Más

F to me: Eat this gummy bear. It is good. I promise.

F to me: Can I have pineapple?
Me: ¿Dónde hay pineapple?
F: En tu culito.

V: If I do not have a girlfriend by the end of college I will be gay.

V: I suck at sportsmanship and at sports. I am a sore winner and a sore loser.

? You could hire a babysitter. I can't believe you have not done that yet.

F: Terminé. Hallelujah!

? :I suggest that if your last name is Lee you name your child Bracka.

F: I farted. Is that so funny?
Me: No. Its rude.
F: Es un poquito funny.

A: Russian math is improving on my mind.

Something

V to F: You are a bad boy.
F: So I am a bad boy? What are you going to do?

F: ¿Dónde está papi?
Me: En el trabajo.
F: ¿Qué es el trabajo?
Me: Donde papi va y ayuda a la gente y la dan plata y él la usa para comprar comida y otras cosas.
F: Oh! Me gusta la comida.

V to A: If you get Snapchat when you are older you will waste 29% of your life on it.

In the car listening to music:

F to A: Oh yeah, work it out.
F to me: Get your power on mamá.

Me: Vamos Fede.
F: Estoy mirando la nena. Es muy linda.

F flirting with a different girl 5.5 year old at the library: My muscles are coming out.

V to me: Do you believe in physics?

F lingo:

Neckliss (Netlfix)

McKantiles (Magnatiles)

Facing your Fears

Today I am 43. I do not feel old or sad or anxious about aging for the most part. I am somewhat relieved. First and foremost 43 is an odd number ("Hallelujah" as little F would say) and secondly, I may be finally evolving. I will be completely honest. Moving has been brutally hard for me, much harder than I had imagined. Maybe part of the problem is that I did not try to imagine it. I was tired of my job, tired of the schlepping on the subway, of working at night.... ready for a change. How could I pursue a nursing degree while sending five kids to a private school and live in Manhattan? I came to Newton and it was desolate. Everyone was on vacation. We lived on a ghost street and F was in NY for a week finishing his previous job. I started to have to drive everywhere. Yuck. I joined the JCC and everyone was rich and spoke Hebrew. Yuck. From living amongst all African Americans I went to celebrate the days I could spot one. I had a bad attitude. I cried. I was not going to be able to sleep listening to fucking crickets. Why were people here so unfriendly? Turns out that is their resting face- they are not actually being actively unfriendly- I think. Why were they almost all deranged sports fans? That one I cannot answer.  I have always been uber aware of working to not come off as a snob. Argentines all think they are superior, I do not want to be like that. Private school people have the same complex- not me, I would be down to earth. I got here, where they actively (almost unbeknownst to NY) compete with my hometown and I am the worst snob. Fuck Boston. I am a New Yorker. Forever. This sentiment, while true, would not help me. I realized after reading an article that my former head of school sent me that I was in mourning. Mourning the person I used to be. Who the hell was I? Not a Spanish teacher after twenty years of being one. Not a New Yorker, at least not on a daily basis (but always in my heart). Nobody knew me or needed me like in the old iteration of myself where I organized, connected, and helped at all the institutions I was affiliated with. I was not even a nursing student. Even though I was 10-20 years older than my BMCC classmates, at least I had them. I spent the fall taking microbiology online and preparing for the GREs. Mostly I spent them thinking about my old school/job and going to farms with little F. He was sad. He missed BT and L and had to get used to being with me and in the car. All. The. Time. I knew one very nice woman from grad school- she has her own life. That was it. While F went to a wonderful job and began another part of his career, the kids began school. We knew nobody and had nobody to help us. I went to the elementary and middle schools and could not help compare them to the one in NY. Apples and oranges. Private versus public. I did not know a single parent or teacher or rule after having known them all, always. I ramble and digress. Every trip back to NY has been hard and wonderful and great and sad. I no longer belong to the school. I have wonderful friends and colleagues and they tell me how much they miss me and this warms my heart. But then I remember Newton, the suburb where I live. I began to go the JCC religiously in September for the free child care (I have yet to lose a pound or an inch). I go to the library many times per week. F and I food shop and nap together. My best friend is two. He is a funny and smart two but still a two-year old. We talk about snacks and cows, chickens and tv, ee-i-ee-i-oh and caca. He eventually stops crying when F goes to work and the kids to school. Recently I decided to try to surrender a little more. I invited a mother from the JCC for a playdate. She is a nurse! She has a hard and also lonely life even though she is from here. I had previously read her as cold- I was wrong. I finished my BC application weeks ago and now I wait. Vulnerable and unsure if they will take me. If I do not become a nursing student, what will I be? I think for now I will focus on being a good mother and wife and a better version of myself if possible. I want to enjoy this finite time at home that I never had or will have with a child again. I want to acknowledge that I am fortunate and have no real problems. I want to hope that being scared and untethered will make me stronger. I want to be brave. I hold on to the new/good parts. I already have so many good/old parts- amazing siblings, parents, friends. The new: Zumba Gold and POUND with Ketty- the kindest woman I have met here. Fun and fit she is a woman in her 50s who hugs me and invites me to her house because she remembers being new here. The library- huge and amazing- we go there every week and take out books, movies puzzles, and even instruments! Five children who have had a relatively easy transition to public school and a new life despite it all. A partner who supports me literally and figuratively (the former irks me but I breathe and try to accept it). A new friend? The chance to start a new career at 43?! Not many people get that. I do not want to be from here but I will work to do a good job being here. May 43 to 44 allow me to grow and accept.

My fortune according to A

"you lead a depressing but happy and good life"

¡Caramba esta nieve!

F this am on the weather situation

Unpublished Lost Treasures..

M- Melania just looks like a piece of surgical plastic.

V- Family is family and we always stay together and we never leave anyone behind.

What we are grateful for (from 2016):

V: family, bed, heart, love, nature.

A- books, jakcet, food, family

M- family, health

V: Am I the first one up?
Me: No. But A is still asleep.
V: Is that how she got taller than me? Because she sleeps more?
Me: Being tall is not important.
V: Your personality is important. I don't know why people judge people on color.

V: Are you going to digest (dissect) a sheep?

V: Is your conchita in the back or in the front?
Me: What do you think?
V: The back!

Me to all the boys in the family being too loud in the living room: What is going on?
M: It's the testosterone!

F this am from da crib trying to get a lift out: Papi, papi papi! Mamá, mamá, mamá! Torio!!!!

V: I have so much problems. One of the biggest ones in A!

V & F

V- Do you know it does not matter how powerful you are but how smart you are? Trump has all the power in the world but he is a dumb dumb.

F to me- Can I say "what the heck?"
Me- Ok, una vez.
F- What the heck! ¿Otra vez?¿ último? ¿dos más?

V- I am not going to pass the high test to go to Harvard. I think I am going to go to Yale.
Nobody in our family has gone to Harvard. You have to be super duper smart.
Me- Your aunt Amanda goes to Harvard.
V- Oh yeah, Harvard Law. She is so super duper smart.

F, The Chatter II

F to A: don't eat like an animal.

To the cat: I want to give you a mohawk.

To J in the shower: último. I promise you will like it (squeezing his tush)

F, The Chatter

F- No podemos ir a NY porque está  cerrado.

Me- El gato no va a seguirte come el perro (the cat isn't going to follow you like the dog does).
F ¿Por qué? ¿Está ocupado? (Why, is he busy?)

F, The Chatter

F to me: Can I say zip it?
Me: Yes.
F to the table of bickering children: Zip it. Be quiet. Be nice.

F to me: Yo quiero comer monstruos con manteca (I want to eat monsters with butter).

F, speaking about our family: Yo no soy una familia.
Me: No, sos parte de una familia. La parte importante.
F. Importante y muy contento (very happy).

When I asked him to keep walking: Se me rompió la pierna (my leg broke).

F, The Hooligan (and V for some good measure)

When I told him to go to sleep: You fired!

When I told him the JCC was closed: ¿Por qué? Caramba!

When we saw a dead pigeon- ¿Puedo pisarlo? (Can I step on it?)

The next day, same pigeon- ¿Puedo comerlo? (Can I eat it?)

As his father read him a story where a dino ate another one: Non si fa, cazzo!


V- I will design cars or play for the Knicks or be a vet or help the poor.

V, when he realized he made a bad pokemon trade- It is sad that a ten year old took advantage of me.

V, impatient at a restaurant- Is there a sloth in the kitchen?

V, impatient at another restaurant- Is the food coming today or next year?

The Eve...

before our active real new lives begin...
Tomorrow I will be sending four kids to two new schools where I do not know a soul. It feels strange for my children's teachers to not be my colleagues and friends. F will be starting at PIH and meeting a real life hero, one of PIH's founders, Paul Farmer, this week. I am so excited. I will need to truly be disciplined to keep Federico engaged, the GRE studying going, to stay on top of my microbiology class, going to the gym etc etc. I am very nervous but excited. To be continued...

F lately..

to his father: Do you want to play or not?

to me: Mamá, yo quiero escuela con chico. Yo triste.

to me: Me gusta mi pitín.

to me: chupete no, es para bebés.

to me: Me gustan tus pies and sometimes... me gustan tus tetas.

V: Is it possible to be too smart?

V: has my life started yet?

Me: A, you leave your stuff all over the place. Pick it up!
A: Yeah, I get that a lot.

?: Rich people are going to hate us.
another ?: We are rich in children and love.

A: I have never been to Boston and I am moving there. Cuckaluku.

A: If we ever move from Boston can we move to NYC?

V: So I am missing second grade?

NEWYork to NEWton... Oy

There are too many things to express in a simple blog post but suffice it to say that we have been turned upside down and inside out as the song says. We are no longer in NY. What we thought could happen for a long time and then were sure would not happen... did. F got a fabulous job in Boston at a wonderful non-profit and we took the leap. I left my job of 19 years, the only profession I have ever known, and told the kids.. we are moving! This all happened (the telling to the doing) in under 3 weeks. It was/is intense and harder than I could have imagined both physically, emotionally, financially... you name it. We are still covered in boxes to unpack and furniture to build. I cannot sign kids up for school for another two weeks. When we told A and V (older kids were at camp) V leaned back at one point and said: "It's a lot." I think that summarizes it well. By far one of the largest losses has been L. Not sure how I will function without her, Working full time and studying and tutoring etc with her seems way easier than being unemployed, taking online classes and having to care for all of the children all of the time without another caregiver in sight. We joined the JCC to balance the decades of Episcopal school. Just kidding, we joined because they have a nice outdoor pool and are a five-minute drive away. Oh yes, while I may never have to look for parking and curse again, I will also not be able to avoid DRIVING every day to every place. There is nothing walking distance. It feels like we are on vacation,  but we cannot leave. When we left the pool today, F asked again "¿La casa nueva? No, No me gusta. Yo quiero otra casa." He seems to be having the hardest time of the three kids I have here now. I have my positive days and my not so hot moments. What I need is for this awful summer to end so we can actually start our lives here (school, work, classes). so I can try to establish some kind of routine and be able to make an informed decision about Newton. Don't think I will ever have that roll off my tongue "I'm from Newton. I live in Newton." How about "I am an Argentine New Yorker in Newton for a few years?" I have to get my always growing ass in motion and study for the GREs, write some kick-ass essays, get good recs, do well in two online classes (gulp) and get into BC. All my (aging) eggs are in that one basket. At this time next year, I will have hopefully completed their three-week program that leads into the intense year of nursing school. Help!

And Now....

almost July.
oops.
MoJo has been dropped off in VT and A, V and I continue to go to St. H every day. 3 more weeks.
It is berry hot and we are off to Sesame today after we (gulp) beat France.

F is a non-stop talking, eating, moving machine. He is funny and naughty and bossy. Surprise!

F, as I carried him out of the car in the rain: Está lloviendo, rápido. My coatrain!

V- Has anyone in our family been in a bar fight?

V, after his teacher told him to wait for his friend's answer before changing the topic: I have short-term memory loss.

A- I don't want to grow up!

V- I love unusual days.

V- If you have one baby in Florida and one in Buenos Aires, are they still siblings?

A- I only eat bacon on special occasions because I love pigs.

V or A? thought cow poop was called "menorah"

V- I am trying to behave, but you are overreacting a little bit.

Me after the 3-0 loss to Croatia- I am so embarassed and sad that we lost.
V- You are not walking around wearing a Messi shirt.


older ones I found:

J- Thank you for working so hard for us.

A- Yeah, when I am older I am going to pay you back with a nice big house.

A, when I tried to get her to give away a black sequined dress-Can I keep it for a special occasion?
Me- Like what?
A- A funeral. I have a wedding dress and a funeral dress.

And Now....

almost July.
oops.
MoJo has been dropped off in VT and A, V and I continue to go to St. H every day. 3 more weeks.
It is berry hot and we are off to Sesame today after we (gulp) beat France.

F is a non-stop talking, eating, moving machine. He is funny and naughty and bossy. Surprise!

F, as I carried him out of the car in the rain: Está lloviendo, rápido. My coatrain!

V- Has anyone in our family been in a bar fight?

V, after his teacher told him to wait for his friend's answer before changing the topic: I have short-term memory loss.

A- I don't want to grow up!

V- I love unusual days.

V- If you have one baby in Florida and one in Buenos Aires, are they still siblings?

A- I only eat bacon on special occasions because I love pigs.

V or A? thought cow poop was called "menorah"

V- I am trying to behave, but you are overreacting a little bit.

Me after the 3-0 loss to Croatia- I am so embarassed and sad that we lost.
V- You are not walking around wearing a Messi shirt.


older ones I found:

J- Thank you for working so hard for us.

A- Yeah, when I am older I am going to pay you back with a nice big house.

Fefe CAMPEON

Our big ball of love is 2! He will tell you "dos" himself. He held it together quite well on his bday, even if he was clearly saturated by the end as this classic photo indicates. . He loved sitting at the head of the table for his bday snack at BT and emulated Cookie Monster to amuse his friends mini muffin after mini muffin. He got offended at the doctor when his blood was drawn and demanded that I remove the bandaid "quita esto, mamá beso." He was no big fan of the shot in his arm either. Most of all though, F is a happy go lucky kid. He is as comfortable in Spanish as he is in Italian and English (which he speaks with a Hispanic accent) and he loves his siblings fiercely. F is bossy (surprise!) and can be naughty too. He loves to read books and gets obsessed with 2-3 books at a time. We love you gordito and could not have asked for a more affectionate and easy fifth. No more growing!!

Did Trump do THAT?

V: Is he trying to breast milk you?
Me: No, he is not nursing. But when he was a baby, he did, just like you.
V: Mamá, do not curse my legendary.

V to A: Have you ever been to cliché?

V to me: Do you know any of papi's secrets?

A: I don't like this new version of the Sesame Street song. Did Trump do that?

A & V Antics

V: Is it racist to say that you want to be black?
Me: No.
V: Okay, I want to be black.
Me: Why?
V: So I can be cool!

A: Some people think F is a regular baby and can't talk but he can talk just in a different way without making full sentences and he has a baby accent.

V: I will never have an occasion with a bully because I will kick him in the nuts.
A: I will slap her in the boobs.

Me to V: You are acting like a starts with a B and ends with a T.
V: Butt?

V when I wouldn't buy him some crap at CVS: Buying that was my dream and you crushed it.

A when I was trying to take a pic of her dolled up: You are trying to make me a big deal and I don't like that. I never did and I never will.

A: Can I change to be fashionable since M's friend is coming over?

V: Does anyone in this family wear a wig?

VVVVVVV

V: A, take away that marker from F! You are such a bad parenter!

V to Me: When you are a nurse can you be my nurse?

When the month slips away.....

And you do not post about your first boy turning 11 (yippee) or your niece being born (meeting you in a few hours!) or the tidal wave that is your life. I alternate between feeling victorious and efficient and flailing and swamped. We are now officially on "spring break" which simply means that 4 out of 5 kids have barely anything to do every day while I am still trying to keep up with school work (paper, quiz, and homework all due in the next week), housework (will the laundry ever be put away? will the fridge ever be full?), sister work (mail packages, keep brother alive), alum work (finally finished 1000 emails for 25th year reunion), volunteer work (not doing so hot on getting donations for the auction), tutor work (finally picking up- financial sigh of relief) and most importantly human work. Oh right, I am a person and should do more than just allow myself to read the NYT a day late on the train as a daily treat. Maybe I should exercise, or shower? The most important part of my human work is the following: finding a way to be a partner and a mother and a person without putting the me at the very bottom. There is nothing better than caring for my family but it is easy to lose myself. I take the outings to CUNY as a legitimate vacation. I may be ridiculous, but I love my 20 something-year-old classmates and my not so challenging classes. Community college is probably all my out of shape mind can handle right now. I enjoy the camaraderie. I like that when I get there I am not Ms. Epstein, or the overpriced tutor, or mamá mamá mamá!, but just a white-haired nerdy woman in the class. I am thankful to my partner who affords me this luxury of fading two evenings a week and other times to just study. What will I do with all of these classes? Can I get into the masters program? Even if I could, could we afford for me not to work? Could I be a full-time student and tutor to help pay bills? Hmm, maybe not while sending 5 kids to private school, fancy daycare, piano, swimming, summer camp and all that jazz. The perennial question is, what do we give up? Where should we move? When I think of what that would entail, especially the losing L part, I get anxious and decide to stick to the madness I know. This life I am leading may be insane to some, but it is all that I know and I am grateful for it. Stay tuned for what I hope will be more regular quotations from the comedy troupe.

Since I am doing an epically poor job documenting little F, I will just say that he is a full-fledged toddler. He talks non-stop, in all three languages. He fights, is funny, naughty, and that you can expect from one of our tribe. He loves his siblings and V and he have a ferociously adorable bond. He gets time outs for throwing food and hitting me but also knows when to come hug and kiss someone. He is a sweet sweet boy, a good friend at school and an obsessive Elmo/Pimpa fan. That's all for now folks.

Latest V

On the Olympics: Yeah, they are good. At the end, she puts her skate in his nuts!

On the hotel: They have the Holly bible here.

Me: You are cheating (at Candyland).
V: I'm not that smart.

V to J: Mamá does not owe you anything but love.

On tutors: If they are specialists, shouldn't they earn a "Dr" in their name?

¡7!

A week ago my double trouble turned 7. I am a bit late, kind of a theme (I am always reading old newspapers as well). It is not official that they are not little. We had a family party with limited attendance, an all-girl party on Friday with 14 guests (plus my 5) and then took 14 boys to a movie and lunch on Saturday. I am so proud of these two first grade monkeys. They are kind and thoughtful hooligans. I love you AleVit. I started this blog when you were in utero when I couldn't imagine how fun you would be.

I leave you with a V thought: Mamá, why does Pepsi always have those colors?
Me: It is the brand, they want you to see the colors and think of Pepsi. What do those colors make you think of? Which flag?
V: The French flag?

Yummy Aromas

J when I told him to find the piece of ceiling that he threw out: Nothing like digging in the trash before breakfast.

V: Something unfair happens every second.

A: Papi reminds me of the beach.
V: Mami reminds of daisies.

When I said a cheese had a bad aftertaste, A added: It tastes like a zoo!

A (I think): When J turns 11, we can stand next to him and take a 7-11 picture!

F is Talkin'

Every day brings new words in any language. Here are some of my favorites...

From his rear facing carseat when we are in traffic: Vai! Ma dai! Vai!

Yesterday as his father tried to nap mid-afternoon as he tugged on him: Siéntate!

I now make him walk up and down the building steps (he crawls up the apartment ones) and he counts: uno, dos, tres, cuatro

F also has an incredible parroting ability so he accurately said: gnocchi and funghi yesterday when I asked him (after telling him) what he was eating.

He also likes to shout "mío!" about whatever he is eating.



A came up with a good name for my anatomy flashcards: Flesh cards:)

End O' January

Me-That's gross (milk).
J-Why?
M-Because it came from a cow's boob
V- Well you came from your mother's Pah-gina

V- Does the F word mean bad Jesus?

V- Why do people buy Camrys for 3K? They are so lame

J on his (not beloved) teacher- When he is trying to be funny he laughs at his own jokes. It's depressing.

After I saw V doing some fake praying after which he asked me for something and I said no- G-d doesn't even work!

Me to F- ¿Dónde está V?
F- In da bus.

V- I am going to get surgery on my face- I do not like it.

V- Why do all black people act cool?

V- Why hasn't Trump gotten fired?

V- If numbers never end, then they are still inventing them!

V- The nurse told me to goggle with salt water.

V- Who is the most famous gluer?
Me- I don't know.
V- Can you look it up right now?

J- If I have a disease I will just eat at 7-11 every day and get a tattoo.

M- Why do Asians wear face masks?
Me- To protect themselves from germs
M- Right, because our air is so toxic and theirs is so fresh!

V's teacher- You do not need to push.
V- Unless you are in Times Square.

V- When I grow up, I am going to make F vice president.

V at Cosstco checkout- Are you spending your money wisely?

A when she saw me with nail polish- Now all of a sudden you are getting fancy.

V oh V

After we ascertained that the lethal gas smell came from V's butt: No wonder I don't make so much farts.

? to V: Be quiet, you are a professional liar.
V: Exactly, I know when people lie!

V to A: You are nice.
A: Thank you.
V: Do you know what sarcasm is?

V to A while they brushed their teeth: Do you ever wonder if demi-g-ds or g-ds exist?

F, the entertainer

Taylor Swift's annoyingly catchy tune is only the latest song to enter the midget's repertoire. I thought I was hallucinating the first time I heard him clearly sing the first three words/notes (and then go on to mumble the rest). Last night, after sleeping half the day at BT, he spent almost 2 hours!! singing on and off to himself. Old McDonald, Cucu cantaba la rana, los pollitos, Taylor Swift... too funny. I listened to him inadvertently serenade me on the bbay monitor as I worked on the computer. He woke up singing "ee-i-ee-i-oh" like he had to continue the song he left off at the night before.

He is the funniest and sweetest child I could hope for. He asked me this morning as I put him in the stroller. BT? He likes to know where we are headed off to. He runs to the computer and says "ciao papi!" when we video chat with F.

I may have to eat his face!!!

Not Sure if I ever posted this one....

V sucking F's arm- I am french kissing him.
Me- What is that?
V- A really long kiss.
Me- Where did you learn that?
V- French class.
Me- No you didn't.
V- No, I didn't.

Card I Just Found (from V)

Dear mom and dad

I wish you have some peace and quiet. for the friste time in your life aslest. I hope you get what you want. if not i will give you a present. i will also behave on christmas I promess. 

A & V Thoughts....

A: I need to talk to you. I do not like the hair on my legs so I want to take most of it off.
Me: No. Humans are hairy and you do not have that much hair on your legs. Come back in six years.

V: We have too much toys. We need a bigger room. Or we can just cover the floor with toys and then you can trip and kill yourself.

V overhearing a conversation: He was a mistake?
F: No kids are mistakes.
V: Except in Twins when one twin is made of leftover crap.

¡Ya está!

F woke up and stated this several times. Too bad it was 6am as he usually sleeps until later. Regardless, he is able to express himself more and more each day. He was done sleeping so he told me "ya está." When we got to BT yesterday morning he yelled "Yay, BT" with arms in the air- A huge difference from a few months earlier when dropping him off at BT was tragic.

He sings the whole way to BT or to his friend's house every morning. He is like a DJ caught in a loop. We alternate between "cucú" and "ee-i-ee-io". When we sing the latter, his repertoire is impressive. He can make the sounds for vaca, caballo, chancho, burro, oveja, gato, pollito, perro and pato.

F plays like a madman with V- running around yelling "attack" and wrestling but he also spends lots of time cooking in his play kitchen and leafing through books.

I wish I had been more regular in chronicling his development or that I filmed him more so remember this golden era. I will try to do more. In the meantime, he is a happy and easy toddler. We cannot imagine what our lives were like before him. We are Fefe fans!

Pow Pow!

F likes to throw "pow pow" into all of his stories. Usually, the words are preceded by "torio" or "ah-ee" which makes me think he is talking about being naughty or in trouble. A few days ago, after I gave him his umpteenth time out for throwing milk on the ground, F ran to his father and looked at me and declared "mamá- pow pow." 19 months and already a hooligan!

F is singing up a storm as well. He sings "ABC" and "Old McDonald" and "Los pollitos" and "Cucú cantaba la rana" to himself all the time!

Deep Thoughts by V..

We should get some security cameras. I want to see if Santa is black or white.

Mamá how much years is first grade?

When you hit your head why do you get a bump instead of it going in?

Why is my shirt so shaky (wrinkled)?

Can I taked my driver's test when I am eight?

I wish I was a lonely (only) child...

More Firsts!

M started her first job last week and this week she came home alone!  in the dark! on a bus from it. Major. F continues to throw food and spill milk as a sport so he had his first time out (did not seem to care at all but did sit right back down when I yelled at him upon his trying to leave the time out). I will blog more on F and his leaps and bounds as he sings and plays and speaks more and more. Now off to clean up for our Thanksgiving feast. Happy turkey day. Hope you are all warm and loved.
XO

Reminiscing about Thursday

It is actually amazing that I did not have a full break down last Thursday. This week continues to be a challenge. I just ended a morning search for my phone with the realization that it went through the washing machine. Cool. I do not know anyone's phone number. I am sure I will function just fine with no phone while I wait for this one to dry in rice and then magically power on (doubtful). Anyway, back to the most difficult day I have had in recent history... I was woken up by V at 3am because his nose was clogged. It took me about an hour to fall back asleep before I woke up at 5:30am to review for an anatomy quiz. The studying went so-so as there are always so many obstacles in getting seven people out the door in winter gear and moreover, formal wear for Thursdays. Anyway, the day was tough as we had a morning of service planned that involved going outdoors and it was raining. We canceled the park clean up and re-assigned those kids and of course, the sun then came out. While I had these kids roll hundreds of dollars in change (still not done counting those UNICEF coins), I had to run to the bank to get more rollers. They are really sick of me and my coins at Shittybank. My whole body is falling apart, a fact that was highlighted as I hobbled to the bank. Both of my knees are fucked up, something is wrong with my wrist etc etc. After school I ran to get our last farm share and dumped it in the car before attending a meeting in my classroom. There was a party at school and since I had to wait for V to finish basketball, I stopped by briefly in between studying. Everyone was wrapping up their day with some drinks and chatter while I was just beginning mine. At 4:55pm I checked my email, only to learn that the basketball class would begin at 5 instead of ending at 5pm- no way. I grabbed all four kids as V complained how unfair it was. Since I had the car, I grabbed random things (hand-m-edown bag, leftover bottles of cider) and threw them into the car. We stopped by 111St to pick F up and raced home. I had to make dinner, start piano and homework, and leave as early as possible to review for my quiz. I pulled into a parking spot near my house even though it was no good for the next day and dragged everyone/everything up the stairs. Surprise! I did not have the keys. It was cold. HEEEEELP. I saw a neighbor's lights on and texted her. She left her lights on for her dog but told me where she hid a spare set of keys. Lifesaver (F was over 30 minutes away on the train). Now warm, we looked like refugees with bags and bottles of milk and cider in the tiny vestibule of our building while F banged on our door yelling "¡abre!". He took some break to try to spill milk everywhere and to scream random letters while V and A were practicing their spelling words. I tried to have M quiz me and her look of bewilderment when I confirmed that the quiz was in a few hours only highlighted my lack of preparation and time left to rectify that. A lifetime later F arrived in a horrible mood. He too, had had a bad day at work and was now saddled with grumpy hungry kids. I prepared as much as I could and left. Quiz was okay though I forgot to include information I knew because I misunderstood the question. The class proceeds with a sheep brain dissection which was actually very cool and not so gross. Not too gross was compounded by the fact that there were no real cleaning materials in the lab (no paper towels, hand soap ran out etc) so that by the end I had formaldihyde in my nostrils and some sheep juice on me for sure. I survived. At 10pm I boarded the train home. Suffice it to say that it was the s-l-o-w-e-s-t trip up ever. The train went local and stopped several times with no explanation for extended periods of time in between stations. Would I rot on the subway? Why didn't I have water or food with me? I tried to practice mindfulness. We crawled to Harlem. The rest is a blur as I was so tired I think I just went to bed but I cannot be sure. I survived. The next morning I took F to day care for the first time because (big) F had a meeting. A bird shat all over him as we waited outside BT. I took it as a good omen rather than think it was a continuation of the shit from the day before. It was Friday. Life was good. Now if I only had a phone... and a new knee (or two)... and the answers to my stat homework... I'd be golden.

A & V dramatic play while I listen....

V- Do you want to pretend we are married?
A- Yes but we are divorced
V- Ok but we have kids so we talk.
A- Ok but we do not talk much because I have a lot of errands and he works at a business.
V- No, I am a basketball player.
V- She is being gay
Me- Do you know what that means?
V-That your country is in danger and you have to leave.
Me- Nope.
V-No wait, gay is saying that black people are better.


V- Honey, do you want to get in the car (presents her with large cardboard box for the car)? It's work time
A-I got my phone. First let me put my lipstick on.

Romance by V & A

V- Have you ever been kissed on the lips?
A- On her wedding day!

First Grade Support

V: Are you going to be a nurse?
Me: Not yet.
V: I want you to be a nurse.
Me: Why?
V: Because you want to be one.

New Lines

F to a teacher who told him only grown ups open doors: click

V, raising his hand at the fire museum when his teacher said "none of you are going to smoke when you grow up": I am going to smoke cigars and cigarettes and vape!

V: Is abuelo R a criminal?
Me: No, who told you that?
V: He did!

Discussing future jobs with V he told me he wanted to be wrestler. I said that was a dumb job. He retorted: Why don't you be a mime?
Me:  A mime?
V: Yeah, so you cannot speak!

V to M: When do you run across the country?
M: Never.
V: Why is it cross country?

V: Is it possible to be invincible?

V: Are you being sarcasm?

V: A, you are too young to listen to Hamilton!
A: You were listening yesterday.
V: Yeah, I am older.

V: I'm having a hypothesis! (I think he meant epiphany?)

Recently....

V- Is there such thing as a race across the war?
Me- What?
V- Running across a war.
Me- No.
V- I did not think so.

V- Can you put Bill Jones on? (aka Billy Joel)

V combing his buzzed hair with a baby brush- I am shaving off the nets.
Me- Nits?
V- We actually call them gnats at school. Gnats.

A carrying a bucket, a stroller, and suitcase down the stair- I had a little struggling but I made it. I may have hurt my finger.

V on dogs- Girls are more aggressive.
Me- Dogs or humans?
V- Both.

F to V- Do you have an answer for everything?
V to F- Actually I do.
F- Do you want a kick in the butt?
V- Actually, I have an answer for that too!

A & V

V walking to school today- What's going to top Cuba?
Me- Huh?
V- What's our next vacation? China?

V struggling with his uniform- I can't fix these g-d damn socks! (maybe he will get kicked out of first grade??)

V when a homeless man I offered an extra ice cream to declined- Mamá. he probably wants healthy food.

A near the library- I can smell the books from here!

V on learning to tie his laces- When we started practicing it was day and now it is night!

FIRSTS

Well, as I sit here thinking of all of the work I should be doing (who knew community college would kick my butt so solidly??) I realized the firsts that are upon us. Tomorrow morning, my dynamic duo, who really still seem little to me, will be beginning first grades. Since it is convocation we will be in full formal garb (blazer, tie, shiny shoes... the whole nine yards). We have a 5th grader and for the first time, a 7th grader. WTF? Wasn't she just 6 or something? A couple of days ago mini F, aka fatty bombatty walked from the subway home. Just like that. He didn't stop much, he didn't want to hold my hand, he was just a little walking person. Last Friday he spent his first afternoon at BT after taking his first nap there. Tomorrow will be my first day of school. Even though it is my 19th!! year I still worry about first impressions with those third graders, all those parents, all that crap in my classroom shoved in a drawer. Anyway, I am digressing. Hoping for a swift return to normalcy for the Miami crew- they have quite a challenge ahead. Missing E who just left and A who did the same damn thing not too long ago. F is back from his Russian wedding extravaganza tomorrow. Yay! Off to take notes for Anatomy & Physiology. Over and out!

MoJo AleVit Lines

A- I think he (mini F) killed me with his cuteness.

V on A stealing his coins- She took my life savings!

M on baby F watching J and V wrestle from his high chair- Dinner and  a show!

V? F would be cuter if his cheeks were fatter.

V trying to juggle- I am trying to juNgle!

V on his camouflage print spinner-  I love camel!

M speaking about if her parents got separated- You would have no luck finding a boyfriend with five kids mamá, sorry.

A on the solar eclipse- This is not even fun. We are just staring at the sky!

Me to V- Can you take a break from misbehaving?
V- I'll take a break from listening to you.

J in Cuba- I am glad to not be under the power of Trump.

V at the airport- We are the only crazy family.

J to the dog handler at JFK sniffing our bags- Is it for drugs?

J on F in a picture as a teenager- Papi was really awesome when he was younger.He looked magnificent. He had a whole six pack and I could see it because he didn't have a lot of hair there.

V looking at his armpits- I already grew one pit hair!

V on theft- Do scaNders beep when you steal something?

V- When I am a teenager and I get to college, the first thing I am going to do is buy a pepsi.

A, referring to an iron- The thing that makes clothes flat. That abuela S has.

F the Gabber- 16 months

Words F says in no particular order- !! denotes his emphasis when he says them :)

Eh-lee (Ellie- the gecko)
No!! (many variations and intonation with and without whine and/or sass)
mamá
papá
Mo-ah (Mora)
Ah-Yee (Alelí- likes to use it for all items he finds that are hers)
book
apple (apple sauce)
mana (manzana)
nana (banana)
uva
tete (leche)
pete (chupete)
p-ta (pelota)
ball
uh-oh (I just threw something)
wow
pato (zapato)
agua
pasta!!
ma-más
alo-hello
buh-bye- bye bye
Elmo!!
abeh (abre-used exclusively when knocking)
tah-tah (ya está)
tank yoo- Thank you
go!
pan
okay

V in August

V on Pedialyte- I only don't like the flavor. It would be delicious without the flavor.

V on his stomach- It's tryin' to kill me you know?

V- I'm not comfortable being yelled at every single time.

V- Who's the best of the worst behaved?

V- Did papi agree in making kids?

V on the baby call to baby F- Fai la nana ahora ahora.

F in July

So our little Buddha is now 15 months old and he is as delicious as ever. He now calls his two sisters by name (Ah-leee and Moh-ah) and yells mamá at me, his father, and anyone else whose attention he wants.

F is as fat as can be despite his almost 100% walking. Only when he was deliriously tired at camp in VT last week did he crawl a bit as he stumbled all over the lawn.

F is picky about his fruit and will not eat any mushy fruit, melon, or nectarines. Strawberries are his obsession.

He squeals with delight when he sees V, playing like a maniac with him at all times.

When he is feeling annoyed or smothered he will let you know with his voice and his teeth if necessary:)

It is hard to believe that he is so big. Nursing stopped about a month ago and in two months he will start BT. Trying hard to savor this last big baby while we can.

July A & V

Me- ¡A comer!
V- You made me get out of focus.

Me- Excuse me.
A- Don't worry. My bed is full of farts!



In the car listening to the radio...
V- I don't like this song. Singer is saying random words to make a good rhythm.

V- Adele says nice things in her songs.

A- Can you think of any reason why I can't be a pop star?
V- I want to be Hamilton.
Me- That is not a singer. Just a famous musical about a politician.
V- Can I be a singer when I am 18? No, a drummer.
A- Maybe we can be in the same band?

V on mini F- He is disintegrating my face! He is going to eliminate it.

V- I think if you have a baby when you are 50 you go unconscious.

A to me- When I came to see you in the hospital, you smelled different.

Random Lines

J- Are you marking my gender?
A- Do you have a bah-gye-nah?

V- You are not mature.

V to F- Mamá made me, you did not even do anything

?- We have too much people in this family

F!!

In an effort not completely forget all that our baby F does and is at this amazing age of 14 months... here are some of his tricks and skills..

Climbs up the stairs in a flash and has begun reversing the movement to go down. (very scary)

Points to things he wants and lets you know it (example- brought his father a video of Horton Hears a Who and made his elephant face/sound and pointed to the tv)

Shakes his head no on a diagonal grinning when you offer him something he does not want.

Points to the door if you ask him where someone is that is not there.

Says (I think) "look at that" and "abre" (as he pounds on door) and "vamos" when he sees his stroller.

Rubs his belly and points to kitchen when he wants food (ie always).

Bites and twists and pinches you as he squeals with glee when he is either exhausted or in a funny mood.

Smells flowers and pretends to eat food in picture books.

Asks for help to do somersaults on the bed.

Puts his head on your face for love.

A n V

A announced when she arrived to camp- I moved into my sister's room. It's a one person room!

V- We digested crabs in science today.

V singing Amazing Grace- ... that saved a wrench like me

V- Wait, you have to pay for St H?

V looking at map on phone- Is the red dot our destiny?

A- I am the right child, you are the wrong one.

? - My feet smell like cookies.

June Jest

A to M: Who are you going to marry?
M: I don't know. I hope I don;t know him yet.
V: You need to make love.
M: No, you don't. Love just happens.

V to me while reading a book: Are you going to science school?
Me: Yes.
V: Is it fun?
Me: No.
V, still behind his book: Are you learning?
Me: Yes.
V: Good.

V's latest joke: There is a megalodon and a whale shark. The whale shark asks "aren't you extinct?". The megalodon replies "Did you just say I stink?"

Leftover Lines

F angry at all kids in the car- Do you understand English?
V- We understand Chinese too!

V at Cuba exhibit- It's like Miami but wrecked. Was there a war there?

V when he left while I was reading: Pause.
Upon his return: Play.

V to J: Your attitude smells bad.

A alone in the car with me: Am I the best daughter in the car? Wait you are also a daughter.

M on the music concert: Don't come. Chorus isn't great and brass band sounds like farts.

M- I know papi is dangerous after hours.

He Walks!

I have been hearing in passing from L and others that F can walk and was a bit confused as to how I had never witnessed this. This morning, I saw it! He took 3-4 steps towards me a few times. As soon as you make a big deal or he notices that he is walking... he stops.. stis and nonchalantly continues his military crawling. It is very weird/funny. He is still crawling 95% of the time but becoming vertical is definitely around the corner. He has a nasty case of pink eye and a bad cold all of a sudden. If something challenging didn't happen every two seconds it wouldn't be my life. Never a dull moment. Ever.

Half Normal Half Scrambled

That is how V described his poop to me yesterday. I think it is a good metaphor for all that is going on right now. We have been battling a violent stomach bug (clean up in aisle 4!) with the girls/woman and baby coming out on top (ie  F, V and J were melting in cha cha cha). After some missed work/school I hope we are back on track. This past weekend was literally full of shit. Not only diarrhea in toilets and all over L's house (that was a very bad decision on my part to let V go for a sleepover), but a bird shat on my arm (gross) and I burned my finger in the most disgusting way possible (this picture does not do the blister justice). All this coupled with a ticket for losing a license plate (doh!) and the start of my first class in almost two !! decades... makes for an interesting week. Last night was an intro. Let's see what tonight's 2.75 lecture brings!!.

A & V on F

V- He is going to have cute kids!

A- He looks so soft and cute when he is tired.

Inventive Spelling by V

May Musings

A- We should get a cleaner for F's poops.

A, describing her imaginary game- a store then a classroom then- It's an adoptage pre-k. They say sleep here and yeah.

V- We are learning about the human body in science. We get to use potty words. Do you know that pee comes out of your anus?

When I tried to explain some of the pros and cons of communism versus capitalism I said: In Cuba, everyone knows how to read. V: Wait, Cuban babies can read?
Me: No, not babies.
V: You said everyone!

J looking at an ad in the subway- What are tampoons?

A when I asked her if she put GUM on the piano- I pacifically told M not to tell you about that.

J when I scolded them about something- When you choose to have five kids, that's how it goes!

V at bedtime to me- I love you more than anything rises.
Me- Rises?
V- More than the moon rises.

A on overpriced flowers on Mother's Day-- I know they they charge so much for the flowers, so they can buy stuff for their moms.

V- Do you know we are apes?

A wearing a brain cap she made in science- We all look Jewish!

Stray Lines

V- A, you are not a well-behaved kid but you are very curious and smart.

Me- What did the doctor say?
V- That I had crepes.
Me- Crepes?
V- Crebs, Crabs.
Me- Cramps??

V- Flab is kind of good. When a bee stings you it does not go through all of your layers.

V- Cats  have no purpose in nature. Bees do not sting me because I do not disturve nature.

V- Why don't people help UNICEF? They are still poor-ly

1 Añito

So you turned one more than a week ago. Too late for happy birthday but not too late to tell you that you have literally brought nothing but joy and smiles into all of our lives. You make everyone you meet happy with your fat cheeks and bald head. Your favorite hobbies include standing on the windowsill to spot people coming over and then banging on the window, climbing up the stairs (yikes!) and eating. We asked several family members to write you a letter for on this occasion to be read by you at 18 years old. I think/hope this will be a valuable gift to you in the future and that we are around to enjoy it. Fefe campeón, we truly adore you. XO your tribe

Here It Is

F- You are a very good artist.
V- I am not even famous. I am not even meant to draw.

M talking about her science fair project- He ( a random father) said it was radical and righteous. I guess he doesn't know words from this century.

V- I'd be perfectly behaved every day if I were a lonely child.

V, when we saw his friend's babysitter with another kid- Is she trying new things?

A on tía A- What is her job?
Me- She works for the DA.
A- What's that?
Me- Lawyers for the government.
A- Wait, what? I thought she made movies! What's so cool about being a lawyer?
Me- Ask her.
A- What's the government?

after a lot more back and forth about what is what A concluded: If I were a lawyer I would send all of the people who annoyed me to China.

V- Police earn guns when the chief trusts them right?

V on the rain- It may be yucky for you but technically it is good for nature and everything. Rain revacuates from the ground.

V on my parents- I think they broke up because abuelo R wanted to go to Miami.

V- People don't treat NYC well.

V, when we saw a painted and decorated car with objects glued to it- That person was curious. That car is art!

V on A and baby F- I tell her to leave him alone but then I can't help smothering him.

V when he discovered that he and J want to both be firefighters- I'm not working with you. Not a close chance!

V- Your great great great grandma is mother earth!

Me to V- It's the truth Ruth!
V to me- You are making a lie Ruth!

A when I told her my grandmother died- No she didn't. (I then repeated myself and so did she).

V when I told her (through a burst of tears)- Are her red blood cells not working anymore?...
I only met her twice!....Does she still love you?


V on another happier occastion to me: Your hands look like E.T.'s

Adiós Abuela

gracias por todo lo que hiciste cuando era chica y lamento no haberte estado más cerca de grande. te quiero mucho y espero que estés en paz. XOXOXO tu primer nieta

V Tonight

V- When you are in jail, the police give you a piece of chalk to write the tally marks right?

V- People think it's the penis, but it's not. It's your balls that hurt when you get kicked.        

V- When you are drunk, how do you leave drunk?
Me- You mean how do you get out of y our house?
V- No, how do you stop being drunk?

To My Last Baby F

My dear fat baby. You are almost one. We all love you so much that we are bursting with smush for you and cannot imagine our lives before you. I am sorry that I have done close to nothing to document this first year of your life. You are a happy baby; you smile at almost everyone. You are abandoning your fast military drag crawl for more traditional crawling. You do not seem to be close to walking though you can stand and balance for a few seconds. You eat anything and everything like there is no tomorrow. You sleep well all night, every night though your napping schedule is non-existent. You love your siblings but are also learning to defend yourself:) One of your favorite non-eating activities is standing on the windowsill looking out onto the street searching for family members who may be arriving. To be continued...

Lupi-ease

Talking about V, M said: He is the nicest but he is a snitch (true- quite the tattle tale).
A- Snitches are bitches. (Not sure if she was rhyming or if she is a thug)


A, as I kissed her goodnight:  I love you and I will never forget you.

A during practice: I hate this song and I hate piano. Oh, they match, I hate both of them.

Torino-ease

V- What kind of cheese is that?
Me- Feta
V- Like fefe's girlfriend? A girl fefe?

V- Is there such thing as a seven pack?

Me- Tomorrow it is going to rain a lot.
A- April showers bring May flowers.
V- Yeah, the gremlins came over on the Mayflower.
Me- Gremlins?
V- For the first Thanksgiving.
Me- Pilgrims!

V- First person to live was g-d but he died. Well it was a woman but we do not know her real name so we call her g-d.

V- Do robbers bite you?
Me- No. Why?
V- Well, abominables eat you.
Me- Snowmen?
V- The people who like to eat people, they come out of the ocean.

V- What kind of cake is F going to have for his birthday? It should be classic.

V looking at graffiti on train- It is a gangster sign.

V to A after biting her: You can't feel love you just know it.

A- I think I am the only person in this family who doesn't smile correctly.

recap:
gremlin= pilgrim        abominable=cannibal    g-d= woman

MIAMI

V-There are restaurants in Miami?

V- Are there even doctors in Miami?

V on the dog- It is way past her bedtime.

J- I want to be dark tan so I can be hotter.

A- Miami is sweating.

M at the airport- If one of our seats is next to a stranger can I sit there?

 J- I feel bad for (baby F), he's not going to have our memories.

V on baby F- He has bladed teeth.

? to me- Have you ever been famous?

V- Families never end.
Me- Well, they could. How could a family end?
V- G-d?

Oldies I think I forgot to post...

A to little M: We are never going to end, M.

V: Do boys have bigger butt holes than girls?

J: I don't get parental controls. What is on the internet that is inappropriate?

A- Do you think I could be a princess? I think there is something wrong with my face. People giggle when they look at my face.

Like a Dream..

Me to A: Your hair smells like a dream.
A: How do you know what a dream smells like?


? to me? baby F?: Don't bite me, I'm not for dinner on the menu.

V to me: You know you can have another baby? You are only 41.

A looking at subway ads: Every sign wants you to get something. But we shouldn't.

A or V to me: What time is your bedtime?

It's Going to be "Ish"

When I told A that her art project was art, not a science, V chimed in: It's going to be ISH.
Me: What is that?
V: You know, not good or bad, just "ish"

Sullivan Street Bakery

We stopped by for lunch but it was full. On the door a sign read "make a protest sign and get a free loaf of bread." We proceeded to eat at the pizzeria next door (same owner) and MoJo made a sign each on the back of their placemats. J's read "Everything will be fine in 4 years. Hang in there people" and M's read " Everyone should be treated equally- it's what's inside that counts". They proceeded to go back to the bakery and came back with two free baguettes. Sweet!

This Week.....

V, after explaining segregation to me but labeling it "apartheid"- Would I even know (tío) G with apartheid?
Me- What do you mean? He's your uncle.
V- But would I be able to know him?
Me- Do you think he is black?
V- He has brown skin.

V- Mamá, there are pieces of pitín (penis) in the shower that smell bad (you found foreskin and smelled it??) and I had to defeat them!

A being mean to a classmate: X doesn't like girls who aren't blond. And I am blond, my mom makes me dye my hair.

V when a girl asked me what I had in my hand ( the breast pump): My mom uses it to get milk from her tetas.

V when I offered a teacher a bacterial wipe to clean the toilet at school: I guess she has to poop.

V to a teacher who had had ashes on her forehead that morning: Your flames went out.

TRUMP IS A CRIME

the title of our new era- words spoken by V as he interrupted my reading about anti-immigration laws Trump espouses.

V- Can you smoke when you are old?

V- Can I go to Keewaydin when I am 7?
Me- No, maybe when you are 10.
V- It might not even exist!

V- Is F going to pre-k soon? It helps him learn how to read faster.

Me- This (the princess bride) is not like real life.
A- How do you know? You are married.

Me to V: I am not a cleaning lady.
V: Well, you are a lady and you are good at cleaning (I'm not).

A- If we didn't have F, I'd be dead!

V- I will be a good president. Do you think?

V, in the middle of his Kindergarten skills assessment test (as per the tester- I wasn't there)- I'm exhausted.

Bad Blogger

I have been on the verge of writing for many many days and then I never do. No real excuse. I wanted to blog about AleVit turning 6 (whoa!) or on really good or bad days (some days I'm on the zone and others are a battle) but alas I never did. Instead, I will share some quotations that I've jotted down before I lose them and hopefully take some time to reflect some time soon.

A saying "valuables": valuals

A as we entered Citibank: It says shittybank.

V: I think I should work in the White House.
Me: What would you do? Tell jokes?
V: Wait, is that a job there?

V: Me and A are the only twins with Feb 8 birthdays in this family.

V: Valentine's day is about expressing love.

V: The beach in NY smells like a garbage can.

V: I want to live where abuelo L lives.
Me: Miami?
V: Wherever he lives.

A: Does it have a happy ever ending?

V: How much does college cost? I have no money. I can give you my whole wallet. Can you help me pay?

V: How much does it cost? Infinity and beyond?

J: French people make assumptions.

V: Why is she (M) going to the doctor? To see if she is growing in the right order?

V: Jesus Christ!
Me: Don't say that.
V: Wait, is Christ his last name?

V: Since it is Groundhog's day can I stay up?

A: Has anyone in our family had ravies? (no typo)

V Oh V

V: Wait, why is Trump the president if Harry I mean Hillary Cliffin had more points than him?

V: Tell me all the jobs that exist so I can choose one.
Me: Hmm. There are lots of jobs.
F: You could be an engineer.
V: No thanks, I don't want to get dirty.
F: No, you don't build, you plan the building.
V: No, sounds complicated. What else?

While F was attacking him with kisses, V to me: You have to break up with this guy.

Butts

A, as I was getting dressed: Can I pick your underwear?
Me: Sure.
(A proceeds to pick a pair of wonder woman bikini underpants): Do those stretch? They don't look your size.
Me: Are you saying my butt is big?
A: Mamá, butts are opposed to be big.
(pause)
A and V in unison: I like big butts and I cannot lie

Today/Yesterday

A to me: Can I be a princess?
Me: Sure.
A: My face doesn't look like a princess.

V: I want to grow up and use big words in church. I am going to be like Martin Luther King.

A, watching me nurse: Do your tetas have holes?
Me: Yes. How would the milk come out otherwise?
A: I don't know. Magic?

V: We can poison Trump.

V: When I die I am going to skooch you over in the cemetery so I can be next to you.

V as he went to bed: I already miss papi.

F Update

Oh my, I have been more than lax in my chronicling of the incredible baby F's first (almost 9!!) months. He is a dream baby. He is funny and patient and quite easy going. We drag him here and there and he really barely ever cries. F will eat anything (hummus and lentils are among the favorites along with pastina of course), sleeps and poops well, and withstands constant manhandling from A, V, and J, all of whom are inept at caring for him but treat him like a big doll. Recently (quite late for a regular baby) f learned to sit alone (yay!) and to pull up to standing in his crib (no!!)  Both of these abilities mean that he can physically opt to not sleep but he still goes down without much of a fuss between 7-7:30pm and does not get out until 5-6am. Pas mal. He doesn't crawl yet but he does a crazy fast military drag. F can point to parts of his body and clap. He gives passionate "kisses" which involve lots of saliva and sometimes one of his very sharp five teeth. I feel truly grateful to have such a fat and happy baby. It is of course flying by and it is hard to believe that he has been out almost as long as he was in baking. Stay little a bit longer pretty please?

Deep Thursday Thoughts

V: People just want to climb up the mountain where Jesus was born. They don't care if they break their neck or their face.

Me: What else do you know about Jesus?
V: He got nailed to a piece of wood.
Me: Who told you that?
V: Alexander (a classmate)

Me: Ya feel me?
V: Yes, I feel you so much.

End of the Week Chatter

V: In 85,000 years will I be alive?
Me: No. Humans don't live that long.
V: How long do they live?
Me: 80-100 years.
V: That's such little!

Talking about engagement rings I told them I didn't wear mine but that I had one.
A: I'll take it.
M: No, I will.
Me: Well, you guys can share my "jewels" when I am dead. I am not giving it away.
V: I call the house!

J: I call dibs on the name Luna.
M: I bet you a hundred dollars I have kids before you.
J: But I called dibs!
M: Plus. mamá will probably have another baby and use the name.

J: I am going to have a son named Fletcher and a daughter named Luna.
M: You can't choose what you have. You could have two girls.
J: No, I won't. I don;t want two girls. That's too much.
M: What if you do?
J: I will put them in separate rooms.

A: Does it matter what you are?
Me: What do you mean?
A: Like if you are ugly but have a pretty car.
Me: It matters if you are ugly on the inside,  not the outside.
A: But mamá, you know how I am.
Me: Beautiful on the inside and out.
A: I am rough.

V: Do animals get married?
Me; No.
V: So they just have babies?
Me: Yes.
V: I think gooses get married because they make a heart with their long necks when they kiss. Do you know what I mean?

AleVit Chatter

V on his loose tooth: I need cotton. I'm taking this puppy out. I'm going full force.

V on me getting him a shirt to wear: Can it not be handsome? Can you get me a cool shirt?

V getting off the train at our usual stop in the morning: Where are we going again?

A, unhappy with her hair: It looks like I came from a tiger!

A with her handmade paper make up as she proposed a makeover for me: I am going to fix your face mamá. And your hair.

V on the street: In real life I am running and farting and running and farting.

V on baby F: I love him more than the moon can rise.

A on baby F: I want to squeeze him so hard his eyeballs pop out.

V on his camouflage new (used) boots: I can use these to hide if there is a tiger. My feet will be camouflaged and I can pretend to be a sculpture.

V: I wish I was a leaf so I could die and come back.

More (excuse any repeats)

F to A: Did you so something to your brother?
A: It wasn't like his mother was dying.
F: Did you or did you not do something to your brother?
A: You already know the answer.

A: Life is tough.
V: Be quiet, you make it tough.


? There's a chance but I can't afford it.

V: This story never ends, I will never not love you.

? How long was I four?

V to me: What is all that chunky fat on your arm?
a few minutes later: Do you not take the hair off your armpits any more? You look like papi.

? Papi is not the manager..

A- Has anyone in our family been to outer space?

Martin Junior King

V- L is the most famous babysitter in the whole town!

A- Blonde people think they are cool but they are not.
J- Yeah, they have a higher standard of themselves.

V- You are not the right parents that I wanted.

V- Martin Junior King made white people come together with black people and he followed the golden rule.

J was arguing with me about who got to sit down on the subway. He usually can squeeze into a seat and A and V stand. This time they sat and I said, you can't always run and get the seat: I get there first, it's New York mamá.

V: Do you know Santa can read minds and I can read lips?

? G-d makes good luck and bad luck.

V: How do queens fix the car? (I then realized we had our windshield repaired in Queens and he had been ruminating).

When I read a bumper sticker for Trump, A: Oh please, Trump's a jerk!

V: When I die, people will dig me up to get my wallet.

Last Lines

V: I'm going to be a thief when I grow up.
tío d: Why do you want to be a thief?
V: I don't want to be a thief but I think I am going to be one.

A: Where is J? I need him for conversation!

Wrapping up da year with some midget cheer

Me to V: Someone is going to be very lucky to have you when you grow up.
V: You might get lucky.
Me: I already am. I have papi.
V: You might get luckier. Can you have a husband and a boyfriend?


Greatgrandma to V: ¡Feliz Navidad!
V: It's your birthday?

V: Can we go to a hotel for a special time?

Me to V: What percentage of what you say is fiction?
V: Technically all of it.


A: Has the apocalypse ever happened?
Me: No.
A: But it will happen one day. We only had one world right? So it hasn't happened.

Me in mirror: Look at this muscle!
A: That's just fat!

A: You guys have to start learning to treat people how you want to be treated.

V: Do we have grandkids?

V: Will you always protect me? Even when you are an old lady?

V: All my life, I have been wanting people in this family to treat me like I want to be treated.

V: When you and papi die do I need to take care of (mini) F? Are you barely 41?

A listening to the radio: Is this guy dead? He sounds dead.

J: It appears to me that your second batch of kids is not that smart.

V on xmas eve: I can't go to sleep because I can't stop thinking about you.

Interviews about Papi

What do you like most about papi?

M- That he's very patient.

V- That I love him and he's my dad. And he takes care of me.

A- Awesome of hiking.

J- That he is so much like me.

What do you like to do with papi?

M- cooking

V- I like to go hiking with him and camping with him.

A- Cook

J- Spend time with him!

If you could change one thing about papi, what would it be?

M- That he doesn't lose his temper.

V- I would make him beautiful (me- he's not beautiful now?). No, I mean beautiful beautiful.

A- Make him a boxer.

J- Him fighting with you.

What is papi good at?

M- Drawing.

V- Good at hitchhiking.

A- Hiking

J- Parenting

V the delinquent

V: You are getting older and older and older.

V sounding out letters and thinking up words: F- FUCK, H- Hustle (who is this kid?)

V: Mamá, if I get arrested when I am six will you come pick me up?
Me: You are not going to get arrested when you are six.
V: What about when I am fourteen? Will the police officer tell you what jail I am in?

Me: I heard your swim teacher say your name like one thousand times were you listening?
V: I couldn't hear him.

V: You already look like a grandmother.

A

A, screaming out to me on the street: Mamá, all I want for Christmas, is you!

A: I need your body mamá.

Me: How was your playdate?
A: It was ROUGH.

de-FUK-tive

I am contacting Merriam-Webster to mint this word. A stated that a non-working button on her toy was defuktive this morning. Sounds good to me!

Overheard last night....

M to J: Are you excited or not or in the middle about being a grown up?
J: Kind of both.
M: Me too. I am excited to have my own apartment and be a vegan but  I don't want to live without so many people or pay taxes.
J: Yeah, I want my own apartment but I don't want to walk alone at night on the street.

J: Milk reminds me of heaven.

F my LOVE

no, not the big one of 20+ years, the little guy. He is a true delight (it sounds like a line from one of the reports I am writing). No, really, I could not have asked for an easier and more loveable ball of blubber. I have been meaning to write about him for weeks and time eludes me. He is just over 7 months now and cannot really wear much due to his chubby feet and overall girth. For a while, we could squeeze into 12-month clothes but them feet holes are too small. We have to content ourselves with onesies and pants and socks that fall off. Baby socks do not fit, he wears V's to accommodate the cankles, but those do not stay on overnight.
so how do you describe a baby? he is mostly bald still. Like many of his siblings before him, he goes nuts and starts flapping at the sight of anyone's food or drink. his main dishes are batata, pastina, banana, pear or apple sauce, avocado... we have not branched out too much though he will eat almost anything (mushrooms, brie) if you cut it up for him. sucking on a huge carrot or celery stalk is a good distraction (choking hazard I know). For the most part F is an impeccable sleeper by night (down at 7 or 7:30 and up bt 5 and 7am as of late) and a totally random one by day. Some days he takes three 30 min naps while others he takes 2 2.5 hour ones.
he is nowhere near sitting or crawling but does roll around all over the place. we have eliminated all of his chairs and mats and let him roll around on a blanket. toys are not as interesting as pulling the books off the shelves.
what is most remarkable about little F to me, besides his rolls, is his friendly and patient disposition. where did he come from? with the exception of m, all of his siblings bother him. they poke, pull, smother, and he is content. if he sees one of them in a crowd (think a whole class of kids running down the stairs) he can recognize him/her and squeals with delight.v is the most obsessed with him and i can't remember if i mentioned this before, but a month or so back, f almost jumped out of my arms to hug his crying brother. he hugs and he will kiss you (chin is a favorite spot) with drool and teeth. the boy is passionate and vocal. when he wakes up he usually doesn't cry but rather vocalizes all sorts of sounds as if warming up for a performance.
okay, i am sorry not have posted more and earlier but somethin' be better than nothin'. may the next seven months go more slowly than these.

Love From V & A

V to me: Why you never cut hair on your toes?

A to me: Do you know why I like you so much? Your body is in a perfect shape- not too fat or too skinny. Your clothes smell like (V interjects: sunflowers?) Argentina. You are very pretty (V says: beautiful) and you have a wedding ring with papi and you have dark skin. That is why I love you.

Last November Lines

V crying: She hit me!
Me to A: Did you hit him?
A, realizing she couldn't lie: I'm dead.

After A slapped M I scolded her. A: I didn't slap her. This (bitch slapping herself) is a slap.
Me: Why did you do that?
A: You are lucky I didn't demonstrate on your face.

?: I am compatible with all the elements.

A on her ceramics craze: I want our house to have a lot of stuff made with art.


V: When I am older, I do not want money. So I am giving it all away.

V to J: Your face is a foul.

V on the new "president": He got less points but he won.
A: Life is life.

A: Another name for Harry Clinton is Seck-ah-tery Clinton.

V: I hope Trump makes nice rules.

M when I asked her if  F was sleeping in the car: He is awake now.
A: He was probably faking it.

V: Me and (baby) F are going to be scientists!

V while I rinsed him- Are you mad?
Me- No, I am tired and I think you can wash yourself.
V- Is it hard work? Being a mom?
Me- Sometimes. It's great work.
V- It's perfect... our family.

M- Melania just looks like a piece of surgical plastic.

A's holiday list (this kid be weird) narrated to me

striped shirt and striped boots
penguin stuffie
arrow
emojis
me- what?
emoji balls
bubble gum machine
three toy clouds
one toy sun
one toy bucket
one toy flower
one piece of candy
cream for your face

Comic Relief

V's French teacher laughed as she told me he told her I was born outside of Paris. When I asked him about it, he said: I told her that when I was a baby.
Me: You said that to her today.
V: Some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth is fiction.

M looking at a gift F got me: Is that gold?
J: We're not rich!

V: Scientists never say no.

V: Can we move to the Hampas when Trump is president? I hear that is nice.
Me: Bahamas?


J: Can I bring a dog to the gym with me to go on the treadmill?

When I told M to sleep "estiradita" on her birthday so she could grow: Wait, does that work?

Kindergarten wrote a letter to Trump with their wishes.
A: Be nice to Harry Clinton and give her a job.
V: Be nice to nature and be a good man.

A: Can F be mine when I am older?
Me: He will be a big kid too.
A: Oh.

V looking at toys in a store window: Can Santa hear us?
Me: No.
V: Okay, mamá can I have.....?

V looking at A's compressed writing: She smothered all her sight words.

J: If you don't feel any love will you die?

V: You can get lost if you zigzag around the world.

Tonight

V: A said I am the worst brother she ever had.
Me: Not true.
V: And I am your only brother.
A: Actually, I have three.
V: Not of this kind, we are twins. So if I am the worst brother you are the worst sister.

A through tears and melodrama: We are not taking a bath together. I cannot handle him and he cannot handle me.

V: Maybe Trump will give a nice speech. Give him a chance mamá.

Talking about getting gifts ready for M's birthday, V: Mamá, I need a lot of diamonds in a box.

Some Levity- HELP US

A: I hate this family!
V: You cannot get a new family so I wouldn't say that.
A: Who knows!

V: Do you know that Trump won and he's going to be president until I am 10?

V to L: Did you vote?
L: No.
V: Wait, did you vote for Trump?
L: No,
V: Did (her husband) vote? Did (her daughter)?
L: No.
V: That is against the law.

Last night, my personal pollster (V) erroneously told me: Harry Clinton has like 150,000 votes and Trump has 10.  (maybe he meant in NYC?)

More

V to me: I can read your mind. You love me super much.

While we were discussing man-made versus nature, V: Bras are woman-made.

V: Jesus is deaf right?
F: Who said that?
V:J!

V; I just wish I was an angel.
F: Why?
V: They don;t do much and they have bows and arrows.

V to F: When you are a grandpa, I will still recognize you, because you will still be bald.

A: Are radios still alive? Do they still exist?

V: A for president! (she has a t-shirt that says that:)

Me: That's a yarmulke. A kippa.
V: Keep what?


As we dragged ourselves with bags to the car, me: I should have brought the drycleaning!
V: You brought enough okay?

V to J: Your brain is made of pesto.
J to V: No, your brain is made of pesto.
V: I don't think so, we are not twins.

Me to A: Why are you screaming?
A: That's what my body does.

J on a mother who gave her 12-year-old a phone and an ipad and her 5-year-old a kindle and an ipad: She's so nice!
M: Or maybe she just wants them to shut up!

Political Commentary Continues

V: Poop is never going to win.
Me: Who?
V: That's Trump's real name!

A: Just so you know he walked into a girl's dressing room.

A: Harry is blue and Trump is red.

V: I would love to never leave you.

This Week

A- You think you are a cool big boy but you are a dumb baby boy.
Me- Who are you talking to?
V- Me. I told her we are twins so whatever I am she is too and we are the same age :)

M to V: You are smothering him. He doesn't look happy.
V to F: F, blink if you hate M.

A: Does he (F) know what a butt is? He has one so he must.

 J, walking on the street: Humans have destroyed so much.

M: Little kids know how to whip and nae nae and dab. What have we turned this generation into?

Me to V: I spoke to your teachers today and they gave me a great report.
V: What did they say about my behavior?
Me: That you were working hard to listen.
V: No, I mean my behavior.

V: When the church bells ring does that mean G-d?