M's Musings

I will leave the door ajar. I like it when you leave our door ajar so there is some light.

(about the internetnbeing down): Is this a city wide problem?

Are we thousandaires? Know we are not millionaires.

M Declares...

I miss the old J, the one that was nice. Now he is just mean like an adult.

I'm Back!

Yesterday was a day from hell compete with bad Internet Erica, a repair person making me wait 8.5 hours instead of 4 and all sorts of other fun details that I will omit in the interest of time. The good news is that I have the first draft of the damn auction catalog done. Over 100 items! Such a headache, but hopefully all worth it on April 21 when it takes place.
For now I will give you some lines from mojo from the last three days...

After J heard a Toyota ad on the radio: I have a toy Yoda.
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Questions to the magic 8 ball:
J: Will I have a chance to be a super hero? Could I be Hulk by any chance?
Will my parenst let me get whatevr I want? (he was pleased with the answers)
M: Will I have triplets? Will I have twins?
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At the restaurant...
J,as he ate calamari: I do not want to eat baby squid. I feel bad for them.
When we finished lunch: I do not think we should have to pay for this food. They get to keep our money ad we could not keep the food, we do not have it anymore.

Lines From Mystic

J when we said we were going out (as opposed to staying in the hotel room): It is my vacation too!
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M: What is soul-citing (soliciting)?
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J, after F picked up and rehung an American flag that had fallen: Papi is a hero.
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M to Me: Was abuela S as nice to you as she is to me? (No, if you are wondering..)
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After I explained that not all grandmothers are that nice: I bet that is very unpleasant for the child.
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M: Does all of Europe come with jetlag?
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Me to J: Isn't this museum cool?
J: Not that cool.
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When we tried to explain the Native American massacre (in not so extreme but still realistic terms) to M. she in turn synthesized it for J: So, not us, but abuela I's great great great grandmother, killed the Native Americans. (Irene qué?)

Thursday

Was a full day. Took MoJo to feed Ana the cat, to the market, came home to host twin boy friends of J for a play date. When they left at noon we went to meet tía D for lunch. Yummy greasy grilled cheese. M got picked up by friend. Ran lots of errands, including haircut with J* and then took him to a friend's house. I meant to ask to leave the bags of crap I had with me there but the Asian nanny barely cracked open the door, hardly spoke English (reassuring I know) and I decided to run home to drop stuff off. Train to BT where I finally made some significant progress with the BT auction ceramics. Ran back to get J and then home so I could get M as she was dropped off. Post dinner we went to see our first film at the New Directors New Films Festival. Amazing. Check out http://skipriporplay.blogspot.com/ my other, semi- abandoned blog soon for a review of this incredible film. Long full day. Today brought lots of sun and an impromptu picnic with MoJo. J is off shopping with abuela and M and I are hanging until the bebés return. Mystic here we come tomorrow!
*I took J to a kid's haircutting place, a chain I avoided like the plague since it is a toy store with a hair place nestled inside the marketing nightmare. F complains that the Harlem barber butchers his hair so I spent $32!! (instead of $8) to get an I must admit cute cut. They offered him a video game or a movie while he got his hair cut. Only in NYC, how weird and detached and condescending. J looked at the lady like she was crazy and turned down all 17 of her movie offers. Then the chair, vehicle chair or regular chair? J opted for the regular chair. He was, like me, confused by all of the dumb distractions.

Fun Night!

Last night we went out to dinner at Mermaid Inn and I almost died eating oysters for the first time. They were flat out the most disgusting "thing" I ever put in my mouth. After the first one, which tasted like sea sewage, I almost vomited. We had three different kinds of oysters so I womaned up and tried the second one. Not as garbage-like. Went for number three and it was just as revolting as number one. Who the hell eats these slime ass tasting creatures for fun? We left the restaurant to head over to the MOMA for the New Directors New Films opening reception. Before I tell you about that wild experience, I have a funny bit about F. Mr serious pants, easily embarrassed was peeing in his pants on our way to the party. I suggested we enter a random hotel lobby with conviction (if you look like you know what you are doing you can get away with a lot) and go to the bathroom. Men's room locked. Women's unlocked. I ran in and F ran in after me. It was a good thing that I was over a toilet because I was laughing so hard. I looked at F's feet and suggested he at least turn to pee in a more womanly fashion. He ran out, sprayed some water on his hands and we could not stop laughing. The MOMA reception was amazing. Great DJ (but no dancing), the whole lobby and garden were set up with bars, delicious food, beautiful people everywhere...so this is how the other half lives. Nice to actually get out and see more NY!

J Today

J: Secondable, we were not good behavior (nice syntax!)
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Me: You cannot blame things on babies, it cannot be their fault.
J: When they are toddlers they are starting to get faults.
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J: If you could choose marriage or $469 what would you choose?
Me: Marriage.
J: Really?
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J to his friend: Did you know that grown ups have mothers?

J is Reading!

Never one for academics, 48 hours ago J discovered that he not only knows letters, but that with lots of encouragement he can read one syllable words. VERY EXCITING. He is five so this is nothing earth shattering, but given that M knew the letters at two and could read better than me at five, we did not know what to expect with Mr. J. He looks forward to reading and asks me to write words for him to sound out. Yahoo!

Recent Lines

J: How do crocodiles kiss?
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J: Can we have whistling classes on Mondays?
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M: Can you live without sugar (me:yes)Then I am going to live without sugar!
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M: I am tired of your sweet treatment of J. I am like a maid.
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M: I do not. Relieve in G-d, I believe in metros-d. With good things that he gives come bad things too.
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J (deep in thought): I do not want to punch anyone in the teeth.
Me: You do not have to.
J: Well, I might, if a bad guy comes.

One of My Street Squash Kids- Go Go Imani!

Weekend With (Almost) Toddlers

We spent most of the weekend outdoors and I got to witness A as a real kid in the playground and the zoo. She walks everywhere and fast and of course nobody sees her in crowds because she is like an animated midget weaving through people as V sat in his stroller (in a pose reminiscent of my paternal grandfather) or crawled alongside her like a pet. Yesterday we met at the zoo. I took A up to pick J up at music class and F walked with V and M to the zoo- all 50 blocks because he forgot his metrocard. On the way back, we switched and F got on a bus with J and A and I took the next one (same metrocard) with M and V. When I got off at our stop with V asleep like a log on me, F was standing there with A out cold as well. Too cute. Traveling with umbrella strollers sure does have its perks. Now we just need to get on the same bus!

Day I- Spring Break

Officially has begun. AleVit at BT, MoJo home with play dates, errands, and movies planned galore. We almost went to the Empire State Building as we were near there, but it cost $86 to go into without standing on line (this is with J not even paying) so I decided to save that for a vacation. We are pretty planned up through Sat when we go off to Mystic for the weekend- Monday.  Let's hope these delinquents behave!

Corre Que Te Cojo!

cojer

Cojer just means "get" in a number of Hispanic countries; it's mostly Mexicans who say "I'm gonna get that girl" to refer to fucking. In Puerto Rico, where "cojer" just means "get" ("fuck" is "joder") the expression "Cojelo suave!" ("get it smooth!", literally) just means "take it easy!"  coger [cogiendo|cogido] {v.t.} (also: coger (medio de transporte)) to catch [caught|caught] {v.t.} coger (medio de transporte) to catch L (from PR) chases the babies around saying "corre que to cojo"- I should have said something the first day. She also says that V says "cojo cojo cojo." Yay!

M's Inquiry On The Nature of the World

What if we are little people in a doll house and we just come alive? The sky is just the top of the box that we are in and outer space is when it is night time and he has glow in the dark stickers that we think are stars. We never saw the people who control us.
Me: What if they do not exist?
M: Then it is how people think it is.

MoJo's Made Up Moshling Monsters

J' Moshling Monster: Ninja Dragon fighter. Adjective: Cool. Like spices, hot chili, and gatorade. He does not like monkeys or bananas. Habitat: Mountains.

M's Moshling: Flower Patch. Adjectives: Jumpy and clumsy. Likes ice cream and brownies and she does not like popcorn or mangos. Habitat: Flower patch. One more detail: Her head is a flower.

Haiku by Second Grader

Spanish class is fun
Everyone is invited
Ms Epstein is nice

Today's Comments

As I tried to drag J out of bed this am I offered him candy as a breakfast dessert. He would not budge. Finally in his typical thug style: Two candies. And before breakfast.
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M- Did you know that I am a secret agent born in India and that my name is Caroline but I go by M?
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J - I manage the babies.
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After we went to Trader Joe's.. J: We went to Brooks Brothers! M: I thought you went to Farmer Joe's.
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When I asked J about the left over pasta on his plate. Me: Is this for the garbage? J: No, charity.
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Me to J: Can you not pick your nose and use a tissue?
J: No, I cannot because tissues cannot go as deep.
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M: What if the world is totally different than what we think it is and our built in eyes are at the wrong angle and everything looks different than what we think it is?

Today's Comments

M: You can come in all of my spy books because you are the master of the program.
Me: Great. How did I get this treat?
M: Because you are the oldest of all of the spys.
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M to me: How did you get to be such an expert on children?
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M on the supermarket by us: I think it is still kind of junky like everything in Manhattan Harlem.
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Today we went to go see the space for tía C's wedding party with the kids. I could tell J was confused.
When a maintenance worker walked in J said: We are having a marriage.
Later on the phone he told F (who is in Chicago): You missed C's wedding!
I asked him how he could think us standing around the gym was the party.
He shrugged and said: I thought they did the kissing and dancing part after we left.

Today's Lines

M to Me: Who do you think is better at music? People with brown skin or peach skin?
J (very convinced): Rachmaninoff- he had monster hands!
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J as he chose his story: I chose this book to give out stickers to club members.
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J about the homeless man who sells junk on the sidewalk: We should have more play dates with him.
Me: We are not going to have play dates with him, he is a stranger.
J: I know, that is why you need to ask him his name. That way we can know him and if I am ever lost he can help me.
Me: No, he is not an adult to go to in an emergency. He is a stranger and I am not sure if he is crazy.
J (with contempt): He is just poor. Let's find out his name and have a play date.
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Pediatrician to J about Legos: So you do not have the set to build boats and you just use your imagination?
J: No, I use Legos.
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J on A (with his mafia look): She does not get protection, V does.
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J: I am really exciting to buy those cookies.
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M: How do you think I am behaving today with 1 being the nicest and 10 the most delinquentest?
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J: Why do they take blood?
Me: Because your blood gives the doctor a lot of information.
M: Like in words?
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M on her doll: I can tell this is for kids because she has underwear drawn on.
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M: Is your zip code private?

In The Last 36 Hours

Me- Do you need help with the water (for the shower)?
M- No, I am a big girl now but you are right, occasionally I do need help with the water temperature.
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Me to J: Do you want to wear your jacket or your sweater?
J: My jacket. It's jazzier.
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M's To Do List (in her writing):
shower, reading log, listen to music, play, dinner, bingo/conect four
star wars/dessert
put on pjs/brush hair
pop corn, story
feed babies?
play with babies
say bye to L
ask for Moshling guide
wait for papi
go to Jo's bed
check chart for green/star
bed/flashlight time
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M (from the shower): Do you listen to me when I sing in the shower? I feel comfortable pretending there is another person in the shower with me.
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J: I do not think you are going to say yes, but can we split the kitchen (plastic dramatic play furniture) in two and bring half in the bath tub with the action figures so we can have a house boat for them?
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M: If you had to choose and all of your kids had to die or papi who would you choose?
Me: Papi because he would not want to live without you.
M: So you would be a widow.
J: Or you could choose us because I know karate and you could adopt other kids.
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M to J: You happen to be deadly annoying.
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M to me: Do you have any tattoos?
Me: No
M: Cavities?
Me: No.
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Me to J: Can you get your hand off my teta?
J: I am just rubbing where the babies bit you.
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J to teacher: I need to go to the nurse. She needs to fix my teeth (points to crooked teeth).
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Kid to another kid in J's class: Why is your favorite color blue?
Kid- Because G-d made me like blue.
J: G-d makes us like everything except zucchini.
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M about a monk that came to visit chapel: I did not know what he was talking about. He said he looked into people's face for Jesus.
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M on some quiet kids in her class: They are shy but good friends. They do not really give compliments to me so they are not my best friends.
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J on his perennial confusion about what I do for a living: What is your job? Physical Ferapy?
Me: Tell me what you think my job is.
M: Teaching Spanish, being a mother, responsible for the household, taking care of five people.

J: Squash Street, Bank Street (???), Sfizikal Ferapy, Spanish

Victory Over V Part II

When V was sick I was very worried. As you read, it went on and on and only got worse. So, the little midget learned to wake up and get my attention. I can check on him and give him milk at 5am, poor guy. 4:45 am is just like 5am. 4:20am? What is a few minutes. 4? 3:30 Wait a minute, this is not the morning, it is the middle of the damn night. For days on end, post illness I supported V's wacky MOD (milk on demand) program. Then I had a revelation. I have sleep trained you before midget, I will do it again. Unfortunately for me/us, it looks like this puppy has a strong will (surprise!) and he cried for ONE HOUR straight for 3 NIGHTS IN A ROW. He was kind enough to make it 3-4am one night and 4-5am another just to keep it interesting. Well, last night/this am, I did not hear a peep from him until 5:30am. AHA! I won. You can teach (old) babies (old) tricks. Mamma won this round. PS No other child in the bedroom was affected by this screaming- V's still hoarse voice helped lower the volume of his crying.

MoJo in the AM

M: Do you think my face will change when I grow up? Yours certainly did.
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J (as he drank his milk from a straw): I have force in my lips. My force can make the milk come out.
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J to M: Careful missy with your words!

Tonight's Comments

M- My play date was glorious and we did not play with your toys, just your ball.
J -For heaven's sake! You need to ask before you do that.
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J to me (as he sat on the toilet) - You missed it, there was half poop coming out of my butt.

J's Mind Works in Mysterious Ways...

After my joking that he was going home with his teacher today, post shower J asked..


I do not know if you are going to say yes mamá, but can i have a real play date with Ms P?

Me- Maybe at the end of the year

J- Can you ask her now?

me- Yes. what are you going to do on a play date with her?

J- Well, since it is very far away, can it be a sleepover?

Me- Yeah (I was distracted).

J- Yah! I will borrow a sleeping bag. Can it be on my next birthday?

Me- Well, a play date might be more appropriate than a sleepover.

J- Ok, a play date. Can she bring me back or do you have to come get me?

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After explaining divorce to J (it came up) J said:

I know why abuela S unmarried abuelo, because of his fake teeth!

M The Dorm Monitor

On the baby call I heard M say: V E D F (says full name out of baby V like when I am angry at her).
I go up and she is shining her flashlight on him as he is swinging the lamp around and laughing as it bangs on the crib. I moved the crib to the middle of the room so they could not access anything, put chupetes back in, and left. All four of them fell asleep with no further ado as I had a meeting in the living room (F was at running class). Gotta love that room stuffed with sleepers!

M The Smart Ass

I feel sorry for who lives here after us. We destroyed this house.
Me- Well, you could be a little more careful and not write on the walls and kick the walls.
Well, we made ourselves at home.

J's Deep Thoughts

What is the baddest word?
Me- I am not going to tell you.
What letter does it start with? Just say it in French.
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I will always be bigger than V. I have to teach him things. Like to be strong.