V on Marriage and more...

V: Holy nuts!

V: Can you unbutton my shirt so I can show my muscles?

A getting on the elevator: It smells like the mean teacher in here!

A and I were laughing because we had a yawning attack together and V said: I heard the baby yawn too!

When I was trying to put V to sleep he yelled from his bed into the hallway: Is the baby sleeping?

V out of the blue walking home: When I am older I want to get married but I don't know who to marry, there are so many girls.
Me: You do not have to worry about that- so many will want to marry you.
V: Why? Because I will still have my muscles?
Me: No, because you will be funny and nice.
A: I want to get married.
V: No, you can't. You are my sister.
A: You need a a tie or a bowtie.
V: No, that's not for me.
A: Mamá, give him a handsome shirt.
Me: You are only 4, you do not need to think about this now.
V: Can I choose her right now? I saw pretty girls in the entire city!

V pointing to a sign like the one below: Mamá, is that what your heart will look like when papi gives up?

Baby Comments & More

V: How do you dress the baby in there?
Me: I don't.
V: It is always Maked? (yes- I let him say it with an m because I love it)

V: When you pee does the baby's pee come out too?
Me: No.
V: So all the pee is inside?

V: You are going to get bigger and bigger and bigger and KABOOM, the baby will come out.

A: Do you have milk in your tetas?

At least two people: Did F know about this plan? Does he agree? (this makes me think of Rick Moranis is Parenthood and his wife making holes in the diaphragm)


My boss: We have not had a chance to talk about your astonishingly wonderful news (not sure if she meant the opposite)

V: Before I was alive were there other people alive?

V: When I am dead will there be other people alive still?

Happy 14!!

It was 14 years ago today that Sargent Pepper asked his band to play. Not really. While our wedding anniversary is not as important to me as the actual number of years that we have been together (almost 20!!), it was a delight to come down to flowers and chocolate and a beautiful and funny card. I am so happy to have you as my number one boyfriend in my life. I hope that one day we can settle down and have a family. Thank you for being a wonderful partner and a man I admire in the interim. Your number one fan, P.

V's October Lines

V to art teacher in the elevator: You are an artist!
Teacher: Who are you?
V: I am V, kid.

V on pregnancy: Your belly is going to get bigger and bigger and bigger and then KABOOM.

V's list for Santa as dictated to M:

Water guns
Big rocking chair
Button
Fake cardboard computer
Trucks
Transformers
Blue Hair Stuff
Shells
Gum pack

When I asked for some clarification, he does indeed just want a big button to press that makes noise and his own collection of seashells. When I asked what the single most important item was from the list, he of course said: gum pack.

V as I tried to explain to him that my bed was not his bed and that I do not want him to sleep on it:
I was born on this bed, I am going to live on this bed, and die on this bed.

Hit Me Baby One More Time!

Unlike Britney, this ain't no oops. But yes, we are INSANE in the membrane and have embarked upon our fifth, and final baby project. I am 12.5 weeks along and have begun to tell people so here we are. My funny-things-my-kids-say blog will revert back to a hybrid pregnancy and kid blog. I am large and in charge and while many of our nearest and dearest had reactions that were less than favorable or ideal, on the most part I have been surprised and relieved at the amount of enthusiasm and support. Sure, most of these people think we are nuts and would never consider having so many kids, but some seem genuinely enthused (or bewildered). We figured... you only live once. We would never regret having a kid but we might regret not having one more. Unless you are an artist or an architect or a philosopher, what do we really leave behind? I never met a kid of mine I didn't like and I never once regretted having so many siblings. What better gift to MoJo and AleVit than one more delinquent? This singleton will of course fuck up our nicknames/pairs thing as well as the 4 perfectly spaced out portraits that we finally hung in our bedroom but... life is messy.

Some of my favorite reactions (these will remain anonymous so as to protect those with no filter old and young alike):

You are not pregnant I hope!

You lied to me.

You are fucking nuts.

Jesus Christ! 5?!!

(just an eye roll and silence)

Well, they are yours to raise.

You are a couple of scoundrels. Are you crazy? You can't be serious! You are happy about this?

I am proud of you!

This is the best birthday present ever!*

Wait, we are doing it? Having a baby?*

NOOOOOO! I don't want it.*

No, it is going to knock over my structures.*

An accident of course but a happy one? **

Unplanned of course! **

Okay. So you did not plan this right? **

* spoken by one of my kids

** here is a tip: asking someone if they planned to get pregnant is a little like asking them what sex position they used (i.e. none of your fucking business)

This question, given my age and the number of kids I have, is going to be recurring and I imagine the equivalent to "Are they natural twins?" "A boy and a girl? Are they identical?" and a whole lot of other dumb and invasive questions from the last time around. But for those of you who must know, here is a little TMI. Since I am not very good at too many things, I will boast of this not-that-useful-talent that I have. When I decide that I might want to have a baby***(and never on any other occasion in my 23 years of being sexually active), I "try" and then it happens on the first shot. I thought we were very lucky and or fertile in the past and that this time would most likely disappoint. But nope, not only was this not an accident, it was planned to the day. Okay, my talents end here. I am going to not be myself for a while and not get as frazzled or agitated by the 1000 things that can and do make me lose it. I am a privileged and happy pregnant person for the fourth time and I will enjoy it all since this is really it (I am now too old for my aspiring surrogate career too). May this pregnancy be great, the delivery easy, the breastfeeding (the worst!) forgettable, and may this crazy mamma keep her shit together. For 6 more months. And then 18 or so more years. YEE HAW.

***(and F is in agreement of course)

Some Lines

Me: I will come back in a little while.
V: What you mean is never.

A: How do people get alive?

Me: Do you want to stay for rest today?
V: I want to be a little kid so I don't even have to go to school.

V while his teacher read a story where a ghost climbs a fence: He is going to hurt his nuts!
Teacher: What do you mean?
V: His wiener.

Me: What kind of a big brother are you going to be?
V: Invisible so I can hit the baby.

A: Do kids turn into grown ups?
Me: Yes.
A: No! I don't want to!

J to M: This is our start over point.We need to be on a no curse word diet for the baby.

V: I want to be a baby again so nobody is mean.

V on a homeless man yelling nonsense: Is he telling jokes?

V: When I grow up I am going to be old and die. I don;t want to die.

V: If a person does not have a name can I call him "person"?

V The Realist

F: I am going to miss you! Are you going to miss me?
V: Yes. But also, I am little bit happy because I am going to sleep in your bed. In your spot.

V, after A spelled her name for someone: My name is L-O-V (he signs in to school with a V, writing his name is an elusive task).

V to F: I need the wire for my (fake) laptop. You can find it at Chuck E. Cheese or at dot.com

V: I do not need to learn to read in pre-school. I can go to ABC dot com.

October

V to A: Come outside with me on the balcony. It is dark and kind of scary but I will protect you.

Us to A: Please stop farting in the car. Please hold it.
V: Or, you can save it and fart upstairs where no one is.

Me in the car to A: Did you fart?
A: No.
Me: What is that smell?
V: New Jersey.

A watching Beyoncé dance: I think she's not a person, she's a robot.


V: Why is there skin under the skin of my penis?

A: One day everyone will die.
M: That is called the apocalypse.

J: I want to eat junk and have an evening.

A to her teacher during snack: Can I have some Booty Puffs (Pirate's Booty)?