This Takes It

As the worst fucking week in a long time. Let's just say that almost killing myself on a pile of shit on Monday was one of the better parts. I will spare you. I did not post because I was too tired and/or grumpy and then the days slipped away. Just like when you get out of your gym routine. Not sure I should even say that word I have not been there in so long. I just cleaned up a LAKE of milk, the third consecutive night of spilling. Let's just hope that the shit and the milk were the bookends and that we are now closed with the extremely challenging and frustrating week. On a more upbeat note, I am walking a half marathon tomorrow, most likely in the rain. Kid quotations coming soon.

J This Am

J to V: You look fantastic, you look just the same, as yesterday.

J to me: You do not let the fierce out when you get angry. (I am pretty f%^&%^&g nuts when I am mad, happy he sees it as not fierce:)

J to me when V grabbed a note: He is scrambling it!

Feet First!

As you may or may not know, A was born feet first. It was easy and fast (for me and for her, not the doctors) and it seemed like the most natural way to dismount and enter the world. I watched A try to get off my bed like that today, her tiny body dangling off the high bed until she put her feet on the top of the spring box. I also noticed that she is trying to climb- out of the crib, onto the couch.. who is this gymnast and how will I stop her? It seems like she may walk earlier than anyone else. I chuckle when I think of how worried I was a few months ago about her rigidity and lack of grace when moving. Like all matters baby, what you worry about ends up being fine and there are always new challenges on the horizon.

Shitty Comedy

After my muggy, sweaty, sticky walk to BT, I flew down 99 St to get to Broadway. I slipped (but did not fall) cartoon style and was sure that I had stepped on a banana peel. Nope. A big, wet , pile of shit. Oh, how I would love to make that dog owner eat shit. I was revolted but thankful that it did not get on my pants (almost). I dragged my foot to work, stepping in as many puddles as possible but alas, my keens have lots of grooves in them and they were, like most people, full of shit. F had dropped MoJo off as I did AleVit and he was for once, not rushing, because he has a mid pm flight and planned to work from home, I got to my carpeted classroom and decided I had to take the sandal off. I bumped into F and told him he had to help me with my crappy shoe. I limped half shod to make copies while F took various tools and liquids with him to the bathroom. Five minutes later I had a spotless sandal and a smile. True love and dedication. Would you clean dog shit out of thin grooves on someone else's shoes?

Some Lines From This Week...

M to me- You are walking the marathon? You are never going to win like that.
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J (telling a story)- And then they shot guns.
Me- Wait. Why are we talking about guns? I do not like them.
J- They had to shoot bullet guns because they were allergic to water guns.
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M after noticing that eating alphabet soup was not making the babies talk- Are they getting only M's?
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We were getting off the train and M was lagging so I reviewed what to do in the rare instance that we got separated (fyi- get off at next stop, look for police or old lady)
M: I do not want to risk it, what if the old lady is crazy?
J: What if the police is crazy?
___
When I told J he was heading out to music class: It's important, music.
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me: Did you finish your omelette?
J: I could not stab one (spanish is pinchar, for getting stuff on fork, more colorful than English)
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J observing garbage on the sidewalk: I am thinking they are treating the world like they do not like it.
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J: I do not like myself. I am too little.
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J: The most important thing is to not fall off of a cliff. Or a building.

New Ride

AleVit got their first not hand me down ride (or anything from us for that matter). We bought a cool new purple double (vertical not side by side) stroller that will allow them to face each other, out, me, any which way. I am not sure why, but I was obsessed with having this feature so that I could choose to see them or have them see each other. Now I need to sell/donate/give away one but most likely both, of the other two clunkers so that we can actually walk in our living room. The double snap and go, intended to take car seats across parking lots and on short walks, was so used that it now has rectangular wheels. The babies  are also too long and too heavy for that vehicle, that I calculate has 1,000 miles on it (no joke). V seems well. A hardly napped. But hey, both of them slept great since I have been off duty. Apparently F does not inspire night time crying. They woke up once at their signature time and he popped a paci in and it was done. Wtf? Off to bed. 14 miles with mother and all day with all four has me wiped. Tomorrow is the start of another week!
PS I got so many donations in the last week that I am basically there. THANK YOU!

Tired Willing & Able

I am very tired. F is back! We put all of the kids in bed at 6. It is 6:42 and two are still awake. M went to bed at midnight on her sleepover! One day I will gather the quotations from recent days and jot them down. Now I would just like to have a conversation with the main guy on my team, before he collapses from jet lag or I do from sleep deprivation. I need to be up at 5am to go for a 14-16 mile walk with my maternal unit. She better not poop out! Went to the pediatrician today to make sure V did not have an ear infection (he had been tugging at his ear) and he has some viral throat crap for which I can do nothing but give him tylenol. Just did. Hope it works. I am not on duty tonight though. V weighs 17.4 lbs and has a top tooth too now (3 for him and 2 for A).

3:44

Is the time A started crying, followed by V. The night before it was 3:45 and the one before 2:45. What the  hell is going on here? I am trying to do everything right (light intervention, check that they are not wet, no fever etc) but everything comes out wrong and there are lots of pacifiers flying. Looks like a binky cemetery under their bed. I refuse to accept anything before 5am as a wake up time. Unfortunately, once they are up, it goes on and on and I never go back to sleep, so I am not sure what the hell I am gaining by doing this. 4:51 am now. I should not take either out until they go back to sleep for at least a while. But I would love to knock them out with some milk. The one cool, read insane, thing about this is how as soon as one stops the other starts, interspersed with cacophonous synchronicity, followed by artificially reassuring periods (10 seconds to 3 minutes) of silence, where I believe that there will be sleep. Ay ay ay.
Silence from A. V is crying. A is at it again. Okay, you get the picture, I get the concert.

Update

I did not quite die yesterday, but I came close. Lots of lines to post but J is asleep in my room and I have no other place to write. M is at a friend's so we are having a special sleepover. F is back tomorrow. Thursday was hell and I woke up at 3:45 to screaming babies last night and it went on.... for a while. By the time they went back I did not so I am running on very little sleep. I am going to try to watch a movie and eat some junk and do laundry before the party continues tomorrow. F is back (for 48 hours) tomorrow and I will get off the night shift. A domani!

Thursday Madness

So we have a rhythm going. L comes in the am and the pm (she is a saint) and I feel like I can handle all of the bags and milk and schlepping with this one parent one helper system. Tomorrow L cannot make it (I got her another job on Thursdays which I am sure she would skip to come help me for 1.5 hours in the am but that is silly) so I have an old (unemployed) sitter taking MoJo to school and I am taking the babies. After this brisk walk and insane dash to school (BT opens at 8 and there are NO buses or cabs at that time- I have class at 8:40am!) I will have a full full day (first trip to nursing home, pre-emptive make up Spanish class for Friday because we have a picnic, which I bet will be canceled) and then take MoJo to get AleVit so we can all get home early. Why? 5pm L will come and 5:30 tío D because I have curriculum night! How will I attend the JK and first grade presentations as a parent while giving my Nursery ones and being available in my classroom for questions from JK to third grade parents? I will not, unless Michael Keaton has some cloning tips for me. Once this is all done at 8:30pm I think I will get a big bucket of wine before I come home. A la camita for me now!

And She Is Off!

A can crawl so fast and dexterously that I wonder if she is mine. I look at V, immobile in his chunk, and I know that he is mine! Neither baby sits but A is trying to stand! She goes into downward dog and then lifts one hand up like she is about to wrap up a yoga session and go. A also jumps with two feet while down in the downward dog pose. What? V's naps are shrinking and shrinking. BT is confused. Both babies went to sleep and stayed asleep in a quasi normal fashion so I will not ask any questions!

J to V

Yo Bro, Wha's up yo yo?
Harlem influence?

J As I Threatened Him..

It comes to me every time, that I do not really care about the things that you say you are not going to give me.

Happy Birthday T!

We celebrated in Brooklyn on Saturday but I hope you really enjoy your day today. I am so grateful to have you as a friend (thank you C!) and I cannot wait to see what you do in your 30's:) You are a wonderful writer, thinker, tía, and friend. Happy Happy Birthday to you. Lots of Love!

J's Afternoon Comments

Why do robbers rob? I do not get it.
--
Me- Your nails are scary, we need to cut them.
J- They are not scary. They do not have hair or anything like that on them.

No Sleep in Harlem

It could be that they do not fit comfortably in the direction that they are currently sharing the crib, or it could be teething or colds or their new erratic sleeping schedule or that they know that I am weaker than F... all I know is that the ferberized babies are quickly becoming candidates for referberizing, once F returns in 5400 days!

Recent Banter

J to V on the bed: You are impressing to me. You are only two feet tall.

J to V on why he needs a diaper: One: you are too small. Two: you would fall in the toilet. Three: You do not know how to crawl. Four: You do not know how to zipper. Seven: You are a baby.

J as he sipped a new bottle of juice: In the beginning you need to drink carefully and then you can drink roughly.

M to my mother: You are my mom's boss right? So if she says that I cannot do something but you say that I can then you are right because she is my boss but you are hers.

M to me when I complained about getting on her bunk bed: I know it is hard because you were recently pregnant and you have had some back problems.

J to me when he was angry about sharing something with M: We are not identical, we are not twins. We have different germs.

M on medicine she had to take: This tastes like poop mixed with poop.

M to me before a sleepover with abuela S: Can I have some information? Does abuela make noise at night while she sleeps?

M to J: Abuela S is the bestest grandmother in the world. She is my favorite!
J to M: She is just más o menos for me.

M to me when she did not want to put on her shoes: I am only doing it for Ms K (her teacher). I would not do this if I did not get to see her for doing it.

J to M when she tried to hold his hand to cross the street: I am not a handle.

M to J as she bought school shoes: I cannot be free style anymore, I have a uniform.

J to M as she yelled at him: I am saying bad words to you in my mind. (good technique to try I think).

14 Down 12.2 To Go

Walked 14 with ease. Let's see how I feel tomorrow. And on November 6th. Under $400 left to raise!

Here We Go!

F is out running 20 miles. I have to walk at least 14 tomorrow. Small catch. He is leaving for Milan this afternoon and I will embark on the first week of full time work (curriculum night is Thursday!) plus caring for the four monkeys. L is amazing enough to come most mornings and evenings to help me (how nice of her to travel from the Bronx for under two hours of work two times per day at opposite ends of the day!) Stay tuned for MoJo quotations that I have been accumulating.

AleVit

is growing and growing. They each have two teeth (on the bottom) and now A, who is very quiet, says "mamma" as well. It is not always as crisp as V's mamma but I will take it. A still does not crawl but does lots of fancy moves. V still rolls as a mode of transportation like all large babies do. They seem to love BT and BT loves them back. My only current problem is that one or both babies wakes up at 4:15 every day and I cannot get back to sleep!

Now I Remember

Why I did not want to have a nanny in the first place. I do not have room for much human error nor do I have patience or time for misunderstandings. I asked L to pick up babies like she did yesterday and the day before at 5pm. After much calculation I sought help from my mother in order to efficiently collect all of the children, accomplish tutoring and Street Squash. A sitter picked J and a friend up from school at 10:30. She took care of them until 1pm at which point she took them to the girl's house. I ended teaching at 2:30, pumped and went to tutor a block from where J was but did not get him because I went straight to Street Squash for my first session with the 8th grade (this is my third year with them). My mother got J, went up to school to get M and took them to her house. I said I would come get them at 6pm after an hour of tutoring. You know what? I said to myself. Since F came back this am on a red eye and said he could go to work late or leave early (we decided that the latter made sense) I said "I will stay at SS while L enjoys the babies at home and F can go up to get MoJo." My mother said 6 was too early to get them, I said F will be there 6:30, which ended up being 6:40 he said. 6:05 I notice my phone "ringing" - it is broken and does not  ring or vibrate- it has to be in my hand for me to notice it. BT was on the line to tell me that nobody had come to pick up the babies. WTF? Never in my life did something like this happen. This is why I am ocd, do not like to delegate etc etc. I jumped on the train and got to BT about 6:20pm, 35 minutes after closing. I felt horribly guilty for having made people wait, sad that the babies were hungry and sort of abandoned, and top of all of that shit, I felt bad for being unfriendly to L when she called me to ask me where I was. Yes, that is right. While I panicked waiting for the fucking subway, she called me to ask me where I was because she had been waiting for me outside my house for an hour. Apparently when I called her and said "I just wanted to let you know that my phone is running out of battery" she heard "forget everything we discussed about you going to BT, feeding and bathing the babies because I will be home late and you may have to put them to bed. Just go to my house and I will see you later." I can see the confusion. She offered to get in a cab to get them or to wait for me to help when I got back but the last thing I wanted to do was to see her. Now I know she feels horribly and I feel bad for her and I do not want to care about how she feels. At 6:40 I was still walking home, pounding the same pavement I pounded 10 hours before to get them there. F got to MoJo at 7:30. The bonus is that I will pay L, owe two people at BT gifts. AAAAHHHH. Off to eat. And faint.

Name Something

M's homework consisted of a long list of items she had to come up with with prompts. Some are amusing.
Name something..

heavy: weights
small: baby
quiet: fish
beautiful: peacock
happy: me

She loves homework!
Can you name something:
silly:
crazy:
stupid:
violent:
fun:
romantic:
moronic:
?? Answer mine and come up with more of your own

Sleepless in Seattle?

F is there. Hanging out until his red eye leaves to come back. Every day this week has been a puzzle. There is no regular school for J yet so I fill his day with hanging out with me at school (and I accomplish little) and paying a sitter to take him out to lunch, the park, you know, spending lots of money and running around like crazy. This am a friend picked M up so she could get to school on time and J walked with me and the stroller all the way to BT and then to school from there. Good walking ciccione. Tomorrow F is supposed to be back early early but I just realized that there is no early room for J because there is no regular school for him, so I will probably have to take him on foot, to BT again. Why don't I send F there? Because I need to collect bottles I need to pump into during the day, and because I will not see AleVit at the end of the day (private tutee, Street Squash and then Tiemann to pick MoJo up) and I miss them. Today they ate and slept in a more normal fashion at BT. Off to snuggle with M and to watch 3 episodes of Chopped!

One Word

I asked M to give me one word to describe her first day in first grade: fabulous!
How about your teacher? positive!
Let's hope it stays that way.
J was a bit more hesitant but he did play for the big 30!! minutes that he was in school.
AleVit slept a combined total of (this is not hyperbole) 9 hours at BT today. WTF? They napped a combined total of under 2 hours over the whole damn weekend.
Oh, to have a sleep room.
Like Steve Martin said, "Money well spent."

So Much To Post, So Little Time

Instated the day wanting to post about the dad and historical nature of the day. The truth is that while I am not sure what just the right amount would be, I found the media's treatment of this day to be too much. Too manipulative, too sensationalist. Anyway, as I walked around the park this am with my parents (yes, my father even came for a while!), I came across a group of runners with 9-11 shirts running with the American flag. I am not a fan of patriotism, nor do I feel particularly American, but when it relates to this earth shattering event, I am moved by the site of the American flag.
I wanted to write to about how nice it was to see my father, how horribly M behaved, how easy the 12 mile walk seemed today, or how nervous MoJo is for school tomorrow.. but that will have to wait. I just put away the strangest and largest order from Fresh Direct (I think I may have been delirious when I ordered enough baby food for two dozen children and a tub of almonds that could feed a small nation) and now I need to deal with my own anxiety about tomorrow- first day of classes for me, for M ("I am nervous"), for J ("I am not ready yet"), going back to PT, coordinating two sitters, F will be in Seattle bla bla you get the picture. A domani!

Hectic

Do not know how to go back and forth with so many children yet. Here is a (boring) summary of yesterday.
F left early for work, getting ready for mega trip/presentation next week.
I walked to StH&H with babies for an 8:30 presentation for JK (J's class).
Babies broke down and had to leave.
Walked them to BT.
In the meeting time, my father followed M's directions instead of mine and tried to leave J in his class (he is phobic of his new class and there was no school yesterday) instead of in after school.
M went to her 10-12pm first grade orientation.
I met up with J and father for coffee. Took J to after school.
Father went off to Philly.
Tried to work, set up class room.
12 picked up M and took her to after school.
3:30 picked up MoJo from after school.
Walked to BT.
V asleep. Hung out.
Walked home with all 4.
Home: quadruple dinner and bath. Invited multiple people over to help but nobody could, would in a box with a fox.
F came home late. MoJo to bed late.
TV, dinner. Bed.
Not much time for thinking or talking or relaxing. C'est la vie.

Today's Banter

(As I poured myself a glass of wine) M: What are you having? A party or something? What is the wine for?
_
When I asked J if he knew how to wipe his butt as I pointed to the poop in his shorts (he does not wear underpants). He said: No, but that could be rust, sometimes you can get rust in there.
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When we picked the babies up at BT J wanted to say hello to his bfff, who was busy in movement. When she finished, he was of course shy and did not speak to her. She came up to him and hugged him. As we left: We waited that whole time for just one hug?
Me: Well, we came to pick up the babies.
J: No, I was waiting for M (bff) the whole time and I just got one hug.
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I got sad at BT and remembered Peggy. J and I were talking about her and he asked: When she was dying did she know that she was dying? Why did she have to die? (Me: she was sick) When I am sick and go to the doctor I do not die.
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As we all 5 walked home from BT (first time) M: I wonder how hard it will be to have four kids. This is a quarter easy, when the babies are big it will be a lot of work.
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M (still on the walk home): Tell me the truth, do you think I am going to behave good when I am a teenager?
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Reflecting on first grade (she had her orientation today): Is there a punishment for incorrect answers on homework? This is a big step, my own desk, uniform..

Happy 7 Months!

Whoa, another month has gone by. Before you know it, AleVit will be a year old. Developments since their last month marker include V talking and A almost crawling. It seems like she may bypass this step and get up and walk sometimes. A will go into downward dog and then lift a hand up like she is about to get up. They are 3 days into their Bt transition and so far all they do there is sleep. It is like a joke. A took an over 3 hour nap there this morning, completely missing lunch and messing up her sleeping. V also took a very long nap and did not sleep another second for the whole day.

Geographically Challenged

M- Miami and Sicilia are both in Europe
---
J was very amused when we saw a buddy of his across the platform waiting for the downtown train to go to Brookyln while we waited (forever) for the same train going to Harlem.
"Brooklyn? He goes to Brooklyn every day? Back and forth? That is so far!"
This morning he was still thinking about it:
"I wonder if (AK- his friend) came to school today from Brooklyn. I wonder if he will be there or in New York when he dies."

Some Recent Lines

When J made a face about a dirty diaper:
I am never going to change poop, my wife will do it.
Me- You will never get a wife with that attitude.
F- You should make a deal if you do not want to ever do diapers. Tell your wife that you will wash all of the dishes and do the laundry if she does the diapers.
J- But I cannot wash in between the forks, it is too hard.
______
J: What do man grown ups get for their birthdays?
__
When I told J he could not have a huge vehicle we saw in the park, I explained that there was nowhere to fit it.
J: Buy a little garage then.
__
J had an E sticker and I told him it was for Epstein.
E for Epstein? I am an Epstein. No, wait, I am a Flaviis.
____
When I asked J to do some mundane task he growled at me:
You like it when I get angry
__
Deep thought by J:
(When babies are sleeping): You can see their eyes but they cannot see you.
He then proceeded to try to open their eyes as they slept.
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M: It was easier in the olden days when the babies were not a thought.
___
M: The babies are growing. We need a gate a the top of the stairs and we need a new house.
___
J: Beds should be made out of diapers so they can poop in the bed.

Transition Troubles

I wrote a whole post about this while I pumped today at work..and it vanished. It was basically a diatribe about how inconvenient the modified mini schedules are for transitions. This year the babies have a transition schedule into BT and J has one for school. Neither make sense and both will cost us an arm and a leg. Today for example, I went to BT at 8:30am, I stayed there for 1.5 hours (it is a miracle that I do not get fired) and AleVit went down for a nap. L went, as told, to go pick them up at 10:30. They slept until 12! So I paid for her to sit and watch other babies. Tomorrow will be similar and equally inconvenient, as they need to go with me 10-11 and then stay alone 11-1pm. This translates into having L from 8am on and paying her to walk around for two hours while they will most likely be sleeping at BT. Okay, too boring to go into the minutiae of how and why J's schedule is equally annoying next week. Off to make dinner. Babies cried like crazy at bedtime. They never do that anymore. It was a nice solid 45 minutes of torture.

MAMMA!

V definitely says it. I am not sure that he is always calling me but he smiles and looks at me when I respond. He speaks and she moves, it is funny. A has abs of steel and can do many interesting moves. She loved playing with new toys and with another baby girl today at BT. V mostly lay on the ground while Z gave him toys. He better learn to move or use twin telepathic powers to get A to get him toys. Walking home in the downpour was no fun.

Happy Baby!

Thankfully I seem to have two. Tomorrow is a big day as they start BT (only family so far to have 4 kids at this place!) just like MoJo before them. Could we have a normal size apartment or even a country house if we did not have BT tuition times four over the last six years? Sure. But it is worth it! I have my first day of school tomorrow and I need to leave early to meet L at BT to transition them into the Baby Room (BR). What a week this will be, as I try to set up my class room and attend meetings while transitioning AleVit and participating in parent meetings, prep M for Friday, her first day (well two hours) of first grade. Lots of hats, parent to Alevit at BT, teacher at work, parent to a JK and first grade student at school. By the way, V sucks this food down in under a minute. I think he likes the idea of a stream of food, a la bottle, but I am unsure if it is healthy to promote this kind of (me-like) vacuum cleaner-style eating. Off to bed! Another lovely day at the playground/Whole Foods lunch with tía D/picnic with T (& M). Buona notte!

Some Lines From Today...

M- I will be back in a gypsy!

M on the latest series she is reading: (the author) must have some magical powers that she makes these so good, I cannot stop reading these books.

At bedtime today (J)- There is a problem, I do not know how to be a grown up. I do not know what to do when I am one.

Me- Do not worry about that. Just worry about having fun and learning, you are a kid.

J- Okay. And play dates?

Wiped Out II

But I will post a little before I start forgetting some of the delinquent humor I am subjected to on a daily basis. I am tired because I woke up at 5:15am, fed V, changed, pumped, A woke up and I fed her, and then I met my mother for a 12 mile loop, our longest yet. We averaged 15 minute 15 second miles, which is not bad even though it will take us an eternity at that pace to cover 26.2. My goal now is to add 1-2 miles per weekend until race day. I came home and all was quiet on the western front because everyone behaves better when I am not here. AleVit was hungry so I showered, double nursed (very heavy and awkward) and we walked to 100 and cpw to the playground. It was HOT so we only stayed a while with tías S & D and then walked some more to Brother Jimmy's for lunch. Kids eat free, you cannot beat that. We walked up Broadway to the 96 st station and did I mention that it was HOT? We melted on the platform and got into a car with no ac. After carrying the stroller, bogged down with shopping up the subway stairs, we were beat, but we still had more to do. We showered and packed a picnic, switched strollers all within twenty minutes and went back up those Harlem Hills to the Great Lawn to meet friends and family for picnic. So, Central Park was my home today, used it to exercise, play, and socialize.
Some midget speech
V: Mamma (swear to Sting he said it, whether he was calling me or not is another issue but it was crisp!)
J: Shut up. I cannot hear the music and I am trying to drum a beat (nice manners no?)
M: I want your advice. I will tell you things I want to pierce and you tell me if it is a good idea or a bad one (ear, nose, navel to which I said sure, teenager, I do not recommend).
J (while rocking out in the car yesterday): Write down these songs (by Lynyrd Skynyrd, Stones, Billy Idol) so I can play them in my bands when I grow up.
I caught him singing the Idol song with the half upper lip up action.
When he told me he wanted to go to a Lynyrd concert he was surprised that they are not a band anymore: They are not friends anymore?
When I asked to turn the music off in the car: I wish you had stayed home, I need to rock out and you will not let me (he is a sweetheart).
More on the lovely comments tomorrow. Off to la camita. I am done for the day!

Wiped Out

From Sesame Place. Will post funny lines and incidents from our adventure tomorrow ifmI survive the 12 mile walk!

Coming Home

later than I said
to two fed and bathed babies...
priceless.
that has never happened to me before. Ever. In 6.5 years. Not asking and having someone execute the routine.
Thank you.
L!

J On His Play Date

When we picked his friend up there was a huge flower arrangement in her lobby.
Me- Real or fake?
J-Fake.
Me- The good thing is that they last longer, but they are plastic and that's not so nice
J- yeah. but you can add perfume to them and petals/
__
J is obsessed with karate (knows nothing), snapping (he is amazing- better than most adults), and beatboxing (pretty good considering he learned from TV). He assaulted his (female) play date today trying to see if she liked any of those things. Then he demonstrated that he could do all three at the same time.
-----
When we got to the street with the little girl she suggested that we take a taxi.
J- Uh, no. My mom is a bus girl. If you want a taxi girl, that is my abuela.
__
At the museum:
Looking at pictures of astronauts:
J-Where are their weapons?
Me- They do not have any.
J-What if they meet bad aliens?
--
When his friend was asking me about the animals (all embalmed):
They did not die. Somebody killed them to put them in this museum.

When I told J to follow his friend down the pole in the playground: I am not as tough as she is.

Happy Birthday AH!

I love you lots and wish you a year full of love and health. I am so excited that you are going to have J in your class and that I am going to work across the hall from you all year!

To Post or Not To Post?

When you have a blog like this one, I tend to feel like I need to be honest and not just write about the funny  or amusing (to you) parts of my life. Today I fucked up royally, cried, and then wondered if I could hide what I did from you. I could. But it would feel weird. So here you have it... I let ANOTHER BABY FALL. What the fuck is my problem? I understand gravity. I love my children. I just watched A bonk off the couch a few days ago, and I was not alone when my second baby fell. While L gave A her first bath, I confidently put V on the bed and turned to put his onesie in the wash (a few steps away). Why the fuck did I do this? Was it pressing? Am I a moron? I do not know, no, and yes, are the answers. I turned around to make sure he was right where I left him, in the center of the (huge!) bed, but he was no longer in the same frame of my vision and I had not moved. I could see one of his legs and I took two giant steps towards my bed as he fucking fell of it (the bed is high and there is no rug). Do not call child services please. I think I got it this time. NEVER LEAVE A BABY UNATTENDED FOR EVEN TWO SECONDS. This is so basic, but I am apparently in need a refresher course. V screamed. How could he not? The shock of falling coupled with my screaming and cursing. L was sweet and calmed me down (now I really know this will never happen on her clock). V did not get lethargic or vomit or act strangely or have much more than a red mark. But alas, I am an idiot, and now it is confirmed, certifiably ill equipped to keep babies safe. I have to admit that if I did not have so many witnesses both times, I would have considered not telling F. In case you do not know this, he is a safety FREAK and reminds me to "hold the kids hands while crossing" and other cliches that make it seem like I do not know how to keep them safe. And I guess so far I am proving him right. Sensing my distress when I came clean on the phone, F bought me flowers. Very sweet. I do not want to post about this ever again. I will not let babies fall off of high surfaces. I am lucky that mine seem to bounce, but I am a jerk all the same.
PS MoJo behaved like shit today. I am ready for school and routines to begin!