V Oh V

V: Wait, why is Trump the president if Harry I mean Hillary Cliffin had more points than him?

V: Tell me all the jobs that exist so I can choose one.
Me: Hmm. There are lots of jobs.
F: You could be an engineer.
V: No thanks, I don't want to get dirty.
F: No, you don't build, you plan the building.
V: No, sounds complicated. What else?

While F was attacking him with kisses, V to me: You have to break up with this guy.

Butts

A, as I was getting dressed: Can I pick your underwear?
Me: Sure.
(A proceeds to pick a pair of wonder woman bikini underpants): Do those stretch? They don't look your size.
Me: Are you saying my butt is big?
A: Mamá, butts are opposed to be big.
(pause)
A and V in unison: I like big butts and I cannot lie

Today/Yesterday

A to me: Can I be a princess?
Me: Sure.
A: My face doesn't look like a princess.

V: I want to grow up and use big words in church. I am going to be like Martin Luther King.

A, watching me nurse: Do your tetas have holes?
Me: Yes. How would the milk come out otherwise?
A: I don't know. Magic?

V: We can poison Trump.

V: When I die I am going to skooch you over in the cemetery so I can be next to you.

V as he went to bed: I already miss papi.

F Update

Oh my, I have been more than lax in my chronicling of the incredible baby F's first (almost 9!!) months. He is a dream baby. He is funny and patient and quite easy going. We drag him here and there and he really barely ever cries. F will eat anything (hummus and lentils are among the favorites along with pastina of course), sleeps and poops well, and withstands constant manhandling from A, V, and J, all of whom are inept at caring for him but treat him like a big doll. Recently (quite late for a regular baby) f learned to sit alone (yay!) and to pull up to standing in his crib (no!!)  Both of these abilities mean that he can physically opt to not sleep but he still goes down without much of a fuss between 7-7:30pm and does not get out until 5-6am. Pas mal. He doesn't crawl yet but he does a crazy fast military drag. F can point to parts of his body and clap. He gives passionate "kisses" which involve lots of saliva and sometimes one of his very sharp five teeth. I feel truly grateful to have such a fat and happy baby. It is of course flying by and it is hard to believe that he has been out almost as long as he was in baking. Stay little a bit longer pretty please?

Deep Thursday Thoughts

V: People just want to climb up the mountain where Jesus was born. They don't care if they break their neck or their face.

Me: What else do you know about Jesus?
V: He got nailed to a piece of wood.
Me: Who told you that?
V: Alexander (a classmate)

Me: Ya feel me?
V: Yes, I feel you so much.

End of the Week Chatter

V: In 85,000 years will I be alive?
Me: No. Humans don't live that long.
V: How long do they live?
Me: 80-100 years.
V: That's such little!

Talking about engagement rings I told them I didn't wear mine but that I had one.
A: I'll take it.
M: No, I will.
Me: Well, you guys can share my "jewels" when I am dead. I am not giving it away.
V: I call the house!

J: I call dibs on the name Luna.
M: I bet you a hundred dollars I have kids before you.
J: But I called dibs!
M: Plus. mamá will probably have another baby and use the name.

J: I am going to have a son named Fletcher and a daughter named Luna.
M: You can't choose what you have. You could have two girls.
J: No, I won't. I don;t want two girls. That's too much.
M: What if you do?
J: I will put them in separate rooms.

A: Does it matter what you are?
Me: What do you mean?
A: Like if you are ugly but have a pretty car.
Me: It matters if you are ugly on the inside,  not the outside.
A: But mamá, you know how I am.
Me: Beautiful on the inside and out.
A: I am rough.

V: Do animals get married?
Me; No.
V: So they just have babies?
Me: Yes.
V: I think gooses get married because they make a heart with their long necks when they kiss. Do you know what I mean?

AleVit Chatter

V on his loose tooth: I need cotton. I'm taking this puppy out. I'm going full force.

V on me getting him a shirt to wear: Can it not be handsome? Can you get me a cool shirt?

V getting off the train at our usual stop in the morning: Where are we going again?

A, unhappy with her hair: It looks like I came from a tiger!

A with her handmade paper make up as she proposed a makeover for me: I am going to fix your face mamá. And your hair.

V on the street: In real life I am running and farting and running and farting.

V on baby F: I love him more than the moon can rise.

A on baby F: I want to squeeze him so hard his eyeballs pop out.

V on his camouflage new (used) boots: I can use these to hide if there is a tiger. My feet will be camouflaged and I can pretend to be a sculpture.

V: I wish I was a leaf so I could die and come back.

More (excuse any repeats)

F to A: Did you so something to your brother?
A: It wasn't like his mother was dying.
F: Did you or did you not do something to your brother?
A: You already know the answer.

A: Life is tough.
V: Be quiet, you make it tough.


? There's a chance but I can't afford it.

V: This story never ends, I will never not love you.

? How long was I four?

V to me: What is all that chunky fat on your arm?
a few minutes later: Do you not take the hair off your armpits any more? You look like papi.

? Papi is not the manager..

A- Has anyone in our family been to outer space?

Martin Junior King

V- L is the most famous babysitter in the whole town!

A- Blonde people think they are cool but they are not.
J- Yeah, they have a higher standard of themselves.

V- You are not the right parents that I wanted.

V- Martin Junior King made white people come together with black people and he followed the golden rule.

J was arguing with me about who got to sit down on the subway. He usually can squeeze into a seat and A and V stand. This time they sat and I said, you can't always run and get the seat: I get there first, it's New York mamá.

V: Do you know Santa can read minds and I can read lips?

? G-d makes good luck and bad luck.

V: How do queens fix the car? (I then realized we had our windshield repaired in Queens and he had been ruminating).

When I read a bumper sticker for Trump, A: Oh please, Trump's a jerk!

V: When I die, people will dig me up to get my wallet.