Now I Remember

Why I did not want to have a nanny in the first place. I do not have room for much human error nor do I have patience or time for misunderstandings. I asked L to pick up babies like she did yesterday and the day before at 5pm. After much calculation I sought help from my mother in order to efficiently collect all of the children, accomplish tutoring and Street Squash. A sitter picked J and a friend up from school at 10:30. She took care of them until 1pm at which point she took them to the girl's house. I ended teaching at 2:30, pumped and went to tutor a block from where J was but did not get him because I went straight to Street Squash for my first session with the 8th grade (this is my third year with them). My mother got J, went up to school to get M and took them to her house. I said I would come get them at 6pm after an hour of tutoring. You know what? I said to myself. Since F came back this am on a red eye and said he could go to work late or leave early (we decided that the latter made sense) I said "I will stay at SS while L enjoys the babies at home and F can go up to get MoJo." My mother said 6 was too early to get them, I said F will be there 6:30, which ended up being 6:40 he said. 6:05 I notice my phone "ringing" - it is broken and does not  ring or vibrate- it has to be in my hand for me to notice it. BT was on the line to tell me that nobody had come to pick up the babies. WTF? Never in my life did something like this happen. This is why I am ocd, do not like to delegate etc etc. I jumped on the train and got to BT about 6:20pm, 35 minutes after closing. I felt horribly guilty for having made people wait, sad that the babies were hungry and sort of abandoned, and top of all of that shit, I felt bad for being unfriendly to L when she called me to ask me where I was. Yes, that is right. While I panicked waiting for the fucking subway, she called me to ask me where I was because she had been waiting for me outside my house for an hour. Apparently when I called her and said "I just wanted to let you know that my phone is running out of battery" she heard "forget everything we discussed about you going to BT, feeding and bathing the babies because I will be home late and you may have to put them to bed. Just go to my house and I will see you later." I can see the confusion. She offered to get in a cab to get them or to wait for me to help when I got back but the last thing I wanted to do was to see her. Now I know she feels horribly and I feel bad for her and I do not want to care about how she feels. At 6:40 I was still walking home, pounding the same pavement I pounded 10 hours before to get them there. F got to MoJo at 7:30. The bonus is that I will pay L, owe two people at BT gifts. AAAAHHHH. Off to eat. And faint.