¡Felicia Me Muero!

One of my best New Year's ever was spent in Argentina, in the countryside, San Diego to be precise with my oldest brother and sister, my oldest friend D. and my current husband (then boyfriend). As the night wore on my grandfather got drunk (the first time I witnessed this) and he kept cracking himself up and repeating" Felicia me muero" (Felicia I am dying) instead of "Feliz año nuevo" (Happy New Year). He went on to invent a contrived and illogical game that made him laugh as he explained it. It was a warm (both climate and feeling wise)  and lovely evening. The end of 1999 and the beginning of 2000. Over a decade has passed and I remember it perfectly. Since then many things have happened, including his death, but I will always treasure that special New Year's. Happy 2011 everyone!

Exits & Entrances

J looked at me during dinner and just asked "How will the babies get out?"
I did not think it worth making up some crap so I told him non-chalantly,"out of my conchita" and he chuckled.
The M said "What I really want to know is how they got in there."
Me- "You need a man and a woman and.."
M- "...and love. you can make skin and bones and eyes with love? That is weird."
Strange but true and I think that is enough information for now?

Morning Comments

M was disgusted that her brother had not flushed her poop (we tend to encourage saving water when we pee). I told him it was not a choice to flush when you poop.
M- Unless you are drunk and dumb.
Me- What?
J- Drunk is when you drink and drive.
M-Drunk is when you have too much alcohol and you are like la la la this is so much fun and then next day you feel like a rock hit your head.
Have they been partying behind my back?

Schizo Love

On a yellow piece of paper found on the table...

I hate J. Love M (I am so so sorry- in a box on the side)

other side of the paper...

I love J. Love M. ( I really love J- in a box on the side)

Week 32 Appointment

Well, I wish I could tell you that Twin A is a champ and locked his/her head into the birth canal and is ready to go. But I cannot. At least he/she seems to be turning. Rather than head to head, they are now in an L position with twin A's spine by the exit. I can only hope that he/she is slowly but surely maneuvering down into the desirable vertex position. On a brighter note, I am still pain free and only a bit sluggish. It does not help that I have a bad cold that I cannot take anything for and that I cannot sleep at night due to cold, smushed bladder, general discomfort. I am happy to report that the Dr., who I guess will never be my favorite person, said the baby could turn at the very last moment (unlikely). I learned that you cannot schedule a C- section before week 38 and since she operates on Thursdays, she has me down (just in case) for one on Feb 10. I tried to negotiate the date to 11, my favorite number, or 9, an odd one (not a fan of the even) but she said no. She also does not think I will ever make it that far; Dr. C predicts twins being born between Jan 25-Feb 2. I predict and hope that once contractions start Twin A will think "What the hell is going on here and how can I get out? I see an exit!" If not, C- section it is, which Dr. C referred to today as "major abdominal surgery" entailing 5-10 minutes of yanking babies out and 30-40 minutes of sewing up all of the layers they cut through. Disgusting but realistically a possibility. Turn Baby Turn. Please repeat three times and click your heels!

Fairy Tale Sex

J just made a drawing and asked me to write the following...
Once upon a time there was a princess who married a beautiful prince. Then they went to kiss in the ball. And then they went to get messed up.
Me- what does that mean?
J- they went naked in a pond.

Happy Birthday Mamá!

Qué los cumplas feliz...
We still love you when you are 64!
Tanti baci.
tu primogenita.

Recent Comments II

As my belly moved like there were aliens in it..
Me- I think they are dancing in there.
M- Maybe they have a silver ball in there.
__
J called the dining room in Vt, "the diner"
___
Me- Why do they Barbies have to always be naked?
J- Because they are beautiful and fun that way.
__
Me (while J was acting like a monster) - Where is my ciccione? I want my little sweet boy back (kiss kiss)
J- I do not like you (pause) and I hate your mother.
__
Me, while discussing birthday party options for J- I do not believe in Chuck E. Cheese for a party place (J's request)
M- You do not have to believe it, because it exists, it is a real place.
___
J, while eating a hard boiled egg- I always choke on the choke of the egg.

Snow Baby Snow

Woo-eeh is it snowing hard! We barely made it back to Nueva York but thankfully all three vehicles did. Judging from the snow on the balcony, there is going to be well over a foot by the time we wake up tomorrow. I hope F does not have to go to work. I cannot believe how much crap we brought back from Vt. No matter how much I give away, throw away, put away, I feel like I live in a warehouse. So nice to be back home, sweet home. Week 31 came and left uneventful. Week 32 sneaking up. I will be seeing the Dr. on Wed and will hopefully hear about how successful abuela I has been at flipping twin A. Buona notte a tutti. Take out them snow gloves and sleds, the fun continues domani.

Feliz Navidad!

The house smells like a bacon explosion, but other than that, it is a great Xmas morning. Santa was VERY good to MoJo, who received a dollhouse and a drum set! Santa is not sensitive to our cramped NYC living quarters apparently. Both kids are very into their gifts and cannot even reallly open all of them because it is overwhelming. Abuela I made beautiful handmade items for all (matching more M and I and in turn for J and F) and there are lots of kids books in all three languages. M left Santa a cute note about the snacks she left for him (cookies and milk) and the reindeer (leftover salad from dinner) and addressed him as Mr. Claus. Tia C. did an amazing job compiling about a hundred hours of home videos from various formats into Quiktime so that we can see how little has changed in how we played and my kids play and how young  everyone used to be. She even edited a great 4 minute movie that we will put online somewhere for all to see soon where you can see scenes of blond Miami aunts bathing in 94st tub back to back with MoJo in the same tub. J wants to start a rock group called "Blue 2" and that's all for now folks. Off to do PT exercises. Meery Christmas!

Dashing Through The Snow!

On a round plastic sled meant for a kid... I got onto it with F (very surprised he condoned this) and as we sped down the snowy hill... J thought it would be funny to stand in front of the snow "to make a crash." Next thing I know we are jumping ship, I am face down in the snow in my pj pants and F is freaking out. No harm whatsoever but I may lay off extreme sports avec twins for a while. It was fun while it lasted!

Electrickilly

J's favorite new word after watching Ghostbusters and Back To The Future. He made a crown with lego-like pegs and zaps people with his electrickilly.

M's Note

On the iPad -- her new favorite toy thanks to abuela-- Dear Jo, I love you more than me.

The Cowboy- By M

Please note this is the final draft, handwritten after many frustrated and abandoned attempts..

p. 1 Onse a pod a time there was a boy who had no pet.
p. 2 One day his mom gave a cat to the boy.
p. 3 He liked it so so much.
p. 4 He huged his mom.
p. 5 He named his cat Ruby.
p. 6 Ruby had a nose and a mouth but... (I am not kidding, she used these dots for suspense)
p. 7 No eyes. The boy was sprised
p. 8 so so much. He ren away skremeing I hate you.
p. 9 MOM! (just caps, one word on page- nice twist because you probably thought, like I did that he was insulting poor Ruby).
p. 10 And go away.
p. 11 One day.
p. 12 He turned into
p. 13 a Cow
p. 14 Boy (I think handwriting was just getting hard, I am not sure if there is a deeper meaning to one word per page).
p. 15 Wen his mom fond
p. 16 out he was a cowboy
p. 17 she skrem
p. 18 D
p. 19 There is a chart of reading levels that M made emulating her books and she designated her story a Level 4

MoJo In The Tub...

Singing "Oh, the lord is good to me, and so I thank the lord." My mother who is bathing them "What the hell is that? From school? Well, the lord is not good to me." Very tactful my mother is...

The Trouble With Pregnancy

At this point, is sleeping. I have the equivalent of a huge watermelon in my belly which prohibits me from sleeping face down in any way. On my back is taboo and uncomfortable anway. This leaves on either side with pillows as the only choice. But when I am on a side, teh twin on that side complains. Wouldn't you if a baby your own size plopped on top of you every time your mother shifted positions? Sometimes I think this is just a preview, a way to mentally prepare for the sleep deprivation that lays ahead. It would help if this bed were not a lumpy smushy crappy one.

Productive In Vermont

We went to Weston, a very cute town today, where they sold paraphenelia that reads "What happens in VT, stays in Vt, but nothing every happens in VT." That pretty much sums it up. But today I made some things happen. I enjoyed my morning walk with F and I, recovering from knee surgery, I went to Weston, played in the snow with the kids, drove to the supermarket, peeled so many potatoes I felt like I was in the military, and watched MoJo play RockBand with their uncle/aunt and her significant other. J played the drums (they did not tell him he was not connected) like Bingo and at one point just slumped forward he was so tired. Very funny. M wrote her first book today, about a cowboy. Good stuff. The only thing I need now is for Fedex to bring M's gift from Santa. We have had some snafus but I will hold off on that until I have the loot in hand. Off to make dinner for the midgets.

Happy Birthday Amore!

35. Finally not the younger man. I enjoy these 10 days a year when I am the older woman. We have known each other for 21 of our 35 years. In January it will be 15 years (whoa!) that we are together. Hope you enjoyed your Vermont birthday, surrounded by family, lots of it not yours :) and snow. I loved our morning walk and your afternoon nap while I sledded (supervised, not actually threw myself down a mountain) with kids. I am impressed that you let me drive the car (without you!) to the supermarket, and that you are downstairs making dinner for 12 on your day. I am grateful for every year together and I cannot believe that we will have two more kids to celebrate with next year. Auguri Amore!

When Your Brother Is An ASSHOLE

You can call him one, right after he has called you a bi-atch (that's right, he speaks in ebonics to be extra cool) during a game of Boggle. This should not come as a surprise since your mother always sets up this weird paradigm where you and he are the fat smart ones (typical back handed compliment). Vicious insults even though I was losing the game. My other brother from the same mother is wise and still not here. Will arrive late tonight.As I write, J yells out (as if he had Tourrets "my penis." Me- Your penis what?, J- It struggled, Me (as I try to not piss in my pants), Struggled to do what?, J- to get in this car (points to new wooden car he is playing with). Me- How do you know the word struggled?, J- I learned it when I was a teenager. I digress I know but my son is a lot more interesting and smarter than many of the other people here. My spouse suggests not writing such caustic comments about my brother online for "all" (all 4 people who read this) to see. Who cares? This is my therapy and why should it be kept secret when you act like a jerk? Anyway, J has been cracking jokes right and left today. He told me he did not want to have tetas when he is a teenager and that he will not kiss his sister if she has them. I told him all girls grow up to have tetas and that boys are worse. He asked "Because they fart and burp and pick their nose?" Bingo. More on our scintillating family dynamics later. PS Abuela I is working hard on her "control mental" to flip twin A. I keep reminding her which one has to turn so that she does not inflict any further imbalance on the situation:)

Winter Time, And the Living Is Easy

Too easy. I am officially bored to death. We are in VT, all 11 of us!! My brother "missed" his train today so he is still solo in NYC. VT isnice. But there is not much to do other than eat. Or sleep. Or eat. Try to read. Fall asleep. Too hot. Too many people and opinions all the time. But no fights. So that is good. Will try to practice driving, eating less, and going for a walk (if the crew of pregnancy cops let me) tomorrow. M asked me what exactly we are celebrating on Christmas and we gave some more confusing irrational answers (Me- nothing, family being together and winter time, F- Some people believe it is Jesus's birthday but it is not necessarily true and we do not celebrate that). Both kids behaving great, happy to hang out with the family, play hide and seek, and run around. Just trimmed the tree. Very beautiful. Off to dinner!

Twin Growth: 30 Weeks, 1 Day

Well, I am disappointed. Kiwi and Phoebe are still not in the right position, but more importantly twin A's butt is blocking the exit, i.e. it does not matter what twin B does, it is twin A that must turn around or I am condemned to a a C-section. I should be flexible, realistic, blah blah but I am NOT. I want to push these babies out myself or I am going to be angry and disappointed. So, if you have any suggestions better than any of these cockamamie ones please send them to me, along with any baby turning vibes. These puppies are getting big (3lbs 12oz and 3lbs 8oz) and the bigger they get, the less likely it is that A will budge. Aaaahhhh, please turn baby turn.

Survivor

I have made it through another Christmas pageant. Damn is it long and boring! My kids were adorable in their costumes of course, singing "Jesus our brother kind and good." But the cute lamb and shepherd can only tide you over for so long - their song is in the first five minutes of the show. J remarked that Gabriel, the angel was not an angel but a person and that the kids blowing through golden lattice cones were not really blowing music. When I told him that in a few years the twins would be lambs he said "They will not want to do that."Very astute. Baby Jesus looked like he was big enough to walk away this year. Alas, as "un" into Jesus as I am, I do like traditions. I looked at the 8th graders (all with scintillating mute roles) and felt old, I remember when they were three year old lambs.
This just in- a note I found that M left laying around "I wish I could have whatevre I wanted when I wanted it." Join the club my friend.

30 Weeks Today

Nothing to report. No news is good news? I will have more info post sonogram but each twin is hopefully almost 3lbs. Feel good. Happy that the school pageant is tomorrow and break begins!

Morning Jokester

As I pulled up my "new" hand me down maternity jeans with the attractive huge belly panel... M asked "Where did you get those? Pregnant Woman Dot Com?

Twin Update

Nothing too exciting. I saw the ob yesterday. Good news- I weigh the same. Then again, her scale is a piece of crap so maybe I do not. Bad news- Phoebe & Kiwi are still standing (wtf?) with their feet by the exit. Can one of you turn please before you get too big? It was quite funny to see them head to head again. One turned its head to the other like they were chit chatting while I watched the screen. Friday I go for a real sonogram at the hospital (this is like a part time job!) where they will measure meticulously and see how big they are and if they are growing at the same rate. Stay posted for more twin news. Week 30 is almost here and I could have as little as 6 weeks left (yikes!). Hope it is more like 8.

Morning Inquiry III

M- Does Santa exist?
Me- Yes, I think so.
M- I hope so or I am going to be furious at you.
Me- Why at me?
M- For tricking me.
Shit.

Alvin Ailey Baby!

In addition to attending our school fair and a nice family brunch, I spent my birthday afternoon watching Alvin Ailey. F got us nice tickets because we saw the show a few years ago and it was truly moving. Can you believe the bodies in this picture? They move as well as you imagine they do with an astounding precision and beauty. I do not think a white person could look or move that way. Not pc, I know but almost definitely true. I highly recommend seeing Ailey at some point in your life. It is a breathtaking dance performance filled with heart and rhythm and sorrow and history. Post Ailey we were stuck in a midtown sea of frenetic holiday shoppers, but it did not deter us from enjoying our stroll through Columbus Circle's craft fair. The night was topped off by dinner at my mother's with many many family members. Thank you padre for coming to NYC to be with me and for schlepping my children all over town. Thank you for all of the gifts and love and attention. A la cama!

J Week

It is J week in M's class so she put Jesus and Jewish on her list. She is so damn confused. J wanted to clarify that we are not Jewish. I told him that we were not religious. I asked him if he knew who was Jewish in our family and M said "abuela S." I told them that it was not her but rather abuelo R. M has some  confusion where she equates religion with Jewish. She told me that abuela S. believes in g-d and is Jewish. I am not sure if she does not doesn't but I told her that all religions believe in one. We are not religious I repeated (a useless mantra) and J said, "I know, we are people-ish." Sounds good to me!

J's Insights

While drinking chocolate milk "Do you know why cows have black spots? Because they roll around in chocolate milk."
Later, "This is not chocolate milk. This is tutto leche (i.e. dulce de leche) milk."
While singing "Jesus our brother, kind and good" (pageant song he is rehearsing rigorously) I asked him,  "Do you know who Jesus is?"
M- He doesn't exist.
J-He is a cow in the song.

Watch Your Language!

While discussing Sleeping Beauty, J said "She slept for a long axe time."
Oops , I guess I should watch my language.

Bathroom Etiquette

Me- Did you flush?
J- Yes but I did not wash my hands.
Me-Thanks for the honesty.
M- The honesty is a little disgusting.

Good Bye 34!

My last post this age. Now I can save a finger tap at the gym when the preset 35 pops up as my age. I can say I am on my way to middle age. I am definitely not as young as I feel or think I am anymore. But I am also satisfied with life thus far and have nothing to complain about. So bring it on 35. I will start this age larger than I will end it for sure. 35 years. (Almost) 4 kids. Lots of jobs (I titled this blog 3 jobs but that is debatable- I work at a school (as a Spanish teacher and community service coordinator), tutor 2 adults, 4 teenagers, a bunch of seventh graders at Street Squash, and do lots of fundraising work for my kids' daycare plus my regular domestic duties. Hmm. Maybe more than 3). Still 2 bedrooms but I do not care for now. Rooms are overrated. My mother slept on a couch for most of our childhood. Lots of health and love. Family and friends. One great man as my partner, 2 crazy kids to challenge me and lots of other wonderful people cheering me on. 35, Ready or Not- Here I come!

M's Neologisms

Today she reminded me of two expressions that she coined "Eat your carrot you little rabbit" (ie J finish your dinner) and "It burns like a rocket ship." (Get the soap out of my privates). Funny gal. Expressive language. She is always curious to know if something is "an expression" if she is not familiar with it.

J the Romantic

He went with his sister and abuelo to see his dear friend M in her first ballet recital tonight (that makes sense right, a show with 3 year olds at 6:30pm?) He took her some candy and flowers and asked me "Will I cheer for her?" I said clapping would be better. "Will there be popcorn?" I think he was imagining a soccer game or a movie. I heard M lit up when she saw him. How sweet is that?

29 Weeks: Butternut Squash They Say

Not sure why all pregnancy websites describe baby weight/size in terms of vegetables. I do not want to imagine a garden in my uterus or an edible baby. Okay, this is the final stretch. Kiwi and Phoebe will be here in 6 to 9 weeks. I hope more the latter although I also hope to be able to walk at that point. I am amused at how HUGE my belly is and how well I can still move. I cannot move fast (get cramps) but I am still pretty limber and most importantly, pain free. As I surfed the endless online crap regarding twin pregnancy last night, I came across some really crazy mamma's blog (e.g. she won a race while 5 months pregnant) and her story. This woman was in kick ass shape, a health freak whose twins were vertex vertex (mumbo jumbo for head down like the docs like). Her labor went slowly, she was given pitocin without permission (this drug is often step one to a C-section because it makes contractions crazy strong and fast but it not natural so they may need to take it up a notch and slice you open). Sure enough, she had a C- section and what ensued sounds like a nightmare. She was bloated (you fill up with gas) and unable to produce milk as her body healed. It took her a long time to feel normal and I ask myself "Do I really need that kind of aggravating shit in addition to twins and nursing ?" I REALLY do not want to have a C- section and I am worried that I will have to have one, even if this is irrational and illogical. I think I need to stop thinking about this and just enjoy the relatively little time I have left as a pregnant woman. I am sad that it is the last time, crazy as that may sound, because I really feel well. Natural. Whole. Empowered. Maybe someone will enlist me as their surrogate in the future? I am blabbing. Buenas Noches.

J's Love Note

On a crumpled piece of scrap he scribbled and scrabbled and told my mother that it was for his Uncle D, who he was anxiously waiting for. J said it says "I love you D." My mother asked, "You wrote that?" J looked at her and said "No, I do not know how to write but that is what it says. Write his name and give it to him."

Jingle by M

(left on a notebook page by the computer-she sang this to me and told me it was not done yet)
I mean look at this. Isint it cute? Bukces (because) ts so grand: (how the hell does she know what colons are?) I mean Santa wood liak (like?) it.
This makes no damn sense but I love that she is composing lyrics and music in the Christmas spirit.

M The Groper?

While I procrastinated/input reports/rocked out to my brother's twin mix this morning... M's teacher came to tell me that she had been taken to the head of the division for grabbing her classmate's crotch after partaking in excessive "potty talk." What can I say? She is a touchy feely person. Her teacher said that M claimed that the kid had done it to her first, but that smelled like BS to me. When I told M not to tell me a story but rather the truth, she was very surprised that I knew she was fibbing. How could you know? I told her it was because I was her mother and knew her better than anyone because she used to live inside of me. She smiled and said: Then I can always tell when you are lying too:)

J's Recent Quips

While fighting over what to watch on Tv (to M): You will love me when I am dead.
To me re M saying Elmo was babyish: M says Elmo is for babies but it is not true, it is for people.
To me on the way home: I want to play with Nonini (Nonna Mariní) when I get home.
To me when a baby was kicking me hard on the bus: If that is the boy kicking, it is my baby.
To me as he looked me over intently: How will the babies come out?
Me: When they are ready, we will go to the hospital and they will be born.
J: Yeah, but how will they come out?
This might be too PG13/R to know to reveal at this point no? I remember M's face when I finally told her a few months ago after she insisted on knowing: I knew they came out of your privates but I thought it was your butt.
I could see how given the size of my ass she might think that:)

The Passion of the Confused 6 Year Old

Today M's teacher told me that she was talking animatedly to her friends about Jesus. About how he was dragging himself through the streets (imitation of a slumped staggering body). About how he died hanging, that he was carrying a cross, bleeding. M's teacher cut her off when she deemed it too graphic. I was sort of amused and embarrassed since I definitely never spoke to her about any of that. Nor do I know squat about how Jesus dies beyond the basic visuals. I told her she was probably just repeating something she heard. When I questioned the religious midget about where she got her Jesus info, she non-chalantly replied "Nobody told me. I saw all of the pictures of this in the museum." F confirmed that she was describing the passion of Christ. This LBJ agnostic barely knows what the hell that means. M is already ahead of me in religious education.

No Smoking!

MoJo perplexed when their nonna went down to smoke
M (to me) Does she know that smoking will kill her?
Me- Yes. I tell her but you should too.
J (to nonna upon her return)- Do not smoke. It is bad for your body.
Nonna- Thanks for your advice!

Twin Trivia

For your information/entertainment

Sick Day

For J Not me. Work on the computer, fall asleep on couch while watching Looney Tunes, read 1000 stories day for me. If he is not better tomorrow at least his Italian nonna will be here to supervise. Today is a test for me, doing a micro-release of planning, power, teaching etc as I let my sub take over. Happy she is there. I guess. A dopo.

Shower of Friends

Thank you so much for a lovely afternoon. I am pretty much anti showers, anti so much attention, and anti surprises but it was very nice. A special thank you to T for organizing and for all of G & C's work along with S & D's. The food was yummy and abundant, the decorations awesome (watch for their recycling on Oscar night), the games fun, and the company the best. Thanks for taking time out of your weekends to come. Stay posted for a summary of people's bets from the master chart. XO Bonne Nuit!

Happy Birthday Espinaca!

Damn girl, you are 15 already! Hope you have an ab fab day full of love and chocolate. What kind of camera are you buying?
Tanti baci!

Lechuga

The Heat Is On!

If you have been procrastinating.. it is time to place your bets on Kiwi/Phoebe. Start thinking. You need to guess birth date, gender(s), birth weights, time between them popping out and oh, yes,  name them:) I will post a summary of the bets so far later this weekend and I will wait for more new bets (or you can modify old ones) to have a nice varied slate of predictions.
Happy Friday!!

28 Weeks & Going Strong

I am very grateful for (in no order of importance):
Feeling great
Being pain free
Feeling lots of kicking
Having two cuckoo healthy children
A husband coming home tomorrow
A job
No wart on my knee
Lots of siblings and parents
Great friends
Pregnancy, which is slowly fading away
A good substitute who began today
Dress down today tomorrow (purple converse baby)
In treatment

Toothless Monster

That is what M. proclaimed herself after pulling her own tooth out. It was too gross for me to do and she was too nervous so I offered that she do it herself. Her look of wonder and satisfaction was priceless. She is super excited that tomorrow she can eat a chocolate from her advent calendar, find a treat from the tooth fairy under her pillow and a little treat from her Santa calendar. Life sure is exciting when you are six and the world is such a magical place.

Forgive Me Body For I Have Sinned

Once in a (long) while I crave something disgusting. Like a cigarette (not when I am pregnant) or a hotdog (when I am). But I let it pass because I know I will be sick if I succumb. Well, I have to purge myself of the grossest sin/betrayal of (food) principles in the last DECADE. I was hungry (surprise!) walking to tutoring. On my old block again (86 St.), I recalled when we would eat fast food like it was going out of style. Remember the cartoons on the big screen at the McDonald's on Third and 85 St.? Somewhere around 2001 I vowed to NEVER touch the shit again. How could I after reading Fast Food Nation and watching Super Size Me and countless other films on the crap they serve? Well, as I strolled past Burger King, now on the other side of 86 St., I just walked in. I almost ordered a hamburger, a Whopper. I felt a frenetic urge to eat crap. But I contained myself and ate their fish sandwich. When asked, "sandwich or meal?" I contained myself further and went for just the 1000 calorie sandwich. I inhaled it. And it tasted good. But I will not do that again for another decade. Sorry twins, but a little junk never hurt anybody right?

The Title for My Autobiography

(quoted from M tonight during a meltdown)
"Every Day I Try to Be Good and Somebody Ruins It."

Religion Confusion

We celebrate almost every holiday at my school despite its Episcopalian background and history. As we colored menorahs today, a Pre-K student asked me "Are you Jewish?" I don't have a good answer but I said "No. I am nothing (probably the worst answer) but half of my family is Jewish." He said, "Oh, I am not Jewish, I am Christmas." Other kids agreed even though I told them that Christmas is not a religion. Oh well, might as well be.

Terrific Tuesday

Today was a FULL day. My only regret is not having put the midgets to bed. I had my longest day at school, followed by a conversation class with a mother I love right by school, followed by Street Squash (love it!), PT (what an improvement from last week!), tutoring and back home to pay the (pretty new) sitter who is slated to help me with the whole crew of four soon. I then made most of dinner for tomorrow (dear friends coming over) and watched a strange but entertaining flick. Whoo-ees! I am ready for la camita. Hasta mañana.

Recent Comments

M to a friend yesterday morning:
Do you know why we are on the bus? My dad is in Italy and he usually drives us. Can you imagine if the twins came out now? That would be a mess!
J to me:
When I am a grown up I will not have you. I will have my drum set and Mora will not be my sister. She will be my friend.
J to me this am:
Can you please buy some candy to put in a package to mail to M (his BT buddy)?
J to me after I fell:
I will give you a band aid when we get home. You fell because you were running. That is why you should walk.

The Upside

Of tripping and falling and bleeding through my pants this morning (knee area) is that my wart seems to have been scraped off in the process. So, I did walk many avenues uphill with MoJo crying like a baby because my knee hurt, but we did eventually catch another bus, the wart will maybe stay away, and these pants were getting small anyway.

Health Update

So there's good news today. My back is much much better (not that I want to jinx myself) and if I were religious I would thank the lord. I thank my good luck, physical therapist, and my abuela's "control mental" (an a la Shirley Maclaine method by which you think about and will something to happen, or not). On another upbeat note, I saw my ob today and we had a heart to heart. Even though she admitted that she would want what I want were she in my position, she also admitted her fears (throwing around once again cute phrases like "putting my medical license on the line" or "if you cannot get the second baby out it can asphyxiate") but I think we will meet each other somewhere in the middle. Closer to my side of course. The doc would like to schedule a delivery with these high risk doctors that she is affiliated with who actually believe in (gasp) a second twin's ability to come out naturally regardless of the position he/she is in. So, like two imperfect puzzle pieces, we are slowly drifting and grinding to find a fit. I realized that my doctor is kind of young, immature, and insecure. After inquiring how many twins she delivered vaginally (not too many), I assured her that after me she would have a happy story to tell and that I would impress her with my delivery. I realized today that one of the many problems we have, is that hardly anybody pregnant with twins wants to attempt a vaginal delivery. Even though I feel exactly the opposite way, I get that my anomalous requests are foreign and threatening to my doctor. I am convincing her to have faith in me and to trust me so that I can do the same.

Super Sunday

I must say that today was chock full of activity, very little back pain, and great behavior from the midgets for the most part. We kicked off the day with some cartoons and breakfast before heading over to a friend's house for a playdate (they have a 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter). Then it was off to Queens (3 damn trains, did you know that the E can ONLY go downtown at 50 St and that you must go down to Times Square to catch a Queens bound E?!) to meet a friend's new daughter. Kind of boring for MoJo but they behaved well. 2 hours later we reversed our commute for social meeting number 3. It was at the playground and the sun was no longer out so I was c-o-l-d but kids enjoyed running around with another two pairs of siblings that are their ages. We got a ride home just in time for play date number 4 (dinner and bath with J's beloved BT best friend and her little bro). I am happy to say that we dropped off hand-me-downs at play dates 1,3, and 4 and some cookies/chocolate at number 2. It was a nice full day despite the absence of F, gym, movies, tutoring and other usual Sunday suspects. I am really happy that J had a chance to see his buddy (he recently told me that he missed her and wanted to send her chocolates in the mail). When I praised him for his behavior, I asked, "Who did great listening?" He replied, "Me, today. But not tomorrow." M asked me for paper to draw (standing next to me as I read email). When I glanced over she had written "I hate you mom and papi. pyriod." When I asked her why she was mad, she kept denying having written "hate" (it was the most legible word) even though I insisted I was not mad and that I knew she did not hate me. I found this note on my desk later "Am sorry mama and papa. I rilly am." Cannot beat that. Buona Notte!

Saturday Blues

I am watching In Treatment on my computer. I am missing F who is not even on the plane yet. I am sad that my back is not 100%. I am happy that tomorrow is Sunday, but we have a lot to do tomorrow and then comes the long work/school week, which I will face alone. Like countless other times. But I am larger and more tired. And the thought of doing this in a few months with four children, is well, quite overwhelming. I am digressing into depressive and boring chatter. I am okay but not too inspired to write as you can see. I will be back on track with some more midget insight and happier tunes soon. It has been nice to have a real loong weekend, it is crazy how quickly the holidays are approaching. Buona notte.

J's Smart Ass One Liners

As I directed him to put away items in his room,
"I am not an octopus."
When I called him a midget,
"I am not a midget. I am a person."
When F told him to clean up his room.
"You are telling me to do two things and I have one arm." (Math not his forté)
When planning his sleepover at his aunt's.
"I am going to stay up late and sleep until late. Yeah yeah." (What really happened is he went to sleep 15 min later and woke up 30 min earlier!)

No Pain No Gain

As I almost felt sorry for myself yesterday, back pain not having fully subsided, I had an epiphany. I was much more mobile than the day before (improvement) after a stretching session at the gym but I still had a few pangs of bitch ass pain electrify me when I sat for too long or got up too quickly. But then I started thinking about how I know it will get better and pass, it has to. Furthermore, what could better prepare me for what lies ahead (weighing 1000 lbs, labor, sleep deprivation) than some pain along the way? Who was I kidding when I thought I could casually pack on 20-30 lbs (so far..) in a few months and not have my reconstructed spine fight back? Well, then I went to see 127 Hours with my family and it gave me more perspective. My pain is nothing compared to what a human can endure. When I woke up at 5:55am with a violent charley horse, I did not feel sorry for myself or violent, I felt okay because my back is better. It is not normal, but better, and I am confident that in a few days I will be able to not have my back at the forefront of my thoughts.

Happy Turkey Day!

While I have mixed feelings about this historical significance (would Native Americans be down with this so called holiday?), I do like to think of it as a long weekend to kick back, enjoy food (I am very grateful that I am a vegetarian), see family, and as cheesy as it is, give thanks. If not in a tangible way (everyone likes to do community service for the three seconds between Thanksgiving and Christmas and then never again), it is at least a nice opportunity to reflect on how fortunate we are, how unbalanced the world is, and to consider doing something, anything, in the months to come to offset this phenomenon. We are heading over to abuela's, children in tow as well as some completely homemade lasagna for me (thanks f!), to hang out, fight, eat, and then see a movie tonight. Thanksgiving night movie outing is one of our traditions. Bowling was another until all alleys decided that it was not worth staying open for just our clan. Hard to imagine that we will have two 9 month olds to bring with us to this meal next year. MoJo is high from the prospect of their double sleepover, last night at their aunt's and tonight at abuela's. Enjoy the day!

More Social Justice Thoughts by M

M-Who decided that we need to pay for everything?
Me- Well, it's not that simple. One person did not decide, it is a system to make it organized.
M- Well, it's not fair for the people who do not have any money.
Who can argue with that? It's the truth Ruth! I had no good come back.

Back to Back Crap

My back was sore yesterday. Today it hurts. I think and hope that is due to the long car trip on Sunday. But is sucks. Big time.  You truly cannot appreciate feeling well until you do not. As I struggled to stand from the rug this am during a Pre-K class, a little boy whose mother is also pregnant, inquired "Is it hard for you to get up because of your belly?" (I wish, it was the back pain). Later when I opted for a chair instead of getting all the way down to the rug, an older child asked me "Are you sitting in a chair because your back hurts?" These kids remember what it was like when I was immobilized by pain. On the upside, when I went to PT this pm (ouch!), a secretary who I interact with every week saw me (she is usually sitting behind a tall counter and I am standing in front of her) on the other side of her desk, she was shocked to learn that I was pregnant. I am happy that you cannot tell my size from just my face. I hope that this pain will pass just like it did this summer when I was temporarily set back by a violent action I did in a car. It is beyond frustrating to be uncomfortable and to walk like Frankenstein. Keep your fingers crossed.

Recent Comments

Upon seeing the carpeting in the room in Boston:
J- I like how they sewed the rug on.
Upon my cleaning the sleep in his eye (scary):
Me- Is there a bunny in your eye?
J- No, there is a rhino in my eye!
Going home yesterday:
J- It was a long day. Can the twins be born now?
M (as she drew random huge numbers):
This is how much people need to pay to babysit me.

Tete a Tete

Wish I knew how to make those pretty French accents. Oh well. Twins A & B have finally moved/posed in a new position. Just had a twin growth sonogram during my lunch break and... they are both feet down, heads together. Very cute that they are putting their heads together. Less cute that it is in the wrong direction. They have some time to flip I suppose. They both weigh 2lbs 6oz, which is apparently a good size even for a singleton (and a pound more each than they weighed a month ago), and with less than a 1% weight difference between them, this is one less thing for the doctors to freak out about. Doctors do not like it when one twin is outgrowing the other by too much. So, I chug along. I am tired. And large. And after saying that I looked smaller than the random woman in my 26 week post, I must retract. All of a sudden I look even bigger than she does. Off to teach some more and possibly pass out on my bed once I get Mojo home and in front of the television.

Letters To Santa

Dear Santa,
I love you. Can I get a big blue drum set? And can I have batteries too?If it runs out, can I have some more? Please. I love you. J (dictated to me)

Love M. (written by her and started with a signature)
I want a thing that will surprise me. I love you Santa Claus.

Boston Here We Come!

So this is my first post from an i-pad, my mother's favorite toy. We are on a train to Boston to go to a language teachers's conference. We are a family of dork Spanish teachers. My sister is on her way by plane and my brother by bus tomorrow. We are like the Jackson 4 of Spanish teaching but with less rhythm. Between the four of us we teach the gamut from nursery students to seniors in high school. My mother and I have been to many conferences together in the past, both as presenters and attendees but it has been a while. This weekend, with all of the family in tow (F and Mojo arrive tomorrow pm) will be a memorable experience. It already is. In order to catch a 6:20 train this morning, I slept in my old bed in my old room, with only two babies kicking me but no kids calling me during the night. It is quite strange to feel like the child again, with my mother kissing me goodnight and no kids for me to go check on. Other than two surgeries and three days in Paris last year, I have not ever left the kids. My spouse does not think this is normal but I do not care. Last night M gave me a kiss for tonight as well. This will be a healthy 40 hour break. Hasta luego.

26 Weeks: Growing By The Day

This is not me. I look a bit smaller than this (thank goodness!) But you have an idea of what a 26 weeks along twin pregnancy belly looks like. And it will only get bigger and bigger, until I give birth in February. So I think I am now officially in my third trimester, which will most likely be the shortest and maybe the hardest. I am not sure how I will be able to balance, much less put on my shoes when my belly doubles in size. My twins are in a T shape. One is always head down (twin a) as if ready to come out, and twin b is horizontal. The latter is supposed to magically flip head down so that the doctor is ready to deliver. Tension with the OB aside...I feel guilty admitting this, but I feel great. When the school year started there were 8 !! of us teachers at work pregnant. Since then three have delivered (two boys, one girl), one is due in a few weeks, two are due the same week as I am, and one in April. While I am not the youngest or the oldest of my colleagues, I am definitely the one with the fewest complaints/complications and the only one with twins. I can only hope to stay well and  positive. I had PT today and my therapist looked at me incredulously when I said I had no pain (on the famous 1-10 scale). Am I jinxing myself? I hope not!

Evening Comments

M (when I picked her up at her playdate- what a bad idea on a late Thurs) - Can I have a sleepover in my lifetime at G's house?
J (coming up the subway stairs) I tripped because of the litter (going up the subway stairs). I want the policeman (on the platform) to arrest the people for littering.
J (coming up the stairs in our apt) -We need a new apartment because our stairs are breaking. One of the holding bars is moving.
J's Thanksgiving project on the board outside his classroom- I am thankful for all of the superheroes.

Community Service Day!

Well, it's not really a day, just an hour, but I am excited about it anyway. A couple of years ago my school decided to turn our saints's day into a service opportunity. As the community service coordinator, this means that I get to find projects for all of the children grades N-8 (about 350 kids?) to do. It is actually quite fun and inspiring to have this much say in what/how we do to teach children about community. Projects included having nursery students (ie  my son) work with 4th grade ones to make a wreath for the local soup kitchen (nursery students will deliver these next week before our annual food chain so they can see where all of the food goes), 7th graders singing at the local nursing home, first graders baking brownies and making cards for the local firehouse (to be delivered tomorrow), 8th graders peeling vegetables at the church for the soup kitchen, second graders making vinegar with rosemary from our greenhouse to sell at the PA holiday fair...you get the idea. In any event, I was lucky enough to be imbibed with the helping spirit as a child and I am grateful to try to inculcate this vibe, one kid at a time, at my school. Tomorrow the 4th graders will go clean Riverside Park for the second time. I will not be there (language conference in Boston) but I know it will be fun! As Thanksgiving approaches, along with all the other holiday fanfare, I like Citibank's motto (what is wrong with me quoting Shitty Bank?)- This year, let's but giving before thanks. I encourage you to find a meaningful way to do something, no matter how small or how many times a month (even 30 min per month) to help out somewhere.

Bus Comments

J-We are like giants to nature.
M- Thursdays are dark days in my mind.
M-We are so lucky that we have a house and food. We are even luckier that we can get stuff that we want not just stuff that we need.

Lovers's Fish

Last night we went to the Mermaid Inn for dinner, where in addition to a yummy cup of chocolate pudding, each diner gets a fortune fish (red cellophane fish that you lay on your hand and then observe). After dinner tonight, I gave each character one to assess their fortunes. The key on the back of the fish envelope indicated to both M and J "in love." When I asked who he was in love with, J ran to his sister and hugged her abashedly stating "I am in love with you." When I asked M, she coyly responded, "I am in love with someone in my dreams. He is blond and I think he is from TV." Romantic puppies these kids are.

J to My Belly

I love you twin babies. I do not know when you are coming out.

Pediatrician Time!

So we started off the week with a visit to a new (but not really improved) doctor for the kids. Insurance complications prevent us from staying with our old and beloved doctor Jackie so we switched to one closer to home, affiliated with Mt. Sinai (where twins will be born), that takes our insurance. The place was tiny and kind of depressing so I am not sure that we will stay there (newborns go to the doctor every two seconds so I will be spending a lot of time there). Some highlights of the visit included J asking me if a door marked EXIT in the examination room was an escape door, the antiquated doctor telling each child to look away while she examined the other's privates (ha!), and the nurse telling M that drawing blood would not hurt right after I told her the opposite. I fail to understand what the point of lying to children is. Of course it fucking hurt and she cried as the needle had to stay in for two minutes to draw all of the blood out. I was asked lots of age inappropriate questions (too easy for M and too hard for J) and MoJo could not, would not, follow directions during the hearing tests. It is truly possible that they are both deaf. J's eyesight test was amusing too because after asking me if he knew letters (no!) they used a symbols chart but those were weird too. Nothing normal like smiley faces and apples but rather one symbol was a plus sign (or a crucifix or the red cross symbol, depending on how you see it) and what the hell was he supposed to call that? There was a mug which J called "teapot" and I guess they deduced that he is not blind. So, the good part was that we were in and out pretty fast and I learned that M weighs 56.6lbs!! and J 38. She is in the 90s and he is in the 70s for percentile of height/weight. Nothing too surprising. Happy Tuesday!

J's Deep Thought

If i get dead I will never never be alive. That is what happens to you in the city.

Found It!

In case any of you were as upset as I was about the bundle of joy (metrocards, receipts etc) that I lost last week.. I found it this morning in a secret compartment of my bag. So secret that this dumb ass forgot about it. While I cringe at all the pay per rides I wasted, I am happy to report that I had not (thanks to good advice) replaced my monthly yet, so I am still thrilled to have found my unlimited. I am easily pleased when it comes to saving money.
PS As my brother likes to say "Fuck the MTA" whose service is scarcer and crappier by the day as they continue to hike up prices!

Ms Bossy Rude Pants

Just heard a crash of lots of something little in kids's room.
Me- What is that?
M- None of your business.
Me- That is incredibly rude.
M- Sorry sorry sorry, but stay where you are. I will handle it okay?

Who the hell is this child and what is she doing in my house?

Last Minute Comments

Over dinner...
M- We are so lucky because we never have any trouble doing anything.
Me- Like what?
M- Like seeing. (to J) Do you know that some people cannot see?
J- They wear glasses.
M- No, I mean they are blind. They see what you see when you close your eyes all of the time.
(later at dinner)
M (to me)- Do I have the bag inside of me in case I can be a mom?
Me- Yes, your body is ready to be a mom when you are older but you have everything you need already.
M- But I don't have a watch.
As I kissed J good night on my way out to dinner with a little make up (rare for me) on...
J- You look like the Addams family.

MoJo's Social Commentary

Upon my admiration of a group of bikers...
Me- I'm going to ask Papi to buy me a motorcycle when I grow up.
M- Yeah right.
J- You will fall out like a sack of potatoes.
About their Tiemann grandparents...
M- It's funny because abuela S. goes to sleep so early and gets up so early and grandpa goes to bed late and gets up late (in reality my mother is the freak who wakes up at 4am). They are opposites.
Me- Abuela S. is weird and grandpa is normal.
J- Grandpa is NOT normal.
M to her friends on the bus...
You know what is sad? People are going straight to Christmas and skipping Thanksgiving.
Me- There is not much to sell for Thanksgiving and they want people to buy a lot for Xmas.
M- They could sell turkey t-shirts.
J remembering a crazy bitch we saw on the bus hitting her toddler and yelling at him like a maniac...
Next time I see her I will tell her to stop and not to hit his face. She probably is not even his mom. She doesn't know how to be a mom. She should give him a timeout not hurt him.
Me- I think she was his mom, she was just not nice.
M- That baby should have been adopted by someone nice.

M's Evening Comments

M (Before bed, same question)- Why doesn't Nonno G. stay with us?
Me- He has a girlfriend and the couch is small and he wants priavcy.
M- We need a guest room or something.
M (crying that she did not want her medicine)- Why do I have to take disgusting medicine? The last time I took medicine that tasted good was a lifetime ago.
M (As I tucked her into bed)- What are we going to do when the twins come? We need a nanny or something.

Morning Inquiry II

J to F: Do you like being bald?
F- Not really, it's ok.
J- If you had Bello's hair ...

Birthday Late Night Edition

"It's just my birthday. I cannot believe people are calling me from different countries"commented M who was unflappable until she opened her princess gifts (then bonkers with joy).
Thank you to all of the friends and family who helped M celebrate a great great birthday (week!) and thank you for all of the lovely cards and gifts and for coming over on a Thursday night. M is fast asleep now, covered in hives (Claritin wore off) dreaming of wearing all of the tacky accessories she received today to school tomorrow.

Milestones

My eldest is 6! I am at 25 weeks of pregnancy and I just noted that my/T's blog has 2001 hits!
Exciting day.
11-11- I always did love that number!

Morning Treats

I bought Merengue cookies and Munchkins for M's M week birthday snack.
J- Can I have a chipmunk?
Me- You already had one.
J- Then can I have a rerengue?

Happy Birthday Princesa!

So you are six years old today. WOW! Exactly 6 years ago to this minute you were still 3 hours and 8 minutes away from being born but you were certainly already a presence. As I writhed around delirious from labor pain (I would fall asleep and snore for 30 seconds at a time in between contractions!) I could not wait for you to be born. We did not know if you were a boy or a girl but we knew that we loved you and wanted you with all of our heart. Now you are a sassy 6 year old, covered in hives (pobrecita), ready to do almost anything without my help. Growing up is hard for you but it is also hard for me. I love you more than you can ever know until you have your own kids. Happy Birthday Frupaloop!

Viral Urticaria Anyone?

It is now 6:32pm. Kids in tub. 12 hours after this problem began, 3 cabs, 45 phone calls and one doctor visit later it seems that this is what M has. Not very revealing. She has to take over the counter drugs and not take the antibiotic which may or may not be the culprit.
Today was a challenge. In addition to medical issues and endless negotiations in person/email/phone for space for a benefit for daycare, community service next week, I misplaced a little bundle with my metrocard (unlimited of course), a pay per ride, some cash and receipts. This made me very sad each time I took transportation. I have since taken 3 cabs and paid for three pay per rides. I booked to tutoring post school and then to return some items at nearby stores and to see a space for a benefit. Cab to school to get kids to take to pediatrician where we waited a loong time to learn what I have already revealed- not much. Drusgtore. No children's Claritin there. Other drugstore. Got it. Cab home. No ingredients for M's bday snack tomorrow. Dinner & bath. Downtown to Sarah Bareilles concert (fun! thank you G). Store for ingredients. Not happening. Will be a trashy mother who buys the treat at Dunkin Donuts tomorrow. Rifle through the recycling on the sidewalk at 11pm in hopes of finding metrocard. Negatron. Home to wrap and  decorate for M's big day. Off to bed. It is midnight. Buona notte!

Elephant Hands

So as we are booking out the door this am, M mentions that her head itches, her hands itch and she starts scratching herself like a madwoman. Lice F asks? I say, no way. With such vehemence and sudden impact? The backs of her ears were bright red and her hands were swelling and red and itching like crazy. What to do? We were just at the doctor so I call a dr. friend and hope that she and the nurse at my school (Saint Regina) will figure it out. Dr. friend says bus bite reaction. Nurse not there. Her medicine cabinet open so in the interim I slather M's hands in calamine lotion (now they are really pink and big!) and make her gulp down Benadryl (he age and weight are not on the box but I am almost a doctor right?). Saint Regina says it cannot be bug bites because there are no signs of bites. She suspects an allergic reaction to the antibiotic (pink liquid crap she has been taking for 10 days for last week's strep). Says I have to speak to our doctor. Easier said than done. Been on hold (second call today) since I started this post. AAHHHH. Just saw M at lunch and I asked her  (hands looked better post Benadryl and worse already 4 hours later) if they hurt/felt the same/better. M responds "All my fingers feel weird but it's okay." Now, our family is known for ugly sausage fingers. Mine are ugly but model-like compared to my father's, whose hands are delicate compared to his brother's (think elephant man). Poor M, she  now takes first prize for ugly hands as we figure out what the hell she is allergic to. I recently let out pediatrician know that I needed our files because we were switching doctors (new insurance). Since then, M has had two emergencies so they probably think I am kidding calling every week. Off hold. Someone will call me back. But I will be busy teaching so the phone tag will continue. Oy vey!

Breakfast Menu

J requested scrangled eggs. Anyone else?

Deep Thought

J- I do not want to be old.
M- Do not worry, you will be a little for a long time.

I wish this were true!

HI/LoLights

High moments of the day..

1. Making final Truck or Treat deposit, our school collected over $1,700!
2. Meeting a very nice potential mother's helper for January who has worked for a family of 5! young kids.
3. Play date w/ J's friend where M & J played nicely and were told they were "so polite."

Lows:
1. Taking the subway in the wrong direction with two bags of Trader Joe's groceries after an evening PT session. 42nd St is not where I wanted to go.
2. Learning that my wart liquid has dried up and I will continue to have the same wart on my knee until I die.
3. Hearing my son teach his classmates "tetas", "conchita" and other inappropriate words in Spanish class (okay, maybe this was a highlight)

Morning Challenge

M- If Santa dies who will replace him?
Me- He won't die.
M- Everyone dies.
Uh oh, common sense and intelligence are conflicting with childhood folklore.

We Need The Mayor!

This is wat M said as she held her arm in the air a la Statue of Liberty. She laughed hysterically as she said that was how we could solve if the twins would have names in Italian, Spanish, or English.

As F carried J up the stairs in his arms, J commented "You are not all bald, I see some hairs on your head."

As J counted his piggy bank (piggy back according to M) mula he said "This money is for Santa to help him get me my drums." I am sad to report that he staunchly and desperately wants a set of real drums (help!) for Xmas. Maybe we can put them in the bathroom next to a crib!

Marathon Envy

The NYC marathon is tomorrow and I am beyond excited and jealous. It is truly, as cliche as it sounds, a testament to the human spirit. My brother is the only one in our family running this year (we usually have 2-3 runners) and we will spend most of Sunday spectating and trying to provide support for this amazing and grueling challenge that over 40,000!! people are taking on this year. If you have not seen this live, you MUST and if you have the slightest athletic ability, you should consider running in this beautiful race before you die. You will be hard pressed to find another day in which literally a million people lining the streets cheer for YOU, you get to run behind the best in the world and share the field with runners in wheelchairs, with one leg, old, fat, everyone pushing for a crazy goal. You get a nice running tour of the city and you ultimately prove to yourself that it is possible. I cannot help but cry when I watch the marathon. I may never do it again, but I had the privilege of running it twice. Go G-man RUN!

Bowl-o-rama!

What do you get with seventeen kids, mediocre pizza, and a bowling alley in Harlem? A fun fun morning (no sarcasm). M was a champ in her French hand me down dress (from me no less- saved by abuela for a quarter of a century!) with lots of smiles and no problems during her 2 hours party with friends from in and out of school. Some parents stayed, mostly friends of ours, family came (from Fla! even) and lots of fruit punch was consumed. Feliz Cumple Princesa. Hard to believe it has almost been six years since you were born. May the week be full of birthday festivities.

Birthday Girl Prep

As I am dressing M for her bowling party (real birthday later this week) I warned her that her red patent leather shoes will be replaced with bowling ones.
It is okay, I will still look glorious.
She responds.
Glorious indeed.

Evening Banter

On violence...
J to me- Do you punch bad guys?
Me- No, I do not.
J- Then how do you fight them?
Me- I don't. I call the police.
M- Yeah, calling the police is always better than wrestling.

A few minutes later at the table...


On religion...
J to M et moi- We forgot to say grace.
Me (to them for the umpteenth time)- We do not say grace in our family because we are not religious.
M- My friend C is religious, he says grace (ie prays) before he goes to bed.
Me- Everyone is different. We do not do that in our family.
M- Yeah, thanking G-d is like thanking Julio (my deceased grandfather whom she never met).
Me- How is that?
M- Thanking a dead person.
J (perplexed)- Nonno G. is dead?
Me- No, my grandfather Julio.
J- Who did he fight with?
Me- Nobody.
J- Was he old or sick (our standard death explanation)?
Me- Yes (as I jot down notes).
M- Is this going in the blog?
(pause)
M- You know what you can do if you miss a dead person? You could write them a note and go to the roof  of your building and throw the note in the wind and pretend that they are going to get it.

Crap, I am running out of easy answers.

Basta Pioggia!

Every damn Thursday it rains and it is an odyssey to get home. Enough! Train/walk/cab to tutor followed by walk/long ass bus (no cabs!) back to school. Up and down looking for MoJo. Find them but not their stuff. Up and down some more. Cab home. Too tired for gym. Now I am doomed and have to go Fri-Sun. Getting slower and larger by the day. Crap. Off to bed. Jam packed weekend ahead. Buona notte.

Evening Comments

After J refused to kiss his aunt, she told him she was not going to give him a kiss when he asked for one.
His response, "I know, I am not going to ask you for one."

M on J while watching a home video "J you look like a delinquent there."

Happy Birthday Choclo!

No, you cannot be ajo.

Stroll Down Memory Lane

Today I tutored on the East Side and walked from one home to the other. I walked right past my high school, past my first real home in NY (East 87th St. Claridge Club) and past my old nursery school. It was strange and soothing to see how little many of these places changed. The big building on 87 St is where my sister, now 29 was born. It is where my father filmed way too much of me dancing and changing costumes (and blurting "fucking asshole" to my toddler brother who interrupts the show). My brother threw many many items out that 29th floor window and we would collect the pieces in the court yard below. As I looked at the unchanged typical Upper East Side building (first and last with a doorman that I would ever live in), I wondered, what would I tell my four year old self? What could my four year old self teach me now? It is hard to believe that three decades have passed and that my parents divorced, each had more kids (mother one and father three) and that they were my age now when we lived in that apartment. Time is crazy and I guess I have a pretty good memory/vivid imagination because I remember much of it crisply and fondly. I am so happy to have grown up in New York and so grateful to still be able to live here.

Tonight's Deep Thoughts

J on the can- Poop comes out very quietly

M at the table- I was thinking that there is us, the lucky people and there are the poor people. If you gave someone a pencil they would say like "huh?" but a poor person would appreciate it because you have to respect stuff.

M to me- Why doesn't Nonno G. stay with us?
Me- Because he is more comfortable in a hotel.
M- Oh, so he can get a pizza delivery?

Charlie Mother Horse

I woke up at 5:30 with a charlie horse (nothing new) that seemed to subside and then only got worse after F stretched my foot/leg out. Round two and three were like electric shocks up my hamstrings and into my ankle. Lovely. Bitch ass intense pain. I guess this is one of the bonuses of being pregnant. Do not tell me to eat bananas or drink water because I do. I have some sort of curse on the right side of my body (where all of the varicose veins are) and a major proclivity for violent spasms in my right leg. Now I feel like someone has been hammering my calf muscle.

Today's Comments

J on his way to visit his old day care for the first time since graduating "I wish I could have two schools." Nice that this acknowledges that he loves his current one too.
J when M said maybe I had two girls inside of me "Then I am not helping to take care of them."
M to her teacher when she caught her eating candy in the cubby room "These are pills my mother gave me because I am sick."
M to me when I asked her wtf candy was doing in her bag "I do not know how it got there."
M to me when I told her to climb off a fence because I was tired of waiting "You think my brain has skills to go faster than it does" (it is true that her climbing skills leave a lot to be desired).
A student of mine who asked me if my babies were going to speak Spanish was surprised to learn that my two kids do not speak it now "You should get them in here (Spanish classroom)."

Pregnancy Etiquette Post Mark

Yesterday I saw Dr. C and she gave me her third or fourth speech about being open to a C- section blah blah blah and told me that I had a romanticized notion of childbirth; that it would be the two of us in a room laboring. Is she crazy? There is nothing romantic about being ripped in two and I do not consider a vaginal/normal birth to be romantic in anyway. She reminded me that twin births are always in the operating room, that there are two of everything more blah blah blah. I told her that I had faith in my ability to deliver without drugs or surgery and that I had faith in her that she would help me do it. She thinks I am a good candidate for this insane (i.e. normal) plan but that it was not her job to make me feel better but rather to prepare for the worst and "you would not want a brain damaged child." No shit, I am not that stubborn or stupid to jeopardize a baby's health because I am against C- sections. I thought mentioning a brain damaged child was classy. But, not as appropriate as a grandmother from my school who chatted me up about my pregnancy in the elevator later that afternoon. She told me she was once pregnant with twins too and I smiled and said "Oh, so you know what I am getting into. How old are they now?" She proceeded to tell me that one was her granddaughter's mother (whom I know) and the other one was born asphyxiated, dead, and that it was so sad. I was not sure what to say other than sorry (and "What the fuck is wrong with you for telling me about a dead twin?) and I told her it must be hard/strange for her daughter. Her response, "Oh we never really talked about it." Thanks for sharing!

More J One-Liners

When I asked M why her Barbie (which is really annoying and hard to dress) was undressed again, J replied "I naked her." So much clearer than undressed.
When I asked J to have mercy and not make me carry him more than across the street (his legs "hurt") I asked him,  "How many kids am I carrying?" Not one for math, he replied "I am protecting the twins" and wrapped himself more tightly around me.