Más Chatter

Kindergarten boy while making a self portrait: Girls have longer eyelashes because they are more sensitive-y

J to V: You are really busting my nerds.

M on a large piece of rolled up paper: From Anonymous to A.F. (8th grade boy): I LOVE YOU.

J, disgusted at the littering on the street: When I grow up  I am not going to be a scientist, I am going to be a garbage man!

J: I have a feeling that at some point in my life I will go to jail.

M to me: Why are you so interested in us behaving well?

J massaging a chicken at the supermarket: Can I admire him since he was killed for us to eat?

J when I beat him in a race in which I was pushing a stroller: You won because you have six legs and four are wheels.

J: Can I officially grow up to have no job?

J: Can we get a pet?
Me: No.
J: A pet bee?

J: Can you get me sparkling white pants and a shirt? Shiny.

V when I bumped into him by BT: Mamá, go cook!

A, thrashing outside our neighbor's home (they were out): Mom! Mom! I want to see mom! (Not me)

Good Times

for real. Had a great last two weeks or so. Auction is over. Was not as lucrative as I hoped but it was fine. Work with filmmaker and subsequent writing and correspondence has been exciting. More on that later. Watching Central Park Five and it is outrageous- never give in to pressure when you are on a jury- you may ruin MANY lives. Depressing shit- hope to blog on that later. MoJo and AleVit lines coming tomorrow too I hope. BT Spanish was phenomenal last week. My group of 2 two and three year olds played animal charades; it was incredible! I am off to sleep before the new week begins. Notte!

More Backlog of Lines

J to F: You guys love me less because I am different than you.
F: Why?
J: Because I believe in G-d and you do not. I am Jewish and you are not.
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J: Do not tell people the funny things I say. I want it to be personal.
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J: Can we move to Singapore? I am sick of all of the gum on the sidewalk. It is disgusitng.
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M: Would you have married papi if he looked like how he does now?
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J: Can you make me spinach and carrots and milk every day so I can have strong bones and eyes?
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J: Girls have three privates and boys have two. Actually girls have four, six if you count the niblets.
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Me: We are going to ask the restaurant for a gift certificate for the auction.
J: They will give it you if they think you are pretty.
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J: Were you born in the 1880's?
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M to J : You should put less pressure on mamá and appreciate her more. Lots of kids do not even get to leave the country like we do.
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J: I would kill myself to save you.
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J: Can you punish me so I cannot watch tv? While M watches tv, I want to learn to read. So please punish me so I can learn to read.

I Am

Sitting in my living room after a day at school followed by music school, picking M up with J, coming home for dinner etc and jetting out to tutor. Fresh direct is coming between 10-11:30pm. Opted to not watch crap TV and eat but rather sit down (avec du vin) to transcribe my interview with Shannon. I feel invigorated. What an honor to have met such a cool woman, filmmaker. Now I need to get my rusty intellectual and writing wheels going to bang out a decent piece to post and hopefully promote her film. If you see it playing ANYWHERE, make sure to see Towheads (2013). I will be sharing my interview and review of the film on skipriporplay.com soon! Here's to using my brain for film this evening!

Backlog of Lines...

J: For Halloween, can we dress up at Family Times?

J: Tomorrow night I am going to escape

J, during an episode of Family Times where the mother is in labor: Why don't they show her pa-china?

J: So many things happen in life.

J, rubbing my back: Wax on, wax off.

J: When I am a grown up I am going to be like MLK and defend animals.

V, as I stood on the window sill yelling at M for breaking the blinds: Do you need help?

V, looking down at his worn down "new" hand me down boots: My shoes are cool. My shoes are dirty.

V & A every 15 minutes, toddler 1: I don't like it!
toddler 2 (they alternate roles) : I don't like it either!
Note that is A is saying this overused line, she pauses in between each word, jutting her chin out for emphasis.

M: Are you the tooth fairy and Santa and all of those characters? Do not tell me because I do not want you to spoil it for me but please tell me when I am older.

J: I am too busy. I do not want to go swimming any more. I need the whole weekend to relax.

J: This family is having a real rough time today.

Me to J: You cannot say "fucking asshole to your sister."
J: I did not. My action figure called another action figure "fuck ass"
( I feel better now).

V Oh V

V is a maniac at bed time. He is like a one man show. He knows I will close the door if he does not at least try to go to sleep. As he jumped in the pack and play making it move all over the room at bedtime, he chanted "Close the door. Hurry up! Close the door." When he subsequently got out of his crib again, I asked M to tell him to go back in or I would be angry. He came running into my room with a big grin and said "I am happy." The last time I went into his room (I passed the task along to tío D as I was leaving to tutor), I found him on the top bunk. The glitter in his eye and the smirk on his face as he waits for my reaction in these situations is priceless. He said laughing as I hoisted him down: You are leaving? I am leaving!

As I got A to wear her first nightgown, V asked me to put a (tiny- it was in a pile to give away) Asian dress on him. I asked him if he was sure (he is a very cute girl too). As soon as he was in it he twirled! He looked like a sausage in it but it seemed like the thing to do.

Images to Remember

In the midst of being a NYSAIS prisoner in school, tutoring like a maniac and the MTA sucking on the same day as there was some fucking parade that paralyzed the city, here are some images/stories I want to remember:

Last night I turned around as I was watching dishes, MoJo was on the couch finishing a movie, it was past bed time. What do I see? V, in his Superman pajamas (his belly is so large and his blonde hair so long that he looks hilarious in it!) just standing in the middle of the living room. He got out of the crib, came down the stairs, and thought he would watch some Grease with the big kids.

Yesterday at nap, I left the room (mistake- need to stand guard from the get go) and came back to V on the top bunk. He was waiting for me to yell, but I did not (I am practicing self control) and he did a little shake and said "Yeah!" to me. He fell asleep right away while A, drove me crazy for an hour until I canceled her nap.

J woke up with his tooth, which has been loose for a while now, in a horizontal position. So gross! He did not really brush his teeth or eat but refused to try to take it out. A friend of his told me "his tooth is wiggling hard." I tried to bribe him, no dice. His teacher convinced him (also with a bribe) and when she went to put her hand in his mouth, he jerked away and the tooth fell out. Glad I missed that one!

I realized that I lost many funny lines that I thought I posted yesterday. Not posted. Or saved. Sad. Will try to reconstruct, but very frustrating! Good night. One day of NYSAIS and two of F in Brazil- done!!

Coming to a Head!

Everything that could be at a "I need your attention now" point is there. My school is having their 10 year accreditation visit starting Sunday (so I need to prepare lesson plans, make my room look impeccable, dress better etc), F is leaving for Brazil on Saturday. I need to churn out the auction catalog NOW- it is in a little over two weeks. I have the chance to interview a filmmaker whose film I loved (first time I have asked someone for an interview of this sort) and she said yes! (but when?) and the chance of buying a three bedroom may be real. Oh yes, that would involve me cleaning out our current home and painting it to show it to sell it first. Do you see what I mean? WTF? I need to make it through the next two weeks and then I can make it through anything I guess. Did I mention that A and V no longer follow a bedtime routine? They get out (V instigates) or V screams and demands that I, or someone stay there. It is a horrible regression and puts a big crimp in my tutoring style, which assumes that I can leave the quartet with ONE sitter so that I can tutor at a normal hour. If that person needs to wrestle the duo, it is unlikely that the other two can go to bed normally.... a disaster. F put the side back on A's crib, which covered in black duct tape, just makes the room even more orphanage like than it was before. Hey, at least I paid my taxes- that was on my to do list for weeks! Off to make dinner and to tutor. May the force be with me.

Lines

As J spoke disparagingly of an old babysitter I asked what was wrong with her: She had tone. She only babysat us for money.
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A and V whenever they see our neighbor (her son is their friend): Mom! Mom! Look mom! (no matter how many times I tell them her name they insist).
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A to V this am: V, are you crazy? (this sentence was uttered at least 6 times by my mother yesterday when we went over to her house for the first time since V's new turbo mode)

Long Time No Post

Miami is now a distant memory, even if a fun one. Family was fab, food delicious, park and beach great, and everyone was very patient with the hurricane that our presence is in anyone's home.

Here are some recent lines:

J on his snails to abuelo: Take care of them. They are part of our family now.

J to me as I woke him up very early to leave for the airport: I love you mamá. Sorry I said those mean things (referring to an incident the day before- too sweet).

V: I want to go home! I need to go home. (was not sure what he meant when we are in Miami and I am even less sure now that we are home).

J at the airpot: I take back everything mean I said. This is the best family!

J in the car: I get it now. Abuelo R is your father and Abuela S is your mother. Grandpa and VH are your stepparents (hallelujah!)

Me to J: Abuelo R did not make me a sandwich, I am jealous.
J: That is because he is an old man now, he takes care of us.

J looking at the American flag in Miami: Why do they have our flag here? This is not America.

Me taking to tía C: I do not care.
V, chiming in: I do not care either!

J to M: Is Billy Joel still married to the lady from the (Uptown Girl) video?
M: No, they are divorced.
J: It is a shame, she was a sexy lady.

J to tía E:You know what's not normal? We are in the same family and we never see you guys naked. Me: J. she is a girl and you are a boy, so that is pretty normal that you do not see her naked. Do you want to see abuelo naked?
J: No thank you. He is rusty and hairy. Disgusting. Revolting.
Me: You will be hairy and rusty too one day.
J: No. Yuck!

Mini Banter

V: I salgo cama. Awesome.

V, as he shoved pasta into his mouth with his fist: A, use your fork!

A now loves grabbing coins from a big vat my father has. She rubs her fingers together on both hands  and says: mama, my money. Mucho money. This evening she showed me a window sill where she was collecting pennies. She proudly counted them for me and also showed me the cat food she was eating.

Getting Into The Groove

Yesterday was a good day. We beached it up in the morning and spent the afternoon in a playground with a friend with kids. Oh yes, on the way to the playground the car started making weird noises until it began to smell and smoke and come to a full and complete stop. On the side of the road. With the heat. And the four kids. Another reason I could never be a driver. Luckily for us, our friends were near by and came to pick me and the four kids up. Just like with the lock, F was out of commission as he waited for AAA to come tow the truck. After the triumvirate of vomit, lock and car, I am hoping for a respite. Why oh why didn't I borrow some high chairs? Some little prison like system for these two tornadoes. Today's highlights include A and V opening neighbor's door only to be met by their dogs. V also emptied a bottle of Alleve, sprayed bug spray onto a toothbrush, spilled a wheel barrow's worth of water onto the floor... You get the idea. We are one third of the way through the day. I hope a nap and some fun in the sun awaits today.

Más Miami

J- When I am a teenager I am moving to Miami.

Me to A: si no te calmas te voy a tirar por la ventana (if you do not calm down I am Ingrid to throw you out the window).
A: la ventana se rompe.

J to abuelo: When I die do you think I will go to heaven and meet G-d or just lay there like the (imitates a roach in its back)?

M to me: Good news, I lost a pound in the last hour!

Vacation From My Vacation

I forgot that being n vacation actually involves double the work, but in an unfamiliar environment. These kids are in rare form. They did not nap and they are currently getting out of their pack and plays over and over again cracking themselves up. The last time I left the room I opened the door to find V in the suitcase and A running amok. V just threw his pacifier and lovvie at me and is dismantling the crappy pack and play. Did I mention that it is bright as day in the room they are in? Bedtime is going to be a daily issue. F  Has been working on a lock problem or my father, who is at work, for the past 2.5 hours. Ad he is not done. He just told me that he is going to a hardware store. Okay, I convinced him to go later. I am exhausted and we have been here less than a day. The plane ride was pretty rough as A never stayed still, she was on me of course, and constantly tried to put boogers on me, take my shirt off, head butt me, twist my neck skin into my chain. You get the idea, sheer relaxation. The only cool thing I did was get both kids on the plane without paying for their tickets. If we manage to do it again, we will have saved $900. We could of course, get caught not he way back. Other highlights of the day include V moaning  the whole way on the cab, only to have  A, what tricksters, vomit her brains out a few feet, literally, from the airport. I am off to do some major vomit laundry. May the little ones go to sleep at some point soon. The weather is nice...

J Lines

J, to nobody in particular in the tub with V: Don't mess with my brother or you are messing with the big guy!

Me; Who are you talking to ?

J : practicing for when he gets bullied

By the way, the plant is not stable. If it tips over, the roots can get uncomfortable.

Look at my belly. I am not going to grow up to be a strong man. I am going to grow up to be a fat man.

Mamá- trust us, we are your kids.

Back From The Dead

This has been quite a week. J began to get droopy and lethargic on Saturday. Without going on and on, I can tell you that the last five days were crazy. Each day he seemed weaker and would just sit or lay down everywhere. He spent most of Tuesday at the nurse. When he was awake he was catatonic-like most of the time. I took him to the doctor on Tues. Doctors, it turns out, do not have many answers. He did not have strep, he was not anemic. Instant depression? A rare disease? The weirdest part was no other symptom. No pain, no fever, no cold, no diarrhea, no nada. Yesterday he stayed home and slept almost entire day. Napped from 8-11am from 2-5 pm and was in bed at 6:45pm. At 3:30 am he came to my bed full of energy to say "I have two pillows, do you want to sleep in my bed?" To make him be quiet, I went to his bed. He continued: "Do you think Papi is lonely now?" Me: I don't know. You can go back to my bed, I am staying here in yours. J: "I know. I was just thinking." Thankfully he went back to sleep and when he awoke at 7am, he was back to his usual whistling, karate chopping self. It was very strange and sudden. A virus? A growth spurt? Sudden and acute depression? All I know, is that I am happy he is back. V is now high on the radar, the worst behaved two year old I ever had. More on that later. Never. A. Dull. Moment. NADM!

New Ones

J watching F write the check for $100 for the BS fine; $100 for vacation? Are you serious? He should be fired!
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J; Can you do that? A big favor for your son. Ice cold water. A little deal. Would you do that for your greatest son? Yeah! yeah!
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Me to V: Mi gordito
V: Mi panza.
Me: Dónde está la panza?V: Se fue.
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V to A, crib side is finally dead and she now sleeps in it with no side: A-lita, sale cama! (she did a few times but for the most part basks in the beauty of her big girl bed)
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J: What does the sign say? No What?
Me: No smoking. You need to smoke outside.
Once outside, J: I am smoking a party (pretending to smoke).
Me: What?
J: Papi told me. Smokin' a party. It is fun!

Recent Lines

M: Were you born in 1987?

Me: No.

M: 1997?

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On J's four leaf clover that featured 4 things he is lucky to have: Shoes, our president, my family, my house.

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V, holding a stethoscope, to M when she hurt her foot: Do you need a doctor?
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Me to A: Quién es mi princesa?
A: V!
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J: Why is it weird if I want to be friends with him (the drunkard who sells crap on the sidewalk)? I am weird
Me: How?
J: I twizzle my hair.

Whoo EEEh

I have had many a busy day in my life,  but today may take the cake. While the day was crazy and isn't yet over, it was a totally satisfying day. The only sad part is that I will not be home in time to see the midgets. I am currently at City College doing a make up swim class with MoJo. The day began with a ridiculous walk to BT. Nothing like pushing that mother load of a stroller in the middle of a snow storm. The plastic would not stay on, my hands we frozen... Well we made it and I even walked all the way to damn school because there were no buses available. I did not teach my first period class because most of the kids were in the gym watching the gym show. So I canceled class and went to see M rock it at her gym show ( think push ups as well as a dance to Gengham Style).  I spent the rest of the morning working on curriculum and packing hundreds of books for a book drive that ended today. After teaching I had my first class with the fourth grade for our community service trimester. I love this group! They are so little and it is their first foray into service.  I took them to the nursing home to do nail care. Yup, 9 and 10 year olds giving old women manicures. My favorite lady was there and she was in rare form, kissing all of the kids and being a ham. The kids were great and sweet and did not make any faces as a strange and confused woman continued to kiss and hug them. I was then called into a meeting with my headmistress where she proposed a super exciting and new task for me to develop with another colleague.  I am flattered. I cabbed it home to drop off and pick up crap and ran to Street Squash. After an hour of college prep I walked (again no bus) with a big bag of swimming gear to school. Got MoJo. They whined the whole way about having to swim at night. That brings us to now. How lucky am I to be able to squeeze so many gratifying activities
into one day? I cannot wait to order some Asian food and watch some flick with F tonight. Life is good. Stay tuned for my new 30 day challenge, I realized as I struggled with the stroller this am that I am COMPLETELY out of shape and may want to consider adding some minimal exercise into my life! Happy weekend!

Recent Lines

M: These icies are so good. Can you consider buying them again? They are so realistic. Coconut tastes exactly like coconut, pineapple exactly like pineapple.

J: Every time I sneeze I fart.

J in the storm today: Nature is all water and spirit.

J: I do not want if I want to be in art or science when I grow up. My other thing I want to be is an overachiever.

M: I got a new plan today. When I retire from being a pediatrician I am going to be a dancer.

J about his birthday cake: I want it to have a picture of me on it.

J: You know who abuelo R is so generous but he is junky? Do you think he would buy me a grand piano?
Me: Junky?
J: Yeah, he lets me eat junk.

J: What would you do if I littered?