J, the Inventor

"I wish we could have an automatic house. It would cook automatically. Pour you cold water with ice automatically. There would also be a little automatic hand to wipe you when you when you go to the bathroom."

This Week's Lines

M: I get so frustrated. You are one of the nicest moms in the neighborhood and J is so frustrating, it makes me so angry.
Me: In the neighborhood huh. How about the block? Do you think I may be the best mother on the block?
M: Probably.
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M: I was crying for papi because, no offense to you, I wanted him to soothe me.
J: Papi is very strict. Mamá can ber very mean but papi is meaner.
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J: Where is the paloma (diploma)?
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J on V: Looks like a prince- baby version.
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J: If I wanted to catch a bad guy I would put him in a swimming pool and put a metal top on it and screw it in.
Me: What would the bad guy be trying to do?
J: Destroy the city.
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M was talking about second hand smoke and I asked him how she knew about that. M: Abuela S told me. She tells me lots of things, although I think many of them are rumors.
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M after a disastrous three way play date: It is like ice cream is good and maple syrup are both good but not together. Every one was getting tense and cranky in that play date.
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J, when I said no to a few places he suggested for lunch: Can we go home for lunch to have normal food? Not too junky and not too fancy?
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J when I did not buy him water:  You were not treating my body well. Do you want me to have a problem?

Back to BT!

Just dropped AleVti at BT. They are officially in the toddler room now. Whoa, that is where M was when J was born. Time flies! AleVit has been trying to break into that room for months so they are surely relieved to really belong there. They will be sleeping on cots and saying good bye to the bottle. There they go!

V, The Precocious Potty Guy

V is caca obsessed. He can tell you when he is about to do it. He loves to flush it down. He loves to check what anyone on the toilet is doing. He will sit on the potty but only with his diaper on. He is too funny! Today I put them in the crib with milk so I could do something and when I returned, he was naked, gave me his diaper, and told me "caca". A ball of poop was on the floor. Guess the midget could not wait. He is like a cartoon character! When he does not want to do something he shakes his head, with its long blond locks, like he is animated.

Stage Fright

Today J had his visit to Mannes, the prestigious music school his uncle attended, the one I thought he would love to go to. Well, let's just say that it did not go all that well. While we waited in the hall, J got his rhythm going by tooting. Nobody heard that, but they did hear him banging on the walls. Drumming sorry. J hates when I say banging, and it is true, he is drumming at all times and with lots of talent. But alas, the man in the room on the other side of the drummed wall did not appreciate the beat and came out to tell us so. We waited and waited and I told J just to be himself and answer their questions when we went in. Well, we went in and it felt like the Flashdance audition in there yo. A table with a panel of piano teachers and the friendly woman from admissions. They asked J questions. He answered looking at the floor. "Are you excited fro Kindergarten?"- "No." You get the picture. The panel was very adamant about us needing a piano at home (isn't that putting the cart before the horse or whatever that expression is?) and could not care less that we have pianos at school and one at abuela's. In any event, part one was over (it would have been an audition if had piano experience) and we moved on to part two, which was a sort of music test. Except during this test, J was unable to show any of his talent or enthusiasm. The more questions the nice and patient music teacher asked, the more melodies he asked J to sing (why sing???) back to him, the worse it got. "Do you play the piano?". "No."J did not get to display his rhythm skills much, and he did not like to have such a formal evaluation. I do not think J wil get into the program. As much as I would love for him to follow in tío D's footsteps and to flourish as a musician, whatever will be, will be.

A The Saboteur

She will not nap and she will not let her brother nap. I do not think this is a choice at 1.5 years old. Because I took her out to let him sleep the other day, she smiles at me and asks to get out. She jumps and laughs and mocks any attempt I make to get her to settle down. When she is not riling her brother up, A's technique is to wait for him to be asleep and then to yank the pete out of his mouth. Then he shrieks at the top of his lungs, I move her, and we start all over again. After 1.5 hours of this crap, I just took her out and she in an extended time out (ie stroller jail). I do not want her to "win" but I guess she already has. Impressive considering my age and experience, outsmarted by a one year old. I wasted all of this time, V will take a short and crappy nap, and she will take no nap and be miserable. Viva BT and viva my job!!! In a few days I will no longer deal with these shenanigans!

Some M Lines... Stay Tuned for More

M- I cannot believe that everything was quiet- it is very rare with four kids.
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M on the new boy's name I read to her on her class list- Do you think he is cute?
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M: I feel like second grade is going to be a break.
Me: Vacation is intense huh?
M: Yeah, with four kids vacation is never really a vacation.
(my sentiments exactly)

Support My Brother!

Click here to donate to the MS Society! My brother will be running the NYC marathon for them and he  needs all of our help! Run tío run!

Last Summer Monday

next Monday is labor day, and then it is back to school. ooh ooh. MoJo got back from their first camping with F yesterday- they loved it. Trip included s'mores, lake swimming and scary stories in the tent. You cannot beat camping! I had a nice night with tía T and her fiancé and my sista and her man at my mother's. I am off to meet a good friend's newborn baby. Hasta la pasta.

Guess Who Said This To Me?

It's time to take your nose ring out. It's too teenagey!

Tidbits

J getting yelled at by two guys in a barber shop as he threw down his scooter and refused to listen to me. "You better pick up that scooter and listen to your momma." You gotta love Harlem yo!
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A stealing my mate from me and sucking it down like she was a regular (super bitter) mate drinker. The  metal rim and straw were piping hot ("ot ot said V). I cannot have coffee, beer, or wine in front of that midget.
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V has become potty obsessed. Kind of precocious. He checks the toilet constantly and bids "pipi" or "caca" goodbye. He loves to flush. He announces when he is going to poop (thank you for not doing the bathtub trick anymore) but will not do it in the potty, he wants a diaper on. He does enjoy sitting on the potty with his diaper on:)
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J to himself as did his workbook "My hand is getting tired. Work for Cheetos, work for cheetos."

Check In

When you spend as much time with your children as I have recently, you get a lot of love and a lot of insults too. J is the most up and down. On any given day he tells me that he loves me and am "the best mom ever" as well as that he hates me and sorts of variations like "mothers are bad and fathers are gooder. You are no longer in my family." He has gotten very fresh at times, and what could seem funny and cute to some, is actually straight up back talk. He was so naughty yesterday (admittedly a boring-ish day- MoJo had to come to the doctor with me and to PT- but they got a nice lunch out and playground time as well), that when I told him to "listen" on the bus and he answered "no, you listen", I realized just how fresh this midget is. It is hard to believe that it is almost September. It is also hard to fathom that M's first full day of school is not until Sept 10 and J's until Sept 12- help! This has been the most intense child summer ever. I have never, before this summer, not had a job. Not a single tutoring gig, no camp, nada. This coupled with four children, two of whom are way wilder than they were last summer (AleVit is a terror!), made for a tiring summer. We have had fun. We had madness. We have done many parks, museums, tv, the pool, you name it, we did it. When I am back to (a just renovated and gorgeous) school Sept 4, I will miss the kids, but it will be good for all of us. If I get too nostalgic, I can find two in my place of work, as well as know that AleVit and I have our pre 7am daily milk date. In a few years when none of them care about me or need me, when I do not hear "mamá" 30000 times per day and prepare 24 meals and snacks per day, I will wish I had basked in this phase more. I already miss them as younger versions of themselves and then I realize that they have to grow up, for all of our sakes!

Recent Lines

J: I am growing up man strong and you are growing up lady strong
Me: What does that mean?
J:That we are growing up good.
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J:You are the worst mother ever. I hate you. Period.
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Me: You need to stop cursing. It is very unpleasant and you will get in trouble at school. Why don't you just say all the curse words you know right now and get them out of your system?
J: Pipsqueak pig (??), shut up, ass (thanks abuela S, who always says "kick your ass" to when they play), shit, fuck- which is one I think is one to cover up other bad words but papi says it is not.....
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M: Can we catch a snuggle?
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J when I asked him to start writing out the alphabet): I did this twenty years ago. Do you expect me to remember all of this?
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Me: Why are you so cute?
J: Good couples make good childs.

Back in The USSA

Got back home at 11:30pm last night! Rough trip back last night with AleVit antsy on the flight. A got to sit in business for a while, on me, in the ergo, as she fed herself a creamy pasta and tried to stab me with the (real) fork and spoon. V had his 5th new brand and cuckoolicious breakdown. It involves screaming like he is being decapitated while thrashing, sobbing, sweating, and possibly hitting his head on you, the carseat etc. Hope these attacks subside. We had many baby haters (including a bitch flight attendant) around us and a few sweet gracious passengers, who loved V, shit fit and all. Today was spent unpacking, doing 1000 lbs of (moldy) laundry, organizing bills, and wrangling the four brutes on home turf. This trip was Exhausting and I now accept that I need to go to work to relax:) I love these critters but AleVit is a tag team hurricane, always in destruction and/or danger mode, unable to be non-supervised for more than 15 seconds. V still hates the beach ("bye bye agua, ya está" as soon as we hit it) and A still plunges into the sea like she is a wild aquatic beast, covered in sand and salt that she enjoys eating. V's blond locks are now so long that he cannot see without a headband. He has become a parrot who can pretty much repeat anything. A is talking a little more and hitting a lot lot more. I have started time outs for her when she twists the skin on my or V's face, bites or hits with a big smile. This girl is strong and cuckoo. Okay, no more stream of consciousness updates on the bebés. Off to watch some more Breaking Bad and off to la camita!

Recent Lines

Me: A is going to read until she finishes that book (Altas Shrugged- a mother of a book at a whopping 1,600 pages).
A: Yeah, I am going to be still reading when you wake up.
J: I don't think so, you sleep like a hog!
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J about a one eyed dog: Was it in the war
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M: I was going to be a babysitter or a doctor, but now I want to be a zip lining guy.
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M (after I said that paté was fattening): I do not care if I am wide as a farm I love paté.
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M: Cheeseburgers are admirable.
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J: After you ask one of those guys to teach me to skateboard, can I skip school to skateboard?

Holy Bat!

I mean crap. We have been hearing a squeaking nagging noise on and off every night since we got here My first thought was that it was bats in the wall. But I wanted to think maybe baby birds? Every night has been an awful's night sleep. One night it was the animal noises (think howling monkeys, roosters who crow at 4am wtf?, baby birds?), another V whining all night because A was kicking him (they are sleeping in the equivalent to you sleeping in a Fresh Direct box, with your brother), another the sagging bed, another J coming into our room, another A crying like crazy having some sort of reaction to her many infected bug bites.. you get the picture. Anyway, all those nights were heaven compared to last night. F got really interested in the possibility of the noise being baby bats. He had regularly been shining his Iphone in the direction of the noise during the night, read about Costa Rican bats during the day. He got, a la F, kind of obsessed. When we went to bed I asked him to give me a break, that I was going to have nightmares about it. Oh, no need to dream, he woke up me up as a crazy bat (hence the expression bat shit crazy) charged the net over our bed. I lost my shit. If there is one thing that I DETEST, it is rodents. Add flying to rodents and I break down. In the middle of the night we dragged the pack and play with AleVit out and all four of us moved into the other room. This is why I come on vacation. To sleep, with six other people in a room with only three beds. I tried to sleep with J, on the bottom bunk. He decided to badger me (with words and fists) for "ice cold water." I told him there was no damn ice cold water but he was relentless. At about 2am when I had just fallen asleep, I heard a thump. It was either F or M that had fallen off  a bed. Thankfully it was not F (he was on the top bunk and would have been possibly dead, with both babies definitely dead under him), but M. She fell out of her bed like a sack of potatoes and did not even wake up. Suffice it to say, it was another sleepless night in Puerto Viejo. Is there such a thing as too much nature? Yes, there is. I am saturated, all done. This NYC gal is happy to hit the zoo if I miss nature any time in the next few months. I am ready to leave the bats and all of the other flora and fauna behind!

Costa Rica Time

I went online last night and had not done so in 48 hours. It is crazy that I do not remember the last time that happened. We all live attached to the web. Internet is more difficult to access here and it is virtually impossible to find time where I am not chasing kids. I think posts will be scarce while I am away and we can catch up upon my return. Some highlights so far... kids were GREAT on the trip. United lost one of our cribs (it is Canada!) and AleVi is really squished in one, it is much smaller than their crib at home. A spent the flight running up and down the aisles and sleeping. She woke up a passenger by throwing a packet of plastic utensils in her face. J offered the immigration officer "chicle" like a suave bribe as soon as we got to the window. He is in tv withdrawal (this is a tech free vacation) and told me: "I am not joking, I seriously miss TV." M has been good for the most part, although during a melt down yesterday she told me "You have no respect for my anger, I am going to walk away from Costa Rica until I find someone who appreciates me." It is very humid here. It is very hard to wrangle the children with no real stroller, or high chair, or anything, V had a psychotic meltdown at lunch (thin 60 minutes of screaming and thrashing) and began to repeat it at dinner, so I left with the babies. So many restaurants a day is ambitious. Beach is lush and wild. We are going to look for an adventure today. Hard to find ones we can all do. More soon. Happy August!
PS On the bright side, nobody has diarrhea or too many bug bites yet.

Here We Go!

'Tis the day before the crack *&#(&@ of dawn when we will be leaving for Costa Rica. Even though I consider myself to be a master packer (one suitcase plus one tote bag to check in- little trick to not pay for overweight luggage), we have a mountain crap of stuff to take with us. In addition to the aforementioned to be checked in items, we have 2 pack and plays (no, they do not have any there), 2 stroller/carseat contraptions, 1 booster (smaller and lighter than a car seat but annoying all the same) and each person (minus babies) has a backpack. Oh, and I do not know what tía A will bring but surely one more carry on and one more piece to check. Luggage aside, the challenge will be to make a 7:36am flight with all of the monkeys. All four kids are going to sleep early, in their clothing, so I can wake them at 4:45 am to pee and wash their face, brush their teeth in time for a 5am pick up. Yikes! The flight is 5 hours and 14 minutes. I have never seen AleVit stay still for even 14 seconds. Once in San José, we need to pick up our car for a 3 (or 4? ) hour drive to paradise. Suffice it to say that we will be wrecked by the time we get there. It is 2 hours earlier there, but I hope the dark helps so that I do not have V up at 3:30 am (5:30 in NYC). Off we go, not sure what the internet situation will be there, but I will blog when I can. Here's to the final leg of our holidays! How lucky we were to have a triumvirate this year. Pura Vida, we are on our way.

Go Go Go!

Is the game V has made up. He runs around in a circle stomping his feet saying "go go go" in his cartoon voice. He smiles like crazy as he gets dizzy while cracking me up. This is the first game I have seen him make up and he plays in on command. In the mornings, V and A beat each other up with pillows and wrestle and laugh like cuckoo heads.

The End of An Era

Babies are not really babies any more. They napped on cots on Tuesday and finished BT today. In a few weeks when they return, they will be in the toddler room. I think they are officially not babies. They have diapers and chupetes and bottles. Bottles are on their way out, they hardly care for them. Before you know I know it, they will have backpacks. This morning as I took the stroller down, I watched A following directions! She was waiting patiently, sitting on a stoop, like she had been told to, as her teachers loaded the babies into the buggy for a stroll. No more babies :(

Today's Lines

M to me: Starting tomorrow, can we have 10 min Spanish classes?
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J: You are the best mom in the world. Even in the alien universe. Even in the ninja one.
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M: When I die I want to be disintegrated.
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M looking at a table of 12 men dressed more or less the same: What are they doing? Synchronized business?

Not For Scaredy Cats!

Get Down!

Mid- Summer Assessment

Okay, a bit late, again, but let me take inventory on the summer. F and I had two modest (and overdue) goals. To teach MoJo to bike ride and J to swim. Missions accomplished. I have not done any exercise and my children have watched too much TV. I learned that the summer is long and that no camp is a real challenge. I confirmed that I cannot live without L. I was reminded that there is no such thing as "being on vacation" for more than an hour or two at a time when four kids are calling your name. All the time. I read about a woman who had her eleven children call her "Mrs. Bowman" on mother's day, just to get a break from answering to "mom" all day long. I like that. What else can I add to my summer ravings and rantings? I love to read and I am back into it after a very long hiatus. I am trying to get back into blogging about movies. Even though we took a lame ass extended break, we are back, please check it out. My back feels good despite my delinquent lack of independent pt (I still go for formal sessions once a week). Gossip magazines are way ahead and much more blunt in Australia. I love the Jersey shore. I wish I had a beach house to always host lots of friends. I will miss C greatly on our trip but look forward to tía A coming with us. I think this might be our last plane trip in a looong time. Definitely last international one. I will spare you any more random thoughts. Traveling? Don't forget to check your passport's validity. I just learned the hard way (aka $300) that you cannot fix an expired passport in a week. Phew, that was close. Off to Costa Rica we go, all 7 of us!!! on Saturday at the crack ass of dawn (7:30am flight).

Happy (belated) Birthday!

Oh boy, I am three days late. Happy birthday little sista. My thoughts have been elsewhere as I contemplated my stupidity in failing to renew J's passport, hence jeopardizing our whole vacation, but I am back. Happy 31! Sorry there was no live scavenger hunt. I hope you liked our artistic attempt at a table cloth. Love you mucho. Lechuga.

18 Months!

Tomorrow. Today was the 18 month check up. Crazy. A year and a half. Of cuckoo AleVit life. They both grew two inches in the last three months (so she is still half an inch taller) and she gained more weight than he did since their last visit, but he is still heavier. Oh yes, V's head is still bigger. So we officially have two babies over 25 lbs. V cried, like a baby, during every part of the visit, from head measurement to getting his shot. A emulated the tears but cried in anger at her shot and tried to hit the nurse when she wanted to put a band aid on post shot. Our trip to Costa Rica this weekend will be the biggest challenge yet. These babies do not sit still for a single minute. No joke. They are in hurricane mode. They do not sit to listen to a story, to watch cartoons, to play with a toy. Nada. If there are doors to slam, books to rip off shelves, recycling to throw around, they are there.

Twin Love

is too cute to bear at times...When A hit V the other day I told her to apologize. This mute midget has perfect comprehension skills. A walked over to V, lowered her head onto his shoulder, and for the next thirty seconds or so they did some sort of cheek, shoulder eskimo rubbing. Too sweet! Last night they fell asleep in each other's arms, literally. While many think it crazy that they are in the same crib, it is actually adorable to see all of the many position that they find to snuggle in (they have been in closer quarters after all!) When V woke up from his nap yesterday he beamed "This, this is A (says her name perfectly!) like 10 times. He insisted on introducing me to his new friend.

La Palla!

V is on a roll with his first (definite) Italian word. He loves saying it and playing with it. PALLA!
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J as he watched a cartoon about anatomy, bones specifically: Where is the pito bone?
Me: It is not a bone. A muscle? I do not know.
F: It is a tissue and spongy. Not a muscle or a bone.
J: A sponge?
M: A tissue? You do not blow your nose on it.

More Zingers

M: Can I pack a small bag, not like a backpack when we go on vacation but like the armadillo one, with just a few accessories for Philadelphia?
When I am jolly I forget to do my activities from when I am, like organizing.
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M at bedtime: Let me read thirty pages, I can do it in a jiffy.
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J to F: Can we have a play date at your work?
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M to F: If you stop making Moleskine, you can open a bakery.
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M to me: I have to talk to J about setting an example for the babies so they do not learn the rude talk back from us.
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M upon seeing the huge post office on 34 St: This post office is overreacting (overbearing?)
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J to F: I want to live with just you at abuela S's house.
Me: What about me?
J: You can stay with your family.

More MoJo

So much material yesterday, and did not make it to post!

M on her obsession with organizing: I am trying to grow out the habit.
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J to F: you are illegal, you cannot put a match in the toilet!
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J to me: I do not have to listen to you. You are not a queen or a king or a princess. You are not royal.
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M on her motherhood :It must be hard to have four kids. Especially with twins.
J: She has like triplets but we didn't al come out at the same time (nice math)
M: No, triplets would be a nightmare. I plan on having two or three kids. Did you plan on having three kids or were you settled on two?
Me: We planned on having all of you but we did not know we would have twins. We thought we would have a third baby and then a fourth.
M: If I had twins, it would be my first and last kid. If I cannot have babies, I will get the egglets.
Me: Egglets?
M: Yeah. But I would only get one or two egglets put in me. But if the egglets did not work, then I would adopt. But I would like two or three kids. I cannot imagine being you.
Me: We are happy we have all of the kids we have.
M: Yeah, but if you had kids with good habits, that never fought and were not rude, then maybe it would be a good to have a lot but that doesn't really happen, so I want two kids.
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J on the homeless man who sells junk on Lenox (he is obsessed with him!): He is my best friend.
Me: You do not even know him and kids cannot be best friends with men who are not even in their family.
J: Yes, I am best friends with him.
M: You cannot do that, you already have a best friend, M (from BT). It is like having a wife and saying that you are looking for a girlfriend. You already have it. It does not make sense.
J (one track mind): I am best friends with all of papi's friends and they are grown ups.
Me: Really? You like A, B, C (I name some)?
M: He (referring to one) is not my friend. It is not appropriate to yell at other people's kids and he did that to me at the Jersey shore, so I would never be his friend.
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M after finding her goggles on her arm: I am like an old man looking for his glasses that are on his head.
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M on her great day: I think the reason I am usually grouchy in the morning is that I do not relax enough. Today I stayed in my bed.
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M on self control: I am trying to settle the mode of always rushing and organizing (she is). And, not to brag, but I think I am doing a good job (she definitely is!)
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J: Who made birthdays up? Abe Lincoln?

Today's Lines...

J to me: I love you more than you can love anyone.
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MoJo complaining to me in the am as we walked to BT: Why can't L take them
Me: Because we can and we are not exactly busy. We ask L to help when we need it.
J: Then why does she come help you with bedtime and bath? You can do that.
Me: Well, it is nice to get some help, a break.
J: A break from what? You have been on a break for like two years.
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Abuela S to J: Can you believe that I was married to abuelo R?
J: You divorced him because of his fake teeth right?
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J, upon learning that John Lemon's ashes are scattered in Strawberry Fields: Can we bring JL home in a tank?
Me: He is not a fish, he cannot be in a tank. Also, he is not in his body anymore (too hard I know).
J: Can we bring him home?
Me: No.
J: Was the man who shot him sad after? Did his girlfriend het mad at him? Why din't he kill Yoko Ono?
All good questions Ciccione. He had tears in his eyes talking about his idol, John Lemon:(
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J as he heard me on the phone with the state department, trying to figure out how the hell to renew his passpotrt: We are not wanted in the city so we have to move to CA.
Me: Who does not want us?
J: The government.
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M to J as he cut her to spit out toothpaste: Last I heard it was ladies first!
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J to me: Can you buy me some armpit cream? I want to be like papi and wear that.
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J  is obsessed with weights (Olympic inspired?) and wants me to give hin an exercise room in the house. I told him to talk to my physical therapist (PT)
PT: J, you are too little to lift weights. You need to go through puberty first.
J: Yeah, well my dad lifts weights (no he doesn't).
PT: Well, your dad has gone through puberty.
J: You do not even know my dad, you do not know if he has gone through puberty!