When you have a blog like this one, I tend to feel like I need to be honest and not just write about the funny or amusing (to you) parts of my life. Today I fucked up royally, cried, and then wondered if I could hide what I did from you. I could. But it would feel weird. So here you have it... I let ANOTHER BABY FALL. What the fuck is my problem? I understand gravity. I love my children. I just watched A bonk off the couch a few days ago, and I was not alone when my second baby fell. While L gave A her first bath, I confidently put V on the bed and turned to put his onesie in the wash (a few steps away). Why the fuck did I do this? Was it pressing? Am I a moron? I do not know, no, and yes, are the answers. I turned around to make sure he was right where I left him, in the center of the (huge!) bed, but he was no longer in the same frame of my vision and I had not moved. I could see one of his legs and I took two giant steps towards my bed as he fucking fell of it (the bed is high and there is no rug). Do not call child services please. I think I got it this time. NEVER LEAVE A BABY UNATTENDED FOR EVEN TWO SECONDS. This is so basic, but I am apparently in need a refresher course. V screamed. How could he not? The shock of falling coupled with my screaming and cursing. L was sweet and calmed me down (now I really know this will never happen on her clock). V did not get lethargic or vomit or act strangely or have much more than a red mark. But alas, I am an idiot, and now it is confirmed, certifiably ill equipped to keep babies safe. I have to admit that if I did not have so many witnesses both times, I would have considered not telling F. In case you do not know this, he is a safety FREAK and reminds me to "hold the kids hands while crossing" and other cliches that make it seem like I do not know how to keep them safe. And I guess so far I am proving him right. Sensing my distress when I came clean on the phone, F bought me flowers. Very sweet. I do not want to post about this ever again. I will not let babies fall off of high surfaces. I am lucky that mine seem to bounce, but I am a jerk all the same.
PS MoJo behaved like shit today. I am ready for school and routines to begin!
PLease do not punish yourself so hard.
ReplyDeleteYou are a great mom, certainly not a moron and probably overwhelmed by the 4 kids the 3 jobs, the 2 bedrooms.
I'm sure it will not happen again and this was not more than an act of justice.
why let fall a and not v ?
lub
agreed. dont be so hard on yourself. your babies are strong. everyone does things like that, and those moments - when you are scared shitless but no one gets hurt, are the best lessons, because they will stick (at least this time)
ReplyDeleteif you forget refer back to peggy:
http://chordstriking.blogspot.com/2010/09/some-things-peggy-taught-me-about_28.html
the other thing is - when i let a kid fall from a couch, it wasn't even my own....THAT's bad
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted this. Now let it go! We all fell. I even pushed my brother off a table and he cracked his head open. I agree with Rolando. Now it's even. xoxo
ReplyDeletedearest vio,
ReplyDeletejust so you know, the twins' brief interludes with gravity in no way override all of the love, concern, and nurturing that you give to them (along with the other 2) on a daily basis. i can say with great assurance that even when parents make huge mistakes (FYI turning around to put a onesie in the wash does not qualify!), these mistakes will fade into the background of your children's memory, and what will remain vivid is the love. you are an amazing mamma!
xo, AT