Today's Highlights

J, as worked on writing "t's": This stands for g-d. For religion and the spirits.

No matter what I said, he could not fathom that the lower case T was just a letter.
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J: I wish we could just cut this (pool) line.
M: I do not think that is a good idea. You know the language New Yorkers will use if you do that?
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J looking at a KISS action figure: Can you buy me this lips guy?
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J as he looked at candlesticks: I did not know they still sold dynamite in stores.
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J as he browsed at Laytner's, pointing to a $1,000 piece of furniture: I would pay $2 for that.
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A, My Fearless Daughter

Unlike me, unlike M, A is a dare devil. She is daring and gifted in all things physical. She currently looks like a homeless gypsy child, as she is covered in bruises, scrapes, and bug bites. In 24 hours she must have fallen 8 times, the worst of which were 1. on her face on pavement in FI, followed by 2. On her face at home which resulted in a bloody mouth and nose, followed by a few hours later 3. Slipping in a puddle she made while running out of the bathroom. Pobrecita. This lady will climb on anything, try to balance anywhere, and let endless waves knock her down only to get up for more, eat some sand, and do it again. Go A go. You have been a feisty and flexible lady from in utero until now. May your confidence and ability continue to flourish!
PS A now likes to nod and communicate with her head, as if she were mute. V copies her. So there is a lot of non-verbal communication going on.
PSAlso, they slept (both nap and night) head to toe for the first (and second) time today. That crib is huge when they actually turn around. I think I can milk one more year out of that puppy before I move them into separate beds.
PPPS V says "stroller", both of his sisters names, "agua", "ya está" and "bike" non-stop. I love that blond fatty!

Today's Lines

M to J: When you got your operation, what flavor was the anastasia?
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J to me: I know a good way to not say a curse, you can say "what the fell" (hybrid of hell/fuck??)
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J to me: I do not like it when you wake me up in the morning. You rush me and say "brush your teeth and go eat" and you do not give me time to yawn or to play.
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J: I am going to have a store when I am a grown up and people can pay me whatever they want. If it costs $20 and they only have coins, they can give me coins or I can give it to them for free or they can give me something and I will give them money.
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J on his bike to me: You are the worse bike teacher ever!

MoJo Banter July

J as we did his workbook: I am sorry to say that I do not want to be in St H school.
Me- Why?
J- I want to find another school without work. I do not like it. 
Me- Any school you go to will have work in Kindergarten.
J- I am not going to school period. I am going to play and have fun and do what I want to do, not what they and you want me to do.
______
As we waited for the LIRR, J: In this country, the taxis are white.
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M to J as I walked in on their conversation: Say it to me with less sex.
Me: What are you talking about?
M: He told me he was proud of me for riding a bike but I did not like the tone.
J repeats his congratulations (sans sex this time): Like that?
M: Yes.
Weird kids.
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J crying after F left FI: Without papi it is not a vacation!
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J on his stuffed penguin: I named him Pinguino because we have a fan with that name.
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J: Are you insaint (insane)?
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J to me: Are you my real mom or a bad guy dressed up?
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Lance Armstrong Duo

J is also, officially, a real bike rider. We bought M the last bike (red) at Target today and took both kids out (no elevator!!) to practice along with AleVit.
Stay tuned for funny recent lines. One I remember off the bat (yes, I am a nerd and jot them to remember) is J declaring: V and I have a great relationship!

FI Add Ons

Let's not forget...
J's action figures in his ice museum (each one individually frozen in a glass in the freezer)
How much mayo we can eat without much effort (think Costco size)

Fire Island Hiatus

Whoa, 11 days without posting. That has never happened. I have not been feeling very bloggy as of late. I was also busy chasing children in Fire Island, and then there is the detail that I could not figure out how the hell to access my blog on the I-pad. We spent the last seven days in Ocean Bay Park (OBP) with mucha famiglia. All in all, everyone was fun and funny and many good times were had. Thank you to tía D for coming out. Some highlights include...

1. M learned how to ride a bike
2. AleVit ate dog food and liked it
3. J corrupted his grandparents (MIA and Italia, he already has NYC in his pocket) so that he gets them to do what he wants
4. AleVit continued to show how different they are with their reactions to the beach (V mostly horror at the sand, water etc and A sheer delight at the messiness and danger of it all- she is fearless!)
5. I learned that A can snap
6. We all learned that there are way too many cheesy people, sick deer, ugly tattoos in OBP
7. Chloe (her name is ok as she is canine in nature) is the most patient dog on earth
8. Outdoor showers rule
9. My children have many very nice & patient aunts/uncles
10. There is not much relaxing when four children are involved
11. Tía C can grill yo!
12. Kids can run free in FI

Hope to back soon at the same Bat time, same Bat channel.

Recent Lines

J as he watched me get dressed and stared at my chest: You should drink more milk, they are not so full for you to feed the babies.
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M when she was melting down: I feel like you are a tomato and you are squeezing all of the juice out of me. I am trying to be patient but I cannot be patient anymore.
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M to her friend: My grandfather in Italy is a tiny bit rich so he bought me a collector's Barbie.

True Love

is F going out in this bitch ass heat to buy me chocolate because I am going through withdrawl without it. Why do I need chocolate every night? Because I am a fat ass. Thank you F, for loving me for the junkie that I am.

J, the Educator

J-Do you think we should sign the babies up for classes so they are not so wild?
Me- No, they are fine. They are learning rules at BT.
J- They will never remember those.

On why he did not want to meet a friend of mine with her kid in the park: She always meltdowns. She meltdowns in the museu,, she meltdowns in the park. I do not like it ( I, personally love the placement of the "s")

J the Advocate

as L left yesterday, J looked at her and then at me: You should give her breaks mamá.

when someone I was talking to said he still "believed in Obama"- You should believe in him, he is a real person.

When we left the church (to get our farm share) and J looked at the beds for the shelter: One night can we sleep here?

As J lay on the subway seat, I said " Just enough room  for you to rest. M added: And for you to pick your nose. J retorted: I can pick my nose anywhere.

When I told him I hated my haircut and why: Does the man have hair? I am going to go cut all of his hair off!

NYC Day

What a nice NYC morning. Met tía D at 14 st and took the Q to Coney Island. First of all, what a great subway ride, I highly recommend it. The view as you leave Manhattan, the outside travel in Brooklyn, the arrival onto a boardwalk! steps from the beach, your metrocard does not take you anywhere as cool as this. MoJo frolicked in the water before there were really any people on the beach. We explored the aquarium (free with our zoo membership!) and then ate at Nathan's (of course), where I vaguely remembered going as a child. J begged me to take him to the "festable" (ie the nasty amusement park) and we got tickets for two rides each. After ice cream and rides, MoJo was ready for the long ride back to Manhattan. What a fun and inexpensive day. Now we are home, watching some Netflix and waiting for our babies.

"Ya está" (loosely, "all done")

is V's favorite new phrase. He applies it to most situations and quite adroitly. Yesterday he pooped on the floor, in many spots, then looked up, and said it. When the super turned of the vacuum (the sound of which terrifies both of them), he looked up at L and said it too. I love this midget. When I put him to bed, he took out his chupete and said "ciao ciao."

J Today

J: Take out your nose ring.
No, I like it.
It makes you look like a teenager, not my mother.
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On families...
Abuelo R is your stepdad.
No, he is my father. Grandpa is my stepdad.
Abuelo R is tía A's stepdad.
No.
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You have white and yellow hair.
Yes, I know Papi needs to dye my hair.
He does not know how to do that.
Yes, he does, he is very good at it.
Does he have the materials?
No, I have to buy them.
So do you like put your head in a bucket?
No, you do with a special brush.
And ink?
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I never go anywhere. My life is never fun.
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J's Am Thought

When A Rock Obama dies, V can become president!

J on Food

to his bff's grandpa when they were on a play date: Can you take me to the restaurant with the M?

to his father tonight who made him yummy salmon: This is my favorite vegetable ever!
me: Not a vegetable.
Do you mean this is a real fish? You are killing nature!

Recent J Lines

J with a magnifying lens in his hand: Can I look at your arm? Good job shaving, you do not have too many hairs on them.
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J to me: We should have a behavior chart for the babies too.
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J: Did tíg G (mine not his) drive a taxi?
Me: No
J: Then it was abuelo R. I am sure someone in this family drove a taxi (it was grandpa in Sydney).
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J to M: What do you like to do to your body? My favorite two things are to twizzle my hair and to shine  my nails.
M: Oh.
J: Do you not care about your body?
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As we counted many dogs on our way to BT, J to me: This is nature's way of telling you that you should like dogs.
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J likes Jubo (Judo)
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J to tía S when she was on the phone: Who are you talking to?
tía S: My mom.
J: Abuela S?
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J to me on the bus out of the blue: I will always love you!

Qué los Cumplas Feliz....

querido padre
happy birthday to you!

TQMYTAMFCMC

Thursday

hot hot hot
ate too much
watched too much tv
off to read
tomorrow i am taking mojo to one of my street squash student's 8th grade graduations. so proud of them.
F is back tomorrow. Yippee!

Wednesday

Today was the official start of summer and it was scorching hot! So so hot, but not hot enough that we don't have a leak. That's right, our dripping water/destroyed ceiling theme continues, as I can no longer sit on the couch, because it is right in the drip's path. To make life a little spicier, J has a sleepover tonight, so morning cartoons will be extra tricky tomorrow morning. My only goal is to get all five children sunscreened, dressed, fed and out to the door for our 1.4 mile walk to BT. After that, I will have just MoJo left, and they are going to be dropped off with tía S, so I can take four kids to the museum (auction winning). Oy.

Tuesday

was not relaxing. Started with our morning reading/math with MoJo. No, it actually started with the babies not waking up at 4 or 5 am (too good to be true) but at 6am. Believe it or not, since everything is relative, 6am feels like 9 am (or 11) to most of you normal people. I, of course, could not sleep. I had awful nightmares involving the babies. So, we headed out to get J a haircut. Dentist called that he was running late. We stopped by BT to drop off hand me downs, went to Petco, get a snack and then the dentist called to say he was ahead of schedule so we headed there. Double cleaning coupled with the awesome news (and physical evidence that I could not deny) that M needs braces. I will have to think about that one, since it entails THOUSANDS of dollars not covered by anything. I need to take her for a consultation with an orthodontist. Went to Banana to exchange shirt sizes for F, bus to Deluxe (MoJo's diner of choice) where I ate my weight in french fries. GROSS. Library where I admitted that I could not find a book and paid $4 to own it (had I not I could have accrued late fees totaling a limitless number of dollars). Train down (all this with MoJo in tow) to PT where I worked hard while my therapist entertained J (hyper). Oh, we had also stopped at the supermarket, so laden with bags we hopped onto the subway. It took us 50 minutes to get from 72 st to our house (two stops). There was a power problem, there were 1,000 Bronx middle schoolers in our car, grumpy MoJo, no seats, you get the picture. Got home, dropped our stuff, grabbed the scooters and swimsuits and we were off to the park on 100 St. That, was not a relaxing day. Today promises to be better. Morning work is done and M is off to a Yankee game, where she will surely melt (thanks tía D) and J is about to go out with his bff from BT for an afternoon adventure. Yes ladies and gentleman, there are about 3 hours that I will be FREE, as in sans bambini. Not sure what I will do! F is off to San Fran and it is scorching hot! To be continued. Stay hydrated New Yorkers:)

Updates...

Happy Father's Day (belated- sorry) to my father (a dedicated blog follower), my stepfather (never reads it)  and to the father of my (four!) children (also a non-reader).
No real news to report other than....
V speaks A LOT (door, out, book, más, nena, caca, mamá?, dadá!), A hits A LOT (must be frustrating to not have words) and MoJo is officially on super duper vacation (ie no school until mid September- yikes!). This summer will be the true test of how much time we can spend together without anybody going cuckoo. So far so good. Morning time includes 30 min of work (math, reading- M independently and J avec moi) and we are trying to have at least one project /play date per day to break up the park and tv times. This am M got a haircut, they came with me to the dentist, and in the pm we are meeting friends in the park. F is off to San Fran on Wed, so here we go again. Coxsackie seems to be gone, but the increasingly messed up sleep patterns (read V waking up bt 4am and 4:30am EVERY DAMN NIGHT) are here to stay?
Buona giornata a tutti voi!

J's Lessons on Religion

J- Whenever you are sad g-d is there with you.
Me- I do not believe in him
J- If you do not believe in him, he will not believe in you.
M- Okay.
J- Who do you think made me?
me- I did, with papi.
J- Well who made you?
Me- Abuela S and abuelo R.
J- No. G-d did. Without him you would be dead.
(Oy vey).

Penis Baggies?

Yes! Coxsackie is what A, and now I guess V (also with a fever) have. Yippee! M's playdate invite was revoked so I had to suspend my invitation to one of J's friends to come over. My intention was to have the two boys alone, not with M and two sick babies. Four kids is enough for now. Long summer ahead! Nothing to do for this virus, just ibuprofen for the fever and pain and wait.....

J's Sense of Time

J: Is it a long time until my birthday?
Me: Yes.
J: Like twenty years?
Me: No, Your birthdays come once a year.
J: So in howlong?
Me: Like 9 months.
J: Is that long?

Last Day!

A has a high fever and I need to go to my very last day of work today. Anti bias training. I am leaving L with 3 for the day. This woman never says no. I will build her a monument. But today I wish I could just stay cuddled on the couch (she will only cuddle because she is sick, otherwise she hits, laughs, and runs away) with A. Pobrecita. V is obsessed with "waff?" and requests them at all hours.

MoJo Conversation

J to M: Do I have hair here? (pointing to his upper lip)
M- Yeah.
J- Oh good, then I am starting to grow up.
_____
Mto J: Do I have one?
J- No, because you are a girl. But you know what is strange, M in my class has a little moustache.

MoJo Wisdom/Inquiry

They say, if you don't be nice to children, they won't be nice to you. (J)
Do people drink alcohol (eyeing my wine) because they like it or because it is a habit?

Recent Lines...

J: It is not fair that when volcanos come the people in jail cannot get out.
Me: Do not worry, they save people in jail when there are volcanos or floods or hurricanes. There are not very many volcano emergencies though.
J: Oh, yeah? Well what are all of these cracks on the sidewalk from?
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J to me: If you behave for us, we will behave for you.
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M to J: You are never independent in early childhood (nursery to K) like you are in first grade.
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Yee Haw!

AMAZINGLY long but satisfactory day. Learned a lot about moving and movers and trucks. Coordinated the emptying of 3 floors (about 30 classrooms) of furniture and the pick ups. Damn. The school's driveway is currently full with items for my last pick up tomorrow am. What a beautiful thing to see a 40 foot container filled with our desks and chairs, all being shipped straight to Haiti. In addition to the container to Haiti, we donated two trucks worth of items to two NYC daycares, 40 desks/chairs to a school in Nicaragua, a truck's worth of items to a church in Harlem, and the final mountain of items destined to a non-profit in Philly. How appropriate. I am sad that I will never again have the same classroom (see pic). It has been my second home for 12 of my 13 years at school. I am not very good at change. But I do love me a challenge. Maybe I can add mover to my résumé?

M's Work

She just came back with ALL of her work for the year. I will have to share some. Her acrostic poems cracked me up:

M erry at every second (everyone knows I exude joy and optimism)
A caring member of the family
Muchos besos
A very helpful woman

Plays with us often
A smart man
P ays close attention to what we're doing
I s very cautious

J umpy at every moment
O dores candy (I think he adores not odors it)
A lways going into our parents room to sleep
Q uick runner
U nique in every way
I s quite picky
N ows a lot about rock stars (spelled wrong but cute)

A dorable
L oves to walk
E xcellent
L ucious cheeks
I ncredible


Also...
N ever knew
D elicoas (not sure what this is...)


V ictory is born!
I nterestingly large stomach (like mother like son)
T riumphant boy (not sure what this means)
T errificly chubby
O ptimist
R really jolly
I normous
O ften hugs his nanny (note that even M knows that I get no baby love)

Heaven!

Matrimonial Madness

We just had a fun filled weekend rife with food, travel, family, music and dancing. To the bride and groom. L'Chaim!

J's Mind

As I cleaned up the alphabet puzzle in our living room I could not find the N. Where is it?
J: I moved it, it was wrong. He sang the song and then I saw it in front of me Y n Z.
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We went to buy ice cream and J has had his own money (from abuelo). When he took it out it was wrapped in a paper towel. I asked why.
J: Money is dirty.

Part Time Lover

A has never given anyone a hug, any typical sign of affection. She tries to poke my eyes out and pulls on my hair and bellybutton and I am pretty sure that she loves me (I think) but she NEVER kisses and I have only seen her hug L. Yesterday, this little traitor, passionately kissed my uncle, MANY times. She flirted and hugged, kissed and kissed again. A usually cries in terror when a new person enters our house but she apparently likes older men who drink vodka and smile a lot. I am still waiting for my first kiss!

M's Prewedding Thoughts

M: Do you think they will give me flowers and think that I did a good job? I do not think I will know anyone there.
J: Yes, you will now C and E.
M: Of course, I have to know the bride and groom.
J: You also know more people, V and A and papi. Also, you know yourself.

Hmmm

Me: Can you straighten up the toys please?
J: What do you mean? Put them all in a straight row?

Lazy Sunday

Woke up met G and went briefly (oh so briefly) to the gym. Up to my mother's house to drop/pick up items. Back home in under an hour. F seemed content with all 4 monsters (one of whom was melting in caca). Up, by foot, sweating to school to meet C for wedding preparations. Stashed a bunch of crap all over the school, full of boxes, being packed for the major renovations. Back home, quick lunch. Nice long walk down 5th to meet friends from out of town at the Met.They arrive 55 minutes late! Hardly saw anything at the museum. Left F again to go tutor in the neighborhood. Picked him up at the playground. Walk back home (3 miles total there and back, hence the big blister on the middle of my foot!). Baths and meals and bed and off to dinner with F (horrible overpriced Italian pizzeria FLB- do not go) and then to see The Dictator- pretty bad as well. relaxing day. Looking forward to work at this point:)

Deep Thoughts by MoJo

J when he heard about tuition:
That's ridiculous to pay for school.
People are poor. How do they pay to go to school?
_____
J when he heard that a baby visiting from Argentina went to bed at 9:30pm:
I think that is illegal in America
_____
J: What if Ms C and Arock Obama had a major fight? That would be so bad.
M: The school would be destroyed.
J: And nobody would be able to go to the school.
J: Is Ms C married?
Me: No.
J: She could marry Arock Obama.
M: He is already married.
J: Or she could marry tío G

V The Backtalker

This morning I learned that V, like his siblings, is a back talking midget. I said "basta" to him this am and he yelled "no" back at me. Later I said "y vos" to him (and you..) and he yelled "vos" back at me. I tried to resist laughing. I pretended to scold V again in front of F so that he could witness the bravado. V was playing and looked at me from the corner of his eye, stopped playing, and I swear.. thrust his chest toward me (Jersey shore/mafia style) and said "oh" with a perfect Italian bad ass intonation. Priceless. had I filmed it, that puppy would be viral by now. So grateful for A's (so far) taciturn nature.

Aids Walk Delight

My walking partner and I had an AB FAB Aids Walk. Not sure how we were able to swing it, but we started early (okay, I did bully one woman at a barricade a little) and had the course all to ourselves. Because we were star walkers (ie raised over 1K each), we had crowns that identified us to the thousands of volunteers as such. Being cheered on while doing something fun (for a good cause) was great, reminiscent of the marathon. Thank you to all who read this who sponsored me. If you did not, there is always next year:)

Timberrrrr!

or how a fat lady almost killed A at the playground yesterday. I am not kidding. I wish I had video footage. It was the most bizarre thing that has happened to me ever at a playground. A was running around pushing a "borrowed" mini stroller when we bumped into its rightful owner and her moronic father. As he asked me how we were going "to handle the situation" (I was unaware that there was one), I saw a large blob falling toward me and the next thing I knew, a fat lady was on the ground, A was flat on the ground next to her (her hand maybe squished?) with her head on the lady's purse. I don't even know what happened. Maybe the woman just lost her balance and tripped on the stroller? All I know is that a few inches one way and my daughter might have been a goner. "Toddler, Flattened by Fat Lady" would be a sad headline. Needless to say, after my horror I felt like laughing and not ONE of the other three adults I was with saw a thing. Never a dull moment.

V's Budding Vocab

This is
has been said 10000 times by V
Now he grabs books and says
This is book
Nice grammar!
He also says
Here you go
He also calls leche
Lesh
I love it!

J's Cool Offer to M

I will be your brother if you read this to me.

Papi Is Back!

Yay! He is on a plane and by this afternoon, he will be home. Yippee! Tomorrow I am off to the Aids Walk and he will have quality time with all 4 kids for half of the day:)

J's Wacky Mind

J: I need to get new toys.
Me: No you do not, you have too many and we have nowhere to put new toys.
J: No, you are wrong, papi told me I could take toys to Philadelphia to keep them there for an emergency. So I do have room, that's it!
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J: If you do not let me do (I cannot remember what), I am walking out the door and going to live with nonno G.
Me: You are going to have to learn Italian, he does not speak any English.
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Me to J: V is going to be so excited that you are home before him.
J: Who is V?
Me: What are you asking me
J: Oh, my brother? (I understand the confusion, he does know about 21 V's). I thought you meant someone else.
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When his karate pants got dirty, J: I am going to get fired from karate!
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Me to J: What are you doing?
J: I am trying to spear my pasta.
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J: I want to be a boxer or a wrestler when I grow up.
Me: No thanks, I do not want you to do something where your head gets banged. It is not good for you.
J: Why doesn't Arack Obama make it illegal?
Me: That is not how it works. The president cannot control everyone's bad decisions.
J: Well, he could stop the referee of the boxing.

M's Comments Today

M: I think I deserve a deeper punishment for that.
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M: It is sad that children in New York are getting ruder and ruder, like me.
Me: You are getting less rude.
M: At the playground I hear kids saying "none of your business" as often as you should be hearing "thank you."
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M: Do you think I am crazy?
Me: No. Why?
M: Just a random thought.
___
M: How come the mother has to do all of the work all of the time?

Tag, You're It!

seems to be the theme this week with every day being a succession of handing off and passing of the children baton, even more than usual.
We start with Monday:
-walk to BT with M and AleVit. Meet C there and get back my metrocard. Walk to school. Teach. Subway down to 34 St (!) in a break to get J from F who delivered him (we arrived within 30 seconds of each other!) to me, cleared for all activity by the surgeon. Back to school. Teach. Pick up MoJo and go to library, Trader Joe's (aka Brooks Brothers), gymnastics. Leave J with sitter (who was there with another child) while I tutored a block away. Retrieve Mojo. Home for the evening routine with Alevit and L.
Tuesday:
MoJo left early with F (with suitcase) for school to attend book fair preview at school. I took bebés to BT. Taught a gazillion classes and tried to make headway on reports. Rushed to PT. It kicked my butt. Went East to tutor. Cab to school. Picked up MoJo. Cab home. Dinner/bath to the 4th degree. Hello tío D. Tag you are it! I was off to a meeting. Came home. Did not write reports. Watched Chop. Passed out.
Today:
Babies up at 5:40am. Why not they thought? We know papi is gone. Ignored them for an hour as I wrote reports. Got them milk. Bottle fights. Never sure who stole whose. Took babies out and dressed them. M got up. J would not. Dressed myself. L arrived at 7:15am. Yay! Tag she was it. Took babies to BT. I came to school etc etc etc. Never a dull moment:)

Strange Kids

M to J: Don't touch my private parts!
Me to J: J, that is not okay. Do not touch her.
J: I did not, it was my foot, under the covers. You do it with papi.
Me: Excuse me?
J: When you are in the same bed, under the covers, your feet touch everything.
__
M: Not to be mean, but if J did not exist, I would behave better. He riles me up and encourages me to behave bad.
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J pointing to Canada on his placemat: That is where G-d lives.
Me: In Canada?
J: No in the "N", everybody knows that N stands for G-d.

J's Explanation

This was a day for happiness and joy but you were not that so we misbehaved.
Me: What?
You should be joyed and happy and fun but you weren't so then we behaved bad.
Me: So it is my fault?
Papa's fault because he did not act that excited.

Happy Mother's Day

to my mother, my stepmother, all of my friends who are mothers, all of my friends and sisters that love my children as if they were their own, to L for caring for my children better than if they were her own... to the mothers who have a much harder life than mine. Happy mamma day.

Comments

F to J: Go brush your teeth.
J: Only if you be my butler.
M: I am his butler
J: You see? I have people already. I pay twenty cents

J this am: Okay, rest time is over. It's the morning. I am getting up. You stay here if you want but I am getting up to do my work.

Mother's Day Card From J (he wrote in post colons all alone!)

My mom is named: Violeta
Her hair is: blackish blueish
Her eyes are: purple
She is : 2 inches tall and weighs 60 punds.
My mom is: 80 years old.
Her favorite thing to do is: snuggle
When I am at school, my mom is: in her room teaching.
Her favorite food is: zucchini
Her favorite thing to cook for me is: milk
Her favorite place to go is: restaurants
I love my mom so much because: she is my mom
Love J

15 Month Check Up

Babies are big! Aside from learning that shots still make them sad and angry, we learned that, like I suspected, A is taller than V but he is heavier and has a bigger head. So glad to be back at a good pediatrician. Even though I think they do not speak much, they apparently only know three words on average at this age so we are ahead of the curve:) Babies started the day off dunking toys in the toilet, full of J's pee. Good supervision mamma! They ended the day with an hour walk home (78 and WEA ain't that close to home) with their true love, L. While at the doctor, A looked very concerned with Dr. D examined V (and he did his fake cry the whole time). When it was her turn, she went under a counter and stood there motionless, trying to maybe have the doctor she was no longer there. V's new move from the doctor's office is to slap his thighs and laugh. Once he got that this was funny, he did it non-stop, cracking himself up each time. My my these babies are big. If I were a rich woman, I might have one more. But then I remember, four is a lot and I am already cuckoo.

Baby Vacuum Cleaners

My babies can eat your babies, or you, for that matter, under the table. Here is a sample meal (last night's dinner):

They shared-

adult portion of fish seared with pepper and salt
two scrambled eggs with cheese
one boiled yam
one small bowl of quinoa
one big plate of strawberries and grapes

They were also angry when it was finished. Should I call a doctor? The Guinness Book?

J Today

J on Fashion

J to tío D when he put on his hat: That's a fancy hat for girl friends. For when you have a date.

J on his boxers sticking out: I am like a teenager.

J on a play date he had today

She is my best friend.
Me: I did not know that.
Why do you think we are having a play date?
(Later in school) Am I sleeping at her house?

On his operation


My stitches are melting.

On the deli


Are you membership here?
Me: What?
They know your name. Are you membership?

More J Classics

My balloon is running out of gas!

abuelo: Can you pass me that pillow?
J: No, I had surgery. I cannot.

Big Brother Help

Me to J: Can you keep an eye on her (A)?
J: Make sure she doesn't do what?
Me: Fall off that table.
J: What if she does?

Happy Birthday D!

Here's to your 38th year and our 33rd (?) of friendship. May your day be great, despite the 110 minute musical I am subjecting you to :) See you tonight tía D! Love you mucho.

Survived

J is home and well. He is actually behaving like a little tyrant and milking the situation a bit too much. It was very sad to see him in a hospital gown. They were all very nice and NYU has a super children's section with more information, stickers, attention, and kid lingo than you could possibly want. J sat down to watch some Night at the Museum right after taking his initial medication. Two minutes later a nurse came in to tell us to not let him get up because he would be kind of "drunk." I then noticed that J looked stoned and that he was slurring his speech. A few minutes later he was going in with F and then we just waited. I was totally fine. Anxious but fine. I did have a thirty second panic attack at one point and then I was fine. When we went to see him in recovery he was on his side with a sort of pacifier in his mouth, a cap on his head,  bandaged IV, he looked very fragile and small in the bed. After sleeping a while J woke up and he was still ooouut of it. He was also grumpy. Now he is home and well. Super grumpy and very demanding, milking every minute of his gatorade, candy, video grame heaven. Thank you to everyone who sent good waves, nice emails, and love to the midget.

Recent Comments

Just now as he peed post op: If I did not have the bandaid here, would pee come out of this hole?

J on his uncle: G is a metalist. He fixes TVs. I think that is what that means.

J to his father: Why you scream at the babies? They are my true love. They do not know, they need to learn.

J to his grandmother at the toy store yesterday: I know my mother said to buy me one toy. But I want two. Do you want to buy me two? What do you want to do?

M after her abuelo asked her if she liked her father working now at his current or previous job: I would like it more if he worked at FAO Schwartz.

J in the cab going to the hospital: Before there were movies of stuff, there were books.

J when I told him to STOP drumming in the cab: I cannot help myself, it is what my body does.

J on his new backpack: I want to wear this to school to be funky and cool teenagery.

J this am: It is so good to be a kid and have an operation.

Reality Sets In

I have been in semi denial about J's "little operation", "small procedure", or as I am know coming to think of it "they are putting my son to sleep for a 1.5 hour why the fuck does it take so long? operation in 24 hours." I was anxious to get the call yesterday to know what time it is tomorrow. M was fighting over whether o not heaven exists with J in the morning, distraught because he said it didn't.  M also cried a lot in school yesterday and just wanted her teacher to hug her, unable to articulate what was wrong, "bad day" she kept saying. She is anxious I fear, and worried for her best friend. When J was a year old he was anemic and had to have blood regularly drawn (another moronic pediatrician- a tale for another time). One time M was with me, as the doctor, nurse, and myself had to hold him down. M started having a hysterical laughing attack, completely unable to handle seeing her brother suffer. I digress. At 6:30pm I spoke to the nurse. Once I spoke to the nurse, who was very nice, I felt worse instead of better. It all of a sudden became real, immediate, and scary. I know it is a little deal, that there is little risk, and that is very common, but he is little, and I know he is going to hate the IV, and that once he surmises what surgery is (and moves past the "I will get gatorade!), he will freak out. We have to be at the hospital at 8:15am tomorrow (abuelo will take M to school and L the babies- it takes a village for real) his operation is from 9:45-11:15am. I did not enjoy the words "pain", "medication" or "child life specialist" over the phone, but I also know that many parents have to endure real and big medical problems. I am going to be brave. F told J that he was brave. J concurred. Then he asked: "What does brave mean? Does hurting count?" I hate hospitals, I hate kids in hospitals, I am an adult. I am going to deal with this.

Tuesday Rainy Tuesday

Nothing like pushing a heavy stroller in the rain. Tricky part is getting to BT, having to take babies out and cover the stroller back up as I take off my raincoat and pick them both up (otherwise you got a dry baby going onto a wet adult). Sad part this am is that both of them fell asleep (has not happened in months in the stroller going to BT). I am guessing it was the monotony of the baby carwash with the cozy sealed in warmth. Needless to say they were both happy to pop out and get to work. I was exhausted by the time I bumped the stroller down, put my raincoat back on and walked 15 more blocks to work. Got the showers, where are the May (first!) flowers?

J's Next Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,
Could you, next christmas, give me a robot that looks like R2D2 and gives me whatever I want? Please, Santa. And make it have wheels on the bottom to move a mote control that makes it do stuff and transform.

(Can't blame him for trying)

Cab Conversation with J

I wish the statue of livery was a boy.
Why?
Because girls can make boys but boys cannot make anything. Not babies. Not pasta. Not anything.
Oh.
They could put a girl under the statue of livery for when the boy one cracks.

Hallmark, M Style

Individual notes M wrote to classmates (just found a pile by the keyboard):

J a best friend to remember

Julers (nickname?) always active, love M

m a very delightful friend to have love, M

C a houndfull (there is a dog sticker included) of fun love, M

Poop and Wipes and Tampons

Bodily fluids, hygiene etiquette, all of this goes on the window when you have four children. The strangest thing happen. For example:

1. I found an unwrapped tampon under M's pillow.

2. J just yelled at me from the shower "there is a wipe on lamp!"- translation: he found a piece of wet wipe in his butt while showering and threw it up in the air, without a care, and it stuck (thankfully it was poop free) to the light fixture on the ceiling in the bathroom.

3. Last week I went to the bathroom and almost had a heart attack when I went to flush- there was a small shoe, in the toilet, courtesy of a midget.

4. Last week J found a tiny tooth in the bathtub (maybe M was playing with J's tooth pillow?)

5. I left my house last week and remembered that I left a diaper, full of poop, on the coffee table. I came home to L holding the diaper and looking at me strangely.

If any of these things have happened to you, please do share.

Today's Comments

M: What's really sad is that kids in NY start to say "it's none of your business" more often.

M (to J): I wish you were not born a delinquent.

J: Does break dancing burn up the calories?

J: This whole life I am being ignored and being rude to. This is the worst day of my life, even from when I was a baby. Like you (me), for example.

Sometimes I wonder if J learned English on another planet. I also wonder how closely related he is to the third Michael Keaton clone from Multiplicity. Remember him?

Recent Comments

J: You said you are not my butler anymore.
M: I can't quit. Remember?
___
M: My favorite person is C and my favorite man is papá.
Me: That's nice
M: You are my favorite adult (nice try).

After M said that J was her favorite kid, J: Oh, really? You hardly be nice to me.
__
After nobody returned our calls inviting them to the park and/or movies, J: Grown ups have manners but they do not use them.
___
M on her notebook with spy information: I have lots of books of agents but this one is particular to this specific mission to find this spy.

I Give Up

Now I look like Morticia Addams with a crazy hair cut. While the grey hair was super white and did possibly make me look old, I got used to it. Now I have hair that looks smothered in black shoe polish. It looks, and is, fake. Damned either way. This neater, darker, artificial look requires maintenance, which means I will now go through months of color awkwardness (rivaled only by the year ahead of length weirdness) before I can get back my old old look. "Why is your hair white if you are young?" a kindergardener asked me last week. "Because that is how it is naturally", I told him, educating one child at a time about their teachers's and mothers's tinted locks. Now I do not even have that as a come back.
PS Thank you to my hair stylist F, who did his best, and did tell me that liked it either way (not that he could say otherwise and live, given the hairy situation I am in:)) PPS I guess this is what I guess for following a senile woman's advice.

Senior Service

What a week in community service. I sadly missed Street Squash for the second week in a row, but I happily got to go to the nursing home twice. Every Thursday one upper school homeroom gets to skip eucharist and go to the nursing home. This week I went with the 6th graders and they were great, conversing and mingling with the elderly. The seniors there do not live there, it is like day care and they get to go home every day. One woman in particular, her name is Casey, strikes me every time. Maybe because her eyes remind me of my grandmother's, maybe just because she is so confused, but I am drawn to her every time she is there. She is kind and small, smiles a lot, and repeats herself. On Thursday we chatted a lot and I thought she was sort of following, despite her clear intermittent disconnects with reality. She told me I looked like an "old maid" with white hair and suggested that I color it so that my hair could match my young face. I am stared at every day and hear comments every other about my grey hair. Hers did not bother me because she was trying to be nice and because well, she is 80 and senile, and she has these sad blue eyes. On Friday, a little over 24 hours after the first visit, I took my fourth grade trimester class to do nail care with the seniors. Some of them cringe when they hear about it. Sure, it is uncommon to touch old people, boys are not usually into nail polish, but it always turns out swimmingly. Fourth grade nail care was fabulous as always. It makes me want to cry when I see the kids running around to get remover, different colors. I saw Casey and went to speak to her. She did not remember me and asked me lots of questions that indicated that she was more confused than usual. I dyed my hair today, in fact, I need to go wash it out now before it falls out. I am not sure if Casey will care, but I cannot wait to show her on Thursday.

Recent Comments

M about A after she pointed to a dog when we were talking about dogs: She is getting to learn how to use her brain
J: and her powers.
_____
J: My heel is getting rusty (dry skin), I do not want to get old.
___
J after I told him to stop making noise on the bus: For the 100th time, it is not banging, it is drumming.

Blogged Up

Yes,I have about 6-8 posts that I have been meaning to post but I got blogged up. I will try to catch up soon, but for now I leave you with some quotations:
V- No! (with many possible tones and innuendos, always appropriate for whatever I am saying).
__
M: Out of all the children in America, do you think I am in the misbehaved or the behaved group?
then:
Compared to how I behave, I think you are very patient.
__
I bet it is harder being a parent than being a child.

Smothered But Happy

Ok, so you cannot see their faces and the picture is out of focus (obviously or it would not be on the blog), but can you feel the love? I went in the room and stuck my hand in to feel them and could only find one head. I freaked out and then noticed that he was underneath her. V eventually complained and moved, but when they fell asleep last night, they were as close to each other as possible with A using V as her love-y. I love it.

Wednesday Calm Wednesday

After auction mania, father in law visit, and sleep training gone wild... I now feel better. V was so nice to me that he did not wake up until 6:15 (versus crying from 4:45-5:45am yesterday). Yes, you know you have a problem when 6:15am is sleeping in. I think my stern threat as I held his cheeks and kissed him good night may have worked. I finally bought a second pair of baby sneakers (spending money on baby shoes makes me crazy) but it did seem unfair that they had to share the only normal and practical pair of shoes. Bt was getting annoyed at me. When I put them on V's feet last night, he started to tap dance, which was pretty funny. He loved the noise. This morning as we turned on 100 St and CPW he yelled "duck" and looked longingly at the park. Yes, this is not really impressive or interesting, but it makes a mother think her child may be a genius. The same way that A, once a mute scrawny midget (now a tall dexterous semi-mute), winning all of the AleVit battles (she will bite him to take his bottle) makes me smile. They are always together, sleep as one (stay tuned for the first ever PHOTO of this, coming soon), and they smile at each other as if they had not seen each other in days when I bring the second baby out of the crib and into my room for a diaper change. They are quite the duo. Lunch duty calls. More later.

Yesterday

J to M: Picking your nose is a dirty habit.
M: You do it too.
J: I stopped today.
__
Me to J: Do you remember who the first person was who knew I was pregnant?
J: Yes, me.
Me: What did you say?
J: How many babies do you have in there?
Me: How did you know I was not just fatter?
J: Ladies don't be fat.

MoJo The Delinquents

Me to J: What are you doing?
J: Checking out my boobs. My man boobs.
__
M: Being the oldest sucks.
J: That is why I  am the littlest kid.
__
J to M about someone who was rude to her: I am going to learn her a lesson and smack her in the face.
__
M: I am a New Yorker New Yorker.
__
M (not sarcastically) : Are all parents as nice as you?
__
J: Money is for buying toys when you are a grown up.

M's Take On It

M to A: Get into your crib. Get into your habitat

M; Why do I need to go to bed before you?
Me: Because the whole day is about kids and then I need time to recharge and not to kid stuff.
M: But you barely do any kid stuff.

Conference Day

is tomorrow. I already did MoJo's and I do not have any appointments, so I should be able to use the morning to organize my classroom, prepare for next week, and wrap up loose ends for the auction. This week has been non-stop and with Saturday packed with swimming, J's music lesson, the arrival of my father-in-law and the auction, there is no immediate break in sight. All kids are well. M put this sign up, in the hallway, by the official listings of afters school activities. She cracks me up. J is into karate and nervous for his May 4 operation. A and V crack each other up and while V is obsessed with saying "this is" and slamming doors, A is equally obsessed with hanging bags (or pants or shirts) on her neck and walking around model style. Off to bed, those 97 bidsheets took a long time to make!

J's Morning Thought

Cat Stevens and Justin Beaver should be friends. They are both animals.

Recent MoJo Lines

Me to M: Can you stop playing with money? It is dirty.
M: Why don't you wash it? At least the coins you could wash.
__
Me to J (for S week): Who has an S name in our family?
After many clues he names abuela.
J: That is not her name though. It is Abuela S so that does not count.
___
M to F: Why do people steal?
F: Because they do not want to work, they want to get money an easier way.
M: Crime is a job. Being a robber is a lot of work.
__
M to J as V ran towards the Harlem Meer (body of water near our house): I would jump in to get him. I would risk my life for him.
J: Me too.
Me: You do not know how to swim.
___

Homestretch

15 live items, 95 silent, one done catalog. Can I get a high five? All I need to do now is have it formatted and sent to families, make the 95 bidsheets, set up the tables, make sure there is food, that people come and spend at least 20K and I am ALL SET. BT auction is exhausting, but I must admit, quite satisfying to do. Maybe this skill will come in handy in the future. M's conference is at 7:50am today (J's was yesterday). I have 6 classes, followed by killer PT (was sore for a week last time I went), tutoring on the UES, run home, see/feed/bathe kids (two different people bringing the two teams home), run back to BT for meeting, out to dinner. Ah, I can almost taste that wine.

J Expands Upon His Deep Understanding of Familial Relations

I am going to marry V.
Can you marry your baby brother?
Me- No. You cannot marry your older brother either.
J- Why? I love him so much.

J's Deep Question During Lunch

Out of the blue, looks at F and asks: Who is your mother?

Hate Note

I walked by the hairdresser today and left him one. It said something like "I know you think you made me look better or more fashionable but I hate layers, will have to wait YEARS for them to grow out and feel ugly." I actually was not that mean. I did suggest that he never again give someone a hair style without her approval. I do not feel or look better but I could not resist. I am tempted to shave my head.

2 Apology Notes From Rowdy First Graders

M.s. Epsten
Im sory for being bad in Spanis clas. I promis I will soper doper not do it agan. I wis I will neva do it agan. Love T.
__

Dery Ms. Epsten we are so sarre we will nevr do it agan. cane you frigifus. Hav a god wecand.
Love S.



FRIGIFUS is just genius!

Oh Yeah, Now I Remember

why I FUCKING hate going to get my hair cut. I learned my lesson. Mark my words dear readers, I will NEVER go to a place to cut, blow, color etc my hair. Every fucking time I go I regret it. Besides the obvious waste of time and money, I always always always feel assaulted by the hairdresser. He/She is unable to accept that I do not want a style, that I do not want to color my hair. It is insulting and uncomfortable and degrading. I ran into a place to wash and blow dry my hair in an effort to look nice for a school fundraiser tonight. I left livid, $50 poorer and with a horrendous haircut. I agreed to trim it when he insisted that it would be fast and make my hair healthier. Without my noticing (he had all of my hair up above my head), this fat tacky fuck cut several layers into my hair. I now look like a chandelier. Along the way he insulted me and asked me if I was pregnant (the second person to do so today) and if tat was the explanation for my unkempt white hair. Do I offer free unsolicited advice to people I deem to be aesthetically inferior to my tastes? I cannot remember the last time I was this mad or felt this ugly. What a disappointment. One thing that made me feel better was when he consoled me by saying that all the celebrities have this haircut, that all I had to do was open a magazine to see so. Do I look like a celebrity to you, I asked? Now I know why I feel the way I do about beauty treatments.

Recent Journal Entry

Please excuse the photography and lame ass layout
but appreciate the drawings and funny musings of M's brain.

Recent Lines

M on the auction item she wanted me to bid on: So instead of wasting our precious money on the stupid menu we can let him (her classmate) pay for it so he is paying for my bid. I asked him what kind of food he would choose and I like the foods he does so he can pay for it.
___
M: Did humans start with a baby or an adult? I do not believe that Adam and Eve simply started the lify cycle. Nobody made nature. G-d did not make nature. He is a nice guy in heaven but he did not make nature.
J: Mother nature made nature.
__
M on NYC: It would be wonderful if people did not litter. It would also be great if they used nature more in the city, like if they used dirt for this road (broadway) and sand for the sidewalk. Sand is more beautiful than cement. Cement is gloom.
__
M: Did you know that there are only two things in nature that were meant to be eaten? Honey and milk.

Today's Lines

M: I left hoarding behind, now I am obsessed with organizing. I am going to organize the whole house!

J: Do not cut my nails, just shave them.

M to J: Do  you know what I miss about you? When you were little, when you were three and two and one, you were not so rude to me.

First Blood. Boo Hoo.

Yesterday at the playground A bled for the first time. It was very sad and very dramatic. V was already crying after having hit his head and as I consoled him, A fell and bit her tongue (which is perennially out of her mouth). I could not tell what was bleeding at first because she was crying and smearing blood and tears and snot all over her face and my shoulder. The most amazing part of this whole experience was the lack of  help. The playground was FULL of people. Dozens of parents, each with one or two kids, and not a single person approached me as I carried two crying babies, one covered in blood, over to the other side of the playground to get the other two monkeys. Once I had them both in the stroller and had cleaned her face and we were leaving, a man came over to see if I was okay. I think I was pretty unfriendly to him. Thankfully A's tongue bled a lot but only for a little time and it was only a cut and not a lost tooth or something worse. It is comforting to know that should I ever have a bleeding ambulance like emergency in the playground that nobody will care or help. Very nice.

V Heard A

V had the baby monitor in his hand as A's wailing came through the speakers. Chi é? asked F? F, who never believes me that V says anything, witnessed for himself, V saying "Alela" as he looked at the monitor. Not only can he speak, but he may be a genius. Can you tell that I am his mother?

Poem by M

M (name)
Funky. Creative.
athletic. Smart
Daghter of F and V
lover of
family
fears goblins
feels stressed
often. Would like
to see lady
Gaga in person
Dreams of
living in

the Philipines.

Feliz Cumple

I thought it was my grandmother's birthday today and even wrote it in my planner. Then I realized it was my grandfather's. He has been dead for ten birthdays already but I still miss him. I look at my chubby short son with blond hair and cannot help but think it is some Julio shining through. Those peasant Russian genes, breaking through past the stronger darker ones. How funny for me to have a blond son. Feliz cumple Julio!

Recent Lines

M to me as I kissed her goodnight: You know you are growing a moustache?
___
J to me re lunch: I want hamburgers.
Me: We do not have that.
J: It's easy, get two round pieces of bread and go to Target to get the meat.
__
J while exercising: I can't do it, my muscles are gone.
__
M when I told her to keep it down yesterday morning: That's dumb. Why do people want to sleep in because Jesus died?
__
M: I do not believe in Jesus or that he came back alive.
J: I do.
Me ( to myself) : Good job mamma.

Hut, Hut, Hike!

First time at the playground with four walking children! It's a real challenge to follow two midgets, who go in opposite directions, constantly try to eat sand, steal scooters, and climb on dangerous structures. When I pried two sandy apples (not ours) from A's hands, I was horrified to see that she had one in her mouth! This was quite a preview for the summer, especially since I was not even alone with the four monkeys and I could barely sit down. My throat hurts and maybe my ear too. Ouch. Too tired.

Feliz Cumple!

que los cumplas querida A, que los cumplas feliz.

And Wednesday Is Here!

I am not sure why I cannot get back into blogging. I have seen a ton of films and do not get around to writing about them, many things happen every day, and it all just slips away. I may be out of practice with this back to school schtick. Monday was a full full day. My responsibilities as the community service person have expanded now into finding recipients for 3 floors worth of school furniture, as we are renovating a third of the school this summer. The logistics of this are stressful. After school I tutored by school, ran back to get MoJo, took Mo to gymnastics and food shopped with Jo while we waited. Gymnastics is on 73 and Broadway. We hopped on the train back home, I made dinner and then turned around to go to 73 St!! to tutor. Tuesday was no better, as I went to PT (he was sooo hard on me) and then to the East side to tutor (65 St and Fifth) to then go back to school to get big kids, home to make food, bathe etc. The real doozy of the week was today however. After taking midgets to BT, I ran to the East side and could not, mental block, find the school I was going to to see my sister perform. Apparently the UES is like the Village because not one dumb ass I asked knew what he/she was talking about. As I ran across the street a woman tried to have a fight with me "That is my cab!" she yelled as I told her to f herself as I was just running, not plotting to steal her preferred mode of transportation. Made it to the performance. Excellent. You should dance more C! With twenty minutes to spare, I ran into the market to buy J's class snack. Why the hell did I sign up for Q week? Okay, Quaker snack bars and queso had to do. After a full day of teaching I had to cancel tutoring to go to a meeting. When I got to the meeting I learned that it had happened the day before. Nice work! I went to a baby/wedding shower at school instead. Market with MoJo. Home to cook for some school event tomorrow, see all kids, bathe etc. That brings us to today. Oh, I forgot to mention that I banged out the twenty-one page catalog for the auction in the quiet moments. Most amazing of all this week.. V walks like a pro! WTF? From hesitation to confidence and long distance in a matter of days. Go V go! They both say "car" and "ball" a lot. Not that interesting. V has a nice "mamá!" going as well. Off to collapse!

MoJo Lines

J: Are grown ups a kind of kid?
__
J: Do rich people have to pay?
F: Of course, everyone pays.
M: No, they get more money back when they buy things.
__
M: I think you are going to want to put this one in your blog.
(she then proceeds to ask me to sign a piece of paper, cuts it out and sticks it onto a a contract like document she wrote up)
Check back tomorrow to see what I signed (versus what her father signed!)

The Week That V Walked!

All of a sudden he walks. He does strange squats and stretches to the side making it infinitely harder at times, but the fatty bombatty can walk. Yay! Or maybe it was better when only one was so mobile...