Lines

J: She's (abuela) back from Africa? She must have a tan! Wait, do old people get tans?

V while we had dinner: Mamá, do you still miss me from when I was in Miami?

V looking at J's wart by his arm pit: Why do you have another nipple?

A when J asked her what she had been dreaming: Some crap.

A to me: Why do boys always have penises?

Me to V: Is A your favorite person?
V: Not quite.

J looking at shitake mushrooms at the market: Shit take mushrooms?

J: Women are better fighters because they will like do anything to defend their kids.

J: Oh mamá, I might want to be a dj too.

J: Wait, they sell drugs at Duane Reade?
Me: That means medicine, not illegal drugs.
J: Where do people get drugs?
Me: Illegal places.
J, in shock: Famous people do illegal things?

J: I really hate when people smoke by famous places. If my friend is president, I will make him ban it.
Me: What if you are president?
J: I am aiming for goalie but if I fail I will try for president.

Some Lines

J to me upon his return from a trip: Your hair looks awkward. You should either make it all black or all purple- you look like a teenager.

J looking at a magazine: This is an ad for men who can't handle sex.

A to me when I told her we were having a girls weekend: We can't, you don't have make up.

A another time I told her about it: You are a woman, we can't have a girls weekend.

V: I walked in a forest with BT- true story!

J: Sorry for being like papi and wanting everything.

V:Can you buy me lots of money so I can be rich?
Me: No
V: Can you buy me lots of money for my birthday?

? : I like Sesame the movie, not the bagel.

V was talking about garbage on the street, A: They call that "cochino!"

Me to V: What am I chopped liver?
V: No, you are a piece of work!

Deep Thoughts & Precise Language

A when I told her not to call anyone a liar: The whole city is a liar; American, Brooklyn, California and even New York City!

J: The you are a liar too- you are in NYC.

A: You don't know anything about that.

V on a pelican ride in a playground: It's a zebra- they didn't know how to paint so it looks like a pelican.

V seeing a chess board: I want to play cheddar!

V spotting a kayak: Look! A submarine!

? upon seeing me put part of a tampon up A's bleeding nose: Cotton? Cotton candy?

V: I wish I did not have hands so I did not have to do anything!

Chatta chatta

V to L: I have a serious question. Do you think you are viejita?

V looking at the L button in the elevator at a friend's house: Mamá! They have the same password we used to have in our old house!

V: Do grown ups cry?

J: If I see scenes in my head and then they happen do I have special powers?

J: I know Italian! Pazzo! Cazzo!

V: I don't like my name! I want it to be Mick when I am a grown up!

Me to A: You need a haircut!
A: I am going to ask A (her b.f.) if I should cut my hair.
Me: Why?
F: Because they are married!
A: No,  because she is cool.

M: If Ms R (head of middle school) were my mom, I would rule the school and get an i-phone!

M looking at kids menu: There should be a tween menu. We deserve more fame.

V: Can I borrow your sandwich?

J: I don;t get my body. Did cavemen get zits?