Wacky Words

V: Does a city have an ending?
Me: Yes.
V: Where is it?

A on her friend who is Buffalo: She is in Gruffalo!

Me to V: What am I chopped liver?
V: You are chopped liver's friend!

V: Can I have dessert?
Me: You did!
V: That was my feast, now I need dessert.

J on a woman and man we saw on the street: Are they married?
Me: Not sure.
J: Maybe it is his Beyonce.
Me:Beyonce?
J: Yeah. Before you get married.
M: Fiancee!

A playing restaurant: I have fish!
Me: What kind of fish?
A: The dead kind that comes from the ocean!

A friend: How is (your cousin) M?
A: So far... good.

June Musings

V to L: I love you as long as the sky and the sky has no end but a sidewalk has an end.

J reading corn snack label: There is OMG in this corn?
Me: Do you mean 0 mg of sodium?

J when I told him he was lazy: Lazy is just my habitat!

V to J as they wrestled: I am MISS man. Every time you hit me you will miss!

A to me on a crowded and hot subway: Mamá, can you BLOW me? (prepositions are not her forte)

Not sure which monkey: This is powerful junk on this lollipop!

V to A: Can we lay on the hammock together and talk and have fun?

M: Braces make you look so ugly that when you take them off you think you are beautiful!

Recent Chatter

V to me: Did you grow up?

V to me: Do you want my ice cream? It is vomit flavor.

J to me: When I grow up I want a personal chef for calamari. Can I have a bucket of calamari for my birthday?

V: Me too. I want a bucket of calamari and one of mushrooms for my birthday.

V at swim meet: I am very upset at my shorts. They are making me hot!

A at swim meet: Are they warming up?
Me: Yes!
A: By the way, what is that?

Me: That kid is like a train- watch him swim.
V: All aboard!

V after we left a huge mansion where M's friend lives: I am going to switch families.
Me: Are you getting new parents?
V: No, you will be my mom and J will be my brother and V will be V!

V on Abramovic & Love

Upon seeing this video, V commented:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlf68X2qEpM

They are in a love splash.

They are in s much love that your red goes so red that your face pops like a balloon!

Last Journal Entry for J

Some Chatta

J: I am confused, are you E or DF (he still does not get how we are related and whose last name is what).
Me: What do you think? What do they call me at school?
J: Ms D.F.?


V, during the three hour plus tía A graduation: When will this stop?
A: When is this show over?

Mo' M Memos

Dear mamá,
I am sorry that this morning had to be so rough and tough. It is okay with me if you cancel my plans with abuela s and grandpa. I completely respect and understand your choice about that and the afterschool thing. Thank you for bearing with me this morning and reading this letter.
Sincerely, M
PS Even though today was just a bad day, if you decide to let me go with abuela S and grandpa I will come back a changed person, but if you don't, then I still will be, after school. I don't mean to be rude, but I would have never left my bag at home if you hadn't told me to!
PPS I lost the clip for my skirt please get me a bobby pin!

Apology Notes- Sincere or Messing with Us?

We got these last night after M got in trouble in after school for jumping on the tables in the library with a friend!

Dear Papi,
I am sorry for disgracing this family by outrageously climbing on my school's tables. I realize that there will be consequences and I completely understand and respect that. I will do my best to take action and fix my mistakes.
Sincerely, M.
PS Consequences: punishments if your choice and having to earn back trust for being alone in a room.
taking action by: writing a sincere letter to afterschool counselors and trying to earn back my reputation with good beahvior.

Dear Mama,
I am sorry this has to be in written form. I am sorry to admit that I had the outrageous thought as to climb on our school library's tables and chairs. I realize that I am disgracing you and am very sorry about that.I will try to control myself. I completely understand and respect whatever punishment you and papi choose.
Sincerely, M.

Brotherly LOVE

I went upstairs and saw J and V laying on J's toddler bed (intended for one 2-3 year old) while J read Harry Potter:
V: Why do you like my bed so much?
J: I just love you!

V looking at breaded frozen shrimp at Costco: Can we please buy those chickens with the long nails?

A when I asked her to note how nicely another little girl was behaving on the train: Who are you talking to?

L convinced V to work on letters (her thing not mine) by telling him that he would need to know how to write to tell Santa what he wanted. The next day he told her: I spoke to my mom (false) and she said I do not need to know how to write; she will do it for me.

For My Fan

A to L: This car is $1600!
L: It is too expensive.
A: Okay, 10% less.

J when he heard that I gave L the password to our internet for M to work: You should not have done that. She may be a spy and have been pretending to be a babysitter all this time to get out password!

J on his piano teacher: I would pay $1,000 to have her move to Mexico or somewhere far away.

A: Will papi be back for father's day?

J when I told him he could play fewer piano pieces for an evaluation: You finally figured out that I am not Mozart!

V:Killing is the worst but shooting is even more worser.

V as he eyed the clothes I had for A: Mamá, I am not wearing that dress. Not even rock stars wear dresses!

V: Am I older than A with her tippy toes in boots? Is she taller?

V: Miami is the best place ever!

Catchin' Up on Chatter

J and I were talking about body hair and how he wants to remove it when he is older. I mentioned that his (tío) G had a hairy back.
J: Is that why he is not married?
Me: I don't think so. Most people like hair on a man.
J: I think he is not married because he is not that enthusiastic about people.

V during the school musical, Bye Bye Birdie: Are those people or puppets?

J: When M has boobs are we not going to take a shower together anymore?
Me: Probably not.

V: Do not leave me upstairs. I am allergic to being alone.

J: Nobody is symmetrical. Except Mary.

M: I am scared and excited for camp. I am skited!

J: The world would be better if we did not exist!

L asked V and A to behave for some outing. She told them to leave "silly" at home. When they were out and about V was being wild.
L: Didn't we leave silly at home?
V: Yes, but he has a brother.

A

Observing a picture of Wonder Woman....

I am going to be here for Halloween.
Me: Great. We have the costume (M was the same thing when she was 4).
A: But we do not have the boots. I can wear my cowboy boots.
Me: Good idea.
A: But I do not have bee-oobs! Maybe you can be Wonder Woman for Halloween!

It Be Hard to Post

when you are stuck with a great apartment that you cannot rent and a never ending slew of work.
but here are some one liners so you do not starve to death papá:

A: You have very very very pretty eyeballs mamá.

Me to V: Me estoy enojando. ¿Querés que me enoje?
V: No. I like it when you are happy.

J: I just realized I want to be a fútbol player.

V: When I am mad it is not funny. Do not smile or laugh when I am mad.

M at her first seder: I cannot believe they have to do this every year!

V at his first seder: When do we do the part where we look for the colored eggs?

Me: Do you want a treat?
V: Cockadoodle yes!

J: I am excited for passover.
M: I cannot tell if you are sarcastic.

V looking at an ad at Baskin Robbins: If you eat that, it blocks your heart ad then it is sad but you die.

V: At BT we ear french food.
Me: Fresh?
V: From french but fresh.

Me To J: Tenés un ensayo hoy.
A: A massage?

A, watching Led Zeppelin: Do you want to marry those guys?
Me: No.
A: Your hair is like them.

VVVVVVVVVVVVV

V looking out at the snow, today, March 28: It's about to be Christmas!

V playing restaurant with A and L: You cannot speak Spanish in here. Or English. This is an Italian restaurant.

V when I tried to make movie night exciting (all three other monkeys out on sleepovers): Can I have soda?
Me: No.
V: Beer?
Me: No.
V: Wine?
Me: No
V: Cola loca? I love cola loca, it is spicy!

V after I wiped his butt: I need to poop more.
Me: great. I just cleaned you.
V: I do not need to poop more. I need to let my butt breathe a little.

V to F who was trying to put on his swim camp: Um, perhaps, no!

When I asked if he missed his siblings and if he wanted them to come back: No, I want a dog.

Limited Knowledge

Here are some highlights from the last 24 hours...

V pooped in the bidet (nothing like picking up a turd with your hands).

M slipped into the Lago di Como (I tried hard not to laugh).

J explained ISIS to me: They are like ninjas but very bad. Oh-Rock O-bama blew up their country but they are still angry and bad.

V asked who the skeleton was (Jesus on the cross) in the Castello S'forzesco Museum. After I said "Jesus" and told him he was a popular figure in art but mostly as a baby (in that gallery).. A set out to find "Gee-Liss" all over the museum and then in churches (such as the Duomo in Como). The way she says "Gee-Liss" really makes him sound like a rapper.

V's Thoughts in Italia

As I sit down to write, I hear V fooling around (in bed) and I say: I really want to give papi a good report. Go to sleep. To which this midget retorts: Did you know you are just a mean whale?

V in Venice today: I want to go home.
Me: To the house in Milano or to New York?
V: I want to go back to my original life!

V, as we strolled in Venice: This is not North Carolina!

V when he heard that he was the shortest in the family: I am not small, I am tall. I am the tallest in the family!
Me: Sure. You are as tall as papi.
V: Almost!

Okay okay... here come some!

J to F: I like your genes!
Me: What about mine?
J: I do not know what yours are. Papi's are like mine: he likes shopping, pickles, and candy.

F to J: You should watch me put up the blinds so you can start to learn how to be handy.
J: I don't want to be handy.
F: What about when you get married? Are you going to help around the house and fix things for your wife?
J: I am going to be gay so my husband can fix things.
Me: What if he is not handy just like you?
J: Then I would get another husband.


J: Nonno G has more than one car? Is he a millionaire?
F: No!
J: So he is a thousandaire?

V last night as he came down with croup (good times, he sounds like a dying seal): My brain is not talking.

A: This house is too big. I want to move back to our old house.
Me: Why?
A: Because I want to live with S and J (our former neighbors).

J looking at a muscle magazine: I cannot even get one bump!

As I told J not to worry about getting money, I told him that was my job. J: Is papi part of the job?
Me: What do you think?
J: Yes. But who does more?
Me: What do you think?
J: You. But I am more like papi. We have the same genes for old fashioned cartoons like He-man, shopping, and licorice.

Me to A as she sat in a time out: You are misbehaving.
A, screaming at me: And YOU are misbehaving!

V, as J and F discussed genes: I like your genes too. I like to wear them.

Where to Begin?

Moving has been hard. Exciting. Exhausting. We still have about 20 random boxes and bags (but we started with like 85). My darling children never cease to amaze and insult me. Here are some good one liners. Please note that V has had a VERY hard time with the move. Everything makes him cry (he breaks down before every step- going to school, swim etc) and he recently asked L to take him back to his old house: To stay there foreva and eva eva :(

This am as we discussed the worst part of newborns I said something about nursing to which my darling J quipped: Your breasts are too old!

J under his breath as we practiced piano : I am not playing this shitty crap (lovely!)
When I asked him what he said he replied: Papi always says it!

M on her new room: No offense but I thought I would be lonely in my new room but I am not!

A on her backpack that should stay at school with extra clothes: I need it for when I am 5 (she is constantly planning her 5th party) and for when I go to college.

J when I told him abuelo was in México: I did not know he was the type of guy to go to México.

A when she recognized our "old" hood: Can we go back to our old house?
Me: We can but there is nothing in it.
A: We can move it all back!

When I asked V why he did not want to school as he cried hysterically (I was almost in tears) he said: It is too much fun!

A when I told her boys could wear what they want: They don't wear barbs!

J on adoption: If a kid moves out early from this house maybe we could adopt a baby or a big kid from Africa.

Which is more work? If we got a little one we could share food and he could sleep with me and I would have another little brother and papi could make him healthy with his Unicef stuff. If we do not get to do it then maybe I can do it when I am older....

There are more... to be continued.....

AAAAAHHHHHHH

The days keep passing and I never have time to post. I owe the midgets a 4 year old birthday post!! Yup, the dynamic duo is now 4 and they are soooo big. The other big news is that we are MOVING, making the title of this blog obsolete. Yessiree, we are going to have a 3 bedroom apartment in the hood with a BACKYARD. It is hard to believe. I will have to post more when I am not covered in dust and boxes. I just wanted to note that I have a 10 year old, an almost 8 year old and two 4 year olds!!