J, the Inventor

"I wish we could have an automatic house. It would cook automatically. Pour you cold water with ice automatically. There would also be a little automatic hand to wipe you when you when you go to the bathroom."

This Week's Lines

M: I get so frustrated. You are one of the nicest moms in the neighborhood and J is so frustrating, it makes me so angry.
Me: In the neighborhood huh. How about the block? Do you think I may be the best mother on the block?
M: Probably.
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M: I was crying for papi because, no offense to you, I wanted him to soothe me.
J: Papi is very strict. Mamá can ber very mean but papi is meaner.
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J: Where is the paloma (diploma)?
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J on V: Looks like a prince- baby version.
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J: If I wanted to catch a bad guy I would put him in a swimming pool and put a metal top on it and screw it in.
Me: What would the bad guy be trying to do?
J: Destroy the city.
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M was talking about second hand smoke and I asked him how she knew about that. M: Abuela S told me. She tells me lots of things, although I think many of them are rumors.
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M after a disastrous three way play date: It is like ice cream is good and maple syrup are both good but not together. Every one was getting tense and cranky in that play date.
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J, when I said no to a few places he suggested for lunch: Can we go home for lunch to have normal food? Not too junky and not too fancy?
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J when I did not buy him water:  You were not treating my body well. Do you want me to have a problem?

Back to BT!

Just dropped AleVti at BT. They are officially in the toddler room now. Whoa, that is where M was when J was born. Time flies! AleVit has been trying to break into that room for months so they are surely relieved to really belong there. They will be sleeping on cots and saying good bye to the bottle. There they go!

V, The Precocious Potty Guy

V is caca obsessed. He can tell you when he is about to do it. He loves to flush it down. He loves to check what anyone on the toilet is doing. He will sit on the potty but only with his diaper on. He is too funny! Today I put them in the crib with milk so I could do something and when I returned, he was naked, gave me his diaper, and told me "caca". A ball of poop was on the floor. Guess the midget could not wait. He is like a cartoon character! When he does not want to do something he shakes his head, with its long blond locks, like he is animated.

Stage Fright

Today J had his visit to Mannes, the prestigious music school his uncle attended, the one I thought he would love to go to. Well, let's just say that it did not go all that well. While we waited in the hall, J got his rhythm going by tooting. Nobody heard that, but they did hear him banging on the walls. Drumming sorry. J hates when I say banging, and it is true, he is drumming at all times and with lots of talent. But alas, the man in the room on the other side of the drummed wall did not appreciate the beat and came out to tell us so. We waited and waited and I told J just to be himself and answer their questions when we went in. Well, we went in and it felt like the Flashdance audition in there yo. A table with a panel of piano teachers and the friendly woman from admissions. They asked J questions. He answered looking at the floor. "Are you excited fro Kindergarten?"- "No." You get the picture. The panel was very adamant about us needing a piano at home (isn't that putting the cart before the horse or whatever that expression is?) and could not care less that we have pianos at school and one at abuela's. In any event, part one was over (it would have been an audition if had piano experience) and we moved on to part two, which was a sort of music test. Except during this test, J was unable to show any of his talent or enthusiasm. The more questions the nice and patient music teacher asked, the more melodies he asked J to sing (why sing???) back to him, the worse it got. "Do you play the piano?". "No."J did not get to display his rhythm skills much, and he did not like to have such a formal evaluation. I do not think J wil get into the program. As much as I would love for him to follow in tío D's footsteps and to flourish as a musician, whatever will be, will be.

A The Saboteur

She will not nap and she will not let her brother nap. I do not think this is a choice at 1.5 years old. Because I took her out to let him sleep the other day, she smiles at me and asks to get out. She jumps and laughs and mocks any attempt I make to get her to settle down. When she is not riling her brother up, A's technique is to wait for him to be asleep and then to yank the pete out of his mouth. Then he shrieks at the top of his lungs, I move her, and we start all over again. After 1.5 hours of this crap, I just took her out and she in an extended time out (ie stroller jail). I do not want her to "win" but I guess she already has. Impressive considering my age and experience, outsmarted by a one year old. I wasted all of this time, V will take a short and crappy nap, and she will take no nap and be miserable. Viva BT and viva my job!!! In a few days I will no longer deal with these shenanigans!

Some M Lines... Stay Tuned for More

M- I cannot believe that everything was quiet- it is very rare with four kids.
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M on the new boy's name I read to her on her class list- Do you think he is cute?
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M: I feel like second grade is going to be a break.
Me: Vacation is intense huh?
M: Yeah, with four kids vacation is never really a vacation.
(my sentiments exactly)

Support My Brother!

Click here to donate to the MS Society! My brother will be running the NYC marathon for them and he  needs all of our help! Run tío run!

Last Summer Monday

next Monday is labor day, and then it is back to school. ooh ooh. MoJo got back from their first camping with F yesterday- they loved it. Trip included s'mores, lake swimming and scary stories in the tent. You cannot beat camping! I had a nice night with tía T and her fiancé and my sista and her man at my mother's. I am off to meet a good friend's newborn baby. Hasta la pasta.

Guess Who Said This To Me?

It's time to take your nose ring out. It's too teenagey!

Tidbits

J getting yelled at by two guys in a barber shop as he threw down his scooter and refused to listen to me. "You better pick up that scooter and listen to your momma." You gotta love Harlem yo!
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A stealing my mate from me and sucking it down like she was a regular (super bitter) mate drinker. The  metal rim and straw were piping hot ("ot ot said V). I cannot have coffee, beer, or wine in front of that midget.
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V has become potty obsessed. Kind of precocious. He checks the toilet constantly and bids "pipi" or "caca" goodbye. He loves to flush. He announces when he is going to poop (thank you for not doing the bathtub trick anymore) but will not do it in the potty, he wants a diaper on. He does enjoy sitting on the potty with his diaper on:)
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J to himself as did his workbook "My hand is getting tired. Work for Cheetos, work for cheetos."

Check In

When you spend as much time with your children as I have recently, you get a lot of love and a lot of insults too. J is the most up and down. On any given day he tells me that he loves me and am "the best mom ever" as well as that he hates me and sorts of variations like "mothers are bad and fathers are gooder. You are no longer in my family." He has gotten very fresh at times, and what could seem funny and cute to some, is actually straight up back talk. He was so naughty yesterday (admittedly a boring-ish day- MoJo had to come to the doctor with me and to PT- but they got a nice lunch out and playground time as well), that when I told him to "listen" on the bus and he answered "no, you listen", I realized just how fresh this midget is. It is hard to believe that it is almost September. It is also hard to fathom that M's first full day of school is not until Sept 10 and J's until Sept 12- help! This has been the most intense child summer ever. I have never, before this summer, not had a job. Not a single tutoring gig, no camp, nada. This coupled with four children, two of whom are way wilder than they were last summer (AleVit is a terror!), made for a tiring summer. We have had fun. We had madness. We have done many parks, museums, tv, the pool, you name it, we did it. When I am back to (a just renovated and gorgeous) school Sept 4, I will miss the kids, but it will be good for all of us. If I get too nostalgic, I can find two in my place of work, as well as know that AleVit and I have our pre 7am daily milk date. In a few years when none of them care about me or need me, when I do not hear "mamá" 30000 times per day and prepare 24 meals and snacks per day, I will wish I had basked in this phase more. I already miss them as younger versions of themselves and then I realize that they have to grow up, for all of our sakes!

Recent Lines

J: I am growing up man strong and you are growing up lady strong
Me: What does that mean?
J:That we are growing up good.
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J:You are the worst mother ever. I hate you. Period.
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Me: You need to stop cursing. It is very unpleasant and you will get in trouble at school. Why don't you just say all the curse words you know right now and get them out of your system?
J: Pipsqueak pig (??), shut up, ass (thanks abuela S, who always says "kick your ass" to when they play), shit, fuck- which is one I think is one to cover up other bad words but papi says it is not.....
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M: Can we catch a snuggle?
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J when I asked him to start writing out the alphabet): I did this twenty years ago. Do you expect me to remember all of this?
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Me: Why are you so cute?
J: Good couples make good childs.

Back in The USSA

Got back home at 11:30pm last night! Rough trip back last night with AleVit antsy on the flight. A got to sit in business for a while, on me, in the ergo, as she fed herself a creamy pasta and tried to stab me with the (real) fork and spoon. V had his 5th new brand and cuckoolicious breakdown. It involves screaming like he is being decapitated while thrashing, sobbing, sweating, and possibly hitting his head on you, the carseat etc. Hope these attacks subside. We had many baby haters (including a bitch flight attendant) around us and a few sweet gracious passengers, who loved V, shit fit and all. Today was spent unpacking, doing 1000 lbs of (moldy) laundry, organizing bills, and wrangling the four brutes on home turf. This trip was Exhausting and I now accept that I need to go to work to relax:) I love these critters but AleVit is a tag team hurricane, always in destruction and/or danger mode, unable to be non-supervised for more than 15 seconds. V still hates the beach ("bye bye agua, ya está" as soon as we hit it) and A still plunges into the sea like she is a wild aquatic beast, covered in sand and salt that she enjoys eating. V's blond locks are now so long that he cannot see without a headband. He has become a parrot who can pretty much repeat anything. A is talking a little more and hitting a lot lot more. I have started time outs for her when she twists the skin on my or V's face, bites or hits with a big smile. This girl is strong and cuckoo. Okay, no more stream of consciousness updates on the bebés. Off to watch some more Breaking Bad and off to la camita!

Recent Lines

Me: A is going to read until she finishes that book (Altas Shrugged- a mother of a book at a whopping 1,600 pages).
A: Yeah, I am going to be still reading when you wake up.
J: I don't think so, you sleep like a hog!
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J about a one eyed dog: Was it in the war
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M: I was going to be a babysitter or a doctor, but now I want to be a zip lining guy.
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M (after I said that paté was fattening): I do not care if I am wide as a farm I love paté.
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M: Cheeseburgers are admirable.
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J: After you ask one of those guys to teach me to skateboard, can I skip school to skateboard?

Holy Bat!

I mean crap. We have been hearing a squeaking nagging noise on and off every night since we got here My first thought was that it was bats in the wall. But I wanted to think maybe baby birds? Every night has been an awful's night sleep. One night it was the animal noises (think howling monkeys, roosters who crow at 4am wtf?, baby birds?), another V whining all night because A was kicking him (they are sleeping in the equivalent to you sleeping in a Fresh Direct box, with your brother), another the sagging bed, another J coming into our room, another A crying like crazy having some sort of reaction to her many infected bug bites.. you get the picture. Anyway, all those nights were heaven compared to last night. F got really interested in the possibility of the noise being baby bats. He had regularly been shining his Iphone in the direction of the noise during the night, read about Costa Rican bats during the day. He got, a la F, kind of obsessed. When we went to bed I asked him to give me a break, that I was going to have nightmares about it. Oh, no need to dream, he woke up me up as a crazy bat (hence the expression bat shit crazy) charged the net over our bed. I lost my shit. If there is one thing that I DETEST, it is rodents. Add flying to rodents and I break down. In the middle of the night we dragged the pack and play with AleVit out and all four of us moved into the other room. This is why I come on vacation. To sleep, with six other people in a room with only three beds. I tried to sleep with J, on the bottom bunk. He decided to badger me (with words and fists) for "ice cold water." I told him there was no damn ice cold water but he was relentless. At about 2am when I had just fallen asleep, I heard a thump. It was either F or M that had fallen off  a bed. Thankfully it was not F (he was on the top bunk and would have been possibly dead, with both babies definitely dead under him), but M. She fell out of her bed like a sack of potatoes and did not even wake up. Suffice it to say, it was another sleepless night in Puerto Viejo. Is there such a thing as too much nature? Yes, there is. I am saturated, all done. This NYC gal is happy to hit the zoo if I miss nature any time in the next few months. I am ready to leave the bats and all of the other flora and fauna behind!

Costa Rica Time

I went online last night and had not done so in 48 hours. It is crazy that I do not remember the last time that happened. We all live attached to the web. Internet is more difficult to access here and it is virtually impossible to find time where I am not chasing kids. I think posts will be scarce while I am away and we can catch up upon my return. Some highlights so far... kids were GREAT on the trip. United lost one of our cribs (it is Canada!) and AleVi is really squished in one, it is much smaller than their crib at home. A spent the flight running up and down the aisles and sleeping. She woke up a passenger by throwing a packet of plastic utensils in her face. J offered the immigration officer "chicle" like a suave bribe as soon as we got to the window. He is in tv withdrawal (this is a tech free vacation) and told me: "I am not joking, I seriously miss TV." M has been good for the most part, although during a melt down yesterday she told me "You have no respect for my anger, I am going to walk away from Costa Rica until I find someone who appreciates me." It is very humid here. It is very hard to wrangle the children with no real stroller, or high chair, or anything, V had a psychotic meltdown at lunch (thin 60 minutes of screaming and thrashing) and began to repeat it at dinner, so I left with the babies. So many restaurants a day is ambitious. Beach is lush and wild. We are going to look for an adventure today. Hard to find ones we can all do. More soon. Happy August!
PS On the bright side, nobody has diarrhea or too many bug bites yet.

Here We Go!

'Tis the day before the crack *&#(&@ of dawn when we will be leaving for Costa Rica. Even though I consider myself to be a master packer (one suitcase plus one tote bag to check in- little trick to not pay for overweight luggage), we have a mountain crap of stuff to take with us. In addition to the aforementioned to be checked in items, we have 2 pack and plays (no, they do not have any there), 2 stroller/carseat contraptions, 1 booster (smaller and lighter than a car seat but annoying all the same) and each person (minus babies) has a backpack. Oh, and I do not know what tía A will bring but surely one more carry on and one more piece to check. Luggage aside, the challenge will be to make a 7:36am flight with all of the monkeys. All four kids are going to sleep early, in their clothing, so I can wake them at 4:45 am to pee and wash their face, brush their teeth in time for a 5am pick up. Yikes! The flight is 5 hours and 14 minutes. I have never seen AleVit stay still for even 14 seconds. Once in San José, we need to pick up our car for a 3 (or 4? ) hour drive to paradise. Suffice it to say that we will be wrecked by the time we get there. It is 2 hours earlier there, but I hope the dark helps so that I do not have V up at 3:30 am (5:30 in NYC). Off we go, not sure what the internet situation will be there, but I will blog when I can. Here's to the final leg of our holidays! How lucky we were to have a triumvirate this year. Pura Vida, we are on our way.

Go Go Go!

Is the game V has made up. He runs around in a circle stomping his feet saying "go go go" in his cartoon voice. He smiles like crazy as he gets dizzy while cracking me up. This is the first game I have seen him make up and he plays in on command. In the mornings, V and A beat each other up with pillows and wrestle and laugh like cuckoo heads.

The End of An Era

Babies are not really babies any more. They napped on cots on Tuesday and finished BT today. In a few weeks when they return, they will be in the toddler room. I think they are officially not babies. They have diapers and chupetes and bottles. Bottles are on their way out, they hardly care for them. Before you know I know it, they will have backpacks. This morning as I took the stroller down, I watched A following directions! She was waiting patiently, sitting on a stoop, like she had been told to, as her teachers loaded the babies into the buggy for a stroll. No more babies :(

Today's Lines

M to me: Starting tomorrow, can we have 10 min Spanish classes?
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J: You are the best mom in the world. Even in the alien universe. Even in the ninja one.
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M: When I die I want to be disintegrated.
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M looking at a table of 12 men dressed more or less the same: What are they doing? Synchronized business?

Not For Scaredy Cats!

Get Down!

Mid- Summer Assessment

Okay, a bit late, again, but let me take inventory on the summer. F and I had two modest (and overdue) goals. To teach MoJo to bike ride and J to swim. Missions accomplished. I have not done any exercise and my children have watched too much TV. I learned that the summer is long and that no camp is a real challenge. I confirmed that I cannot live without L. I was reminded that there is no such thing as "being on vacation" for more than an hour or two at a time when four kids are calling your name. All the time. I read about a woman who had her eleven children call her "Mrs. Bowman" on mother's day, just to get a break from answering to "mom" all day long. I like that. What else can I add to my summer ravings and rantings? I love to read and I am back into it after a very long hiatus. I am trying to get back into blogging about movies. Even though we took a lame ass extended break, we are back, please check it out. My back feels good despite my delinquent lack of independent pt (I still go for formal sessions once a week). Gossip magazines are way ahead and much more blunt in Australia. I love the Jersey shore. I wish I had a beach house to always host lots of friends. I will miss C greatly on our trip but look forward to tía A coming with us. I think this might be our last plane trip in a looong time. Definitely last international one. I will spare you any more random thoughts. Traveling? Don't forget to check your passport's validity. I just learned the hard way (aka $300) that you cannot fix an expired passport in a week. Phew, that was close. Off to Costa Rica we go, all 7 of us!!! on Saturday at the crack ass of dawn (7:30am flight).

Happy (belated) Birthday!

Oh boy, I am three days late. Happy birthday little sista. My thoughts have been elsewhere as I contemplated my stupidity in failing to renew J's passport, hence jeopardizing our whole vacation, but I am back. Happy 31! Sorry there was no live scavenger hunt. I hope you liked our artistic attempt at a table cloth. Love you mucho. Lechuga.

18 Months!

Tomorrow. Today was the 18 month check up. Crazy. A year and a half. Of cuckoo AleVit life. They both grew two inches in the last three months (so she is still half an inch taller) and she gained more weight than he did since their last visit, but he is still heavier. Oh yes, V's head is still bigger. So we officially have two babies over 25 lbs. V cried, like a baby, during every part of the visit, from head measurement to getting his shot. A emulated the tears but cried in anger at her shot and tried to hit the nurse when she wanted to put a band aid on post shot. Our trip to Costa Rica this weekend will be the biggest challenge yet. These babies do not sit still for a single minute. No joke. They are in hurricane mode. They do not sit to listen to a story, to watch cartoons, to play with a toy. Nada. If there are doors to slam, books to rip off shelves, recycling to throw around, they are there.

Twin Love

is too cute to bear at times...When A hit V the other day I told her to apologize. This mute midget has perfect comprehension skills. A walked over to V, lowered her head onto his shoulder, and for the next thirty seconds or so they did some sort of cheek, shoulder eskimo rubbing. Too sweet! Last night they fell asleep in each other's arms, literally. While many think it crazy that they are in the same crib, it is actually adorable to see all of the many position that they find to snuggle in (they have been in closer quarters after all!) When V woke up from his nap yesterday he beamed "This, this is A (says her name perfectly!) like 10 times. He insisted on introducing me to his new friend.

La Palla!

V is on a roll with his first (definite) Italian word. He loves saying it and playing with it. PALLA!
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J as he watched a cartoon about anatomy, bones specifically: Where is the pito bone?
Me: It is not a bone. A muscle? I do not know.
F: It is a tissue and spongy. Not a muscle or a bone.
J: A sponge?
M: A tissue? You do not blow your nose on it.

More Zingers

M: Can I pack a small bag, not like a backpack when we go on vacation but like the armadillo one, with just a few accessories for Philadelphia?
When I am jolly I forget to do my activities from when I am, like organizing.
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M at bedtime: Let me read thirty pages, I can do it in a jiffy.
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J to F: Can we have a play date at your work?
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M to F: If you stop making Moleskine, you can open a bakery.
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M to me: I have to talk to J about setting an example for the babies so they do not learn the rude talk back from us.
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M upon seeing the huge post office on 34 St: This post office is overreacting (overbearing?)
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J to F: I want to live with just you at abuela S's house.
Me: What about me?
J: You can stay with your family.

More MoJo

So much material yesterday, and did not make it to post!

M on her obsession with organizing: I am trying to grow out the habit.
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J to F: you are illegal, you cannot put a match in the toilet!
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J to me: I do not have to listen to you. You are not a queen or a king or a princess. You are not royal.
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M on her motherhood :It must be hard to have four kids. Especially with twins.
J: She has like triplets but we didn't al come out at the same time (nice math)
M: No, triplets would be a nightmare. I plan on having two or three kids. Did you plan on having three kids or were you settled on two?
Me: We planned on having all of you but we did not know we would have twins. We thought we would have a third baby and then a fourth.
M: If I had twins, it would be my first and last kid. If I cannot have babies, I will get the egglets.
Me: Egglets?
M: Yeah. But I would only get one or two egglets put in me. But if the egglets did not work, then I would adopt. But I would like two or three kids. I cannot imagine being you.
Me: We are happy we have all of the kids we have.
M: Yeah, but if you had kids with good habits, that never fought and were not rude, then maybe it would be a good to have a lot but that doesn't really happen, so I want two kids.
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J on the homeless man who sells junk on Lenox (he is obsessed with him!): He is my best friend.
Me: You do not even know him and kids cannot be best friends with men who are not even in their family.
J: Yes, I am best friends with him.
M: You cannot do that, you already have a best friend, M (from BT). It is like having a wife and saying that you are looking for a girlfriend. You already have it. It does not make sense.
J (one track mind): I am best friends with all of papi's friends and they are grown ups.
Me: Really? You like A, B, C (I name some)?
M: He (referring to one) is not my friend. It is not appropriate to yell at other people's kids and he did that to me at the Jersey shore, so I would never be his friend.
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M after finding her goggles on her arm: I am like an old man looking for his glasses that are on his head.
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M on her great day: I think the reason I am usually grouchy in the morning is that I do not relax enough. Today I stayed in my bed.
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M on self control: I am trying to settle the mode of always rushing and organizing (she is). And, not to brag, but I think I am doing a good job (she definitely is!)
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J: Who made birthdays up? Abe Lincoln?

Today's Lines...

J to me: I love you more than you can love anyone.
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MoJo complaining to me in the am as we walked to BT: Why can't L take them
Me: Because we can and we are not exactly busy. We ask L to help when we need it.
J: Then why does she come help you with bedtime and bath? You can do that.
Me: Well, it is nice to get some help, a break.
J: A break from what? You have been on a break for like two years.
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Abuela S to J: Can you believe that I was married to abuelo R?
J: You divorced him because of his fake teeth right?
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J, upon learning that John Lemon's ashes are scattered in Strawberry Fields: Can we bring JL home in a tank?
Me: He is not a fish, he cannot be in a tank. Also, he is not in his body anymore (too hard I know).
J: Can we bring him home?
Me: No.
J: Was the man who shot him sad after? Did his girlfriend het mad at him? Why din't he kill Yoko Ono?
All good questions Ciccione. He had tears in his eyes talking about his idol, John Lemon:(
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J as he heard me on the phone with the state department, trying to figure out how the hell to renew his passpotrt: We are not wanted in the city so we have to move to CA.
Me: Who does not want us?
J: The government.
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M to J as he cut her to spit out toothpaste: Last I heard it was ladies first!
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J to me: Can you buy me some armpit cream? I want to be like papi and wear that.
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J  is obsessed with weights (Olympic inspired?) and wants me to give hin an exercise room in the house. I told him to talk to my physical therapist (PT)
PT: J, you are too little to lift weights. You need to go through puberty first.
J: Yeah, well my dad lifts weights (no he doesn't).
PT: Well, your dad has gone through puberty.
J: You do not even know my dad, you do not know if he has gone through puberty!

Recent Lines...

M to F: When do I get my bank card?
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M on the social dynamics at the Jersey shore:
It is hard to play with friends when they are different ages. D (my friend's 5 year old) like to play with
girly girl stuff, I do not blame J for not wanting to play with us. With M (tía C's niece), she is little and I have a lot of experience with little kids and I know I need to give her choices and stuff but with J it is a different story because he does not know how to handle the littler kids and he cannot pick them up.
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M while we watched ads for the Olympics: Athletes do not drink Coca Cola!
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J to A as she messed up his Magnatiles structure: Little devil. Sweet devil.
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M to me as I told her to hurry up: You are pressuring me. It is like two walls are squeezing me.
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J to me as he sucked up: You are the best baby, the best little girl, the best teenager, the best wedding girl, and the best mother.
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M explaining her mega meltdown to me: I was acting a tiny bit spoiled. What makes me angry is that I do not want anyone to tell me, I just want to know myself when I am acting a tiny bit spoiled.
Me: A tiny bit?
M: A tiny bit more than a tiny bit.
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M to V as he whined: Oh, V. Such a drama king!

2 Tips on V

I just learned..
1) he cannot eat shrimp (fed it to him last night for the first time and found him covered in vomit this am- pobrecito- with little undigested shrimp in his hair..
2) he can lock you out. I left the door open, ran across the hall to dump the stinky trash, and found myself at his mercy- he had closed the door and opened it again for me, thankfully!

Spring Lake!

I miss you already. What a great week with so many different visitors, so many children (one day was 9 children total- 5 under 2 years old with only 7 adults!), yummy food, impeccable weather, and my wonderful friend with her two girls, all the way from Tanzania! I miss it all already. Oh yeah, I wrote that already.

Jersey Shore

We are currently staying in the nicest house possible on the Jersey shore. It has so many bedrooms that I wish I had more friends to invite out here. It is a little stressful to be in such a nice and new home, as I do not want to be responsible for any damages. Saturday and Sunday we had friends over for a total of 8 children! The grilling has been superb, the weather perfect, and the children well behaved, for the most part. I am not very boggy when I am on vacation, so to be continued. Some lines: J: Too bad monkeys do no celebrate Halloween, they could dress up as Spiderman and climb just like him. J at the fishmonger: Can we get a lobster as a pet? Please? We can cut off his claws. J: I like everything except mean people, robber, and kidnappers.

Baby Baby (where did our love go??)

What is going on? Yesterday V took a 3 hour nap (unheard of at home) and he woke up 6ish this morning, cried, got milk, and slept until 8:10am! That is like saying you slept until 1pm for you non-baby readers. He was really quiet when he woke up. He took another 3 hour nap today. He is either getting sick (I do not think so) or going through a growth spurt? Conversely, A has been chattier than ever in the last day and a half. Perhaps she read my blog and wanted to prove that she was not mute? This am we left for BT so late, that we bumped into two teachers with buggies, out on a walk. There was only one free spot. Sophie's choice. I was not sure who to hand over, so I let another baby choose. He chose A and she beamed as she got out of her stroller and into the vehicle. Too cute!

Recent Banter

J on a little boy that M left him for J in the park: Mamá, he (the boy) hit me with the stick and M is unfortunately hypnotized by his cuteness and won't play with me!
__
M on her next book shopping: I am going to just buy classics, like Charlotte's Web. There are no grown ups in NYC that have not read that book.
__
M on continuing gymnastics: I do not think that I will, but there is a 95% chance that I will still.
__
When I told J that the best thing in my life were my kids: And? Who else?
Me: and meeting papi.
J: And? What about nonno G?
_____
M gave me a speech on what she is working on, this is it more or less: First I had to work on picking my nose and eating it, because that is just gross so I had to stop. I  decided to stop eating it first and would just pick my nose. Then I stopped picking my nose. I mean I pick it like twice a month. Then I was working on biting my nails and when they got long it was tempting and complicated, but I am doing a good job with that. I am always working on my temper. Do you think I should stil work on my temper or something new?
Me: I am still working on my temper too. J, what are you going to work on?
J: Karate.
Me: No, I mean about behavior.
J: I could stop bothering M when I know that I am frustrating her.
___
J: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I love my family and the bad is that we have no more Pink Panther episodes.
___
On the rock group I saw last night. M: Did he have tattoos?, Me: Yes
J: Permanent ones?

Today's Highlights

J, as worked on writing "t's": This stands for g-d. For religion and the spirits.

No matter what I said, he could not fathom that the lower case T was just a letter.
____
J: I wish we could just cut this (pool) line.
M: I do not think that is a good idea. You know the language New Yorkers will use if you do that?
___
J looking at a KISS action figure: Can you buy me this lips guy?
____
J as he looked at candlesticks: I did not know they still sold dynamite in stores.
__
J as he browsed at Laytner's, pointing to a $1,000 piece of furniture: I would pay $2 for that.
__

A, My Fearless Daughter

Unlike me, unlike M, A is a dare devil. She is daring and gifted in all things physical. She currently looks like a homeless gypsy child, as she is covered in bruises, scrapes, and bug bites. In 24 hours she must have fallen 8 times, the worst of which were 1. on her face on pavement in FI, followed by 2. On her face at home which resulted in a bloody mouth and nose, followed by a few hours later 3. Slipping in a puddle she made while running out of the bathroom. Pobrecita. This lady will climb on anything, try to balance anywhere, and let endless waves knock her down only to get up for more, eat some sand, and do it again. Go A go. You have been a feisty and flexible lady from in utero until now. May your confidence and ability continue to flourish!
PS A now likes to nod and communicate with her head, as if she were mute. V copies her. So there is a lot of non-verbal communication going on.
PSAlso, they slept (both nap and night) head to toe for the first (and second) time today. That crib is huge when they actually turn around. I think I can milk one more year out of that puppy before I move them into separate beds.
PPPS V says "stroller", both of his sisters names, "agua", "ya está" and "bike" non-stop. I love that blond fatty!

Today's Lines

M to J: When you got your operation, what flavor was the anastasia?
___
J to me: I know a good way to not say a curse, you can say "what the fell" (hybrid of hell/fuck??)
__
J to me: I do not like it when you wake me up in the morning. You rush me and say "brush your teeth and go eat" and you do not give me time to yawn or to play.
___
J: I am going to have a store when I am a grown up and people can pay me whatever they want. If it costs $20 and they only have coins, they can give me coins or I can give it to them for free or they can give me something and I will give them money.
__
J on his bike to me: You are the worse bike teacher ever!

MoJo Banter July

J as we did his workbook: I am sorry to say that I do not want to be in St H school.
Me- Why?
J- I want to find another school without work. I do not like it. 
Me- Any school you go to will have work in Kindergarten.
J- I am not going to school period. I am going to play and have fun and do what I want to do, not what they and you want me to do.
______
As we waited for the LIRR, J: In this country, the taxis are white.
___
M to J as I walked in on their conversation: Say it to me with less sex.
Me: What are you talking about?
M: He told me he was proud of me for riding a bike but I did not like the tone.
J repeats his congratulations (sans sex this time): Like that?
M: Yes.
Weird kids.
___
J crying after F left FI: Without papi it is not a vacation!
____
J on his stuffed penguin: I named him Pinguino because we have a fan with that name.
__
J: Are you insaint (insane)?
__
J to me: Are you my real mom or a bad guy dressed up?
___

Lance Armstrong Duo

J is also, officially, a real bike rider. We bought M the last bike (red) at Target today and took both kids out (no elevator!!) to practice along with AleVit.
Stay tuned for funny recent lines. One I remember off the bat (yes, I am a nerd and jot them to remember) is J declaring: V and I have a great relationship!

FI Add Ons

Let's not forget...
J's action figures in his ice museum (each one individually frozen in a glass in the freezer)
How much mayo we can eat without much effort (think Costco size)

Fire Island Hiatus

Whoa, 11 days without posting. That has never happened. I have not been feeling very bloggy as of late. I was also busy chasing children in Fire Island, and then there is the detail that I could not figure out how the hell to access my blog on the I-pad. We spent the last seven days in Ocean Bay Park (OBP) with mucha famiglia. All in all, everyone was fun and funny and many good times were had. Thank you to tía D for coming out. Some highlights include...

1. M learned how to ride a bike
2. AleVit ate dog food and liked it
3. J corrupted his grandparents (MIA and Italia, he already has NYC in his pocket) so that he gets them to do what he wants
4. AleVit continued to show how different they are with their reactions to the beach (V mostly horror at the sand, water etc and A sheer delight at the messiness and danger of it all- she is fearless!)
5. I learned that A can snap
6. We all learned that there are way too many cheesy people, sick deer, ugly tattoos in OBP
7. Chloe (her name is ok as she is canine in nature) is the most patient dog on earth
8. Outdoor showers rule
9. My children have many very nice & patient aunts/uncles
10. There is not much relaxing when four children are involved
11. Tía C can grill yo!
12. Kids can run free in FI

Hope to back soon at the same Bat time, same Bat channel.

Recent Lines

J as he watched me get dressed and stared at my chest: You should drink more milk, they are not so full for you to feed the babies.
__
M when she was melting down: I feel like you are a tomato and you are squeezing all of the juice out of me. I am trying to be patient but I cannot be patient anymore.
__
M to her friend: My grandfather in Italy is a tiny bit rich so he bought me a collector's Barbie.

True Love

is F going out in this bitch ass heat to buy me chocolate because I am going through withdrawl without it. Why do I need chocolate every night? Because I am a fat ass. Thank you F, for loving me for the junkie that I am.

J, the Educator

J-Do you think we should sign the babies up for classes so they are not so wild?
Me- No, they are fine. They are learning rules at BT.
J- They will never remember those.

On why he did not want to meet a friend of mine with her kid in the park: She always meltdowns. She meltdowns in the museu,, she meltdowns in the park. I do not like it ( I, personally love the placement of the "s")

J the Advocate

as L left yesterday, J looked at her and then at me: You should give her breaks mamá.

when someone I was talking to said he still "believed in Obama"- You should believe in him, he is a real person.

When we left the church (to get our farm share) and J looked at the beds for the shelter: One night can we sleep here?

As J lay on the subway seat, I said " Just enough room  for you to rest. M added: And for you to pick your nose. J retorted: I can pick my nose anywhere.

When I told him I hated my haircut and why: Does the man have hair? I am going to go cut all of his hair off!

NYC Day

What a nice NYC morning. Met tía D at 14 st and took the Q to Coney Island. First of all, what a great subway ride, I highly recommend it. The view as you leave Manhattan, the outside travel in Brooklyn, the arrival onto a boardwalk! steps from the beach, your metrocard does not take you anywhere as cool as this. MoJo frolicked in the water before there were really any people on the beach. We explored the aquarium (free with our zoo membership!) and then ate at Nathan's (of course), where I vaguely remembered going as a child. J begged me to take him to the "festable" (ie the nasty amusement park) and we got tickets for two rides each. After ice cream and rides, MoJo was ready for the long ride back to Manhattan. What a fun and inexpensive day. Now we are home, watching some Netflix and waiting for our babies.

"Ya está" (loosely, "all done")

is V's favorite new phrase. He applies it to most situations and quite adroitly. Yesterday he pooped on the floor, in many spots, then looked up, and said it. When the super turned of the vacuum (the sound of which terrifies both of them), he looked up at L and said it too. I love this midget. When I put him to bed, he took out his chupete and said "ciao ciao."

J Today

J: Take out your nose ring.
No, I like it.
It makes you look like a teenager, not my mother.
___
On families...
Abuelo R is your stepdad.
No, he is my father. Grandpa is my stepdad.
Abuelo R is tía A's stepdad.
No.
___
You have white and yellow hair.
Yes, I know Papi needs to dye my hair.
He does not know how to do that.
Yes, he does, he is very good at it.
Does he have the materials?
No, I have to buy them.
So do you like put your head in a bucket?
No, you do with a special brush.
And ink?
__
I never go anywhere. My life is never fun.
__

J's Am Thought

When A Rock Obama dies, V can become president!

J on Food

to his bff's grandpa when they were on a play date: Can you take me to the restaurant with the M?

to his father tonight who made him yummy salmon: This is my favorite vegetable ever!
me: Not a vegetable.
Do you mean this is a real fish? You are killing nature!

Recent J Lines

J with a magnifying lens in his hand: Can I look at your arm? Good job shaving, you do not have too many hairs on them.
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J to me: We should have a behavior chart for the babies too.
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J: Did tíg G (mine not his) drive a taxi?
Me: No
J: Then it was abuelo R. I am sure someone in this family drove a taxi (it was grandpa in Sydney).
__
J to M: What do you like to do to your body? My favorite two things are to twizzle my hair and to shine  my nails.
M: Oh.
J: Do you not care about your body?
__
As we counted many dogs on our way to BT, J to me: This is nature's way of telling you that you should like dogs.
__
J likes Jubo (Judo)
___
J to tía S when she was on the phone: Who are you talking to?
tía S: My mom.
J: Abuela S?
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J to me on the bus out of the blue: I will always love you!

Qué los Cumplas Feliz....

querido padre
happy birthday to you!

TQMYTAMFCMC

Thursday

hot hot hot
ate too much
watched too much tv
off to read
tomorrow i am taking mojo to one of my street squash student's 8th grade graduations. so proud of them.
F is back tomorrow. Yippee!

Wednesday

Today was the official start of summer and it was scorching hot! So so hot, but not hot enough that we don't have a leak. That's right, our dripping water/destroyed ceiling theme continues, as I can no longer sit on the couch, because it is right in the drip's path. To make life a little spicier, J has a sleepover tonight, so morning cartoons will be extra tricky tomorrow morning. My only goal is to get all five children sunscreened, dressed, fed and out to the door for our 1.4 mile walk to BT. After that, I will have just MoJo left, and they are going to be dropped off with tía S, so I can take four kids to the museum (auction winning). Oy.

Tuesday

was not relaxing. Started with our morning reading/math with MoJo. No, it actually started with the babies not waking up at 4 or 5 am (too good to be true) but at 6am. Believe it or not, since everything is relative, 6am feels like 9 am (or 11) to most of you normal people. I, of course, could not sleep. I had awful nightmares involving the babies. So, we headed out to get J a haircut. Dentist called that he was running late. We stopped by BT to drop off hand me downs, went to Petco, get a snack and then the dentist called to say he was ahead of schedule so we headed there. Double cleaning coupled with the awesome news (and physical evidence that I could not deny) that M needs braces. I will have to think about that one, since it entails THOUSANDS of dollars not covered by anything. I need to take her for a consultation with an orthodontist. Went to Banana to exchange shirt sizes for F, bus to Deluxe (MoJo's diner of choice) where I ate my weight in french fries. GROSS. Library where I admitted that I could not find a book and paid $4 to own it (had I not I could have accrued late fees totaling a limitless number of dollars). Train down (all this with MoJo in tow) to PT where I worked hard while my therapist entertained J (hyper). Oh, we had also stopped at the supermarket, so laden with bags we hopped onto the subway. It took us 50 minutes to get from 72 st to our house (two stops). There was a power problem, there were 1,000 Bronx middle schoolers in our car, grumpy MoJo, no seats, you get the picture. Got home, dropped our stuff, grabbed the scooters and swimsuits and we were off to the park on 100 St. That, was not a relaxing day. Today promises to be better. Morning work is done and M is off to a Yankee game, where she will surely melt (thanks tía D) and J is about to go out with his bff from BT for an afternoon adventure. Yes ladies and gentleman, there are about 3 hours that I will be FREE, as in sans bambini. Not sure what I will do! F is off to San Fran and it is scorching hot! To be continued. Stay hydrated New Yorkers:)

Updates...

Happy Father's Day (belated- sorry) to my father (a dedicated blog follower), my stepfather (never reads it)  and to the father of my (four!) children (also a non-reader).
No real news to report other than....
V speaks A LOT (door, out, book, más, nena, caca, mamá?, dadá!), A hits A LOT (must be frustrating to not have words) and MoJo is officially on super duper vacation (ie no school until mid September- yikes!). This summer will be the true test of how much time we can spend together without anybody going cuckoo. So far so good. Morning time includes 30 min of work (math, reading- M independently and J avec moi) and we are trying to have at least one project /play date per day to break up the park and tv times. This am M got a haircut, they came with me to the dentist, and in the pm we are meeting friends in the park. F is off to San Fran on Wed, so here we go again. Coxsackie seems to be gone, but the increasingly messed up sleep patterns (read V waking up bt 4am and 4:30am EVERY DAMN NIGHT) are here to stay?
Buona giornata a tutti voi!

J's Lessons on Religion

J- Whenever you are sad g-d is there with you.
Me- I do not believe in him
J- If you do not believe in him, he will not believe in you.
M- Okay.
J- Who do you think made me?
me- I did, with papi.
J- Well who made you?
Me- Abuela S and abuelo R.
J- No. G-d did. Without him you would be dead.
(Oy vey).

Penis Baggies?

Yes! Coxsackie is what A, and now I guess V (also with a fever) have. Yippee! M's playdate invite was revoked so I had to suspend my invitation to one of J's friends to come over. My intention was to have the two boys alone, not with M and two sick babies. Four kids is enough for now. Long summer ahead! Nothing to do for this virus, just ibuprofen for the fever and pain and wait.....

J's Sense of Time

J: Is it a long time until my birthday?
Me: Yes.
J: Like twenty years?
Me: No, Your birthdays come once a year.
J: So in howlong?
Me: Like 9 months.
J: Is that long?

Last Day!

A has a high fever and I need to go to my very last day of work today. Anti bias training. I am leaving L with 3 for the day. This woman never says no. I will build her a monument. But today I wish I could just stay cuddled on the couch (she will only cuddle because she is sick, otherwise she hits, laughs, and runs away) with A. Pobrecita. V is obsessed with "waff?" and requests them at all hours.

MoJo Conversation

J to M: Do I have hair here? (pointing to his upper lip)
M- Yeah.
J- Oh good, then I am starting to grow up.
_____
Mto J: Do I have one?
J- No, because you are a girl. But you know what is strange, M in my class has a little moustache.

MoJo Wisdom/Inquiry

They say, if you don't be nice to children, they won't be nice to you. (J)
Do people drink alcohol (eyeing my wine) because they like it or because it is a habit?

Recent Lines...

J: It is not fair that when volcanos come the people in jail cannot get out.
Me: Do not worry, they save people in jail when there are volcanos or floods or hurricanes. There are not very many volcano emergencies though.
J: Oh, yeah? Well what are all of these cracks on the sidewalk from?
___
J to me: If you behave for us, we will behave for you.
___
M to J: You are never independent in early childhood (nursery to K) like you are in first grade.
___

Yee Haw!

AMAZINGLY long but satisfactory day. Learned a lot about moving and movers and trucks. Coordinated the emptying of 3 floors (about 30 classrooms) of furniture and the pick ups. Damn. The school's driveway is currently full with items for my last pick up tomorrow am. What a beautiful thing to see a 40 foot container filled with our desks and chairs, all being shipped straight to Haiti. In addition to the container to Haiti, we donated two trucks worth of items to two NYC daycares, 40 desks/chairs to a school in Nicaragua, a truck's worth of items to a church in Harlem, and the final mountain of items destined to a non-profit in Philly. How appropriate. I am sad that I will never again have the same classroom (see pic). It has been my second home for 12 of my 13 years at school. I am not very good at change. But I do love me a challenge. Maybe I can add mover to my résumé?

M's Work

She just came back with ALL of her work for the year. I will have to share some. Her acrostic poems cracked me up:

M erry at every second (everyone knows I exude joy and optimism)
A caring member of the family
Muchos besos
A very helpful woman

Plays with us often
A smart man
P ays close attention to what we're doing
I s very cautious

J umpy at every moment
O dores candy (I think he adores not odors it)
A lways going into our parents room to sleep
Q uick runner
U nique in every way
I s quite picky
N ows a lot about rock stars (spelled wrong but cute)

A dorable
L oves to walk
E xcellent
L ucious cheeks
I ncredible


Also...
N ever knew
D elicoas (not sure what this is...)


V ictory is born!
I nterestingly large stomach (like mother like son)
T riumphant boy (not sure what this means)
T errificly chubby
O ptimist
R really jolly
I normous
O ften hugs his nanny (note that even M knows that I get no baby love)

Heaven!

Matrimonial Madness

We just had a fun filled weekend rife with food, travel, family, music and dancing. To the bride and groom. L'Chaim!

J's Mind

As I cleaned up the alphabet puzzle in our living room I could not find the N. Where is it?
J: I moved it, it was wrong. He sang the song and then I saw it in front of me Y n Z.
___
We went to buy ice cream and J has had his own money (from abuelo). When he took it out it was wrapped in a paper towel. I asked why.
J: Money is dirty.

Part Time Lover

A has never given anyone a hug, any typical sign of affection. She tries to poke my eyes out and pulls on my hair and bellybutton and I am pretty sure that she loves me (I think) but she NEVER kisses and I have only seen her hug L. Yesterday, this little traitor, passionately kissed my uncle, MANY times. She flirted and hugged, kissed and kissed again. A usually cries in terror when a new person enters our house but she apparently likes older men who drink vodka and smile a lot. I am still waiting for my first kiss!

M's Prewedding Thoughts

M: Do you think they will give me flowers and think that I did a good job? I do not think I will know anyone there.
J: Yes, you will now C and E.
M: Of course, I have to know the bride and groom.
J: You also know more people, V and A and papi. Also, you know yourself.

Hmmm

Me: Can you straighten up the toys please?
J: What do you mean? Put them all in a straight row?

Lazy Sunday

Woke up met G and went briefly (oh so briefly) to the gym. Up to my mother's house to drop/pick up items. Back home in under an hour. F seemed content with all 4 monsters (one of whom was melting in caca). Up, by foot, sweating to school to meet C for wedding preparations. Stashed a bunch of crap all over the school, full of boxes, being packed for the major renovations. Back home, quick lunch. Nice long walk down 5th to meet friends from out of town at the Met.They arrive 55 minutes late! Hardly saw anything at the museum. Left F again to go tutor in the neighborhood. Picked him up at the playground. Walk back home (3 miles total there and back, hence the big blister on the middle of my foot!). Baths and meals and bed and off to dinner with F (horrible overpriced Italian pizzeria FLB- do not go) and then to see The Dictator- pretty bad as well. relaxing day. Looking forward to work at this point:)

Deep Thoughts by MoJo

J when he heard about tuition:
That's ridiculous to pay for school.
People are poor. How do they pay to go to school?
_____
J when he heard that a baby visiting from Argentina went to bed at 9:30pm:
I think that is illegal in America
_____
J: What if Ms C and Arock Obama had a major fight? That would be so bad.
M: The school would be destroyed.
J: And nobody would be able to go to the school.
J: Is Ms C married?
Me: No.
J: She could marry Arock Obama.
M: He is already married.
J: Or she could marry tío G

V The Backtalker

This morning I learned that V, like his siblings, is a back talking midget. I said "basta" to him this am and he yelled "no" back at me. Later I said "y vos" to him (and you..) and he yelled "vos" back at me. I tried to resist laughing. I pretended to scold V again in front of F so that he could witness the bravado. V was playing and looked at me from the corner of his eye, stopped playing, and I swear.. thrust his chest toward me (Jersey shore/mafia style) and said "oh" with a perfect Italian bad ass intonation. Priceless. had I filmed it, that puppy would be viral by now. So grateful for A's (so far) taciturn nature.

Aids Walk Delight

My walking partner and I had an AB FAB Aids Walk. Not sure how we were able to swing it, but we started early (okay, I did bully one woman at a barricade a little) and had the course all to ourselves. Because we were star walkers (ie raised over 1K each), we had crowns that identified us to the thousands of volunteers as such. Being cheered on while doing something fun (for a good cause) was great, reminiscent of the marathon. Thank you to all who read this who sponsored me. If you did not, there is always next year:)

Timberrrrr!

or how a fat lady almost killed A at the playground yesterday. I am not kidding. I wish I had video footage. It was the most bizarre thing that has happened to me ever at a playground. A was running around pushing a "borrowed" mini stroller when we bumped into its rightful owner and her moronic father. As he asked me how we were going "to handle the situation" (I was unaware that there was one), I saw a large blob falling toward me and the next thing I knew, a fat lady was on the ground, A was flat on the ground next to her (her hand maybe squished?) with her head on the lady's purse. I don't even know what happened. Maybe the woman just lost her balance and tripped on the stroller? All I know is that a few inches one way and my daughter might have been a goner. "Toddler, Flattened by Fat Lady" would be a sad headline. Needless to say, after my horror I felt like laughing and not ONE of the other three adults I was with saw a thing. Never a dull moment.

V's Budding Vocab

This is
has been said 10000 times by V
Now he grabs books and says
This is book
Nice grammar!
He also says
Here you go
He also calls leche
Lesh
I love it!

J's Cool Offer to M

I will be your brother if you read this to me.

Papi Is Back!

Yay! He is on a plane and by this afternoon, he will be home. Yippee! Tomorrow I am off to the Aids Walk and he will have quality time with all 4 kids for half of the day:)

J's Wacky Mind

J: I need to get new toys.
Me: No you do not, you have too many and we have nowhere to put new toys.
J: No, you are wrong, papi told me I could take toys to Philadelphia to keep them there for an emergency. So I do have room, that's it!
__
J: If you do not let me do (I cannot remember what), I am walking out the door and going to live with nonno G.
Me: You are going to have to learn Italian, he does not speak any English.
__
Me to J: V is going to be so excited that you are home before him.
J: Who is V?
Me: What are you asking me
J: Oh, my brother? (I understand the confusion, he does know about 21 V's). I thought you meant someone else.
__
When his karate pants got dirty, J: I am going to get fired from karate!
__
Me to J: What are you doing?
J: I am trying to spear my pasta.
__
J: I want to be a boxer or a wrestler when I grow up.
Me: No thanks, I do not want you to do something where your head gets banged. It is not good for you.
J: Why doesn't Arack Obama make it illegal?
Me: That is not how it works. The president cannot control everyone's bad decisions.
J: Well, he could stop the referee of the boxing.

M's Comments Today

M: I think I deserve a deeper punishment for that.
__
M: It is sad that children in New York are getting ruder and ruder, like me.
Me: You are getting less rude.
M: At the playground I hear kids saying "none of your business" as often as you should be hearing "thank you."
__
M: Do you think I am crazy?
Me: No. Why?
M: Just a random thought.
___
M: How come the mother has to do all of the work all of the time?

Tag, You're It!

seems to be the theme this week with every day being a succession of handing off and passing of the children baton, even more than usual.
We start with Monday:
-walk to BT with M and AleVit. Meet C there and get back my metrocard. Walk to school. Teach. Subway down to 34 St (!) in a break to get J from F who delivered him (we arrived within 30 seconds of each other!) to me, cleared for all activity by the surgeon. Back to school. Teach. Pick up MoJo and go to library, Trader Joe's (aka Brooks Brothers), gymnastics. Leave J with sitter (who was there with another child) while I tutored a block away. Retrieve Mojo. Home for the evening routine with Alevit and L.
Tuesday:
MoJo left early with F (with suitcase) for school to attend book fair preview at school. I took bebés to BT. Taught a gazillion classes and tried to make headway on reports. Rushed to PT. It kicked my butt. Went East to tutor. Cab to school. Picked up MoJo. Cab home. Dinner/bath to the 4th degree. Hello tío D. Tag you are it! I was off to a meeting. Came home. Did not write reports. Watched Chop. Passed out.
Today:
Babies up at 5:40am. Why not they thought? We know papi is gone. Ignored them for an hour as I wrote reports. Got them milk. Bottle fights. Never sure who stole whose. Took babies out and dressed them. M got up. J would not. Dressed myself. L arrived at 7:15am. Yay! Tag she was it. Took babies to BT. I came to school etc etc etc. Never a dull moment:)

Strange Kids

M to J: Don't touch my private parts!
Me to J: J, that is not okay. Do not touch her.
J: I did not, it was my foot, under the covers. You do it with papi.
Me: Excuse me?
J: When you are in the same bed, under the covers, your feet touch everything.
__
M: Not to be mean, but if J did not exist, I would behave better. He riles me up and encourages me to behave bad.
__
J pointing to Canada on his placemat: That is where G-d lives.
Me: In Canada?
J: No in the "N", everybody knows that N stands for G-d.

J's Explanation

This was a day for happiness and joy but you were not that so we misbehaved.
Me: What?
You should be joyed and happy and fun but you weren't so then we behaved bad.
Me: So it is my fault?
Papa's fault because he did not act that excited.

Happy Mother's Day

to my mother, my stepmother, all of my friends who are mothers, all of my friends and sisters that love my children as if they were their own, to L for caring for my children better than if they were her own... to the mothers who have a much harder life than mine. Happy mamma day.

Comments

F to J: Go brush your teeth.
J: Only if you be my butler.
M: I am his butler
J: You see? I have people already. I pay twenty cents

J this am: Okay, rest time is over. It's the morning. I am getting up. You stay here if you want but I am getting up to do my work.

Mother's Day Card From J (he wrote in post colons all alone!)

My mom is named: Violeta
Her hair is: blackish blueish
Her eyes are: purple
She is : 2 inches tall and weighs 60 punds.
My mom is: 80 years old.
Her favorite thing to do is: snuggle
When I am at school, my mom is: in her room teaching.
Her favorite food is: zucchini
Her favorite thing to cook for me is: milk
Her favorite place to go is: restaurants
I love my mom so much because: she is my mom
Love J

15 Month Check Up

Babies are big! Aside from learning that shots still make them sad and angry, we learned that, like I suspected, A is taller than V but he is heavier and has a bigger head. So glad to be back at a good pediatrician. Even though I think they do not speak much, they apparently only know three words on average at this age so we are ahead of the curve:) Babies started the day off dunking toys in the toilet, full of J's pee. Good supervision mamma! They ended the day with an hour walk home (78 and WEA ain't that close to home) with their true love, L. While at the doctor, A looked very concerned with Dr. D examined V (and he did his fake cry the whole time). When it was her turn, she went under a counter and stood there motionless, trying to maybe have the doctor she was no longer there. V's new move from the doctor's office is to slap his thighs and laugh. Once he got that this was funny, he did it non-stop, cracking himself up each time. My my these babies are big. If I were a rich woman, I might have one more. But then I remember, four is a lot and I am already cuckoo.

Baby Vacuum Cleaners

My babies can eat your babies, or you, for that matter, under the table. Here is a sample meal (last night's dinner):

They shared-

adult portion of fish seared with pepper and salt
two scrambled eggs with cheese
one boiled yam
one small bowl of quinoa
one big plate of strawberries and grapes

They were also angry when it was finished. Should I call a doctor? The Guinness Book?

J Today

J on Fashion

J to tío D when he put on his hat: That's a fancy hat for girl friends. For when you have a date.

J on his boxers sticking out: I am like a teenager.

J on a play date he had today

She is my best friend.
Me: I did not know that.
Why do you think we are having a play date?
(Later in school) Am I sleeping at her house?

On his operation


My stitches are melting.

On the deli


Are you membership here?
Me: What?
They know your name. Are you membership?

More J Classics

My balloon is running out of gas!

abuelo: Can you pass me that pillow?
J: No, I had surgery. I cannot.

Big Brother Help

Me to J: Can you keep an eye on her (A)?
J: Make sure she doesn't do what?
Me: Fall off that table.
J: What if she does?

Happy Birthday D!

Here's to your 38th year and our 33rd (?) of friendship. May your day be great, despite the 110 minute musical I am subjecting you to :) See you tonight tía D! Love you mucho.

Survived

J is home and well. He is actually behaving like a little tyrant and milking the situation a bit too much. It was very sad to see him in a hospital gown. They were all very nice and NYU has a super children's section with more information, stickers, attention, and kid lingo than you could possibly want. J sat down to watch some Night at the Museum right after taking his initial medication. Two minutes later a nurse came in to tell us to not let him get up because he would be kind of "drunk." I then noticed that J looked stoned and that he was slurring his speech. A few minutes later he was going in with F and then we just waited. I was totally fine. Anxious but fine. I did have a thirty second panic attack at one point and then I was fine. When we went to see him in recovery he was on his side with a sort of pacifier in his mouth, a cap on his head,  bandaged IV, he looked very fragile and small in the bed. After sleeping a while J woke up and he was still ooouut of it. He was also grumpy. Now he is home and well. Super grumpy and very demanding, milking every minute of his gatorade, candy, video grame heaven. Thank you to everyone who sent good waves, nice emails, and love to the midget.

Recent Comments

Just now as he peed post op: If I did not have the bandaid here, would pee come out of this hole?

J on his uncle: G is a metalist. He fixes TVs. I think that is what that means.

J to his father: Why you scream at the babies? They are my true love. They do not know, they need to learn.

J to his grandmother at the toy store yesterday: I know my mother said to buy me one toy. But I want two. Do you want to buy me two? What do you want to do?

M after her abuelo asked her if she liked her father working now at his current or previous job: I would like it more if he worked at FAO Schwartz.

J in the cab going to the hospital: Before there were movies of stuff, there were books.

J when I told him to STOP drumming in the cab: I cannot help myself, it is what my body does.

J on his new backpack: I want to wear this to school to be funky and cool teenagery.

J this am: It is so good to be a kid and have an operation.

Reality Sets In

I have been in semi denial about J's "little operation", "small procedure", or as I am know coming to think of it "they are putting my son to sleep for a 1.5 hour why the fuck does it take so long? operation in 24 hours." I was anxious to get the call yesterday to know what time it is tomorrow. M was fighting over whether o not heaven exists with J in the morning, distraught because he said it didn't.  M also cried a lot in school yesterday and just wanted her teacher to hug her, unable to articulate what was wrong, "bad day" she kept saying. She is anxious I fear, and worried for her best friend. When J was a year old he was anemic and had to have blood regularly drawn (another moronic pediatrician- a tale for another time). One time M was with me, as the doctor, nurse, and myself had to hold him down. M started having a hysterical laughing attack, completely unable to handle seeing her brother suffer. I digress. At 6:30pm I spoke to the nurse. Once I spoke to the nurse, who was very nice, I felt worse instead of better. It all of a sudden became real, immediate, and scary. I know it is a little deal, that there is little risk, and that is very common, but he is little, and I know he is going to hate the IV, and that once he surmises what surgery is (and moves past the "I will get gatorade!), he will freak out. We have to be at the hospital at 8:15am tomorrow (abuelo will take M to school and L the babies- it takes a village for real) his operation is from 9:45-11:15am. I did not enjoy the words "pain", "medication" or "child life specialist" over the phone, but I also know that many parents have to endure real and big medical problems. I am going to be brave. F told J that he was brave. J concurred. Then he asked: "What does brave mean? Does hurting count?" I hate hospitals, I hate kids in hospitals, I am an adult. I am going to deal with this.

Tuesday Rainy Tuesday

Nothing like pushing a heavy stroller in the rain. Tricky part is getting to BT, having to take babies out and cover the stroller back up as I take off my raincoat and pick them both up (otherwise you got a dry baby going onto a wet adult). Sad part this am is that both of them fell asleep (has not happened in months in the stroller going to BT). I am guessing it was the monotony of the baby carwash with the cozy sealed in warmth. Needless to say they were both happy to pop out and get to work. I was exhausted by the time I bumped the stroller down, put my raincoat back on and walked 15 more blocks to work. Got the showers, where are the May (first!) flowers?