All I want is a ZOOM

 F just said.

First day of online school for his four siblings. Lots of feelings.

All I want is no more fucking zoom.

I had 9 hours of class yesterday, 6 on zoom. During the 45th interruption, I began discussing piano practice versus going for a run with M. A few minutes in I heard my ethics professor say "Violeta, I think your mic is on." Mortifying.

The whole day is getting kids on zoom, snacks, food, garbage, try to read for class. Exercise? Try to talk to F, plan. Assignments due. Mine. Theirs. Paperwork for clinical. Freaking out about if I have corona. Fielding emails from elderly family members who think I am a doctor.

Breathe. We have food. And a house. And internet. This sucks but we are fortunate.

I am a nurse. Finally. I cannot believe it. I want to cry. For good and bad reasons.

Back to the grind!!

In his sleep..

 All of my kids speak and yell in their sleep. Last night F came to my bed and would NOT stop talking.

Among his comments:

I want cheese!

Down, T, down!

Farts do not kill you, they just smell.

No way Buddy

 F to T (dog) as he played with a sword that all the boys fight over: You are not going to break that on my watch. Oh no, buddy.

J to F: I am ruthless!

F to J: Yes, you are useless!

This Am

 V on M watering someone's plants: That sounds like a waste of money and time, and we don't have much of either.

A when I told her she would be continuing Russian math: Why don't you just stab me while you are at it?

 J on the dog: He does not listen to me like he listens to papi.

M: Maybe he would if you wore pants!

F on Mortality

I do not want to grow up because I do not want to die.

F on T (dog)

to F (father): Where did you get the dog shampoo? He smells like heaven!

to T (dog): What kind of puppy do you want to be? A chewer?

to F about T: He is such a cute dog. He's adorable!

F the Cynic

F on A's table manners: Where did you learn to eat? In a garbage can? In a truck?

F on V's table manners: Where did you learn to eat? On a farm?

Me: When you go back to school after coronavirus you can tell your friends you have a dog.
F: After coronavirus, the dog will be dead!

Olfactory Observation (OO)

F to me: We have to get some perfume in this room because it does smell like butt crack.

F F F F F

Me: You ate sardines?
F: Yes! It is fish. Do you like fish? It is the best kind of chicken,

F: Can you clean up this ant?
Me: Oh, it is in pieces.
F: Not pieces, I popped his eyeballs out so he could not see what I was doing to him.

F: Is Costco Chinese?
Me: No, it's American.
F: I am not American, I am Asian.
Me: You are?
F: We are all Asian in this family.

In HIs Dreams

All of my kids speak A LOT both while awake and asleep. I just heard F say:
No! If you do I will kick you in the teeth and then you will have no more teeth!

what.a.thug.

This week

F asked me how long I would be away at hospice and I said 12 hours. He asked how long he went to preschool and I told him he did about seven hours. He said: I have done a twelver!

F when he saw my belly: Mamá, your belly is the biggest. Everyone will look at it and ask "Did she swallow a rock?"

F when he got up: Fun starts with philosophy! (the letter F he means)

Some Llines

F- Can I have some seltzer (he's addicted)? I feel like my brain is toasting.

V to F (sr): Do you want to be reincarnated as a bear?

F on his action figures: They just woke up but they are not in the mood to save the day. They are not available so they went back to bed.

Me to F: You are my favorite 4-year-old in the world.
F: Do you mean the planet?
Me: What is this planet called?
F: South America!

L-E-G

F- Can I have some L-E-G?
Me- What't that?
F (annoyed)- What do you mean? Gum!

F came to me and (using my own technique) said: Choose mamá. Give me gum or TV
I replied that he should ask nicely and not be so bossy so he tried again: Please choose, gum or tv.
Me: Gum
F: Ok, gum now, and then TV.

It reminded me of "but first, a little mongo."

Can't Remember If I posted this...

F on V's flatulence in the car: I am not fine with these farts!

More F musings

I want L to come back. And I want my birthday present from her. This is not how it works for birthdays.

As he gave me a rock: Mamá, keep this. It will give you medical strength and medical power!

My birthday was amazing. It actually was. I got everything I wanted.

F and Da Words

F- I would be good at that, I want a violin so I can play "Old McDonald"
F Sr- Are you going to play the piano too?
F-Um, I don't have a tie.

F and flowery language:
I certainly woke J up!
Papi, you smell good. What shampoo did you put on you?
Papi says we can go outside because it is a wonderful day!
That is absolutely mine.
There is no need.
This animal is not stable because the frenchman ???

Am Fights!

F to M: I am going to destroy your phone while you sleep

Da Boyz

F on his bath- Doesn't it smell lovely?

V on F acting crazy on his bday- I think he has a birthday fever.

F on V touching his toys: He ruined my Paw Patrol paradise!

F upon opening a gift: What in the heaven is this?

V when I asked him why he cried when he got his ear pierced if it didn't hurt: It was emotional pain.

FFFFFFFF

F to V: What does that even mean, you rascal!

F looking at his steak, unwilling to eat it: But somebody killed this animal!

F fighting with A: I have already been a baby! I am going to be older than you. After all the letters, I will be 100!

F to me: Can you please text Buster (dog) and tell him to come?
Me: Dogs don't text.
F: (tía) C can read it to him. Tell them to come. Coronavirus is not that bad, they won't die.

F (unknowingly) calls Nacho Libre: Macho Horrible.

F's Rant to A

You finished the waffles? That is not how it goes in this family. You CANNOT finish all of the waffles. This is my house. You cannot finish all the waffles in somebody else's house. You are not the boss of my house! This is my house and I share it with you.

After screaming variations of this for a full two minutes, F started to cry. Corona quarantine got a brother down.

F the Wise

Me to J: What is wrong?
F: He is sad, he wants to be free again.

Birthday Cake Wish

F on his upcoming bday cake:
For my toppings, I want butter and cream cheese and dulce de leche and peanut butter, frosting, and whipped cream and Nutella. For the fruit toppings, I want strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries if you can get them.

Almost 4 year old Depression Sets in

F this am: Am I going to school today?
Me: No.
F: But is it a school day?
Me: Yes. But there is no school.
F: What even IS corona virus?

later..
F: J, get out of my room, I am not in the mood!
(J does)
F slams door.

This isolation thing is rough, even if you are only barely 4. 

F on NYC

So, NYC is the like the house of corona virus?

Yes F, it sadly is. It breaks my heart to see two of my favorite places on earth, Italy and NYC on their knees with people dying. When will it be over? How will we recover and what will that look like? I am sad and frustrated to be sitting on my ever-expanding ass in Newton, MA unable to be a nurse or an anything that can help during this crisis. FUCK YOU corona virus.

The Sass

Me- Get dressed, I know you can do it. You do it alone in school.
F: Do I look like I am in school? In school, I have that power, not in school, I do not have that power.

Deep Thoughts by (mini) F

Quiz with F:
Me: Who is older, me or papi?
F: You are 60, he is 100.
Me: Who is taller?
F: You are the same
Me: Who is wiser, me or papi?
F: L!

F to V: You know what is so sad? When I be a grown up I won't be able to sleep with you because I am going to be having grown up time with mami and papi.

F and A

F refers to his siblings as "the kids" or "the siblings"- I love it!

A explained diabetes to me the other day. Wtf? She said there were two kinds, type I, you are born with and type II you got from eating badly. Then she told me it affects your pancreas, where insulin is made.- Maybe I should have her study for me and tutor me?

Some Lines for Your Corona Entertainment

F to L: Look at your hands, you are not viejita. You are almost viejita.

V to F: Does it hurt to go bald?

Me to M: Go outside to get some air.
M to Me: It is gross outside.
V to M: You are gross inside.

F to L: If you die, can I have your I-pad? And the password too?

Amazing!

We are all stuck. Most of us are much more fortunate than the rest of the world. I am not sure how to manage the non-stop flurry of raids on the kitchen and the whack a mole action with technology. Exhausting. In my efforts to get them to be quiet (I still have a full workload from BC) and productive (since there is no end in sight and their brains may melt), I hid a school issued laptop in the oven. Why the oven you might ask. I do not use it much and F had already warned me that he had two bowls in there with bread rising in them. He warned me to remember they were in there. It seemed like a two for one. Cut to many hours later when I preheated the oven. 400 degrees Fahrenheit to heat up fish sticks and broccoli. Did I ever remember what was in there? Well, when the oven beeped alerting me to the desired temperature, I opened it to put dinner in. That is when I realized that I am not as smart as I thought. I baked that puppy to a crisp. All in all, it did not explode so I am grateful for that. The computer actually turns on, but F says we cannot use it because its integrity has been compromised. He did make a video of him turning it on post bake and tweeted it to Lenovo- the company liked it. I guess I did some free research for them? Now we know that it withstands high temperatures and that you should never ever hide something in the oven.

When i.t seems like it could be the worst weekend ever..

But then it somehow all works out. Sure you get a bunch of f()&()*&g annoying pieces of news via email and others ignore your important emails about topics as disparate as failing math, having to move and other small details but.. despite a bitch ass long week with no school (kids) and so much school (me) and no partner (in Mexico) you make it through thanks to L, the rock in the family. Steadfast and efficient, calm and kind, she took the kids to playdates, skating, Wegman's.. kept them fed, pianoed and alive. Now it's Saturday and L is gone and you have an exam at 8am on Mon and another one one Wed. Two care plans have been cranked out bt Thurs and Fri to focus on said exams. You contemplate driving to CT to a squash tournament to hang with tío G and get some "free" childcare. But it's too much driving and I do not have $180 to blow on a hotel. After all of this though.... it all comes together. You get 6.5 hours of studying done (yes I time everything) and the kids behave. You take them to the library, the YMCA (quizlet on treadmill helps get in the study time), Trader Joe's and after they eat lunch and do their piano you take them to ice cream, the park, and then your friend takes them to dinner and you sigh. Sometimes it all works out. I am 1 hour in to today's studying and hoping for the stars to align today as well because exam I is imminent and I have not looked at a word for exam II. F and M get back tonight from Mexico. Tomorrow will start w 8 am exam (another 4:45 wake up) and end at 11pm at the hospital. I would sleep in but I have to cram for Wed exam. I would sleep in the next day but I have to be at the hospital at 6:15am. After 2:30pm Thursday, I take a deep deep breath. Sunday we leave for PR and I consider sleeping, not eating shit (nursing school does wonders to my aging, fattening body) and enjoying my partner while taking a break from my kids. Life is good.

F Oh F

Can I skip bath?
Me- No. You are going to smell.
It's okay, I won't smell myself!

Why do you always work?

I love cheese because I am made of cheese

F talking to me about a girl I tried to reason with who is in his class: You are older than her, ignore her. 

Some F-isms

Esterday= yesterday

Green Planter= Green Lantern

Are we regular people? Can we turn into astronauts? Can we dress up as astronauts?

V, when I asked him to explain what "christeous" (Christian) was since he insisted on wearing a chain with a cross: You believe in Jesus, you go to church, you celebrate Hannukah.

F to abuelo in the bath: The H is for hot and the C is for cold and the 2 is for warm
Abuelo: Where is the 2?
F: It is imaginary.

That's the politely way!

F just told me "May I please have an ice cream?" is the politely way to ask.

V told M to bring her teacher an apple to suck up to him. F said: Bring a potato!

Where to Begin?

My (one and only) fan has been asking me to post. Not sure what to write about. So much has happened. I discovered that no matter where I live, I will always be crazy busy and overextended. I guess being anal and having five kids doesn´t change -- even when you move to MA. So I will never be a fan of this state, but it does have some redeeming features, mostly my wonderful friends/neighbors (two, and they are married) and the library- best place ever. BC has been a whirlwind- amazingly ludicrous volumes of work and a pace that required me to rise and shine at 4:45 am most days to stay abreast of the action. I am happy to report that I ended the semester well and I have about one week left before I reenter the world of nursing. Day one is my first clinical day in my maternity clinical. This semester is women´s health and pediatrics followed by psychiatry. It will be another crazy semester that ends in May but is quickly followed by two summer sessions sprinkled with the NCLEX licensing exam in between. Hard to believe I will be an RN (assuming I do not break BCś perfect pass rate) before the summer ends- sort of terrifying. Enough about BC.
The five maniacs are all well and sassy. I cannot imagine if any of these kids listened to anything that I said- they are indefatigable. I should have given them all relentless as their middle names. M has joined a running group, J is in the snowboarding club, A is starting an art class, A and V are starting track tomorrow, and F loves school!
Hard to have a complete thought around here- more later. Maybe?
Happy 2020!

Oh F!

F going into his room: I smell Ipad!

F on his friend: He called me a crybaby. So I grabbed his shirt (gestures grabbing it under the neck) and I asked him "Who's a cry baby now?"

F arguing with V about who had to go to school first: My school is more important, I have important activities!

Why are we here?

that is what F just asked me. He is almost exactly 3.5 years old, which means he has lived here for a third of his life (and I doubt he remembers the first year of his life...).
I thought he might be talking about NY but I waited and he elaborated...
Why can't we go back to NY? I don't want to live here. I want to go back to my old house. I like that kitchen.

I mostly agree with him (though not the kitchen part).

Some memories hold on. You can take the kid out of NY but...

End of September Chatter

V- There is a lot more kind people in NYC than in this community.

F- I don't want to be six.
V- You are going to be four first.
F- I don't want to grow up and I don't want you to get viejita.

L to F- Hay que hacer silencio.
F- I don't know how to do that.

F to L- Can you move your house closer to mine? Can you ask (your husband) to move it to Boston?

F- Mamá, I like you a lot.

F- By the way, I am a little guy.

F to A- Answer me A, I know you talk a lot.

Me- Te lavas los dientes en la escuela?
F- I told you four times, only on Sundays.

F when he saw me in scrubs at 6am- Where are you going?
Me- Hospital.
F- Are you going to lay down there?

Formaggio!

Can you put this (cracker) on cheese?

Can I have some cheese for dessert?
No.
Not a daddy cheese, like a baby piece.

Don't talk to me, I'm in a bad mood.

The Butter Mystery

F sat perplexed about why he couldn't see the butter on his toast.
I tried to explain melting to him.
F- How could the butter disappear if it doesn't even have legs?

Some Lines

?? Did we move here for papi's job for more money or for efficiency?

F- I love you the best in all the single world in the deal.

F- I made an Africa for the Africa animal.

F- V and I are boys. Sometimes we behave and sometimes we don't. That's they way it is

F- You are awesome and cute.

Me- Most people don't say I'm cute.

F- They say you are dumb.

A looking at a picture of her father: That what he looked like with hair? 

Me- Yes, I think he looks better bald.

A- Not really. If he wanted to could he make it grow back?

V when I told her my classmate was coming over with her baby- Is the baby in her stomach or in a stroller?

F to ?: Hurry up lady!

F when I told him we were going to preschool: Again? I already did that.

The third time we went- Again? Back and forth. Back and forth to preschool.

It's the Night Before...

many new beginnings.
M is off to high school! She is excited and ready.
J is a 7th grader, less enthusiasm, but also ready.
A and V begin third grade tomorrow! I remember when M went into third grade I thought she was so old.
F is home with his beloved L tomorrow and will take kids to their first day of school.
I will sadly miss their first day as I have my first day out in the world in scrubs. Yikes! This week and next, I will be working at a nursing home in the dementia unit. I am super excited and also petrified. Not sure I have any skills to share, but I do like the elderly.
This week will be more like a regular week (though week 3 the hospital rotation begins and it is 6:45-3pm) and I hope to be able to get into the swing of these classes and clinicals while managing the five monkeys!

F on My Belly

F loves to tell me how fat and squishy I am. I try not to take it personally. Ha! Today as I got dressed he told me how big my belly I was and I asked him if he knew why. I reminded him that he used to be in there.

F- How did you put me in?
Me- With papi.
F- Did he dig a hole?
Me- No.
F- What did he use? A battery? Tools?
Me- Love.

No further questions thankfully.

F the Potty Mouth Hooligan

F- Where are my fucking pants?
Me- What?
F- Where are my fucking pants?
Me- No se dice eso. Where did you learn that?
F- From my school.
Me- You don't go to school.
F- It's my own school.

F- That was a horrible beast!
Me- What?
F- I burped!

Musings

V- Kids always want to grow up but adults do not want to grow old.

A to F: You have a double chin
F: I really have two. One and two.

J- A boomerang is a frisbee with no friends.

V on A and camp- In the beginning, you were as shy as a rock.

F to V: You smell so bad, brush your teeth!

V- Would you like to be quiet or have me throw up all over you in parts you did not even know you had?

F: Wait a minute, I have an idea. When I am a dad and you are a grandma you can sit in the passenger seat.

July Lines

A- Let's pretend we are criminal masterminds and we just came back from the bank heist!

V- Mamá, what were your glory days?

Me to F: Sí mi capitán.
F: I am not a captain. I do not have a boat.

V- Is there a job with just reading and eating and drawing

I think the job for me is comedian, but I want to be a scientist.

F- I love this day. It's a little portar bien and a little portar mal.

V- You are not old, you are wonderful.

F- And squishy.

F- Can I say little suckers? 

Me- No.

F- Is it a bad word? Can I say big suckers? 

Me- No.

F- But I love it, I say it all the time.

F- I don't want a shirt so I can look at my muscles!

some lines...

F, on subway- It smells so bad! Maybe a pig pooped here?

F, when I asked him why he did not take an action figure of his uncle's from his abuela's house: I did not take the toy because tío (D) will be back when he is little and will want it.

V at the beach- So far,  I'm not having fun.

? to F- Can you share your pasta with J (cousin)?

F- He can have zucchini.

 V on a parental decision- The words have been spoken!. 

V & F

F- I have something sad. If someone has no dad and no mom.

V- Unlock the door!
F- Okay, Jeezus.
V- You do not lock the door.
F- Yes, I do, I am pooping.

V- Will I grow over the summer?
Me- Yes.
V- Will my hair grow?
M- What hair?
V- On my body.
M- You will not go through puberty this summer.
V- Oh.

F after he smelled a fart- It is like V's mouth in the morning. Smells like garbage.

This week's lines...

Me- Are you two best friends?
V to F- I now announce you two best friends. You may kiss your best friend.

On our way to Russian Math, V- (tía) A helped me with my homework so if it's wrong, it's her fault.
A- It's not going to be wrong because she is a genius.
V- Oh yeah, she goes to Harvard.
A- Duh!

Me to F- ¿Te gusta Ben?
F- I love A the best!

V, after putting on "Old Town Road"- This gives me math energy!

Oh F

F- Can you dip cheese in pesto?

F to his friend when he wanted to drive at the zoo- That's ok. You can drive. I will be the mom.

F, tired on the hill to our house- Now I am out of batteries.

F on a bee- It's really not awesome.

F to me- Why is your belly so fat?

F after I explained to him where I and F were from- What is my flag?
Me- Estados Unidos. United States.
F- No! New York!

F- Let's see if they have cheesy ice cream!

These Kids

A- If there is a speed limit in biking, I definitely just broke the law!

V when I asked him about not sleeping with F (they spoon every night)- I have to get used to sleeping alone for when I go to college.


F when I asked him the same question twice- Stop asking or you are going to lose your job!

Morning Truth

V- If you think about it, F gets 75% of the attention in this family.

F the Misogynist Hooligan

F-Can we go home?
Me- We are home.
F-No, I mean New York.

When F got out of the car, F- Why are you going to drive?
Me- Because I am the only adult here.
F-Moms don't drive.
Me- Yes they do. I drive you everywhere.
F-You are a silly woman.

When he went to drink water that had been in the car since yesterday, Me-That is hot. Do not drink it.
F- It is not hot, you crazy woman.

Hooligan #5

Me celebrating no pee in the pull up: No hay pis!
F: There's a little bit of fartss!

F as he tripped: Aw, shit!
Me: ¿Qué dijiste?
F: I said "shate."

F: Why you always call papi puchie and he call you tesoro?

End of an Era

F to me: If you give me tv, I will give you a lollipop. If you don't, you don't get one.


F also told me he was my boss today. Ha!

This crib, that I did not even buy, sitting on the sidewalk in Newton, made me oh so sad. This little man is 3 years old now. He clearly does not need this crib. We all agree. It was a great one our neighbors lent us. Then they opted to not have any more kids so we brought it with us to MA. It is a classic drop-down side one, ie illegal to gift, sell, or donate- hence its sad demise on the sidewalk. My factory is officially closed. While we knew this before, this confirms it. I could not possibly have another child for many reasons, but if I were a little younger, richer, and had a nursing degree... I would. Once a looney, always a looney.

Fuuuuuuck New England Weather

After many months of over 1K (you read correctly- we could have fed dozens of children in the developing world instead of half-assedly heating our home) heating bills, I pulled the plug. It is April. We can be chilly if need be- it is Spring for goodness sake. Well, not only has it been chilly and raining a lot (some teasing warm days sprinkled in) but I may have to eat my words. It is currently 55 degrees in this house (38 outside). Heeeelllp!

This week

V on his piano teacher: He is overrated.

F after pooping: Holy smokes! That was gross.

F to me: Look at that leaf stuck to my (car) window.
Me: That's funny.
F: It's not funny. It's not even cute.

F at 8:40am this morning as we pulled up to the gym: I want to go home and eat tortellini and get in bed.

F before his first swim class (in a year!) this week: I am going to fall into the pool and get lost.

F to me: I like my new house!
Me: Oh good. (please not that it has been almost 10 months since we moved here, ie a third of his life).
F: After this house, I am going to go back to my NY house.

Today

V- Do dentists go to the dentist?
Me- Yes.
V-Then that dentist has to go to a dentist. What if they run out of dentists.

V- Are pull ups a higher level of diapers?

V looking at brownie stuffed pretzels- They really get creative with making stuff you want to eat.

Yesterday..

V to me as I got ready to go out for dinner- You look beautiful, as usual.

F to me at the table after I scolded A for taking too much food- What does it mean to "eat with your eyes"?

Final March Lines

A,  after walking in on her abuelo in the shower- I just saw abuelo R naked- now I have to kill myself!

F , when he heard his siblings'  Zumba class dancing to a song from the movie Sing: That's not their song! They are going to finish it.

F when he woke up in the middle of the night and could not find my hand (he sleeps with V but on the inside side of the bed)- I am here. Do you see my eyeballs mamá?

V to M: Open your mouth. Your canines are perfect!

V when I asked him if he lied about bathing (tub was dry): Yes. I am sorry. It is a habit I am growing.

V when I asked him what he was doing in J's room: Tittying up!
Me: Tidying?
V: Cleaning up. (not sure where tits come in or where he gets his vowels)

A, when the pediatrician asked her what she was sure she would not be as an adult: A mathematician or a pianist.

F in March

Out of the blue- Mamá, why you always say puta madre? (I do not)

While shopping at CVS- Ooh la la, look at this (anything) so bootiful.

When I said he could watch TV- Can you put something happy for me?
Me- What?
F- something that will make me happy.

Miami Musings

J to F- You punk!
F- I am not a pumpkin!

V- Do you buy a book about being a parent or do you just have a kid and figure it out.

V getting out of the car at abuelo R's office- He is CEO of like the biggest company in Miami!

Latest

A to V: Do not steal my fame tomorrow at my party.

F to my friend M who was watching him: Hold my hand down the stairs. I'm big and fat and I might not make it.

F when I told him to pee in his diaper on road trip: Mi pañal no es un toilet!

February Folly

F- M said I can't tell you so I had an oreo.

A- I have never been to a funeral but I have the perfect dress!

V: Will you be mad if I am a rapper who curses like Eminem when I grow up?

Me: No, but I think you are going to be a scientist.

V: I can be both.

F as a man spoke to me at the JCC: I hate these people!

A: Now that I think of it, Newton is very peaceful.

F to his friend: I know these are all your toys but you have to share with me. What can I do? I don't have any my toys here. I don't have anything!

(after he wouldn;t)

F: Mamá, let's get out of here they are not sharing!

(little) F to F: Hurry up!

(Big) F: Why?

(little) F:  So Christmas can come!

A when I asked if I could see a letter a boy sent her: I like to keep my personal life personal!

F the Jokester?

F to me: I don't want to take a bath.

Me: Hablame en español por favor.

F: I-ah don't-ah want-ah bath-a!

What Do You Want to BE When you Grow Up?

F: Tiger. Farmer

A: Youtuber or artist

V: Scientist.

J: Snake breeder

M: Crime lawyer

Más

F to me: Eat this gummy bear. It is good. I promise.

F to me: Can I have pineapple?
Me: ¿Dónde hay pineapple?
F: En tu culito.

V: If I do not have a girlfriend by the end of college I will be gay.

V: I suck at sportsmanship and at sports. I am a sore winner and a sore loser.

? You could hire a babysitter. I can't believe you have not done that yet.

F: Terminé. Hallelujah!

? :I suggest that if your last name is Lee you name your child Bracka.

F: I farted. Is that so funny?
Me: No. Its rude.
F: Es un poquito funny.

A: Russian math is improving on my mind.

Something

V to F: You are a bad boy.
F: So I am a bad boy? What are you going to do?

F: ¿Dónde está papi?
Me: En el trabajo.
F: ¿Qué es el trabajo?
Me: Donde papi va y ayuda a la gente y la dan plata y él la usa para comprar comida y otras cosas.
F: Oh! Me gusta la comida.

V to A: If you get Snapchat when you are older you will waste 29% of your life on it.

In the car listening to music:

F to A: Oh yeah, work it out.
F to me: Get your power on mamá.

Me: Vamos Fede.
F: Estoy mirando la nena. Es muy linda.

F flirting with a different girl 5.5 year old at the library: My muscles are coming out.

V to me: Do you believe in physics?

F lingo:

Neckliss (Netlfix)

McKantiles (Magnatiles)

Facing your Fears

Today I am 43. I do not feel old or sad or anxious about aging for the most part. I am somewhat relieved. First and foremost 43 is an odd number ("Hallelujah" as little F would say) and secondly, I may be finally evolving. I will be completely honest. Moving has been brutally hard for me, much harder than I had imagined. Maybe part of the problem is that I did not try to imagine it. I was tired of my job, tired of the schlepping on the subway, of working at night.... ready for a change. How could I pursue a nursing degree while sending five kids to a private school and live in Manhattan? I came to Newton and it was desolate. Everyone was on vacation. We lived on a ghost street and F was in NY for a week finishing his previous job. I started to have to drive everywhere. Yuck. I joined the JCC and everyone was rich and spoke Hebrew. Yuck. From living amongst all African Americans I went to celebrate the days I could spot one. I had a bad attitude. I cried. I was not going to be able to sleep listening to fucking crickets. Why were people here so unfriendly? Turns out that is their resting face- they are not actually being actively unfriendly- I think. Why were they almost all deranged sports fans? That one I cannot answer.  I have always been uber aware of working to not come off as a snob. Argentines all think they are superior, I do not want to be like that. Private school people have the same complex- not me, I would be down to earth. I got here, where they actively (almost unbeknownst to NY) compete with my hometown and I am the worst snob. Fuck Boston. I am a New Yorker. Forever. This sentiment, while true, would not help me. I realized after reading an article that my former head of school sent me that I was in mourning. Mourning the person I used to be. Who the hell was I? Not a Spanish teacher after twenty years of being one. Not a New Yorker, at least not on a daily basis (but always in my heart). Nobody knew me or needed me like in the old iteration of myself where I organized, connected, and helped at all the institutions I was affiliated with. I was not even a nursing student. Even though I was 10-20 years older than my BMCC classmates, at least I had them. I spent the fall taking microbiology online and preparing for the GREs. Mostly I spent them thinking about my old school/job and going to farms with little F. He was sad. He missed BT and L and had to get used to being with me and in the car. All. The. Time. I knew one very nice woman from grad school- she has her own life. That was it. While F went to a wonderful job and began another part of his career, the kids began school. We knew nobody and had nobody to help us. I went to the elementary and middle schools and could not help compare them to the one in NY. Apples and oranges. Private versus public. I did not know a single parent or teacher or rule after having known them all, always. I ramble and digress. Every trip back to NY has been hard and wonderful and great and sad. I no longer belong to the school. I have wonderful friends and colleagues and they tell me how much they miss me and this warms my heart. But then I remember Newton, the suburb where I live. I began to go the JCC religiously in September for the free child care (I have yet to lose a pound or an inch). I go to the library many times per week. F and I food shop and nap together. My best friend is two. He is a funny and smart two but still a two-year old. We talk about snacks and cows, chickens and tv, ee-i-ee-i-oh and caca. He eventually stops crying when F goes to work and the kids to school. Recently I decided to try to surrender a little more. I invited a mother from the JCC for a playdate. She is a nurse! She has a hard and also lonely life even though she is from here. I had previously read her as cold- I was wrong. I finished my BC application weeks ago and now I wait. Vulnerable and unsure if they will take me. If I do not become a nursing student, what will I be? I think for now I will focus on being a good mother and wife and a better version of myself if possible. I want to enjoy this finite time at home that I never had or will have with a child again. I want to acknowledge that I am fortunate and have no real problems. I want to hope that being scared and untethered will make me stronger. I want to be brave. I hold on to the new/good parts. I already have so many good/old parts- amazing siblings, parents, friends. The new: Zumba Gold and POUND with Ketty- the kindest woman I have met here. Fun and fit she is a woman in her 50s who hugs me and invites me to her house because she remembers being new here. The library- huge and amazing- we go there every week and take out books, movies puzzles, and even instruments! Five children who have had a relatively easy transition to public school and a new life despite it all. A partner who supports me literally and figuratively (the former irks me but I breathe and try to accept it). A new friend? The chance to start a new career at 43?! Not many people get that. I do not want to be from here but I will work to do a good job being here. May 43 to 44 allow me to grow and accept.

My fortune according to A

"you lead a depressing but happy and good life"

¡Caramba esta nieve!

F this am on the weather situation

Unpublished Lost Treasures..

M- Melania just looks like a piece of surgical plastic.

V- Family is family and we always stay together and we never leave anyone behind.

What we are grateful for (from 2016):

V: family, bed, heart, love, nature.

A- books, jakcet, food, family

M- family, health

V: Am I the first one up?
Me: No. But A is still asleep.
V: Is that how she got taller than me? Because she sleeps more?
Me: Being tall is not important.
V: Your personality is important. I don't know why people judge people on color.

V: Are you going to digest (dissect) a sheep?

V: Is your conchita in the back or in the front?
Me: What do you think?
V: The back!

Me to all the boys in the family being too loud in the living room: What is going on?
M: It's the testosterone!

F this am from da crib trying to get a lift out: Papi, papi papi! Mamá, mamá, mamá! Torio!!!!

V: I have so much problems. One of the biggest ones in A!

V & F

V- Do you know it does not matter how powerful you are but how smart you are? Trump has all the power in the world but he is a dumb dumb.

F to me- Can I say "what the heck?"
Me- Ok, una vez.
F- What the heck! ¿Otra vez?¿ último? ¿dos más?

V- I am not going to pass the high test to go to Harvard. I think I am going to go to Yale.
Nobody in our family has gone to Harvard. You have to be super duper smart.
Me- Your aunt Amanda goes to Harvard.
V- Oh yeah, Harvard Law. She is so super duper smart.

F, The Chatter II

F to A: don't eat like an animal.

To the cat: I want to give you a mohawk.

To J in the shower: último. I promise you will like it (squeezing his tush)

F, The Chatter

F- No podemos ir a NY porque está  cerrado.

Me- El gato no va a seguirte come el perro (the cat isn't going to follow you like the dog does).
F ¿Por qué? ¿Está ocupado? (Why, is he busy?)

F, The Chatter

F to me: Can I say zip it?
Me: Yes.
F to the table of bickering children: Zip it. Be quiet. Be nice.

F to me: Yo quiero comer monstruos con manteca (I want to eat monsters with butter).

F, speaking about our family: Yo no soy una familia.
Me: No, sos parte de una familia. La parte importante.
F. Importante y muy contento (very happy).

When I asked him to keep walking: Se me rompió la pierna (my leg broke).

F, The Hooligan (and V for some good measure)

When I told him to go to sleep: You fired!

When I told him the JCC was closed: ¿Por qué? Caramba!

When we saw a dead pigeon- ¿Puedo pisarlo? (Can I step on it?)

The next day, same pigeon- ¿Puedo comerlo? (Can I eat it?)

As his father read him a story where a dino ate another one: Non si fa, cazzo!


V- I will design cars or play for the Knicks or be a vet or help the poor.

V, when he realized he made a bad pokemon trade- It is sad that a ten year old took advantage of me.

V, impatient at a restaurant- Is there a sloth in the kitchen?

V, impatient at another restaurant- Is the food coming today or next year?

The Eve...

before our active real new lives begin...
Tomorrow I will be sending four kids to two new schools where I do not know a soul. It feels strange for my children's teachers to not be my colleagues and friends. F will be starting at PIH and meeting a real life hero, one of PIH's founders, Paul Farmer, this week. I am so excited. I will need to truly be disciplined to keep Federico engaged, the GRE studying going, to stay on top of my microbiology class, going to the gym etc etc. I am very nervous but excited. To be continued...

F lately..

to his father: Do you want to play or not?

to me: Mamá, yo quiero escuela con chico. Yo triste.

to me: Me gusta mi pitín.

to me: chupete no, es para bebés.

to me: Me gustan tus pies and sometimes... me gustan tus tetas.

V: Is it possible to be too smart?

V: has my life started yet?

Me: A, you leave your stuff all over the place. Pick it up!
A: Yeah, I get that a lot.

?: Rich people are going to hate us.
another ?: We are rich in children and love.

A: I have never been to Boston and I am moving there. Cuckaluku.

A: If we ever move from Boston can we move to NYC?

V: So I am missing second grade?

NEWYork to NEWton... Oy

There are too many things to express in a simple blog post but suffice it to say that we have been turned upside down and inside out as the song says. We are no longer in NY. What we thought could happen for a long time and then were sure would not happen... did. F got a fabulous job in Boston at a wonderful non-profit and we took the leap. I left my job of 19 years, the only profession I have ever known, and told the kids.. we are moving! This all happened (the telling to the doing) in under 3 weeks. It was/is intense and harder than I could have imagined both physically, emotionally, financially... you name it. We are still covered in boxes to unpack and furniture to build. I cannot sign kids up for school for another two weeks. When we told A and V (older kids were at camp) V leaned back at one point and said: "It's a lot." I think that summarizes it well. By far one of the largest losses has been L. Not sure how I will function without her, Working full time and studying and tutoring etc with her seems way easier than being unemployed, taking online classes and having to care for all of the children all of the time without another caregiver in sight. We joined the JCC to balance the decades of Episcopal school. Just kidding, we joined because they have a nice outdoor pool and are a five-minute drive away. Oh yes, while I may never have to look for parking and curse again, I will also not be able to avoid DRIVING every day to every place. There is nothing walking distance. It feels like we are on vacation,  but we cannot leave. When we left the pool today, F asked again "¿La casa nueva? No, No me gusta. Yo quiero otra casa." He seems to be having the hardest time of the three kids I have here now. I have my positive days and my not so hot moments. What I need is for this awful summer to end so we can actually start our lives here (school, work, classes). so I can try to establish some kind of routine and be able to make an informed decision about Newton. Don't think I will ever have that roll off my tongue "I'm from Newton. I live in Newton." How about "I am an Argentine New Yorker in Newton for a few years?" I have to get my always growing ass in motion and study for the GREs, write some kick-ass essays, get good recs, do well in two online classes (gulp) and get into BC. All my (aging) eggs are in that one basket. At this time next year, I will have hopefully completed their three-week program that leads into the intense year of nursing school. Help!

And Now....

almost July.
oops.
MoJo has been dropped off in VT and A, V and I continue to go to St. H every day. 3 more weeks.
It is berry hot and we are off to Sesame today after we (gulp) beat France.

F is a non-stop talking, eating, moving machine. He is funny and naughty and bossy. Surprise!

F, as I carried him out of the car in the rain: Está lloviendo, rápido. My coatrain!

V- Has anyone in our family been in a bar fight?

V, after his teacher told him to wait for his friend's answer before changing the topic: I have short-term memory loss.

A- I don't want to grow up!

V- I love unusual days.

V- If you have one baby in Florida and one in Buenos Aires, are they still siblings?

A- I only eat bacon on special occasions because I love pigs.

V or A? thought cow poop was called "menorah"

V- I am trying to behave, but you are overreacting a little bit.

Me after the 3-0 loss to Croatia- I am so embarassed and sad that we lost.
V- You are not walking around wearing a Messi shirt.


older ones I found:

J- Thank you for working so hard for us.

A- Yeah, when I am older I am going to pay you back with a nice big house.

A, when I tried to get her to give away a black sequined dress-Can I keep it for a special occasion?
Me- Like what?
A- A funeral. I have a wedding dress and a funeral dress.

And Now....

almost July.
oops.
MoJo has been dropped off in VT and A, V and I continue to go to St. H every day. 3 more weeks.
It is berry hot and we are off to Sesame today after we (gulp) beat France.

F is a non-stop talking, eating, moving machine. He is funny and naughty and bossy. Surprise!

F, as I carried him out of the car in the rain: Está lloviendo, rápido. My coatrain!

V- Has anyone in our family been in a bar fight?

V, after his teacher told him to wait for his friend's answer before changing the topic: I have short-term memory loss.

A- I don't want to grow up!

V- I love unusual days.

V- If you have one baby in Florida and one in Buenos Aires, are they still siblings?

A- I only eat bacon on special occasions because I love pigs.

V or A? thought cow poop was called "menorah"

V- I am trying to behave, but you are overreacting a little bit.

Me after the 3-0 loss to Croatia- I am so embarassed and sad that we lost.
V- You are not walking around wearing a Messi shirt.


older ones I found:

J- Thank you for working so hard for us.

A- Yeah, when I am older I am going to pay you back with a nice big house.

Fefe CAMPEON

Our big ball of love is 2! He will tell you "dos" himself. He held it together quite well on his bday, even if he was clearly saturated by the end as this classic photo indicates. . He loved sitting at the head of the table for his bday snack at BT and emulated Cookie Monster to amuse his friends mini muffin after mini muffin. He got offended at the doctor when his blood was drawn and demanded that I remove the bandaid "quita esto, mamá beso." He was no big fan of the shot in his arm either. Most of all though, F is a happy go lucky kid. He is as comfortable in Spanish as he is in Italian and English (which he speaks with a Hispanic accent) and he loves his siblings fiercely. F is bossy (surprise!) and can be naughty too. He loves to read books and gets obsessed with 2-3 books at a time. We love you gordito and could not have asked for a more affectionate and easy fifth. No more growing!!

Did Trump do THAT?

V: Is he trying to breast milk you?
Me: No, he is not nursing. But when he was a baby, he did, just like you.
V: Mamá, do not curse my legendary.

V to A: Have you ever been to cliché?

V to me: Do you know any of papi's secrets?

A: I don't like this new version of the Sesame Street song. Did Trump do that?

A & V Antics

V: Is it racist to say that you want to be black?
Me: No.
V: Okay, I want to be black.
Me: Why?
V: So I can be cool!

A: Some people think F is a regular baby and can't talk but he can talk just in a different way without making full sentences and he has a baby accent.

V: I will never have an occasion with a bully because I will kick him in the nuts.
A: I will slap her in the boobs.

Me to V: You are acting like a starts with a B and ends with a T.
V: Butt?

V when I wouldn't buy him some crap at CVS: Buying that was my dream and you crushed it.

A when I was trying to take a pic of her dolled up: You are trying to make me a big deal and I don't like that. I never did and I never will.

A: Can I change to be fashionable since M's friend is coming over?

V: Does anyone in this family wear a wig?

VVVVVVV

V: A, take away that marker from F! You are such a bad parenter!

V to Me: When you are a nurse can you be my nurse?

When the month slips away.....

And you do not post about your first boy turning 11 (yippee) or your niece being born (meeting you in a few hours!) or the tidal wave that is your life. I alternate between feeling victorious and efficient and flailing and swamped. We are now officially on "spring break" which simply means that 4 out of 5 kids have barely anything to do every day while I am still trying to keep up with school work (paper, quiz, and homework all due in the next week), housework (will the laundry ever be put away? will the fridge ever be full?), sister work (mail packages, keep brother alive), alum work (finally finished 1000 emails for 25th year reunion), volunteer work (not doing so hot on getting donations for the auction), tutor work (finally picking up- financial sigh of relief) and most importantly human work. Oh right, I am a person and should do more than just allow myself to read the NYT a day late on the train as a daily treat. Maybe I should exercise, or shower? The most important part of my human work is the following: finding a way to be a partner and a mother and a person without putting the me at the very bottom. There is nothing better than caring for my family but it is easy to lose myself. I take the outings to CUNY as a legitimate vacation. I may be ridiculous, but I love my 20 something-year-old classmates and my not so challenging classes. Community college is probably all my out of shape mind can handle right now. I enjoy the camaraderie. I like that when I get there I am not Ms. Epstein, or the overpriced tutor, or mamá mamá mamá!, but just a white-haired nerdy woman in the class. I am thankful to my partner who affords me this luxury of fading two evenings a week and other times to just study. What will I do with all of these classes? Can I get into the masters program? Even if I could, could we afford for me not to work? Could I be a full-time student and tutor to help pay bills? Hmm, maybe not while sending 5 kids to private school, fancy daycare, piano, swimming, summer camp and all that jazz. The perennial question is, what do we give up? Where should we move? When I think of what that would entail, especially the losing L part, I get anxious and decide to stick to the madness I know. This life I am leading may be insane to some, but it is all that I know and I am grateful for it. Stay tuned for what I hope will be more regular quotations from the comedy troupe.

Since I am doing an epically poor job documenting little F, I will just say that he is a full-fledged toddler. He talks non-stop, in all three languages. He fights, is funny, naughty, and that you can expect from one of our tribe. He loves his siblings and V and he have a ferociously adorable bond. He gets time outs for throwing food and hitting me but also knows when to come hug and kiss someone. He is a sweet sweet boy, a good friend at school and an obsessive Elmo/Pimpa fan. That's all for now folks.

Latest V

On the Olympics: Yeah, they are good. At the end, she puts her skate in his nuts!

On the hotel: They have the Holly bible here.

Me: You are cheating (at Candyland).
V: I'm not that smart.

V to J: Mamá does not owe you anything but love.

On tutors: If they are specialists, shouldn't they earn a "Dr" in their name?

¡7!

A week ago my double trouble turned 7. I am a bit late, kind of a theme (I am always reading old newspapers as well). It is not official that they are not little. We had a family party with limited attendance, an all-girl party on Friday with 14 guests (plus my 5) and then took 14 boys to a movie and lunch on Saturday. I am so proud of these two first grade monkeys. They are kind and thoughtful hooligans. I love you AleVit. I started this blog when you were in utero when I couldn't imagine how fun you would be.

I leave you with a V thought: Mamá, why does Pepsi always have those colors?
Me: It is the brand, they want you to see the colors and think of Pepsi. What do those colors make you think of? Which flag?
V: The French flag?

Yummy Aromas

J when I told him to find the piece of ceiling that he threw out: Nothing like digging in the trash before breakfast.

V: Something unfair happens every second.

A: Papi reminds me of the beach.
V: Mami reminds of daisies.

When I said a cheese had a bad aftertaste, A added: It tastes like a zoo!

A (I think): When J turns 11, we can stand next to him and take a 7-11 picture!

F is Talkin'

Every day brings new words in any language. Here are some of my favorites...

From his rear facing carseat when we are in traffic: Vai! Ma dai! Vai!

Yesterday as his father tried to nap mid-afternoon as he tugged on him: Siéntate!

I now make him walk up and down the building steps (he crawls up the apartment ones) and he counts: uno, dos, tres, cuatro

F also has an incredible parroting ability so he accurately said: gnocchi and funghi yesterday when I asked him (after telling him) what he was eating.

He also likes to shout "mío!" about whatever he is eating.



A came up with a good name for my anatomy flashcards: Flesh cards:)

End O' January

Me-That's gross (milk).
J-Why?
M-Because it came from a cow's boob
V- Well you came from your mother's Pah-gina

V- Does the F word mean bad Jesus?

V- Why do people buy Camrys for 3K? They are so lame

J on his (not beloved) teacher- When he is trying to be funny he laughs at his own jokes. It's depressing.

After I saw V doing some fake praying after which he asked me for something and I said no- G-d doesn't even work!

Me to F- ¿Dónde está V?
F- In da bus.

V- I am going to get surgery on my face- I do not like it.

V- Why do all black people act cool?

V- Why hasn't Trump gotten fired?

V- If numbers never end, then they are still inventing them!

V- The nurse told me to goggle with salt water.

V- Who is the most famous gluer?
Me- I don't know.
V- Can you look it up right now?

J- If I have a disease I will just eat at 7-11 every day and get a tattoo.

M- Why do Asians wear face masks?
Me- To protect themselves from germs
M- Right, because our air is so toxic and theirs is so fresh!

V's teacher- You do not need to push.
V- Unless you are in Times Square.

V- When I grow up, I am going to make F vice president.

V at Cosstco checkout- Are you spending your money wisely?

A when she saw me with nail polish- Now all of a sudden you are getting fancy.

V oh V

After we ascertained that the lethal gas smell came from V's butt: No wonder I don't make so much farts.

? to V: Be quiet, you are a professional liar.
V: Exactly, I know when people lie!

V to A: You are nice.
A: Thank you.
V: Do you know what sarcasm is?

V to A while they brushed their teeth: Do you ever wonder if demi-g-ds or g-ds exist?

F, the entertainer

Taylor Swift's annoyingly catchy tune is only the latest song to enter the midget's repertoire. I thought I was hallucinating the first time I heard him clearly sing the first three words/notes (and then go on to mumble the rest). Last night, after sleeping half the day at BT, he spent almost 2 hours!! singing on and off to himself. Old McDonald, Cucu cantaba la rana, los pollitos, Taylor Swift... too funny. I listened to him inadvertently serenade me on the bbay monitor as I worked on the computer. He woke up singing "ee-i-ee-i-oh" like he had to continue the song he left off at the night before.

He is the funniest and sweetest child I could hope for. He asked me this morning as I put him in the stroller. BT? He likes to know where we are headed off to. He runs to the computer and says "ciao papi!" when we video chat with F.

I may have to eat his face!!!

Not Sure if I ever posted this one....

V sucking F's arm- I am french kissing him.
Me- What is that?
V- A really long kiss.
Me- Where did you learn that?
V- French class.
Me- No you didn't.
V- No, I didn't.

Card I Just Found (from V)

Dear mom and dad

I wish you have some peace and quiet. for the friste time in your life aslest. I hope you get what you want. if not i will give you a present. i will also behave on christmas I promess. 

A & V Thoughts....

A: I need to talk to you. I do not like the hair on my legs so I want to take most of it off.
Me: No. Humans are hairy and you do not have that much hair on your legs. Come back in six years.

V: We have too much toys. We need a bigger room. Or we can just cover the floor with toys and then you can trip and kill yourself.

V overhearing a conversation: He was a mistake?
F: No kids are mistakes.
V: Except in Twins when one twin is made of leftover crap.

¡Ya está!

F woke up and stated this several times. Too bad it was 6am as he usually sleeps until later. Regardless, he is able to express himself more and more each day. He was done sleeping so he told me "ya está." When we got to BT yesterday morning he yelled "Yay, BT" with arms in the air- A huge difference from a few months earlier when dropping him off at BT was tragic.

He sings the whole way to BT or to his friend's house every morning. He is like a DJ caught in a loop. We alternate between "cucú" and "ee-i-ee-io". When we sing the latter, his repertoire is impressive. He can make the sounds for vaca, caballo, chancho, burro, oveja, gato, pollito, perro and pato.

F plays like a madman with V- running around yelling "attack" and wrestling but he also spends lots of time cooking in his play kitchen and leafing through books.

I wish I had been more regular in chronicling his development or that I filmed him more so remember this golden era. I will try to do more. In the meantime, he is a happy and easy toddler. We cannot imagine what our lives were like before him. We are Fefe fans!

Pow Pow!

F likes to throw "pow pow" into all of his stories. Usually, the words are preceded by "torio" or "ah-ee" which makes me think he is talking about being naughty or in trouble. A few days ago, after I gave him his umpteenth time out for throwing milk on the ground, F ran to his father and looked at me and declared "mamá- pow pow." 19 months and already a hooligan!

F is singing up a storm as well. He sings "ABC" and "Old McDonald" and "Los pollitos" and "Cucú cantaba la rana" to himself all the time!

Deep Thoughts by V..

We should get some security cameras. I want to see if Santa is black or white.

Mamá how much years is first grade?

When you hit your head why do you get a bump instead of it going in?

Why is my shirt so shaky (wrinkled)?

Can I taked my driver's test when I am eight?

I wish I was a lonely (only) child...